The Mail I Get

Intercutting

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I got this email today:

I’m having trouble presenting a multiple location event in my screenplay. Let’s say, for example, there are 5 peace rallies in 5 US cities all going on at the same time. At each event there is some action and dialogue. We stay only briefly at each location. How the heck is that written? Every way I try to present it seems awkward. Thanks for your time.

Here’s how I replied. I think one reason it’s awkward is that the situation isn’t very conducive to good story telling. It’s hard to create conflict, or reveal much character, or tell a story, while cutting back and forth between five very similar events. My first bit of advice would be to restructure your story so you DON’T have to cut between five nearly identical events. But, barring that, you need to make it as simple as you can.

EXT. LOS ANGELES PEACE RALLY – DAY

Griffith Park is crowded with THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE (don’t you just love CGI? How did people make movies before?) It’s pouring rain. Biff and Joan make love in the mud while everyone around them sings Koombaya. Joan has great breasts. INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. CHICAGO PEACE RALLY – NIGHT

Convention Center. There are TENS OF THOUSANDS of peace-loving people here. But we don’t care about them. We FIND Jake creeping under the stage, carrying the BOMB that’s hidden inside the
INFLATABLE WOMAN. She has great breasts, too. INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SEATTLE PEACE RALLY – DAY

Hundreds of people mill around the base of the SPACE NEEDLE, holding hands and chanting. We PAN UP to the observation tower of the Space Needle, where HOYT, 12, is about to pour a cup of STARBUCK COFFEE on the people below, some of whom have great breasts and some of whom don’t. INTERCUT WITH:

and when you’re done visiting your five locations (I am exhausted just thinking about it), you end the sequence with a simple END INTERCUT.

Can I Sue?

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I got this email the other day:

If you’ve got
any time in your hectic sked to offer me advice I’d be grateful. As far as I know, you’re not a lawyer, but as a seasoned pro you may know!
Anyone that writes anything knows that ideas float around the ether waiting to be written.
Who hasn’t at least once, had that great , only to find out a week later  has just nailed a deal for the
same premise. That’s just the way it goes.

However… six years ago I wrote my first screenplay. It’s called XYZ, and it’s about an ex-astronaut who owns a farm/ranch in Montana. He builds his own rocket in a grain silo to launch himself into space.
Today I read that Billy Bob Thornton is to star in a movie called THE ASTRONAUT FARMER about… well you guessed it!There are no other plot points for me to see and compare yet.

I registered the screenplay electronically with ProtectRite in 1999. In the past few years I’ve entered the screenplay into a few competitions including Tribeca Films – for which I got a commendation, didn’t win of course.

So my question is this… let’s say this in-production screenplay bears a remarkable or even "uncanny" similarity to my finished work in structure and story. Do I have any recourse,  or is it just tough shit as I’m a still un-produced nobody without an agent?

Like you said, I’m not a lawyer. My guess is that
you’d have to prove that the screenwriter and producers had access to your screenplay and read it.
But I will say this, it’s not the world’s most original idea. There was even an
Andy Griffith TV movie with roughly the same concept and that later spawned a
short-lived TV series called SALVAGE ONE.

I think you sort of answered the question yourself in the first paragraph of your email… sometimes, people just get the same idea at the same time.

Many years ago, Bill and I thought we had a great idea for a spec script… a Russian cop who comes to the U.S. to find a bad guy and gets paired up with an LAPD detective. We called it RED HEAT. We were in the midst of writing it when we heard about…you guessed it… a movie going into production called RED HEAT starring Arnold as a Russian cop. This has happened to us many times during our career.

For a couple years now, Bill and I have been pitching a procedural series around town  about a special, multi-agency law enforcement team that goes after the most-wanted fugitives. This summer, TNT premiered WANTED, a series with the same basic notion. Do we think we were ripped off? No. There were probably a dozen guys out there pitching a variation of the same idea at the same time we were. That’s the entertainment business.

 

Playing in Someone Else’s Sandbox

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I received this lengthy email the other day. It read, in part:

I can understand intellectual property concerns about currently or recently
active creative concepts, but when a creative concept has been tried and
presented by the producers and craftsmen, has run its course and been
cancelled, has stopped being shown in reruns, has no active tie-ins, and
appears to have been completely mothballed by the original creators and
stakeholders of the concept – AT THAT POINT, would you still consider it
wrong for a fanfiction author to attempt to step in and write creatively in
that sandbox?

