Month: June 2005

iUniverse CEO Speaks… Again

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This seems to be POD/Self-Publishing day on my blog.  Pod-dy Mouth hosts a lengthy Q&A with iUniverse CEO Susan Driscoll. There are quite few interesting quotes. Here’s one:

If an author isn’t traditionally published then his/her title is not likely to get stocked nationally on bookstore shelves. Anyone who tells an author otherwise isn’t telling the truth.

You have to admire her honesty on that score. As she did in her letter to my blog, Susan once again tries to sell iUniverse as "a stepping stone to traditional publishing" success rather than a "vanity press" for people who can’t get their work published any other way.

iUniverse gives authors a way to quickly and affordably publish a book so that
the author can test market the book and can determine whether he/she likes doing
the marketing. Those that succeed will get picked up by bookstores and perhaps
by traditional publishers.

That’s where she loses me.  I don’t buy that reasoning for paying hundreds of dollars to self-publish your book.  She calls it the "all-important author platform," which is her attempt to refresh and re-imagine the age-old vanity press come-on/false hope:  the very slim possibility that you can become a bestseller on your own or that you will attract a "real publisher" with your self-published book.

Sure, it happens. People occasionally win the lottery, too.

All her talk about the importance of author self-marketing is essentially saying this:  iUniverse prints your book… and that’s it. You have to do all the rest. You have to create awareness and demand.  And if you manage, against all odds,  to somehow sell thousands of copies of your vanity press book, then a real publisher might take notice. 

That isn’t the "all-important" first step or, as she calls it, "author platform."
Writing a good book is the all-important first step. The second one is finding an
agent. The third one is selling the book. The fourth is getting out and marketing it as best you can (very different, by the way, than the kind of marketing you have to do to move a vanity press POD title that isn’t available in bookstores). The fifth is starting to write your next book.   The combination of those five steps is what I would call "the author platform."

In my opinion, self-publishing your novel is a frantic and foolhardy last
resort… a desperate gamble with very, very, very little chance of success.  It’s not a platform…it’s another charge on your credit card bill.

That said, I think  iUniverse has a lot to offer someone interested in self-publishing non-fiction or self-help books. In that case, I think you have a realistic potential for success, especially if publishing your book goes hand-in-hand with giving seminars and teaching classes.

I also think iUniverse is a great way for instructors to provide their own "textbooks" for their students as opposed to having them buy bound xerox copies of their articles and essays.

And iUniverse offers a second lease on life for previously-published books that have fallen out-of-print.  It’s not lucrative…but it offers readers hard-to-find books in handsome new editions and provides a few extra dollars to the authors that they wouldn’t otherwise see from used book sales.

Liberty, Justice, and Willem

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1413790968PublishAmerica CEO Willem Meiners has written a book entitled PUBLISH AMERICA: THE INSIDE STORY OF AN UNDERDOG WITH A BITE, which he describes as telling the story of "the most captivating pioneers in today’s traditional
publishing industry and their victorious legions of authors." 

The book also promises to reveal "everything you always wanted to know about book
publishing, and about its real heroes: PublishAmerica’s authors" and why "PublishAmerica’s success was inevitable and
unstoppable." That can be summed up in name. Anne Frank.

"I was born just blocks from where Anne Frank hid, where she was betrayed and
arrested, and from where she was deported to die in a Nazi death camp. She was
not allowed to breathe, to speak, to write. When you read her diary and you see
her describe the houses and the streets that were your own childhood’s setting,
when you learn from your parents that this was in fact the real girl next door,
believe me, it gets your attention. It makes you want to fight for equal rights
for everyone."

Oh, so that’s what PublishAmerica is doing. That’s why Willem’s  got Michealangelo’s David wrapped in the American flag on his book cover. They’re fighting for freedom. Signing a publishing contract with them is like signing the Declaration of Independance.  And in a true show of equality, Willem has given himself a book cover every bit as hideous, cheapo and amateurish as those he gives his customers, er, authors.

Of course, you won’t find this book, or any PA book, in your local book store. But that is all part of Willem’s heartfelt, patriotic, unbelievably noble plan for revolutionizing publishing in the spirit of Anne Frank.

