My daughter finally asked us The Big Question…. where do babies come from… though not in so many words. More like in so many questions.
She started one afternoon last week when she was alone with my wife.
"I know babies grow in a Mommy’s tummy," Maddie said. "But how does it get there?"
My wife gave her a very romantic version, about how a man and a woman fall in love, and get married, and from their love comes a child. Maddie wasn’t satisfied with the Hallmark card approach.
"So what does the Dad do?" Maddie asked. "Give the Mommy a special pill?"
"No," my wife said, and explained that the man has the seed and the woman has the egg in her tummy. The man gives the seed to the woman and fertilizes the egg, which grows into a baby.
"How does he do that?"
"With his penis," my wife said bluntly. "He puts his penis in the woman’s vagina."
Maddie’s eyes went wide and she said in horror: "You have GOT to be kidding."
And that was the end of that… not another word was said… until I got home.
We were in the car, on the way to dinner, when Maddie said: "You won’t believe the story Mom told me today."
I had an idea what was coming. "What did she tell you?"
"I’m warning you, it’s GROSS. Mom said that to make a baby, a man puts his penis in a woman’s vagina!" Maddie said laughing a little too hard. "She really said that."
"I’d like the real story." Maddie said.
"That’s it," I said.
"No way," Maddie said. "Tell me the truth."
"It’s the truth," I said and I explained again about the seed and the egg. I glanced in the rearview mirror and could see Maddie staring at me hard. "I’m not kidding, honest."
"I don’t understand," she said. "Where do you get the seed? And how can you hold it with your… thingie?"
"It’s not like a pumpkin seed or an apple seed," I said.
"I don’t get it," she said.
So I explained about sperm while my wife squirmed in her seat, afraid I was going to go into too much detail. She didn’t have to worry. I wasn’t ready to go into any more detail, either…unless pressed.
"Is it hard to get the seed into a lady?" Maddie asked.
"Oh yeah," I said.
My wife stifled a giggle.
I braced myself for more questions. And to my great relief, and my wife’s, Maddie decided that was enough for one night.
But there’s always tomorrow…