Lee Goldberg

Fan Fliction

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The New York Times reports today that lots of fans are making their own STAR TREK movies and episodes — which I hereby dub fan fliction– and that Paramount has turned a blind corporate eye to it as long as no one tries to make a buck from their work.

Up to two dozen of these fan-made "Star Trek" projects are in
various stages of completion, depending what you count as a
full-fledged production. Dutch and Belgian fans are filming an episode;
there is a Scottish production in the works at www.ussintrepid.org.uk.

There is a group in Los Angeles that has filmed more than 40 episodes, according to its Web site, www.hiddenfrontier.com, and has explored gay themes that the original series never imagined. Episodes by a group in Austin, Tex., at www.starshipexeter.com,
feature a ship whose crew had the misfortune of being turned into salt
in an episode of the original "Star Trek," but has now been repopulated
by Texans.

"I think the networks — Paramount, CBS — I don’t think they’re
giving the fans the ‘Trek’ they’re looking for," said Mr. Sieber, a
40-year-old engineer for a government contractor who likens his "Star
Trek" project, at www.starshipfarragut.com, to "online community theater."

"The fans are saying, look, if we can’t get what we want on
television, the technology is out there for us to do it ourselves," he
added.

And viewers are responding. One series, at www.newvoyages.com,
and based in Ticonderoga, N.Y., boasts of 30 million downloads. It has
become so popular that Walter Koenig, the actor who played Chekov in
the original "Star Trek," is guest starring in an episode, and George
Takei, who played Sulu, is slated to shoot another one later this year.
D. C. Fontana, a writer from the original "Star Trek" series, has
written a script.

I’ve seen "Star Trek: The New Voyages" and, as I posted here in December, I was very impressed:

The acting and writing are cringe-inducing but everything else is
amazing. I can’t believe what these imaginative and extremely talented
film-makers were able to accomplish on a shoe-string budget (though it
helps to have the FX pros from STAR TREK ENTERPRISE over-seeing the
effects).

[…]Watching the first two episodes of NEW VOYAGES makes you realize what
ENTERPRISE should have been:  a return to the STAR TREK we all fell in
love with. Note to Paramount: It’s not too late. 

Gimme Gimme Gimme

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I’m a TV writer/producer and a novelist. I don’t buy scripts, finance movies, publish books, or take on apprentices. And I’m not a celebrity.

Even so, every day I get emails from strangers asking me to buy their scripts, read their scripts, plug their blogs, blurb their books, or take them on as apprentices. I still don’t understand why. But the vast majority of those appeals are so badly presented, I can’t imagine that any of them  could ever work. Here’s a sampling of some I’ve received this week, the names  have been changed to protect the guilty.

I think this woman wants me to take her on as some kind of apprentice…or buy her life story…or just pay attention to her. I’m not sure:

I’m a 36 year old
black woman who has always desired to write for a living.  Thus my blog at XYZ.  Please don’t think I’m some rags to riches story in the
making as I’m not.  The closest I’ve ever been to the ghetto was driving
past fast on my way to visit some unfortunate relative.  LOL!  I am
FABULOUS.  just FABULOUS as you’ll soon find out. I have a gazillion
ideas and a gazillion/gamillion stories.[…]

Please visit my site and take me on as someone to mentor.  You could be the man who
discovered the next Shonda Rhimes. Come on…take a chance.  I’m EXACTLY
the sort of story Oprah would EAT UP!

Another complete stranger wants me to call him or give him my phone number using this come on:

I’m the publisher of XYZ.com, which is regularly ranked in the Top 5% off all sites on the web and cited by international, national and regional media. Is there a number I might reach you at or can you please call me at XXXXX when you have a moment?

Why would I want to do that? When I asked him what he wanted to talk about, he replied:

A forthcoming online project I’m working on.

Uh-huh. Needless to say, I haven’t called. Another person wants me to read his script:

Please take a look at XYZ.  We are now being read by the Hallmark Channel, Noah Wiley, Erique LaSalle and John Schneider and Albert Brooks’ manager. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Why would I want to read the script? What’s the point? And if all those stars are reading the script, what the heck do you need me for anyway (though, in point of fact, the stars aren’t reading the script, their "reader" is reading the script). 

A self-published author wants me to blurb his book:

My first novel is now on sale.  Please see: XYZ.com.  I’m writing to request a blurb and any other help you believe is appropriate for its promotion.  I’ve receive several blurbs, including one from XYZ, that I will put on a poster to boost local
attention.

Who could resist a note like that? Not only will I blurb it,  I’m going to give him the  deed to my house.

Recommended Publishers

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A reader posed this question to me in an email:

I read your comments about Publish America, and so I thought I would write and ask what publishers you would recommend for an aspiring writer trying to get their first short novel published?

Reputable ones. It’s a simple as that.  Publish America isn’t one of them. They are a vanity press in disguise.

Here’s another piece of advice, since you’re asking: Don’t get involved with any publisher that asks you to pay to be published.  They should pay you, not the other way around.