I ask this because I had been considering a fanfiction based on a series
you produced 10 years ago that has disappeared from the face of the earth.
I admit, as a potential fan-fiction writer, that the lure of
already established character study materials, settings, etc., is enticing –
like the idea of taking down and playing with a set of dolls – er, I mean,
ACTION FIGURES.

As for my own writing career, I’ve never had the courage
to try creating something truly original…

Here is how I replied: My personal feeling is that you are better off, in every possible
way, writing something original. I would never consider writing in "someone
else’s sandbox" unless they invited me to.  I never contemplated writing DIAGNOSIS MURDER or MONK novels. I am only writing those books now because
the rights-holders and/or  creators asked me to.  So my answer to you is this…the
show you’re thinking about, whatever it is, doesn’t belong to you. Or me. Write something that is your
own. The creative and personal benefits far outweigh the convenience of writing
with someone else’s creations. Good luck!

How Not To Sell Your Book II

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I got this spam email today:
 

Dear fellow MWA members and members of the forensic society,
    I have written a murder mystery series beginning with Death, Then
Murder and Murder Under Fire starring C.J. Thompson and Lauren
Lamplier.  I have also written a nonfiction book letting everyone know that God
sends messages to us through His angels in human form to make us aware of His
plans for us.  This one is titled INCOMING Listening For God’s Messages, A
Handbook For Life  and is a must read for young adults.  The reader will
find a miraculous change in their perspective towards others once realizing that
everyone may potentially be carrying a message from God.Take a look at www.amazon.com .

 
Enjoy and thanks,
Fred C. Wootan

Okay, Fred. Here’s the thing. This email is a marketing miss-fire on every level. Let’s dissect it line-by-line and explore why. My comments are in italics.

7025224128a0db5f5ec05010_aa240_l   I have written a murder mystery series beginning with Death, Then
Murder and Murder Under Fire starring C.J. Thompson and Lauren
Lamplier. Good for you, Fred. But the
fact you have written (and apparently self-published) a book isn’t
reason enough for someone to buy it. You have to pitch it to us, man! What makes it interesting? What’s
the hook? It’s not that it "stars" CJ Thompson and Lauren Lamplier…because no one knows who the hell they are. Their names are meaningless. Are they cops? Insurance investigators? Lesbian nurses? Transvestite paratroopers? Come on, Fred, show us some salesmanship!  I have also written a nonfiction book letting everyone know that God
sends messages to us through His angels in human form to make us aware of His
plans for us. This one is titled INCOMING Listening For God’s Messages, A
Handbook For Life  and is a must read for young adults.  The reader will
find a miraculous change in their perspective towards others once realizing that
everyone may potentially be carrying a message from God. That sentence is a rambling mess, Fred.  Not a good advertisement for the book or the writer. So which book is it you’re trying to sell us, the mystery thing or the Angels thing? Or is it both? Either way, neither sales-pitch is very strong. Take a look at www.amazon.com. Even if we wanted to ‘take a look’, and you haven’t given us much of a reason, you don’t even link to your books, just to the Amazon home page. You’re making us do all the work, Fred. Not good. You want to make it easy for your customers to get to the product, you don’t want them to have to hunt for it…because they won’t. And you totally forgot to mention that you also wrote THE SUCCESSFUL INSURANCE AGENCY which, if you ask me, is the real must-read for young adults.

“Would You Be Interested In Writing a Book On My Life?”

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I got this email today. It’s so, um, incredible that the only way to truly appreciate it is to read the whole thing. I present it here unedited. All I’ve done is remove the sender’s name (why, oh why, do they write to me?)

Dear Sir,

I can only imagine once you have read the first coupple of lines
of this letter you will probably think that I am mad ? but who knows and no one
ever said there was ever any harm in trying?

I was wondering if you would be able to assist or if you would be
interested in writing a book on my life, or at least advice me on how to write a
book, I will give you a brief outline.
 
