The Mail I Get

My Conversations with the Third Fake Barbara Kingsolver and the Third Fake Suzanne Collins

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Here is my conversation with the third (or is it the fourth?) Fake Barbara Kingsolver (barbarakingsolver205@gmail.com), yet another Nigerian scammer.

FB: Hi I’m Barbara Kingsolver. Most days you’ll find me chasing down the ideas that rise up from the natural world and the quiet corners of human resilience stories about the ties that bind us, the land that shapes us, and the choices we make when compassion is tested. Some narratives arrive gently, like seeds on the wind; others take root slowly, insisting on patience before they bloom. Writing can feel like a solitary harvest, but it’s also how I understand our shared place in the world. I’d love to hear about your own journey what compels you to write, what sustains you when the work gets difficult, and how you nurture that spark of imagination. There’s so much we can learn from exchanging those truths. Best Barbara

ME: Barbara, It’s been so long! How is Frank?

FB: Hi Lee, It sounds like there’s been a mixup, and I’m sorry for that. I’m not actually Barbara Kingsolver, nor do I know Frank. My message was written in a style inspired by heran attempt to speak about writing with the kind of attentiveness she brings to the natural world and the human heart. I can see how that could have been confusing, and I should have made that clearer from the start. What I hoped for was simply a conversation between writer about what shapes our stories, what keeps us going, and how we navigate the work. If you’re still open to that, I’d honestly enjoy hearing about what you’re working on these days and what’s been inspiring you. Warm regards, Lee Gold

ME: Let me get this straight. You call yourself Barbara Kingsolver, and you have a Barbara Kingsolver gmail address, but you are just pretending to be her to write in her style… and now you’re signing your message as “Lee Gold,” an abbreviated version of my name? Are you now going to pretend to be me to ask me about my “writing journey?”

FB: Hi Lee, Thank you for your message and you’re absolutely right to call out the confusion. I want to clarify this properly. I shouldn’t have written in the first person voice of Barbara Kingsolver. My intention was to use a stylistic exercise to talk about writing, but I see now how it read like I was claiming to be her. That was my mistake, and I take responsibility for the confusion it caused. To be clear: I am not Barbara Kingsolver, and I’m not pretending to be you either. I’m just myself a fellow writer who reached out poorly and ended up creating a very misleading impression. I understand why that would frustrate you. I’m sorry for the miscommunication. If you’re willing to reset, I’d be glad to introduce myself properly and continue the conversation as two authors talking about craft. If not, I completely understand. Best,

ME: This is more than just “writing in her voice.” You began your first email to me by saying “I’m Barbara Kingsolver.” You used an email address with her name. You signed it Barbara. And you used her picture as your profile photo. You still are now. In other words, you were pretending to be her. If you want to “reset,” tell me who you really are, what you’ve written, and why you are obviously using AI-written messages to reach out to authors you don’t know while pretending to be someone else.

I’m surprised the Nigerians didn’t walk away after “How is Frank?”

And here is my short conversation with the third Fake Suzanne Collins <suzannecollins113@gmail.com>

FS: Hi, I’m Suzanne Collins. Most of my days are spent shaping ideas that refuse to stay quiet stories about struggle, survival, and the choices we make when everything’s on the line. Some tales arrive fully formed, others take time to fight their way to the surface. Writing can feel solitary, but it’s also how I connect, how I make sense of the world around us. I’d love to hear about your own path what drives you, what keeps you creating when things get tough, and how you keep your imagination alive. There’s a lot we can learn from sharing those moments. Best, Suzanne
 
ME: The UK is offering 3,000 GBP a month to Nigerians willing to testify about their involvement in scam operations that target authors in western countries. Simply go to the British Embassy in Abuja, Plot 1137, Diplomatic Drive, Central Business District, and ask for Matt Helm. Tell him that Lewis Erskine sent you…and use this code phrase: “A good book is like a hard-boiled egg.” You won’t be sorry.
FS: Ok.
I hope I hear back!

