My conversation with Fake Peter James <author.peterjames.org@gmail.com>
FAKE PETER: Hi Lee, I hope you are doing well. My name is Peter James and I recently finished Fallen Star. I wanted to reach out and say how much I enjoyed it. The mix of political scandal, personal stakes, and nonstop tension made the story gripping from the first pages. Eve’s moral struggle and her dynamic with Duncan added real depth to the investigation, and the crash near her home was a powerful turning point. I would love to hear what inspired you to take Eve’s journey in this direction at this stage of the series. Warm Regard, Peter James Writer.
ME: I’m glad you reached out, Peter. I was going to call you. The agent you recommended stole $57,000 from me. Did you get swindled, too?
FP: Hi Lee, I’m really sorry you’re going through this that’s an awful situation. Just to be clear, I’m not connected to whatever happened with the money, and I definitely wasn’t involved in anything like that. I recommended the agent in good faith based on what I believed was a trustworthy reputation, so hearing this from you is genuinely upsetting.I’d like to help however I can. If you’re taking steps to resolve the issue, I’m happy to share any information or details on my end that might support you. Also, separate from this mess, I’d still love to support your work. If you’d like, I can help promote your book through my author network, my website, or my reader community. Just let me know what direction you prefer interviews, features, sharing previews, or anything else that feels useful. Again, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.
ME: You should be sorry. YOU told me that he’d taken your books to “the next level.” He didn’t do shit for me. He turned out to be a Nigerian scammer who ran off with my money. If you honestly want to help, Interpol has created a special, international task force to go after scammers who prey on authors. I can forward your email and phone number to the agent-in-charge so he can talk to you directly. I have your email… what’s your phone number?
<crickets>
Gee, I wonder why he suddenly ghosted me.
Here is my very short conversation with Fake Mary Kubica <marykubica920@gmail.com>
FAKE MARY KUBICA: Dear. I hope this message finds you well. I came across your profile on Facebook and wanted to reach out. As a fellow writer, I always enjoy meeting others who are passionate about storytelling and the creative life. By way of introduction, my name is Mary kubica. I’m a New York Times bestselling author of suspense thrillers including The Good Girl, The Other Mrs., and Local Woman Missing, and I love exploring the comedic, turbulent, and sentimental parts of being human. Writing has always been both my way of making sense of the world and connecting with others who share that same impulse. I’d love to hear more about your own journey, what first inspired you to write, and what kind of stories excite you most at the moment? Looking forward to your reply. Mary Kubica.
ME: I’ve never stopped loving you. Send me more nudes.
FAKE MARY: What’s your number?
ME: (310) 477-6565
<crickets>
The number I gave her was for the FBI’s office in Los Angeles. I hope she sent them pictures!