I was born in the UK my Dad died when I was little and I had a  real struggle growing
up. I joined the Royal air Force and had a good life in the military,
I was in there for 15 years until I met my girlfriend,I came to America and gave up a military career and  pension and
benefits because I got my girlfriend pregnant, I stood by her and did what was
right, I married her she is an officer in the United States Air force.
I was left with the child our son Rhys at 4 months of age while
she went away on a TDY and partied getting drunk and blowing away $7000 of my
money that I gave to her to pay off a car loan to benefit us as a newly wed
couple.

Read more

DM Fans Are The Best

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My Mom is going through chemotherapy for a third time and wrote about the experience on her blog. She was delighted and touched to get this email this morning from a DIAGNOSIS MURDER fan. So was I.

Dear Mrs. Curran,

You don’t know me, but I  know you through your son Lee.  I am a big Diagnosis Murder fan and a devoted reader of Lee’s books. Sometimes I click on your blog and read how you are. Today I read that you are facing a chemotherapy again.  I am sending  you my best wishes and hope that the new therapy doesn’t make you sick! Keep strong!

Sincerely Yours,
Ute

Ute was also one of the many Diagnosis Murder fans who inundated me with get-well cards, letters, emails and stuffed animals with bandaged arms when I had my bad accident a year ago.  I dedicated my DM:  THE WAKING NIGHTMARE to them but, in truth, all the DM books I write ar for them.  They’re the best!

Looking for Mr. Goodwriter

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I got this email today. It read, in part:

I am looking to license a script for a tv show and to be quite
honest I have no idea where to look for writers that are submitting there work
for licensing or purchase.

Can you be more specific? I have no idea what you mean. Are you interested in licensing
the script for a book? A Toy? A play? A song? Well, regardless of how you’re looking to use the script, most TV shows & movies are owned by studios, so you’d be
licensing the script/characters from them, not the writers, for whatever project
you have in mind.

I got this reply:

Basically I’m looking to find a writer to write a tv show for
me. I was thinking about it and most likely I won’t find someone with a script
that fits what I’m looking for. I’m not exactly sure. If I can find a writer
that has a script that is close to what I’m looking for then it will work. If
not then I need to find a writer that can write a tv show for me. Where can I go
to find available writers?

Walk into any Starbucks or  restaurant in L.A. and shout: "Is anybody here a writer?" Then stand back and try not to get trampled. Seriously, though, I guess a  lot depends on who you are (a production company? An investor? A toy company? Or just a guy with an idea and no idea how to sell it?),  what kind of show you’re trying to do (is it an infomercial? A reality show? A documentary? A game show? A sitcom?), and what you have to offer the writer in return.

In the absense of specifics, I’d say you have a number of options.

You could contact the major talent agencies and let them know a) who you are and b) that you are looking for a qualified writer to do X project. The agents would check you out and, if you passed inspection, they would recommend clients they felt could do the job for the money being offered.

You could take an advertisement out in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter: "Wanted: A writer to do X. Please send your qualifications and sample scripts to..bla bla bla."

You could contact the various film schools, letting them know you’re looking for a talented young writer to do X project for X dollars.

That’s the best advice I’ve got for you given the limited info you’ve given me.

A Letter From Janette Anderson

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This letter, presented unedited and in its entirety, is from agent Janette Anderson, who is responding to comments I made in the post The Five Stars.

”’Ms. Anderson and Five Star also share the same logo and web-site. Any reasonable person would conclude there is an affiliation. But if I am mistaken, I will be glad to immediately correct any errors I have made. I will also be glad to post unedited any statement you or your client would like to make to clarify any errors or misinterpretations you believe I’ve made. I’ll post the statement as prominently as my original blog post.”’

Mr Goldberg:

As you are aware, as your own agent is WGA of good standing, its not just a  simple process of
signing a paper to become a WGA signatory. One has to be recommended and proposed by at least three reputable people in the business. Only after one year as a good agent and said proposal can one even think of becoming a signatory agent, and its an honor as far as I am concerned to be one and not to be dismissed with a mere flourish of the pen (or website in this case).

Firstly, my client never sent you an email. Secondly, before jumping to conclusions about ones
character and ones involvement with a publishing company, would it not be prudent to check it out first. I did indeed shop both Alex Cord’s book and Ben Costello’s book around to several companies before landing the deals with Five Star Publications. Of course a press release, as you point out, was released as
all were happy to be working together. That’s standard, as you should know. I have both contracts containing details of advances and the royalties sitting here on my desk.