My Conversation with Fake Donna Tartt

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You’d think the scammers would learn by now not to email me with the “Famous Author Wants to Learn About Your Creative Journey” ploy. But no, they keep coming. Here is my email exchange with Fake Donna Tartt <donnatartt2@gmail.com>. I decided to take a new approach this time.

FAKE DONNA: Hi. I hope this email finds you well. My name is Donna, and I recently came across your work. As a fellow author, I felt inspired to reach out and connect. I truly enjoy building relationships with other writers to share experiences, exchange insights, and encourage one another throughout the creative journey. I’d love to hear more about your writing and what inspires you. Looking forward to your reply. Warm regards, Donna

ME: This is Lee’s wife. He will not be “sharing experiences” or “exchanging insights” or anything else with you, b—h. I saw the porno pictures you sent him after the Virginia Festival of the Book. Who did your boob job, a veterinarian? Instead of going after married men, you should be looking for love at the pound. Valerie

FD: Dear Valerie, I’m very sorry to hear how upset you are. I want to assure you that there has been a misunderstanding, I have never sent any inappropriate photos or messages to your husband. My communications with Lee have been entirely professional and related to our shared work as writers. I hope we can clear this up without further hurt or confusion. I wish you both the best moving forward.

ME: Don’t lie to me, Donna. I am not fooled by this new gmail address…or your unbelievable message. Do you think I am an idiot? No bestselling writers EVER email other writers wanting to learn about their creative journey. This was a coded message. He told you to back off… but you can’t resist him, can you? The only reason Lee isn’t seeing this is because he’s sick in bed…and he asked me to answer his emails for him.

FD: Dear Valerie, I understand that emotions are running high, but I need to be absolutely clear: your accusations are unfounded. My correspondence with Lee has been strictly professional and related to writing, nothing more. There have been no inappropriate photos, messages, or hidden meanings of any kind. I take my professional integrity seriously and won’t allow false claims to damage it. I wish your family well and hope this matter can be settled here now. Sincerely, Donna

ME: LOL. I saw the pictures, you lying slut. I’m not blind. It’s YOU. Or are you now going to claim you have an evil double, an identical twin, or a split personality disorder? No “professional” writer would send an email like you sent my husband tonight. It’s laughable. What planet are you on?

It’s funny that this scammer takes his “professional integrity seriously”… while masquerading as Donna Tartt as part of con to swindle me out of money on fake book club appearances and non-existent marketing services. What I don’t get is why he kept engaging with “my wife” after the first response. Why bother defending himself? Did he really think he still had a shot at selling their swindle?

My Conversation with a Second Fake Suzanne Collins

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Here’s my email exchange with a Second Fake Suzanne Collins (suzannecollins113@gmail.com) . I started by using my reply to Fake Taylor Jenkins-Reid… and the conversation reached a surprising conclusion.

FAKE SUZANNE: Hi, I’m Suzanne Collins. Most of my days are spent shaping ideas that refuse to stay quiet stories about struggle, survival, and the choices we make when everything’s on the line. Some tales arrive fully formed, others take time to fight their way to the surface. Writing can feel solitary, but it’s also how I connect, how I make sense of the world around us. I’d love to hear about your own path what drives you, what keeps you creating when things get tough, and how you keep your imagination alive. There’s a lot we can learn from sharing those moments. Best, Suzanne

ME: Suzi, I told you before, my wife often reads my emails… and she’s not going to be fooled by this. At least this time you didn’t attach photos! When you made that pass at me at Harlan’s party, I thought it was because you were drunk. I didn’t realize how serious you were. You are a very attractive, talented woman… but I am a happily married man. We have a great time together at conferences and book festivals, but it can’t go beyond friendship and mutual respect. I hope you will understand.

FS: Hi Lee, I understand, and I’m sorry if my message gave the wrong impression that truly wasn’t my intention. I only wanted to reach out to discuss writing and creative work, nothing more. I’ve always appreciated your insights and thought it would be great to share ideas about our craft. Wishing you and your family all the best. Warm regards, Suzanne

ME: C’mon, Suzi. We both know that isn’t true. We both know what you mean by “reaching out.” I need to know you understand what I am saying. I don’t want you making another pass at me at Bouchercon.

