A Senior Technical Expert from Norton's Senior Technical Experts Department in Mumbai called me tonight with a resolution to my problem…or so he promised. All he needed to do was take control of my computer. I asked him how long this would take. He said one-to-two-hours. Since I was hard at work on my book, and producing the worst crap imagineable, I said sure, let's do it.
As you may recall, I was having trouble with Norton 360, which locked up my computer when it tried to clean my registry. Over the weekend I downloaded CCleaner and used it to fix my registry without a hitch. But I didn't tell him that. I wanted to see what the Senior Technical Support Expert would do.
Here is what he did once he got control of my computer…he ran Norton 360 and it cleaned my registry without locking up. He called me back to inform me that he had solved the problem.
"You haven't solved anything," I said.
"Yes, now it is working because I solved it."
"All you did was run the program again," I said. "You didn't actually DO anything."
"It wasn't working before and now it is because I have resolved the issue."
"It's working because over the weekend I ran CCleaner on the registry," I said. "You didn't provide a solution. CCleaner did. I had to use different software."
"The Norton product is now working due to our previous technical support action and the resolution I conducted today. I am glad I was able to resolve the issue. Is there anything more I can help you with today?"
I decided to see just how well Norton actually worked. While he was still on the phone, and sharing control of my computer (meaning he could see my screen in real-time), I ran CCleaner on the registery…and it found 578 errors.*
So I asked the Norton Senior Technical Expert how come there were still 578 errors if Norton had just fixed my registry and corrected all the errors.
"It is a different program," he said.
"Yes, but if Norton fixed my registry, there shouldn't be any errors for another program to find."
"It is fixing different errors," he said.
"You mean Norton only fixes some Registry errors and not others."
"No, Norton fixes them all."
"That's not what you just said."
"We ran the Norton test and it fixed all the errors."
"Except the 578 that CCleaner found," I said.
"That is incorrect. May I close this case now that I have successfully resolved this issue for you?"
*Since I initially ran CCleaner over the weekend, I installed the update of Roxio Easy Media Creator 10, which locked up, and I had to delete it and reinstall it with my original program disc, so that probably accounts for those new registry new errors. By the way, Roxio will fuck up your computer even more than Norton will. Stay the hell away from Roxio!