Lee Goldberg

He-Men and the Masters of the Universe

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My friend Gregg Hurwitz and his family came over to our house yesterday afternoon for BBQ, swimming, and lazing around.  When it got dark, the kids went inside to play and the grown-ups stayed outside to talk. We were having a nice conversation when Gregg’s wife very calmly pointed out that there was a tarantula crawling by Gregg’s feet. I don’t know who yelped louder or jumped higher out of his seat — me or Gregg.

We’ve seen rabbits, scorpions, mice, squirrels, rattlesnakes, bobcats, deer, lizards, coyotes, and swarms of bees in our yard but never, ever, EVER a tarantula. The spider was huge and black and terrifying. And moved very fast.

Gregg and I, squeeling and whining like little girls, finally managed to trap the spider in a jar and dump him out on the hillside behind our house. But I found the whole thing very funny. Here are these two men — guys who’ve written all kinds of books and TV shows about tough-guy action heroes —  who turned into complete blithering sissies at the sight of a gigantic, but harmless, spider.

Just goes to prove that those who can’t do don’t teach…they write about it.

The Windy City Likes The Goldbergs

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I don’t know what it is about Chicago, but the Windy City sure is kind to us Goldbergs. First, the Chicago Tribune and Chicago Sun-Times gave my book DIAGNOSIS MURDER: THE PAST TENSE great reviews. Now TimeOut Chicago is raving about my brother Tod Goldberg’s short story collection SIMPLIFY:

[Tod] Goldberg’s work is an eclectic collection of realist and surrealist storytelling, from a brother’s difficult return from the first Gulf War to a kid who turns invisible after witnessing his father’s infidelity. The overheated suburbs of southern California and the crazed, sun-scorched roads through the outlying deserts are the perfect settings for Goldberg’s characters. In a story that exemplifies his skill for blending the unreal with the everyday, a dyslexic kid creates his own language as a way to deal with life’s stresses. As he witnesses a brutal act of violence against a fellow student and his careerist father becomes more and more aloof after a move to L.A., the kid fills binders and binders with his personal alphabet, a secret distress code. It’s a startling and shuddersome story, with the kind of atmospheric tension we’ve come to expect from the new wave of Japanese horror movies.

Now let’s see if my sisters Linda Woods and Karen Dinino get a rave from Chicago when their book, VISUAL CHRONICLES, comes out in February.

Doing the Konrath III

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Author Joe Konrath, the champion of stock signing, has inspired me to drop in on bookstores wherever I go and sign the stock of DIAGNOSIS MURDER novels. This weekend, I was up in Seattle. The tally:  Eight stores visited, 53 books signed.

Can I Sue?

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I got this email the other day:

If you’ve got
any time in your hectic sked to offer me advice I’d be grateful. As far as I know, you’re not a lawyer, but as a seasoned pro you may know!
Anyone that writes anything knows that ideas float around the ether waiting to be written.
Who hasn’t at least once, had that great , only to find out a week later  has just nailed a deal for the
same premise. That’s just the way it goes.

However… six years ago I wrote my first screenplay. It’s called XYZ, and it’s about an ex-astronaut who owns a farm/ranch in Montana. He builds his own rocket in a grain silo to launch himself into space.
Today I read that Billy Bob Thornton is to star in a movie called THE ASTRONAUT FARMER about… well you guessed it!There are no other plot points for me to see and compare yet.

I registered the screenplay electronically with ProtectRite in 1999. In the past few years I’ve entered the screenplay into a few competitions including Tribeca Films – for which I got a commendation, didn’t win of course.

So my question is this… let’s say this in-production screenplay bears a remarkable or even "uncanny" similarity to my finished work in structure and story. Do I have any recourse,  or is it just tough shit as I’m a still un-produced nobody without an agent?

Like you said, I’m not a lawyer. My guess is that
you’d have to prove that the screenwriter and producers had access to your screenplay and read it.
But I will say this, it’s not the world’s most original idea. There was even an
Andy Griffith TV movie with roughly the same concept and that later spawned a
short-lived TV series called SALVAGE ONE.

I think you sort of answered the question yourself in the first paragraph of your email… sometimes, people just get the same idea at the same time.

Many years ago, Bill and I thought we had a great idea for a spec script… a Russian cop who comes to the U.S. to find a bad guy and gets paired up with an LAPD detective. We called it RED HEAT. We were in the midst of writing it when we heard about…you guessed it… a movie going into production called RED HEAT starring Arnold as a Russian cop. This has happened to us many times during our career.