FS: I think there’s been a misunderstanding. The only reason I reached out was to talk about writing specifically, the challenges you’ve faced with your books and creative process. I value your experience and perspective as a fellow author, and that’s truly all this was about. I respect your boundaries completely and hope we can keep our interactions focused on our shared passion for storytelling. Best, Suzanne

ME: Stop playing games, and pretending your emails are being written by some soulless AI instead of a human being. There will be no “interactions focused on our shared passion.” Do I need to get a restraining order? I swear I will do it unless you drop the charade and give me a straight answer.

FS: I’m truly sorry this has turned into such a misunderstanding. I have no hidden motives, and I’m not pretending to be anyone else. I reached out simply because I admire your work and wanted to learn from your experiences as an author nothing more. Please don’t feel threatened or uncomfortable; that was never my intent. I respect your marriage, your boundaries, and your wishes. I’d never want to cause tension or make you feel uneasy. I hope this clears things up, and I sincerely wish you the best with your writing and upcoming projects. Warm regards, Suzanne

I decided to leave it at that…though I was tempted to say, “My wife just left for a week on business. Let’s talk dirty!”

My Very Short Email Exchange with Fake Taylor Jenkins-Reid

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Here’s my very short email exchange with Fake Taylor Jenkins-Reid (reidtaylorjenkins@gmail.com)

FAKE TAYLOR: I hope you are doing well. I’m Taylor Jenkins Reid, and I’m an author passionate about crafting emotionally driven historical fiction. My novels have been fortunate to appear on The New York Times bestseller list and to be featured in various book clubs and publications. One of my most recognised works is Atmosphere, which you can find here: XX. You can also visit my full Amazon Author Page here: XX . What I love most about writing, beyond the stories themselves, is connecting with fellow authors and learning about the creative journeys that shape their work. I’d be delighted to hear more about your writing and the stories you bring to life. Please feel free to share a link to your book, website, Goodreads, or Amazon page; I’d love to take a look. Though writing can sometimes feel like a solitary pursuit, I believe that connecting with other storytellers makes the experience far more meaningful. I look forward to learning more about your work and perhaps finding mutual inspiration along the way. Warm regards, Taylor Jenkins Reid

ME: Taylor, I told you before, my wife often reads my emails… and she’s not going to be fooled by this. At least this time you didn’t attach photos! When you made that pass at me at Hal’s party, I thought it was because you were drunk. I didn’t realize how serious you were. You are a very attractive, talented woman… but I am a happily married man. We have a great time together at conferences and book festivals, but it can’t go beyond friendship and mutual respect. I hope you will understand. 

12 Hours go by

ME: Hello? I need to know you understand. This has to stop.

It did!

My Emails with Fake Nora Roberts

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Apparently, word hasn’t gotten out in the Nigerian scammer community that I’m not falling for the fake emails from famous authors. Here is my exchange with Fake Nora Roberts (authornoraroberts4@gmail.com).

FAKE NORA: Hi, Hope you’re having a great day. I came across your Facebook page and noticed your email, so I wanted to reach out. As a fellow author, I thought it might be nice to connect and share a bit about our writing experiences. I always enjoy meeting other writers and exchanging creative thoughts, it’s inspiring to hear different journeys.Looking forward to hearing from you. Warm regards, Nora Roberts 

ME: Nora, It’s great to hear from you. It’s been so long since we last met. I’ve signed with a new agent since then who has incredible marketing savvy… and could vault you into an even higher tier of sales. Would you like me to put you in touch with him? Lee

FN: Congratulations on signing with your new agent, that sounds like a major step. I’d love to hear more about what kind of results you’ve seen so far and what areas your agent specializes in (film rights, foreign sales, marketing, etc.). I’ve also recently partnered with someone who’s been doing impressive work on international promotions and strategic branding for authors. They’ve opened some unexpected doors, and I think there could be some powerful synergy if our teams aligned. It would be great to compare what we’re both experiencing and see where collaboration might benefit us both. Warm regards, Nora

