All things come in three’s, including celebrity break-ups.
Last night American Pie masturbating chick filed for divorce from
LOST’s Hurley. (ok not really) This break-up was taken particularly
hard by fat, hairy unnattractive men everywhere who thought, "See, it
could happen to me." No, fat man…it can’t.
Shannon forwent the usual "irreconcilable differences" claim, rather
filing under the less oft used, "He stopped hypnotizing me" defense.