My Favorite One-Star Reviews of My Books

I like praise as much as anybody else, but I also get twisted enjoyment sometimes out of reading reviews that trash my books. Here are some of my favorite one-star reviews of my work:

Quite possibly the worst book I have ever read. Skimmed through it so to save my brain cells from the most tabloid trash movie script effort of writing. My desperate need for a book still does not justify me actually turning the pages. Read the comics, you will be much better off and not have my need to flay myself for reading such trash.

Anytime it takes me four days to read a book is a sign it’s not going good.

This is such juvenile junk! The author of this trash has a sick, degraded mind.

this book is not something you can read to your mom or grandmom. The sexual references, while not too graphic, are still too embarrassing to be read aloud.

The only book I have deleted from my Kindle. Only gave it one star because there was no lower rating

This could have been a pretty good book except the author had to ruin it with the “f” word dozens of times & even used God’s name in vein a few times. Shame on you!!!!

Depressing to know the author is so widely read.

He’s about as funny as an uninvited guest standing in a corner with a lampshade over his head.

Terrible read. Dialogue was among silliest ever possibly strung together in one book. Looking forward to read the sequel soon.

This could have been a pretty good story line but the writer needs more imagination and a whole lot more English lessons. If I could give it less than one star I would. If he cleans up his act and works a little harder he may get to be a good writer but for now it’s a “don’t bother”

Mind-numbingly bad. We read books to entertain and stimulate our brains. This written by the numbers drivel will put it to sleep, induce a coma and flush all rational thought from your mind forever. Read at your own risk. You’ve been warned.

While Lee Child, Micheal Connelly and Joseph Wambaugh will never win Nobel Prizes, trash like this shows what good and articulate craftsmen they are.

Shame on you Lee Goldberg. I am done with anything with your name on it .

I haven’t read it yet — hopefully it is good

Too Daisy Duke for me!

 

Wonderfully Brutal Review

The Have and Have Nots
The Have and Have Nots

Review Gleefully Decimates “The Haves and Have Nots”

I loved Los Angeles Times TV critic Mary McCarthy’s brutal review today of Tyler Perry’s new series The Have and Have Nots. Her very funny comments brought back fond memories of the reviews written by famed Times critic Howard Rosenberg’s during his glory days in the early 1980s. Here are some choice snippets from her review:

Well, it’s official: The nine most frightening words to cross a television screen are: “Executive Produced, Created, Written and Directed By Tyler Perry.”

Whatever hopes Perry had for this overwrought, derivative story line are dashed almost immediately by acting that can only be described as uniformly terrible and an unrelenting background score the likes of which has not been heard since talkies were invented.

Characters utter meaningless sentences into the air in front of the camera and then just stare at each other while maddening mood music insists that we feel something.

The show may be crap, but it  scored record high ratings for Oprah’s struggling network. It will be interesting to see if those same viewers who sampled the show return for episode two…