The Mail I Get

DM Fans Are The Best

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My Mom is going through chemotherapy for a third time and wrote about the experience on her blog. She was delighted and touched to get this email this morning from a DIAGNOSIS MURDER fan. So was I.

Dear Mrs. Curran,

You don’t know me, but I  know you through your son Lee.  I am a big Diagnosis Murder fan and a devoted reader of Lee’s books. Sometimes I click on your blog and read how you are. Today I read that you are facing a chemotherapy again.  I am sending  you my best wishes and hope that the new therapy doesn’t make you sick! Keep strong!

Sincerely Yours,
Ute

Ute was also one of the many Diagnosis Murder fans who inundated me with get-well cards, letters, emails and stuffed animals with bandaged arms when I had my bad accident a year ago.  I dedicated my DM:  THE WAKING NIGHTMARE to them but, in truth, all the DM books I write ar for them.  They’re the best!

Looking for Mr. Goodwriter

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I got this email today. It read, in part:

I am looking to license a script for a tv show and to be quite
honest I have no idea where to look for writers that are submitting there work
for licensing or purchase.

Can you be more specific? I have no idea what you mean. Are you interested in licensing
the script for a book? A Toy? A play? A song? Well, regardless of how you’re looking to use the script, most TV shows & movies are owned by studios, so you’d be
licensing the script/characters from them, not the writers, for whatever project
you have in mind.

I got this reply:

Basically I’m looking to find a writer to write a tv show for
me. I was thinking about it and most likely I won’t find someone with a script
that fits what I’m looking for. I’m not exactly sure. If I can find a writer
that has a script that is close to what I’m looking for then it will work. If
not then I need to find a writer that can write a tv show for me. Where can I go
to find available writers?

Walk into any Starbucks or  restaurant in L.A. and shout: "Is anybody here a writer?" Then stand back and try not to get trampled. Seriously, though, I guess a  lot depends on who you are (a production company? An investor? A toy company? Or just a guy with an idea and no idea how to sell it?),  what kind of show you’re trying to do (is it an infomercial? A reality show? A documentary? A game show? A sitcom?), and what you have to offer the writer in return.

In the absense of specifics, I’d say you have a number of options.

You could contact the major talent agencies and let them know a) who you are and b) that you are looking for a qualified writer to do X project. The agents would check you out and, if you passed inspection, they would recommend clients they felt could do the job for the money being offered.

You could take an advertisement out in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter: "Wanted: A writer to do X. Please send your qualifications and sample scripts to..bla bla bla."

You could contact the various film schools, letting them know you’re looking for a talented young writer to do X project for X dollars.

That’s the best advice I’ve got for you given the limited info you’ve given me.

A Letter From Janette Anderson

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This letter, presented unedited and in its entirety, is from agent Janette Anderson, who is responding to comments I made in the post The Five Stars.

”’Ms. Anderson and Five Star also share the same logo and web-site. Any reasonable person would conclude there is an affiliation. But if I am mistaken, I will be glad to immediately correct any errors I have made. I will also be glad to post unedited any statement you or your client would like to make to clarify any errors or misinterpretations you believe I’ve made. I’ll post the statement as prominently as my original blog post.”’

Mr Goldberg:

As you are aware, as your own agent is WGA of good standing, its not just a  simple process of
signing a paper to become a WGA signatory. One has to be recommended and proposed by at least three reputable people in the business. Only after one year as a good agent and said proposal can one even think of becoming a signatory agent, and its an honor as far as I am concerned to be one and not to be dismissed with a mere flourish of the pen (or website in this case).

Firstly, my client never sent you an email. Secondly, before jumping to conclusions about ones
character and ones involvement with a publishing company, would it not be prudent to check it out first. I did indeed shop both Alex Cord’s book and Ben Costello’s book around to several companies before landing the deals with Five Star Publications. Of course a press release, as you point out, was released as
all were happy to be working together. That’s standard, as you should know. I have both contracts containing details of advances and the royalties sitting here on my desk.

I have never worked for Five Star Publications, maybe working along side them ( a very different
thing) helping to promote my clients work and get Mr. Costello several book signings, as a  good agent does..of which he now has many… and the logo that you point out happened to be on my headed notepaper in those colors, which I picked many years ago. I happen to have been a celebrity journalist for many many years before becoming an agent, and everything on my bio page is the
complete truth. Pictures don’t lie. I have at least five celebrity clients, maybe I should change it to Six or Seven Star………Five Star Publications did indeed do my fabulous looking website, which I paid mucho bucks for, as anyone getting a website up does.

I have no idea how you found out about the books…. Of course I am glad you did, because you will do
nothing but enjoy them.

The point to all this is:  simply never jump to any conclusions about anyone let alone put it in
print, so that next time no one’s attorney will contact you. An apology to me on your site would be the gentlemanly thing to do.

I hope indeed you will print this as you promised in it entirety.