ME: My guy is very private, he’s not one of those public-facing guys. He’s been incredible. He’s got me into scores of book clubs — like the Calabasas Book Club, the Scottsdale Book Club, the Hospice Book Club, the Denver Book Club, the Penal Colony Book Club, but also into so many exclusive conferences, like the San Francisco Book Conference, the Walla Walla Book Festival, the Bois-Le-Roi Book Festival, the Van Nuys Book Bazaar, and the very exclusive Tehran Book Festival. Oh, and he also got me 15K legitimate Amazon reviews. And all for just $50,000! It’s a steal. Would you like me to put you in contact with him? It’s by recommendation-only. Stephen King referred me to him.

FN: I’m sold, anyone who can get me into both the Van Nuys Book Bazaar and Tehran clearly has access to portals not available to mortals. Do I need a secret handshake, blood oath, or a Stephen King coupon code to apply? Meanwhile, I’ve got someone working behind the scenes for me who’s been getting traction in foreign rights and premium readership circles. Thought you might be the perfect candidate if you’re open to a power alliance. Shall we compare magic agents?

ME: He’s an independent literary and marketing consultant I’ve collaborated with for quite a while. He usually works quietly behind the scenes with a few select authors, helping them strengthen their online presence, polish their branding, and reach new readers in creative ways. He’s been incredibly effective for the writers he partners with. If you’d like to reach out directly, here’s his contact information: almustyeditions@gmail.com Tell him I sent you!

FN: Thanks for passing along his information, I appreciate you opening that door. Before I reach out, I’d love to get a better sense of what kind of tangible results he’s helped you achieve recently, whether that’s growth in specific readership segments, foreign rights, TV rights, or measurable sales lift. I always like to understand someone’s strategic focus before making an introduction on my end as well. I’ve also been working closely with someone who specializes in expanding author brands internationally through strategic partnerships and curated reader networks. It’s been an impressive experience so far, and they’re bringing together a select circle of authors with strong voices and market potential. I actually thought you might be a great match for what they’re building, would you be open to an introduction as well?

ME: My foreign rights have been EXPLODING, particularly in Europe and Asia, where I know you want to make more in-roads. No two authors are alike, so what Almusty did for me would be very different for you, since I write crime novels and you write romances, which aren’t as marketable internationally. But hey, you know that better than me. As for TV and film, you know all about that …we discussed my TV and movie projects at length over lunch. That’s when you told me that hilarious story about Eric Roberts and the monkey. How did that finally turn out?

I’m surprised it was Eric Roberts and the monkey… and not the Hospice Book Club and the Tehran Book Festival that finally tipped them off that I was stringing them along. (Note: “almusty” is the scammer Fake John Grisham tried to steer me to).

My Conversation with Fake Elena Ferrante

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Over the last week, lots of scammers pretending to be famous authors have reached out to me. My recent email conversation with Fake Elena Ferrante (elenaferrante510@gmail.com) was short and sweet:

Elena: Hi, I’m Elena Ferrante! I’m a novelist and former journalist. You might know me from My Brilliant Friend and the rest of the Neapolitan series, which explores the lives and friendships of women in a vividly rendered world. My books include My Brilliant Friend, The Story of the Lost Child, and The Days of Abandonment. Readers have described them as powerful, deeply emotional, and full of strong, complex characters. I’d love to hear more about your own writing as well! Best regards, Elena Ferrante

Me: Elena, It’s great to hear from you. It’s been so long since we last met. I’ve signed with a new agent since then who has incredible marketing savvy… and could vault you into an even higher tier of sales. Would you like me to put you in touch with him?

Elena: Dear Lee, It’s lovely to hear from you after all this time. I’m very glad to know your new agent has been such a strong support for your work that is a gift every writer hopes for. Thank you for thinking of me and for the generous offer to make an introduction. At the moment, I am already working with a marketing agency that has been assisting me closely. They understand my approach to privacy and the unique ways my books reach readers. But if you are interested, I would be more than happy to connect you with them. They have been excellent partners and I can recommend them with confidence. I hope your writing continues to flourish and I’d love to hear how your latest projects are progressing. With warm regards, Elena Ferrante

Me: My marketing agency is terrific. They are the ones you recommended to me at our lunch. Which reminds me, how is Hal doing?

