…comes from my brother Tod. It's "25 Random Things I Hate About F**ktards On Facebook I Don't Know In The Least But Who, Nonetheless, Are My 'Friends.'" Here are some of my laugh-out-loud favorites:
4. I hate that I know you just got home from work and are having a Lean Cuisine and watching your VHS collection of Benson reruns.
8. I hate that you have been stalking my sisters Linda and Karen and now suddenly figure out that even though they won't speak to you, it might be neat to become friends with me, and my brother, and my mother, and my cousin Mike, and my cousin Danny, and my uncle Burl, and my wife Wendy. And none of us know who the f**k you are. And so we email each other and say, "Who the f**k is Irene?" And we all agree that we don't know. And then we agree, after reading your profile, that you need mental help and need to scrapbook a whole lot f**king less than you do.
24. I hate you, you dumb motherf**ker, who sent my agent a book and said that you were my friend and when she asked me, "Is this person your friend?" I said, "Uh, not that I know of." And then I got a wild idea and looked on facebook and there you were.