Most Sincerely,

Janette Anderson

Janette Anderson
Talent Agency
9682 Via Torino
Burbank, Ca 91504
WGA signatory
818
768 3358
www.fivestarcelebrity.com
andersonagencyja@aol.com
emmadeetwo@aol.com
www.alexcord.net
www.50yearsofgunsmoke.com

"Dreams
have wings, dare to soar"

Booksurge

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I got this email today:

Is Booksurge a vanity press? They are owned by Amazon, which sells the books, so isn’t that different?

Yes, Booksurge is a vanity press. Being owned by Amazon doesn’t change that.  The big clue is that  they charge for all their publishing services… starting at $498 for their "Author’s Advantage" package and on up to $899 for the "Master Bookmaker" option. Add another $999 for Professional Cover Design or "upgrade your book to a library-quality hard cover for a truly professional look" for another two hundred bucks (so everything else they publish looks unprofessional?).  Getting accepted by Booksurge doesn’t mean you’ve written a great book. It means your credit card is good.

Amazon sells iUniverse and other POD vanity-press books, too. I suppose the only difference is that orders might be fullfilled faster for Booksurge titles than other vanity press titles bought through Amazon.

The Five Stars

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I received an email press release today from Ben Costello, who has written a non-fiction book about GUNSMOKE, one of my favorite shows. Naturally, I was intrigued. I was even more intrigued when I saw the book came from Five Star, one of my favorite publishing companies (which is bringing out my book THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE).

I checked out the book on Amazon and discovered it was selling for the outrageous sum of $75. Surely, Five Star wouldn’t price the book so high… and then I noticed something. His book was published by "Five Star Publications." I’m published by "Five Star Publishers." (aka "Five Star Press," though not to be confused with Five Star Press, Five Star Publications’ publicity arm)

So I checked out Five Star Publications and discovered it’s a vanity press (to further complicate things, there’s also a Five Star Publishing, a completely different company, which does magazines for the Agricultural and Construction industries). Five Star Publications offers every publishing service you can imagine…for a price.

While I was at it, I visited Ben’s website, and discovered he’s represented by  Janette Anderson, an agent with Five Star Celebrity, which appears to be a division of — you guessed it — Five Star Publications, which published Ben’s book.

[Portions Deleted 7-27-05]

UPDATE 7-27-05: I’ve been contacted by Five Star Publications, who would like me to make it clear that Ben Costello’s book was not self-published. Although Five Star Publications does offer self-publishing services, they state that his book was published under a traditional publishing contract (you can see the complete text of their letter in the comments section of this post). I apologize to Ben Costello for the error. By the way, before I heard from Five Star Publications, I ordered the GUNSMOKE book. I couldn’t resist. I’m a GUNSMOKE geek.

I’ve also been contacted by Janette Anderson’s representatives, who wish to make it clear that none of her clients have paid to be published. I apologize for the error and have deleted the inaccurate portions of the post.

They also state that she doesn’t work for Five Star and that there is no affiliation between "Five Star Celebrity" and "Five Star Publications."  I replied to Ms. Anderson’s representatives that the press release on her site
seems to say the opposite — and that she shares the
same logo and website as Five Star Publications. Any reasonable person
would conclude there is an affiliation. But I said that if I am
mistaken, I will be glad to immediately correct any errors or
misinterpretations I have made.

UPDATE 7-29-05 –  Janette Anderson responds with a letter, presented unedited and in its entirety, to the issues raised in this post.

The Mail I Get

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I got this long, rambling email today.  Here are parts of it (I’ve removed the title of the book as a courtesy):

I am curious. As a published author myself, ("XYZ" Available at
http://www.lulu.com/XYZ and in stores in September) I was under the
belief that derivative works are the copywriter of the orginating copyright
holder. That basically Atlantis ASV belongs to Amblin/Universal
Entertainment. So my question is this: being the writer of seaQuest (which by
the way I happened to like, althought the final season was
disapointing)i found it odd that you gave them permission to continue with
their copyright infringment…

.. I am in the process of creating a similar work on the world in which
‘XYZ’  takes place. It will deal with animosities from a regime
change and a country that patrols the seas. The ships will be similar to
seaQuest (actually to the tech difference they are actually closer to Deep
Angel). Since my work is for profit, I don’t want to appear like I am
palagrising seaQuest, its derivatitve Atlantis or Deep Angel...

…So to wrap this long winded question: Where would you draw the line. How far
from preexisting story do I have to be to outside your window?

Here is how I replied. No offense intended, but you are a self-published author… that
is very different than being a "published author." That said, the rights to
SEAQUEST belong to Universal Television/Amblin. I didn’t give anyone permission
to do derivative works based on the series, nor could I, because SEAQUEST
doesn’t belong to me. 

 
The author of Atlantis can’t publish and sell his work without getting a
license from Universal, otherwise he faces the likelihood of legal action
against him by the studio. If your book is based on SEAQUEST, you would presumably face the
same risk.

I got this email from him in reply:

Thank you for your response. I know that the publishing world
mostly considers self publishing to be ‘vanity’ publishing. That don’t
bother me. And no it isn’t. My sub can fly in space because the tech level
of the world is more Babylon 5/Star Trek than seaQuest.