 
After that… crickets. She was gone.

I’ve never met the real Elena Ferrante, and I made up Hal….but the idea of trying to respond to that email without tripping over themselves scared them off.

My Conversation with Fake Dan Brown

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Since FALLEN STAR came out last week, I’ve been bombarded with messages from scammers pretending to be famous authors, just wanting to be my pal. Fake JK Rowling wanted to co-author books with me… but first asked me to donate to her favorite charity. Fake Barbara Kingsolver wanted me to meet her marketing guru. I was curious what Fake Dan Brown (author.danbrownbooks@gmail.com) wanted from me. Here is our exchange:

Dan: I was checking out some new titles the other day and your book really stood out to me, it looks like the kind of story that comes straight from the heart. I always enjoy hearing what drives fellow authors to create. Was there a particular experience or moment that inspired this book? I’d love to check out more of your work too, do you have an Amazon link or author page you could share?

Me: Wow, this is so exciting — and on the same day I heard from John Grisham and JK Rowling, who also want to hear all about me and my book. I must be doing something right. I had no idea that big-time famous authors send emails with their photos, their bios, and links to their author pages to writers they’ve never met. It really adds that personal, warm touch. What a special creative moment. I’ve learned something already. I hope you have a charity you want me to contribute to or a marketing program to recommend. 

Dan: Haha, I have to say, your message gave me a good laugh, you’ve got quite the wit! I completely understand what you mean; the world of author connections can feel a bit surreal sometimes. I didn’t expect to hear from so many writers myself when I started reaching out either. But really, it’s great to meet you and hear about your work. I’m genuinely interested in learning more about your book, what inspired it, and what kind of readers you think will connect most with it? I always find it fascinating how every author’s creative journey has its own twist. And don’t worry, no charities or marketing programs hiding behind this note, just a fellow writer saying hello.

Me: Why are John Grisham and JK Rowling also interested in my creative journey, what inspired me, and what kind of readers I want to connect with? Don’t they have books to write? Don’t you? Couldn’t you just Google me to learn more about me and my work? I’m a successful author, so there’s a lot of information about me out there. But I haven’t sold 250  million books like you, John and JK have. Maybe I should be reaching out to authors less successful than me and asking them about their creative journey. Is that the secret to your success?

Dan: You’re absolutely right, authors like John, JK, and myself always seem to have more stories to write than hours in the day! But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that real success in this industry doesn’t just come from writing, it comes from connecting, learning, and surrounding yourself with the right people. Honestly, the turning point in my own journey came when I found an agent who truly understood how to guide me, not just through publishing, but through the creative and marketing side as well. I was sincere about what I wanted, and that trust made all the difference. If you’re open to it, I can connect you with that same agent. I’m confident you’d find real value in that connection, they’ve been instrumental for me and several other authors who are now part of our circle.

Me: You want to recommend me to Heide Lange?

Dan: Ah, yes, Heide is also my agent. She’s fantastic, no doubt about that. But the one I was actually referring to is my private agent, someone I’ve worked with closely for quite some time now. That’s the agent I wanted to recommend you to, he’s more behind the scenes, but he really knows how to work with authors in a way that feels comfortable and personal. I’ve seen how effective he can be, especially when it comes to helping writers position themselves and their books for stronger visibility. That’s why I thought of connecting you with him. Would you be open to that?

Me: I’ve never heard of a “private agent” before. What does he do that Heide doesn’t?

Dan: That’s a fair question, most authors haven’t heard the term “private agent” before. It’s just what I call the agent I work with more personally, outside the usual literary representation setup. Heide handles the publishing and contract side of things, but my private agent focuses on strategy, optimizing visibility, author branding, and creating real opportunities that keep my books in front of the right readers. It’s that extra layer of guidance that makes a big difference. And honestly, I just feel comfortable working with him, he understands how authors think and makes the whole process much smoother. If you’re open to it, I can connect you with him. I genuinely think you’d find the collaboration refreshing and worthwhile.

