The Mail I Get – Tell My Story Edition

I get lots of emails from folks who want me to write about their lives. I have no idea why, since I don't write biographies. The query I got today struck me as particularly odd.

hello, my name is jeremy XYZ. i have recently been convicted of fraudulant practice. just wondering if you or any other author would be interested in making a book. i am still not found guilty in court. but i am convicted of changing bar codes on products. this is a new trending crime. i am looking to do a tell all, once all court business is taken care of. i am not much of an author, but i feel that i can help someone publish a detailed book with alot of info that will catch readers minds and have them spreading the word. please feel free to call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me back. 

I'd call him, but there's a real glut of adventures set in the thrill-packed world of barcode fraud.