Huh? I have no idea what he’s talking about. I didn’t reply to this one, because it would obviously be a waste of time. But I find it fascinating that his  frame of reference for his original work is the technology of other science fiction TV shows (or fanfic based on the TV shows). What is the "tech level" of BABYLON 5 vs  STAR TREK vs SEAQUEST Fanfic? And why would anyone care? If you’re writing an original sf novel, it exists in its own world, the one you’ve created.

“Pseudo-Psycho-Fiction”

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I got this email today. It’s so, um, unique that the only way to do it justice is to reprint it in full.

Dear Mr. Golberg,

If you don’t delete this e-mail like I probably would,
I would like to ask you a question.

I have just completed my first book.
I Started this project with absolute unhappiness concerning a turn of events in
our society, and my idea to write about that unhappiness was helped along with
the encouragement of a friend of mine, and now it is a book. My original
intention was to do what the book suggests, but I found myself 1-million dollars
short of it happening.

To make a long story short, I was beyond words
unhappy with the unsettled massacre of Nicole Brown Simpson, and her boyfriend,
Ronald Goldman. I have written what I believe is the closest thing the world
will ever appreciate concerning justice in this matter.

I of course do
not know what your opinion of this matter is. You may think O.J. Simpson is
innocent. If that is the case, please stop reading this e-mail now, and continue
having a great life.

If on the other hand, you feel like I do…that
this injustice should not be forgotten, then continue reading. I have written a
book that is about 99% complete. It may have some subtle redundancies, and need
some fine-tuning, but I have worked over a year and a half on this book…24-7.
I usually got up at 3:00 am to go into work early to complete it, to my soon to
be ex-wifes angst. I guess few people understand writers…nuff said.

I
just do not know what to do with it. I understand your writing skills, and I
believe you understand obscure fiction. I have just ordered a copy of your book,
"The Walk" and I am sure from the description I have read that you are one of
the few people who may understand my writing style. I have recently submitted my
manuscript to LULU.com for self-publishing.

My question is this; I do not
have the resources to find a literary agent at this time, and I want this book
to be published before O.J. dies, which would in essence be a tragedy as far as
the book is concerned. Can you suggest a literay agent to me that I may offer my
manuscript to that would appreciate this form of vigilante justice? It is
pseudo-psych0-fiction, and hard to explain. I would be honored to send you my
entire book to take a look at if you so desire. I guarantee you you will not be
bored.
Thanks for your time.

Why do I get emails like this? I have to say, I am a loss as to how to respond to this one. Any suggestions?

The General Picked Me!

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I got this email today:

Hello Friend,
I am General Oliver Okwara (retired). I Live in Victoria Islands, Nigeria, Africa Continent.
After a careful study of your economy, I have chosen to make substantial investments for my children in your country, if you are willing to guide or represent my interest in your country. I look forward to communicate further with you.

Thank you

Gen.Oliver Okwara Rtd

I’m flattered that after all that careful study the General picked me, a lowly tv writer and novelist, out of everybody else in America to advise him on his investments. This is obviously a very intelligent man. I’ve emailed him back asking him what I can do to help and if he has any TV series ideas I can pitch for him. 

Dick Van Dyke’s Address

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I got this email today:

I’m a HUGE fan of Dick VanDyke’s and would like his home address so that I can send him a letter and maybe a Christmas card each year. I also would like to send him a picture of my son, who is also named Dick and ask him some questions about what it was like doing The Dick Van Dyke Show and Diagnosis Murder. If you could give me his address itwould be great and it could be just betwen us.

And I got this email today, too:

I know you have probably gotten tons of requests about this, but….I have
been searching and searching the internet looking for Dick Van Dyke’s address
and have not been successful. I was wondering if you had it orknew where I could
get it? I would really appreciate any help! Thanks!

You’re right, I do get asked this a lot, twice in one day, in fact. But I don’t mind. Here’s my answer to you both. Not only do I have Dick’s home address and phone number, but I also have his cell phone number. I can also tell you how to reach his son, his grandson, his daughter, and his son-in-law. I think I may even have his wife’s cell phone number as well. I will be glad to pass them along to you, along with his driver’s license and social security numbers. If there is any other way I can help you invade the privacy of this legendary entertainer, please don’t hesitate to ask. Oh, I also have the home addresses and phone numbers of the regular cast
and all the guest stars who appeared on DIAGNOSIS MURDER, as well as information on how to reach the stars of  all the other
shows I have done. If you would like those, too, just let me know and I’ll get them to you right away. I’m sure the actors wouldn’t mind…

…or you could write to Dick in care of the William Morris Agency, which represents him.

What the Heck Is She Talking About??

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I got this email today…

Are you the director of one on one? If so reply to XYZ  my email adress because I have good ideas, and if I gave you these ideas I would want be on the show. If so I would need you to send me 4 tickets to one on one, I think in California. And I would be on the new season in summer. If you write back you can send the questions and I will fill them and I’m asking you to take me very seriously. I really want this and need this. I know I could make the show even better than it is. And if your not the director and you know him or her  please send this to him or her. I know your a very inportant man so please take the time to read this and help me out.

I have no idea who this woman is confusing me with or what the show is
that she is talking about. But I thought the note would amuse you…