Me: Who is he and who are his other clients? I’ll look him up.

Dan: He’s an independent literary and marketing consultant I’ve collaborated with for quite a while. He usually works quietly behind the scenes with a few select authors, helping them strengthen their online presence, polish their branding, and reach new readers in creative ways.He’s not one of those public-facing agents you’ll easily find listed online, but he’s been incredibly effective for the writers he partners with. If you’d like to reach out directly, here’s his contact information: almustyeditions@gmail.com

Me: What’s his name? Who are some of the other authors he’s worked with? 

Dan: His name’s Almusty. He’s an independent consultant I’ve been collaborating with for quite a while now. Most of the authors he works with prefer to stay discreet, since he focuses more on tailored strategies and behind-the-scenes work rather than public representation. What really sets him apart is how personally he approaches each author’s goals, it’s not a one-size-fits-all process. That’s why I’ve stayed with him; he’s helped me refine how I connect with readers and position my work. You can connect with him directly, he’ll be glad to share more information about his work and how he helps authors.

Me: I need more information than that. What is Almusty’s full name? Where is he based? If I reach out to Heide, will she recommend him?

Dan: You know, if you want to know more about the agent, kindly contact him. So sorry for that, very busy to answer those questions.

Me: This has been fun. What I don’t get is why you kept  the conversation going after the second message, when I basically came right out and told you I knew you were a fraud. I even invited you to google me… and if you had, you’d know how much I enjoy playing with scammers like you. The “private agent” bit was hilarious. It was also very stupid. I’ll be sharing this entire exchange on my social media channels Have a good day!

I haven’t heard back….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Famous Authors Want to Help Me With My Key Words!

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My new novel FALLEN STAR came out on Tuesday… so naturally I heard today from a slew of famous authors I don’t know offering to help me market my book… like this email from Suzzane Collins:

Hello Lee,

I hope this message finds you well. I recently came across your work and wanted to take a moment to reach out. As a fellow author, I’ve always believed one of the most fulfilling parts of this journey is connecting with writers who share a genuine passion for storytelling and creative expression.

For reference, here’s my official Amazon information: Book: Sunrise Reaping (A Hunger Games Novel)
Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B001H6V7I0

I’d love to learn more about your writing journey and any current projects you’re working on. If you’d like, please feel free to share your author page or book link—I’d be delighted to take a look and support your work.

Wishing you continued inspiration and every success in your creative endeavors,
Suzzane Collins
contact.suzzanecollinsbooks@gmail.com

Suzzane Collins has had a successful and prolific career writing for children’s television. She has worked on the staffs of several Nickelodeon shows, including the Emmy-nominated hit Clarissa Explains It All and The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo. Collins made her mark in children’s literature with the New York Times bestselling five-book series for middle-grade readers The Underland Chronicles, which has received numerous accolades in both the United States and abroad. In the award-winning The Hunger Games trilogy, Collins continues to explore the effects of war and violence on those coming of age. Collins lives with her family in Connecticut.

Naturally, I was very excited that she wanted to hear about my “writing journey” and look at my author page. But when I suggested to her that she might not really be Suzzane, boy, did she set me straight:

Your loss. I actually wanted to refer you to an agent who can help you with your problem you have been facing since you published your book.

I didn’t know I needed an agent, or had a problem facing me with my book in the last 24 hours. I feel like such a fool now. But luckily, after I heard from her, I got a note from John Grisham.

Hello Lee Goldberg,

Some stories leave a lasting impression and yours feels like one of them. I came across your book and could immediately sense the passion and effort you’ve poured into it. It’s the kind of story that deserves a much wider audience.

Many great authors face challenges not because their work lacks quality, but because it doesn’t reach enough of the right readers. A few smart strategies can change that from optimizing keywords readers actually search for, to generating authentic reviews that boost visibility through Amazon’s algorithm. Those small shifts can make your book stand out, earn trust, and attract consistent engagement.