I have never worked for Five Star Publications, maybe working along side them ( a very different
thing) helping to promote my clients work and get Mr. Costello several book signings, as a  good agent does..of which he now has many… and the logo that you point out happened to be on my headed notepaper in those colors, which I picked many years ago. I happen to have been a celebrity journalist for many many years before becoming an agent, and everything on my bio page is the
complete truth. Pictures don’t lie. I have at least five celebrity clients, maybe I should change it to Six or Seven Star………Five Star Publications did indeed do my fabulous looking website, which I paid mucho bucks for, as anyone getting a website up does.

I have no idea how you found out about the books…. Of course I am glad you did, because you will do
nothing but enjoy them.

The point to all this is:  simply never jump to any conclusions about anyone let alone put it in
print, so that next time no one’s attorney will contact you. An apology to me on your site would be the gentlemanly thing to do.

I hope indeed you will print this as you promised in it entirety.

Most Sincerely,

Janette Anderson

Janette Anderson
Talent Agency
9682 Via Torino
Burbank, Ca 91504
WGA signatory
818
768 3358
www.fivestarcelebrity.com
andersonagencyja@aol.com
emmadeetwo@aol.com
www.alexcord.net
www.50yearsofgunsmoke.com

"Dreams
have wings, dare to soar"

Booksurge

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I got this email today:

Is Booksurge a vanity press? They are owned by Amazon, which sells the books, so isn’t that different?

Yes, Booksurge is a vanity press. Being owned by Amazon doesn’t change that.  The big clue is that  they charge for all their publishing services… starting at $498 for their "Author’s Advantage" package and on up to $899 for the "Master Bookmaker" option. Add another $999 for Professional Cover Design or "upgrade your book to a library-quality hard cover for a truly professional look" for another two hundred bucks (so everything else they publish looks unprofessional?).  Getting accepted by Booksurge doesn’t mean you’ve written a great book. It means your credit card is good.

Amazon sells iUniverse and other POD vanity-press books, too. I suppose the only difference is that orders might be fullfilled faster for Booksurge titles than other vanity press titles bought through Amazon.

The Five Stars

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I received an email press release today from Ben Costello, who has written a non-fiction book about GUNSMOKE, one of my favorite shows. Naturally, I was intrigued. I was even more intrigued when I saw the book came from Five Star, one of my favorite publishing companies (which is bringing out my book THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE).

I checked out the book on Amazon and discovered it was selling for the outrageous sum of $75. Surely, Five Star wouldn’t price the book so high… and then I noticed something. His book was published by "Five Star Publications." I’m published by "Five Star Publishers." (aka "Five Star Press," though not to be confused with Five Star Press, Five Star Publications’ publicity arm)

So I checked out Five Star Publications and discovered it’s a vanity press (to further complicate things, there’s also a Five Star Publishing, a completely different company, which does magazines for the Agricultural and Construction industries). Five Star Publications offers every publishing service you can imagine…for a price.

While I was at it, I visited Ben’s website, and discovered he’s represented by  Janette Anderson, an agent with Five Star Celebrity, which appears to be a division of — you guessed it — Five Star Publications, which published Ben’s book.

[Portions Deleted 7-27-05]

UPDATE 7-27-05: I’ve been contacted by Five Star Publications, who would like me to make it clear that Ben Costello’s book was not self-published. Although Five Star Publications does offer self-publishing services, they state that his book was published under a traditional publishing contract (you can see the complete text of their letter in the comments section of this post). I apologize to Ben Costello for the error. By the way, before I heard from Five Star Publications, I ordered the GUNSMOKE book. I couldn’t resist. I’m a GUNSMOKE geek.

I’ve also been contacted by Janette Anderson’s representatives, who wish to make it clear that none of her clients have paid to be published. I apologize for the error and have deleted the inaccurate portions of the post.

They also state that she doesn’t work for Five Star and that there is no affiliation between "Five Star Celebrity" and "Five Star Publications."  I replied to Ms. Anderson’s representatives that the press release on her site
seems to say the opposite — and that she shares the
same logo and website as Five Star Publications. Any reasonable person
would conclude there is an affiliation. But I said that if I am
mistaken, I will be glad to immediately correct any errors or
misinterpretations I have made.

UPDATE 7-29-05 –  Janette Anderson responds with a letter, presented unedited and in its entirety, to the issues raised in this post.