I would also be extremely leary of  any publishers that are strictly print-on-demand. I’m not saying all the  non-pay-to-be-published POD presses are dishonest, far from it, some of their founders really love books and respect authors… but many of those "publishers" tend to be on very shaky commercial footing at best. Take what happened with Quiet Storm, for example.  On the other hand, Ellora’s Cave has become very successful and treats their authors well (though they have some of the most laughably horrible "covers" I’ve ever seen).

I’m No Help

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For some reason, Fridays is the day I seem to get the most blog-related email.  Here’s one from Kelly Cyr:

I read through your blog and find you extremely negative and cynical. You
also hold yourself well above the rest of us writers. Maybe you should find
another line of work. I don’t think writing suits you at all. Honey, I don’t
think you would be anyone enjoyable to be around at all. Go find another
occupation and get happier. The stuff you write only brings people down and
was of no help to me at all. 

I’ll share a secret with you, Kelly. I’m not half as talented as most of the writers I know and I live in fear that some day people are going to figure that out. You’re obviously way ahead of the pack on that one. 

But I have to correct you on a couple of other things:  I am the happiest guy you will ever meet. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful and supportive family, lots of friends, good health, and a career doing what I love (despite my obvious lack of talent).

I’m sorry that my work saddens you. If you came here looking for help with your career, your relationships, or your pursuit of inner peace, you definitely came to the wrong place. My blog isn’t an advice column and I’m not Walter Scott. This is my collection of rantings, ramblings, and opinions on this and that. Sometimes I answer questions, but I’m not here to help you sell your script, get your book published,  train your dog to fetch, discover spiritual enlightenment, or become multiply orgasmic (though I am told reading my DIAGNOSIS MURDER books helps a lot with that). I’m here because I’m procrastinating when I should be writing. Try my brother Tod’s blog instead or write a letter to Parade.

Thingies III

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I’m the oldest of four children. My 11 year-old daughter suddenly
realized, in the wake of her "Human Growth and Development Class," what
this meant.

"Grandma had sex four times? I can’t imagine even doing it once!"

Thingies II

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So my 11-year-old daughter gets home from her "Human Growth and Development" class at school and has some questions about sex.

"Why does a man’s thingie have to get so big?"  she asked.

"So he can get his sperm inside of  a woman and fertilize the egg," I said.

"Couldn’t he just mail it to the woman so she could put it in herself?"

Thingies

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I drove my 11-year-old daughter to school this morning. We were just about there when she groaned.

"Oh no, I just remembered. We have ‘Human Growth and Development’ today. And it’s right before recess!"

"So?" I said.

"Dad, I have a snack at recess."

"I don’t see the problem."

"How am I supposed to eat after hearing about people putting their thingies into thingies? It’s disgusting."

I don’t think I need to worry any time soon about her competing with her friends to give the best blowjobs.

Lost in Space

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3artbar0
It’s been a big week for my sisters Linda Woods & Karen Dinino and their book VISUAL CHRONICLES. First, Rosie O’Donnell raved about their book on her blog (let’s hope she brings a copy with her onto THE VIEW) and then my sisters made an appearance at ArtBar in Santa Ana, where they signed books with fellow artist  & author Angela Cartwright, best known as Danny Thomas’ daughter on MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY and one of the Robinson clan in LOST IN SPACE. Can an appearance on THE TODAY SHOW be far behind for my celeb sisters?

Lester Dent’s Fiction Formula

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Dent2
I got this email from "Bigby" today:

Lester Dent, the pulp writer who created Doc Savage
(and I believe wrote all or most of the Shadow stories) and God knows how many
others once gave his formula for any 6000 word pulp story… which is EXACTLY
the four-act structure for TV. He even breaks those six thousand words into four,
1500 word acts…Absolutely fascinating.

Bigby is right.  Dent’s formula reads almost exactly like the four-act structure of an episodic teleplay. For example, here is how Dent describes the first 1500 words of a story:

  1. First line, or as near thereto as possible, introduce the hero
    and swat him with a fistful of trouble. Hint at a mystery, a menace or
    a problem to be solved–something the hero has to cope with.
  2. The hero pitches in to cope with his fistful of trouble. (He
    tries to fathom the mystery, defeat the menace, or solve the problem.)
  3. Introduce ALL the other characters as soon as possible. Bring
    them on in action.
  4. Hero’s endevours land him in an actual physical conflict near the
    end of the first 1500 words.
  5. Near the end of first 1500 words, there is a complete surprise
    twist in the plot development.

That’s pretty darn close to what the first Act of any episode has to accomplish. The first Act sets up the central conflicts of the story:  what the hero has at stake, what others have at stake, what his goals are and the obstacles that prevent him from achieving his aims. Dent says much the same thing, only in a different words ("He
tries to fathom the mystery, defeat the menace, or solve the problem."). Dent’s advice is worth taking — whether you are writing a thrilling short story or a spec episode of a TV show.