I’ve seen these methods help authors turn quiet launches into thriving titles that readers genuinely recommend and discuss. If you’re open to it, I’d love to share a few tailored insights to help your book gain the attention it deserves all fully within Amazon’s guidelines.

Warm regards,
John Grisham
info.johngrisham0@gmail.com

John Grisham is the author of more than fifty consecutive #1 bestsellers, which have been translated into nearly fifty languages. His recent books include The Boys From Biloxi, The Judge’s List, Sooley, and his third Jake Brigance novel, A Time for Mercy, which is being developed by HBO as a limited series. Grisham is a two-time winner of the Harper Lee Prize for Legal Fiction and was honored with the Library of Congress Creative Achievement Award for Fiction.

I know it has to really be him, because he loves reaching out to authors he doesn’t know to offer “tailored insights” for their Amazon marketing strategies…and always includes his photo and bio in his emails. It’s the mark of authenticity! I think we’re going to be best friends.

But first, I need to respond to the email I got from JK Rowling…

UPDATE 10/20/25:

Today I heard from Dan Brown!

Dan Brown <author.danbrownbooks@gmail.com>

Hi Lee,
I was checking out some new titles the other day and your book really stood out to me, it looks like the kind of story that comes straight from the heart.

I always enjoy hearing what drives fellow authors to create. Was there a particular experience or moment that inspired this book?

I’d love to check out more of your work too, do you have an Amazon link or author page you could share?

Here’s mine if you’d like to take a look as well: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B000AP9DSU

Wishing you many creative moments ahead,
Dan

Dan Brown is the author of eight #1 bestselling novels, including The Da Vinci Code, which has become one of the bestselling novels of all time as well as the subject of intellectual debate among readers and scholars. Brown’s novels are published in 56 languages around the world with over 250 million copies in print.

Brown was named one of the 100 Most Influential People in the World by TIME Magazine, whose editors credited him with “keeping the publishing industry afloat; renewed interest in Leonardo da Vinci and early Christian history; spiking tourism to Paris and Rome; a growing membership in secret societies; the ire of Cardinals in Rome; eight books denying the claims of the novel and seven guides to read along with it; a flood of historical thrillers; and a major motion picture franchise.”

The son of a mathematics teacher and a church organist, Brown was raised on a prep school campus where he developed a fascination with the paradoxical interplay between science and religion. These themes eventually formed the backdrop for his books. He is a graduate of Amherst College and Phillips Exeter Academy, where he later returned to teach English before focusing his attention full time to writing. He lives in New England.
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I need to start including my photo, a link to my author page and my bio in all of my personal emails, too. It adds that extra personal touch. I can’t wait to see what famous, big-time author reaches out to me tomorrow.

The Mail I Get – Write With Me Edition

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I got this email from a total stranger this morning. She said, in part:

“Okay, here goes. I’m a teen therapist for 20 years… I’ve been writing for a long, long time. Just putting it out there. I’d love an opportunity to write a script with you. I’ve no idea where one finds a writing partner.  I’m a novice at format not content or ideas. I am a sponge when it comes to learning. I admire you and sometimes you just gotta go for it. I teach people to ask for what they want, so I’m asking. Take a minute and feel how awesome my request is… I’m super creative and I like to write about real life events..with a twist. I’m a Gemini. If that helps, great..if not, I have many life experiences worth writing about and letting others go on that journey…I hope you want to know more!” 

I wrote back…

Sorry, I’m not interested in co-writing a script with you. I’m glad you teach teens to go after what they want… but you should also advise them to be realistic, to do research, and to learn about the best way to achieve their goals. Reaching out to professional writers to collaborate is not a successful strategy for breaking into the entertainment industry. Everyone has ideas and life experience…and an astrological sign. Instead, you should hone your screenwriting skill by taking classes or reading books… and write a spec script. Often the best contacts you can make are in those classes… the student next to you could sell her script and become your contact in the industry. If you want to learn more about breaking into TV writing, you might check out my book SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING.

