Help Wanted: Humans Only, Please

Today, I received this email from Wayne Manzo

I would like to produce a weekly investigative news program based on my
research and web magazines.

The show will be investigative news but
from a different angle__that we humans are living with ET and it is the
aliens that are controlling our human reality.

I need humans who are
interested in getting involved in the pre-production logistics of this
type of program.

Contact me in interested.

Wmanzo@yahoo.com

Since he’s interested only in working with humans and I am Glarp, alien recon-leader from the planet Glorp, I didn’t reply.

Jag Rag

I received this email today. I’d reply, but I have no idea what she’s asking or why she’s asking me.

Yes, we have heard that tonight is the last night for the program of JAG, with Harmon Rabb and the other characters.  And we’d like to know what’s what with that program.  And if so, we want to make sure that we’re home to see it. For we have really enjoyed that show and wished that Harmon and
Mac could have gotten married or at least could have had that baby that they had talked about in the show.  But I guess that never happened.  My email address is:

Your Great Idea for a TV Series

I get asked this so often, that I suppose its worth answering the question yet again. I received this email today:

In my search for bible writing info, I came across your site and read the ongoing discussion about series bibles.   I’m a beginning writer and have come up with what I think maybe a very good idea for a television series. The only series bible I can find is for He-Man and it’s hard to relate that to
what I’m writing.   I’ve found only tidbits of information about what is
included in a bible. I really want to know how a bible is structured – what to
put in and leave out.  I know you’re an experienced writer with an understanding
of all the formats of television, books and film.   I’d be extremely grateful
for any information you could give me – websites, books or just an email with helpful info.

I replied that I have several bibles, also known as writers guidelines, available on my website and in my book SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING. That said, it’s a complete and utter waste of your time to write one. Networks and studios don’t buy bibles… they buy scripts and they buy experience. Ideas are cheap, execution is everything. No one cares about your idea. No one is interested in hearing it. No one will buy a series from you until you have established yourself as a writer. Stick the idea in a drawer and wait until someone at a studio or network approaches you and says "Hey, have any great ideas for a TV series?" That’s the hard truth.

UPDATE 4-13-05:  I got a response this morning from the person who posed the question. Here it is:

Thanks for the sobering message.  Is that true for everything? Even animated comedic
television shows?

Yes. There’s a saying in TV… ideas are cheap, execution is everything. What the networks are buying aren’t ideas, they are buying the people who  execute the ideas (their experience, reputation, etc.). A series about homicide  cops in NY isn’t a great idea… Steven Bochco doing a series about homicide  cops in NY is. They bought Bochco, not the idea. A season of a TV
series costs $50 million — they aren’t going to entrust that money to someone who doesn’t have the experience to pull it off. I know what you’re thinking… I’ll pitch my idea to someone with experience and they can sell it. The thing  is, the people with experience want to sell their own ideas because, for years,
they have been toiling on other people’s shows, itching for a chance to do something of their own. Besides, creating your own show, and owning a piece of it, is where the money is.   
Why would they want to share that with you?

In the case of an animated comedy show, the creators have usually proven themselves, and had great success,  elsewhere…either with animated shorts, features, games, comic books, etc. Matt  Groening had a hit comic strip… and then a series of hit shorts on TRACY  ULLMAN SHOW….and that led to THE SIMPSONS.

The Name is Carsone, Johnny Carsone

Update: 4/18/2005

I received a very polite and good-natured email from John Carsone asking me to please remove the correspondence from him that I posted here, since he sent it to me privately.  Just so there’s no confusion in the future, you should all know that any emails I get are fair game for my blog!

Blog Spam

The kid who emailed me for career advice the other day sent the identical email to lots of other TV & film writers who’ve got blogs.  And we all responded. On our blogs.

Here’s another one.

We all gave him more or less the same advice. And, in doing so, taught him a couple of other valuable lessons:

1) All writers procrastinate.
2) One of the best ways to procrastinate is to run a blog.
3)
The best way to avoid writing when you have a blog is to answer
questions about being a writer when you are in the midst of avoiding
being one.