For a couple years now, Bill and I have been pitching a procedural series around town  about a special, multi-agency law enforcement team that goes after the most-wanted fugitives. This summer, TNT premiered WANTED, a series with the same basic notion. Do we think we were ripped off? No. There were probably a dozen guys out there pitching a variation of the same idea at the same time we were. That’s the entertainment business.

 

Room 222

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Bill Rabkin and I are teaching another four-week, online course of  "Beginning Television Writing" for Writers University. For more information on the session, which begins Sept. 5, click here. I don’t know how the students feel about it, but we’ve been really enjoying the experience. This is our third or fourth time doing it and I’ve discovered that helping others learn how we do what we do has sharpened my own writing. In fact, I applied some advice we gave a student the other day (she was having trouble structuring her story)  to one of our own pitches and it made a big difference.

He is, He says

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Ever wonder what taking a novel-writing seminar is like? My brother Tod, the literary novelist, reveals all.

Sometimes I’ll sing a song or two because, well, when you get to sit in front of
the class it’s kinda freeing to know that if you wanna belt out, say, Total
Eclipse of the Heart or Can’t Hardly Wait or even a little something from the
Neil Diamond song book, you totally can. And then we’ll get back to talking
about your story, which may be really good, or really bad, or really mediocre
and, at the very least, you’ll know my thoughts and might be humming a song,
too.

Vital Knowledge

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Before you write to Walter Scott of Parade Magazie to find out if someone is dead or not, use this handy checklist from my brother Tod.

a few ways to tell if the person you’re inquiring about is dead:

1. You are really, really old and unable to access the internet.

2. The person you are interested in starred in a "talkie."

3. Sometimes, you wet yourself a little and just say, "Ah, to hell with it."

4. There are nights when you honestly believe that signing a petition to get Diagnosis Murder back on TV might actually help.

5. Lately, you’ve felt very guilty for admiring the bronzed flesh of
Lindsay Lohan and wondering what it might be like to see her in a
Lucille Ball bio-pic where you get to play little Ricky.

6. The last show you remember watching was The Big Valley and after that went off the air you decided that from now on, you were just going to write The Big Valley fan fiction.

Want to know more? Check out "Letters to Parade: On The Nature of Dying."

Hypocrisy 101

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Fanficcers have no problem routinely infringing on the copyrights of books, movies and TV shows…but don’t you dare copy their work.   

Someone emailed me this  excerpt from the fanfiction.net user agreement (the bold-facing and italicizing of the most blatantly hypocritical/outrageous statements are mine):

9. COPYRIGHTS and COPYRIGHT AGENTS

FanFiction.Net respects the intellectual property of others, and we ask our users to do the same. If you believe that your work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, there are two methods of recourse depending on the nature of the infraction. If you have a copyright abuse complaint based on theft of your piece by other fan authors, please see Section Ten: Domestic Copyrights. Else, please provide FanFiction.Net with the following information:

(1) an electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright interest;

(2) a description of the copyrighted work that you claim has been infringed;

(3) a description of where the material that you claim is infringing is located on the site;

(4) your address, telephone number, and email address;

(5) a statement by you that you have a good faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law;

(6) a statement by you, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information in your Notice is accurate and that you are the copyright owner or authorized to act on the copyright owner’s behalf.

After this has been received, FanFiction.Net administrators will seek to determine if the piece in question is in violation of your copyright and then respond accordingly.

10. DOMESTIC COPYRIGHTS

FanFiction.Net respects the intellectual property of others, and we ask our users to do the same. If you feel that your writing was copied with out permission and in violation of your copyright by another writer on FanFiction.Net, please provide FanFiction.Net administrators with the following information via e-mail:

(1) Pen name and e-mail address.

(2) Contact information for the author you feel is violating your copyright. This information should include the author�s pen name, e-mail address, and author profile url.

(3) The url of the piece that you have the copyright for, the date that the story was posted, and the title of the piece.

(4) The url of the piece that you feel is in violation of your copyright, the date the alleged infringed piece was written and the title the alleged infringed piece.

(5) Supporting and collaborative evidence that demonstrates copyright infringement.

(6) A short message detailing the nature of the copyright infringement.

After this has been received, FanFiction.Net administrators will seek to determine if the piece in question is in violation of your copyright and then respond accordingly.

Unbelievable.