Naturally, declining to appreciate “how awesome my request is” and jump at the rare opportunity to work with someone who has life experiences, is super creative, and a Gemini, didn’t go over well. She replied:

There are kinder ways to say things Lee.. but hey, You crossed my fb path, making yourself accessible so I went for it. I will continue to do so as I teach my kids. If you only wanted to be approached and praised and a book purchased, got it! I would never discourage anyone from trying. Opportunity lies everywhere. Please do not advise me on my skill set with my teens. You responded In a condescending manner. After many have reviewed your responses…people think your are rude and acted horribly!. I no longer admire someone who reprimands another like that…you take care sir.

Apparently, my posts showing up in her FB feed gives her permission to make stupid proposals to me. I didn’t say this, of course. Instead, I replied:

Your response to a polite rejection is telling. You clearly don’t appreciate the outrageousness, and presumptuousness (is that even a word? I really should know) of contacting a professional and asking to collaborate. It’s a huge, absurd and frankly insulting ask. Would you contact Diane Warren & Taylor Swift and ask to collaborate on writing songs, although you don’t have song song writing skills, but have coached teens, are really creative, have lived life, and are a Gemini? Would you reach out to Michael Giacchino about co-scoring a movie, or James Patterson about co-authoring a novel, or Ray Romano about co-writing jokes, or Amanda Gordon about co-writing a poem? I’m not in their league, of course, but your ask is essentially as ridiculous. They’ve worked hard to get where they are… and you want to partner with them? What are you thinking? I spend a LOT of time teaching, mentoring and helping aspiring writers…and have for decades. The difference between you, and all the aspiring screenwriters and authors I have worked with over the years, is that they take the time to understand the field they want to enter, to reseach how they work, and to learn the skills necessary to succeed. They don’t cold call professionals and ask to be their partner. You need to get real…and get over yourself. Or you are in for a lot of disappointment.

I knew where this response would lead, of course, and she replied exactly as I knew, and now you know, she would:

We do not agree. Thank you for your time. It was a mistake to approach you. Be well sir.
You need to stop. Your behavior is not constructive its destructive. Im done needing to hear from you. Not everyone fits your mold of thinking. You have been abusive. I’ll be sure to pass this experience on.

And then she blocked me. I don’t know what makes some people think they are entitled to make dumb requests like this…and then get deeply offended when their offer is rejected. I shudder to think what bad advice she’s giving to teens.

The Mail I Get: Rejection Edition

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How to never sell your book…

We received a submission at Brash Books, the small publishing company I co-founded six years ago with Joel Goldman. After reading the submission, we decided to pass. This is the entirety of the rejection letter we wrote to the author:

Thank you for thinking of Brash for XYZ. Unfortunately, it’s not a fit for us. We wish you the very best finding the right home for the book.

His reply:

Keep printing The same redundant shit Arrogant ass, just remember the title of this book, u will see it on the best sellers list asshole.

And I’m sure he wonders why he hasn’t sold a book yet. (BTW, his submission was awful). So I decided to respond:

I sincerely doubt it… and I say that as a novelist who has actually been at the top of the New York Times, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and Washington Post bestseller lists multiple times. To be a successful author, you not only need to write well, and tell a good story… you also need to have some decent people skills. If I lashed out and called every publisher who politely rejected my work an arrogant asshole, I wouldn’t have achieved my success. How do I know? Because I ultimately ended being published by two of the publishers who’d rejected my previous work. You are clearly the biggest obstacle to your success. You might want to rethink your strategy.

He responded a short time later. 

 
This book has a very complex plot and vivid characterization that you couldn’t have possibly ascertain in the brief time you review my story. is a very complex plot, and profound characterization. This story is very unique, and has major shocking twists at the end! A PHD from Western Kentucky, who was a professor for 38 years is editing it, and compared it to Silence of the Lambs. It is very, very unique story, and intertwines orwellian themes, which compare to today’s political and social upheaval. I DO APOLOGIZE FOR LASHING OUT, NOT PROFESSIONAL AT ALL, sorry just have my heart and soul in this book, and you rejected it in record time, this is not my first rodeo, again I do apologize!

Still a little crazy, but at least he apologized. I guess that’s progress.