Another Brilliant Idea for a TV Series That Will Change the Very Course of Mankind

I got this email today:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

I read the story about the woman who wanted a shortcut into the television arena. I can understand where she’s coming from on that. But how about the individual who doesn’t have 22 scripts or wants to make  the big bucks? How about the individual who has an idea that begs for a  collaborator…and you don’t know who to call (man! the theme from Ghostbusters
haunts after all these years!!!)? What if the idea isn’t a different type of children’s show? What if it is a story that is based on something Jews, Christians, and Muslims would buy into? What if it is show Oprah would love if  her staff would listen to someone who doesn’t have an agent (again? Who do you
really go to here?)? What if it is a show that NARAS would love because it would help the sales of music, and the industry would appreciate because it helps young writers showcase their talent? There are so many "what ifs" that Creed would have a run for their money. Simply put. Some guys have that place on the perch and others who want to get half way there…just don’t know how. But all it takes is just someone to reach out and give someone a chance (ah! yes, the theme from Mahogany….) Such is life…

Here’s how I replied:

I’ve answered this one so many times, I should probably just use a boilerplate.  So here’s the shorthand version. Again.

Ideas are cheap, execution is everything. No one buys ideas. What the networks are buying are scripts and proven producing skill.  BLIND JUSTICE is not a  great idea.  What ABC bought was Steven Bochco and his stellar writing/producing team doing a show about a blind cop.  It doesn’t matter whether your idea will appeal to Jews, Muslims,  Christians and lovable chipmunks.  No one cares whether Oprah, Ellen, or Biff The Talking Wonder Chimp would love your idea or not.  No one cares if your idea will revolutionize the entire entertainment industry, the American culture, and life as we know it.

No wants to hear your idea. Especially me.

Virtual Bookworm

I got this email today:

I am considering publishing with Virtual Bookworm. I saw them listed on your list. Anymore you can tell me  about  them.

They are a print-on-demand publisher, also known as a "vanity press." They will not get your books distributed to stores. They will not promote your book. And you will have difficulty getting the book reviewed or taken seriously by anyone (not to mention selling any copies). You may have even more problems than that… just a simple "Google" search on them turns up nothing but complaints and warnings, like this one:

Writer Beware has received a number of complaints about Virtual Bookworm. Most involve unpaid royalties, or royalty statements that don’t reflect the actual  number of books sold. Some authors are looking into legal action.

I found all that out in about 8.5 seconds. Have you done any research at all yourself? If so, you wouldn’t be asking me about them.  If you are intent on paying to have your book published, try  iUniverse.

Staffing Season

I received this email today:

Lee – as a fringe writer (some low rent success –
but definitely not made) and an avid reader of Successful Television Writing, a question…
When DOES staffing season officially kick off.
I’m always hearing about the "Start of Staffing Season" and you mention it in STW, but I’ve never seen a time when this is  actually going… Late April?

This is how I replied:

It’s not really a staffing "season," more like a couple of staffing "weeks."

The networks announce their fall schedules — the new shows they are picking up and the old shows they are either renewing or cancelling — in late May.  Staffing the new shows, and some positions on returning series, begins almost immediately (though some confident, or at least extremely optimistic, pilot producers actually start taking "get to know you" meetings with potential staffers in early May, before they know whether or not their shows will get picked up).

 
Because most series begin shooting episodes in early July, the staffing season is a very narrow window of opportunity, just about four or five weeks.  If you don’t land a job during those short, competitive, anxiety-filled weeks, odds are you will be sitting out the season (though you may get a freelance gig or a pilot).  That said, there’s another staffing with that opens up a crack around August, when it’s clear that some showrunners and staffers aren’t cut out for their jobs and a quick change needs to be made… and then the window opens a bit again around Thanksgiving, when producers may look to make staff changes for "the back nine" if it looks likely their shows will get a full season pick-up.

 

USC or NYU?

I got this email today:

Dear Lee,

You are one of the rare few to have both a successful television career and an accessible email address. I am an almost out of high school  eighteen-year-old to pursue a career in TV.
Next year, I will enroll in the screenwriting program at either USC or NYU. I’ve gotten tons of  advice from guidance counselors, family members — even a chatty, slightly overzealous cab driver. I wanted to ascertain whether you believe one school has a significant advantage over the other. I’m inclined to stay on the east  coast for a few years before I make the move to LA, for what I assume will be  the majority of my working life. And I tell myself that a solid spec and good people skills are what really matter. But then I read those oh-so-persuasive articles about the SoCal-educated Josh Schwartz wunderkinds of TV. The ones who sell scripts right out of college, and are helming their own shows before they can get rental cars. And it seems they always throw in a “thanks to those Trojans!” shout out. So, If you can offer any advice, I’d really appreciate it. That cabbie made a damn good U-turn, but I’m not sure he knew a  ton about scripted television.