How much of a help is a bookstore anyway these days? There are roughly fifteen
thousand such stores from sea to shining sea, one bookstore for every 20,000
Americans. But only 6,000 of them have visited a bookstore in the past five
years, and 14,000 have not. Only 30 percent of all people go to a bookstore now
and then; 70 percent of all Americans can not remember the last time they did

Yeah, who needs bookstores? Or 7-11s? Or airports? Or any other place books are sold besides PA’s website?  I’m sure all those PA authors would spit at  B&N or Borders for even asking to stock their books.  Anne Frank would. You know she would.  Traditional Publishers and retail bookstores are no different than Nazis. 

History has always known elites, and it has always dealt with them in only one
way: they disappeared, and always under the pressure of irresistable change.
Historically, all elites have been replaced by majority rule, and where this has
not happened yet, it will over time, inevitably. As soon as an excluded majority
senses that empowerment is within reach, they will grab it. Authors who have
always been refused and denied the opportunity to see their book in print unless
they paid for it now have an equal opportunity to be in the exact same league as
the elite, and they will, by their sheer number, bring an end to the elite’s
existence.

PublishAmerica is going to free us all. For liberty. For equality. For Anne.

UPDATE 6-10-05: Pod-dy Mouth reports that Willem has sent a mailing to all his PA "authors" offering them a special discount on his book….hand-in-hand with a solicitation to buy more copies of their own books.

Wow. What a great
deal. Nothing like asking you to buy a $25 book/promo kit for the company, and
hey, while you’re at it, buy some of your own books so we can make more
money!

Oh, and uh, Mr. Meiners and Mr. Clopper: if you
have a hard time selling your book, here is a great idea: make a list of 100
friends, acquaintances and family members you could market it to and submit the
list to yourselves

Bookstore Browsing

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I wandered into a used bookstore in Ventura today and was delighted to find a handful of Clifton Adams westerns in mint condition…and for only a buck or two apiece. My finds were A NOOSE FOR DESPERADO (a spare copy, since I already have one in not nearly as fine condition), THE LAST DAYS OF WOLF GARNETT, HARD TIME BUNCH and BADGE AND HARRY COLE. Ed Gorman and Bill Crider have both recommended Adams, and particularly the two DESPERADO books, to me before, so I’m glad to add these to my collection.

When I got home, I was pleased to discover that several Harry Whittington books I’d won in various ebay auctions had arrived… they included DRAWN TO EVIL,  HEAT OF NIGHT, LISA (written under the pseudonym Hallam Whitney) and GODS BACK WAS TURNED.

I also finished reading JONATHAN STRANGE AND MR. NORRELL and I heartily recommend it.  The 800 pages just fly by… as if by magic.

The Persuaders

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PersuaderslogoVariety reports that Ben Stiller and British comic Steve Coogan are teaming up for a Dreamworks feature film version of  the 1971 UK-produced TV series THE PERSUADERS, the one-season bomb that starred Roger Moore and Tony Curtis as ner-do-well playboys drafted by a retired judge to work as detectives in Europe. The series began as a spin-off episode of  Moore’s  THE SAINT,  with Stuart Damon in the role that eventually went to Tony Curtis. Despite the immediate  failure of THE PERSUADERS  here, the John Barry instrumental theme is still a beloved hit in France to this day (where it is known as AMICALEMENT VOTRE) and the show remains unaccountably popular overseas.  (Trivia tidbit: Roger Moore also designed the wardrobe on the show. He went from THE PERSUADERS straight into James Bond)

The Perfect PublishAmerica Author

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I got this email today:

Hello Lee!  I just received a contract from PA today!  I was wondering if I sent
you my query if maybe you knew of someone more reputable who would be interested
in my work?

People this dumb deserve PublishAmerica. And Dr. Laura. Here’s how I replied:

You have to be joking, right? If you suspect PublishAmerica isn’t
reputable, why would you bother submitting your book to them? Why would you care
if they sent you a contract or not? It’s junk mail. And why would you ask me to
find a publisher for you?
 
I don’t want to see your query. It’s not up to me to get your book sold,
it’s up to you. Or your agent. I’m an author. My job is selling MY books.
 
