Bookwhirl Still Can’t Sell itself

Two years after I trashed Bookwhirl, they've responded. Boy, they move fast. I am obviously dealing with marketing professionals. Here's their no-holds barred response:

Author Lee Goldberg once published an article about BookWhirl.com. He entitled his post, BookWhirl Can't Even Sell Itself. Published last August 2008, the article features Goldberg’s first and only impression about BookWhirl.com.

But contrary to Lee Goldberg’s first impression, we, at BookWhirl.com strive for excellence in the best way that we can to provide assistance to self-published authors. Despite negative reviews, BookWhirl.com continues to sufficiently address and accommodate online marketing needs. With cost-efficient marketing tools, self-published authors are given the chance to efficiently market their books even on a shoestring budget.

Powerfully persuasive stuff. But then again, that's the hallmark of Bookwhirl. And once again, they get to show off their brilliant promotional skills…proudly touting that they "sufficiently address and accommodate" the marketing needs of their clients. Wow, that's mighty impressive. It's not easy finding a publicist who is sufficient, is it? They also go on to showcase their exceptional grasp of English and grammar, too:

BookWhirl.com is continuously improving and ironing the quality of its business communications. BookWhirl.com is grateful to its consumers who have extended their commendation on the improvement of our customer communications.

Back in September 2009, despite my negative blog post about them, the sufficient publicists at Bookwhirl contacted me again with a sales pitch:

Hi Lee,

A pleasant day to you.

This is Melissa Adams, a Marketing Consultant of Bookwhirl.com.

I came across your book, “Mr. Monk is Miserable” and I find it very interesting. Our company, Bookwhirl.com is really interested to help you in promoting your book/s online because we find out that your book/s deserves to be recognized.

As a Marketing Consultant, what I can do is to offer you a strategic marketing optimization that will help you strengthen the marketing punch of your book/s and eventually in the future this will help increase your book sales, and at the same time, increase the popularity of your book/s since we can send this out to thousands or even millions of people which are your target potential buyers.

The right time for you and your books in achieving the attention and recognition that is so rightfully deserved has come. You have the book, we have the Marketing Tools.

Please let me know the best way to contact you. You may also simply reply to this email or call at my toll free number X XXX XXX-XXXX. I’d be grateful to give you more information about this.

Please visit our website at www.Bookwhirl.com for more information.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Melissa Adams

Consultant

Marketing Services – BookWhirl.com

Toll Free: 1 (877) 207-1679 ext 323

Fax No. : 1 (800) 852-4249

Email : madams@bookwhirl.com

Info@Bookwhirl.com

www.Bookwhirl.com

I replied:

You can't even write a coherent paragraph, with proper verb/tense agreement, and you think you can promote my books?

They contacted me again a month later with yet another pitch. I saved that message, too.

Hi Lee Goldberg,

A pleasant day.

I’m Rabbie Allen, a Marketing Specialist of Bookwhirl.com www.bookwhirl.com

I came across your book entitled, “.357 VIGILANTE: DIE, MR. JURY”. We are interested to promote it and we’d like to help you reach out up to 5,000,000 individuals and let them know about you and your passion for your work.

If you are interested, please provide me the best way to contact you or you may give me a call at XXX-XXX-XXXX or you may simply reply to this email. I’d be grateful to give you more information about this.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Rabbie Allen

Consultant

Marketing Services – BookWhirl.com

Toll Free: 1 (877) 207-1679 ext 318

Fax No. : 1 (800) 852-4249

Email : rallen@bookwhirl.com

Info@Bookwhirl.com

www.Bookwhirl.com

I replied:

Here's a free piece of advice from a professional writer: don't start trying to sell yourself as an expert in promotion until you've mastered basic English. You already have a reputation as know-nothing con artists…now you are becoming known as fools.

They clearly did not take my advice.

14 thoughts on “Bookwhirl Still Can’t Sell itself

  1. Wow, they really sell a cool dream, don’t they? “We’ve got the marketing tools to reach millions of potential buyers”! If they can, they might make some money for writers.
    There are lots of companies that have very large client lists, such as utilities and insurance companies. If a writer could partner with one of them, he or she could send out emails or even letters to their clients, promoting the book. On a lesser scale, insurance brokers and even dentists have client lists, and they belong to associations, the members of which might like to promote a book for a percentage. Of course the deal might be tricky to strike, but I think it would be a real coup if it were inked.

  2. Riiiight, opening with an acknowledgment of a negative review is how you pack in the customers.
    How does this fly in, oh, say, the food service industry?
    “Chef Jorden Ramsea once shut down FoodWorld Cafe with his report to our local health department. He entitled his post, FoodWorld Can’t Even Feed Itself. Published last August 2008, the article features Ramsea’s first and only impression about FoodWorld Cafe.
    But contrary to numerous reports of food poisoning, we, at FoodWorld Cafe strive for excellence in the serving of food to hungry customers. Despite negative marks from the CDC, FoodWorld Cafe continues to sufficiently address and accommodate anyone walking through our doors. With cost-efficient preparation, fans of mircrowave cuisine are given the chance to try our food even on a shoestring budget.”
    Ummm, maybe not.

  3. Anyone who signs up with the imbeciles at Bookwhirl after reading their About Us page deserves to be suckered out of every dime they have:
    “BOOKWHIRL.com is an online book marketing services provider, dedicated in providing affordable, effective online book publicity tools that can powerfully reinforce book marketing strategies of self-published authors.
    Through its inexpensive, thoughtfully designed tools, BOOKWHIRL.com equips authors to promote their products and connect to readers in a more effective, and efficient system –resulting to bigger book sales.”
    Is English their second language? Or are they just illiterate?

  4. But “despite the negative reviews” they are “ironing the quality” of their communications. Everything they send out reads like it was translated into English by Google. At least they’re not looking for “writters” like the Craigslist geniuses.

  5. Is it possible that the blog isn’t genuine?
    After all, anyone can start a blog and claim to be BookWhirl. They only have two entries and both highlight negative information about them.
    I know it’s impossible to tell the difference between someone pretending to be incompetent at marketing and a genuine BookWhirl blog – but I just get the feeling that this is a parody.
    Mac

  6. Good zinger, Lee. Both letters were obviously written by the same person, who was most likely a non-English speaking foreigner who can carry on a conversation in English and probably has pretty good comprehension. These were likely the reasons he/she was chosen to write the emails for the company.
    No matter how hard they try, NESFs can always be spotted when they attempt to write business or bureaucratic correspondence. Those types of letters just have a certain tang, if you will, that’s utterly beyond the reach of people for whom English is not their principal language.

  7. I am pleased to read that Bookwhirl.com is taking in ironing. That is a more honest and ethical business than their previous endeavor.
    On a related topic, I am delighted to announce that Kensington Publishing Group continues contracting me to write mass market paperbacks for their international markets — and they have never charged me ANYTHING for the honor. They provide editing, fact checking, full color covers, distribution both on line and in brick and mortar stores,and best of all, they pay me money in advance, plus regular royalty payments. I have no plans to abandon my relationship with Kensington, but I may send Bookwhirl.com my ironing.

  8. Bookwhirl.com is still at it. I just got a voice mail from Melissa Adams about my own book just saying that she has some important questions about my book. Kind of fishy, so I googled the phone number and found this page.
    I’ll do better marketing, right here:
    Check out “The Housing Trap” at http://patrick.net

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