Here’s how I replied:

If you want to pursue a career in TV writing & producing, you should go to USC… but not because their screenwriting program is any better than the one at NYU.  It’s about proximity. Even though lots of shows are filmed in NY, the TV business is in LA.  If you want to be in this business, you’ve got to be here. Simple as that.

Here’s why:  your diploma isn’t going to get you any work.  A diploma, in the TV writing biz, means nothing. What counts? Talent, skill, personality and luck….but even that isn’t enough. You also need  connections and
opportunities, both of which are more likely to come your way here…where the TV industry is based.

That’s why I went to UCLA rather than other schools.  But most of what I learned wasn’t in the classroom. For one thing, I didn’t study screenwriting… I got an equally useless degree in Communications, so I could get a job in P.R. or advertising or reporting if I failed as a writer.

The real classroom, for me, was L.A. itself.  Because the people who write, produce, and buy TV shows are here, you
have many more chances to hear from them and meet them and learn from
them. TV writers and producers are speaking at seminars all over town. So are network and studio execs.  Not a week goes by where some experienced writer/producer isn’t sharing the secrets of his craft to the public somewhere in the city. There are regular seminars all the time at places like  UCLA, WGA, ATAS, USC, The Museum of Broadcasting, AFI, even the local Barnes & Noble (where they often have Screenwriting groups that meet and invite guests… I know, becuase I’ve spoken to a few of them). These programs are either free or  cheaper than a bargain matinee. 

Equally important are the people you meet in the audience at these seminars…many of whom have the same aspirations as you. Odds are you’ll make some friends… some of whom are likely to become writer/producers  or agents or industry execs some day…and will form your inner circle of connections in the biz. It happened to me that way. A lot of the people I work with today are people I sat with at Museum of Broadcasting seminars or in line for tapings of TAXI and SOAP (Oh God, I’m dating myself!)

The Industry, and valuable information about it, also permeate the media
here. There are  weekly programs and regular commentaries about the Industry
on our local NPR stations. Industry news and interviews with writers also get much bigger play in
the Los Angeles Times, LA Weekly, Los Angeles Magazine and other local
media than anywhere else in the country. Why? Because, as I may
have mentioned six or seven times already, the TV industry is here…in L.A, not NY.

So my advice? Buy a copy of SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING at your local bookstore, get a subscription to DAILY VARIETY, and start looking for student housing at USC.

Dive! Dive!

This has been a big weekend for reader mail. I wasn’t going to post this…but then the sender posted a comment here.

Hello Mr Goldberg. I’m a fan of yours in a way. I’m actually a fan of
SeaQuest DSV/2032. the show it self maybe cancelled and maybe 10 years old. but to me I’d rather have watched seaQuest over star trek anyday. Now this is just my opinion, but me and many fans firmly beleive the show still has life, and that it still has a future, the shows quote said it the best "For
Beneath The Surface Lies The Future" well today isnt that reality? minus the aliens and pissed off gods and 100 foot crocodiles, seaQuest was actually a good show. oh by the way sorry I shoulda said this sooner, my name is  Tristen Tokarchuk. I’m the co-writer of one of the Fan fiction series based
on seaQuest 2032. Except we moved up 8 years to the year 2040, with two new Vessels, the close to 700      Meter UEO Atlantis ASV 8100, and the 500 Meter UEO SeaQuest ASV 4600III. If possible would you like to view Atlantis? If you would heres the link: http://www.geocites.com/atlantisasv. I’m also  the head writer of a realitively new fan fic series called "Enterprise DSV" based in the year 2066. i will send you some pics attached to this message
of the Atlantis and SeaQuest. I do have one quesrion though, would it be possible to get a detailed schematic of the SeaQuest DSV 4600I&II.

Here’s what I wrote to Tristen:

You obviously have a lot of energy and talent…and have devoted it to various re-imaginings of SeaQuest and Star Trek. Now it’s time for you to move on to something original, a universe that is entirely your own.  If you really want to be a writer, you should move past fan fiction and try creating your own characters, your own worlds. You will be surprised just how exciting it can be…and a bit scary, too, but that’s part of the fun of writing.

But perhaps you don’t want to be a writer. Perhaps your true calling is art and design (you certainly have the talent!).  Instead of creating new logos and ships for SeaQuest… how about creating entirely new, original vessels that have nothing to do with the look, feel, and style of the show? Create someting that exists entirely in your own imagination. I know you can do it, because the drawings you sent me certainly prove you have a lot of creativity.  Why not give it a try?