Finding a reputable publisher isn’t hard. Walk into a bookstore. Look at
the spines of the books on the shelf. Jot the down the name and address of the
publisher (which you can find on the copyright page).  Look them up in the
Writers Market. Look at their web site. Do a Google search for articles and
discussions about them. C’mon, Alisha! Make an effort!   

UPDATE: I have some doubts about whether the email was "real" or not, but I did get a reply from the author today:

Okay, okay!  Sorry to have bothered you.  Please keep in mind that this is the
first book I have ever written, and, obviously, I am not real knowledgeable on
getting it published.  By the way, I did not submit my manuscript to Publish
America knowing that they were not reputable.  I did, however, have the common
sense to do a search before signing the contract.  Thank you for your time.

Why Me?

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I got this email today:

My name is Brad Burchards, a Publishing Consultant with Xlibris, and I would like to inquire if you have any current manuscript or works in progress where you have plans of publishing it once you have completed it.   Here’s a brief intro of our company and services we offer. Xlibris is one of the original and leading print-on-demand publishing service providers. Print-on-demand means that we can publish a book in  as little as one (copy) to as many as a thousand, depending on you -the author. Our publishing costs are as
follows…

I don’t know what made Brad think I’d be interested in his pitch. What mailing list from hell did they harvest my name from? (I’ve asked him… we’ll see what he says*) Their slogan is "Write your own success," but it should be, "write us a check."

For aspiring writers turned down by every publisher on earth, but still desperate to get their rejected novel into print at any cost,  xLibris will gladly print up your book for $500-1600, depending on what services you’d like. That price doesn’t include the extra charge for their various "marketing" tools like "bookmarks, memo pads, postcards, and business
cards which you can send to friends, family or leave at bookstores, libraries,
etc.."

Yeah, that’s a good idea.  Leave bookmarks for your self-published xlibris novel at libraries. We all know how much librarians appreciate having junk mail left on their counters or handed out to their patrons. And what better place to try to sell your book than a library, where  people go to borrow books without buying them? What incredible marketing savvy!

I don’t think I’ll have xlibris publish my book, but I think I’ll call my buddy Brad for some more of his brilliant marketing tips.

(PS – Brad calls himself a "publishing consultant." What is that? What do publishing consultants do? I’ve never heard of them before. Is that a real job? Are there kids today who dream of one day becoming a "publishing consultant?" Is that like being a "media consultant," "style consultant," or a "tax consultant?" Is he an expert on publishing who lends his astonishing expertise, his wise counsel, to publishing companies and authors? I don’t think so. I think maybe he doesn’t consult about publishing at all. I think…and I’m going out on a limb here…what he does is try to sell you publishing services.  In which case, shouldn’t he call himself a  "publishing salesman?" )

*UPDATE – I heard from Brad. I asked him what mailing list from hell he harvested my name from. Here was his reply:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

We are sending out e-mails to all authors to advertise our publishing services, basically the e-mail addresses have been generated by our research team. I do apologize it this might have disturbed you in any way.

Cover Story 2

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Dm6Here’s the cover for the sixth DIAGNOSIS MURDER novel, which will be out in February 2006. The cover quote at the top, which is the same one they used for DM #5: THE PAST TENSE (which will be out this August) will change. They will be using one from Janet Evanovich instead.

Cover Story

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MonkrevisedI started writing the second MONK book today…and whenever I get stuck, which is about every five minutes, I glance at the just-arrived cover of MR. MONK GOES TO THE FIREHOUSE to remind myself that I’ve been in this exact same situation before. That’s  one reason why I keep a few of my published books, and the tentative covers, amidst the mess on my desk…as little visual and tactile reminders that whatever creative woes I am experiencing today I have experienced before and not to lose confidence. All that whining aside, what do you think of the cover?

Finally…

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…somebody is airing reruns of HARRY O and SPENSER FOR HIRE, two of my favorite (and little seen) PI shows. Set your Tivos, folks, because TVSquad reports that later this month TVLand is celebrating Warner Brothers Television with a marathon thatalso  includes 77 SUNSET STRIP and LOVE SIDNEY.