Pay me for my fanfic!

Fandom Wank reports today that a fanficcer named "cousinjean" appealed to her readers to subsidize her fanfiction writing:

I’ve gotten a lot of e-mails over the past year asking if and when I’m going to
finish both Dancing Lessons and my sequel to The Butterfly Effect. Believe me
when I say that nobody is more depressed about the unfinished state of my fan
fiction than I am. But the cold, hard reality is that I have bills and student
loans to pay, an actual paying writing career to try my damnedest to launch, and
an eventual marriage to save and plan for. The simple fact is that there is no
more room in my life for fan fiction. I’ve tried to make room. I have. But it’s
just not happening.

I realize that a lot of people will probably
judge me pretty harshly for the following, but I’m just desperate enough not to
care. I’m offering to sing for my supper, so to speak, and I don’t see the shame
in that. So here’s my proposal: if every reader who has read and enjoyed my fan
fiction over the years will donate the amount that they would expect to pay for
a hardback novel (and I’ve written the equivalent of several novels in the
course of my fanfic career), then I will be able to take a year off to write
full time. This means that not only would I be able to finish the original
novels that are languishing on my hard drive; I would also be able to finish my
fan fiction.

Basically, what I’m asking for is monetary support from my reader base in
helping me get my career as a professional storyteller off the ground. In
return, if at least half of my goal is met, I promise to continue the work that
has gained me a following in the first place. I’m asking you to buy me time to
write.

If you’re willing to do this, in addition to finished WIPs
you will also have my eternal gratitude and a mention in the acknowledgements of
my first published novel. If you’re not, that’s understandable, and all I ask is
that you never again ask me how my WIPs are coming.

This is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages. To be fair to the fanfiction community, they slapped "cousinjean" down pretty hard and within hours of her appeal, she bid fandom farewell.

(On the jump, here’s a tiny sampling of some of the 425 comments — and counting — that she got…)

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Doing the Konrath

Joe Konrath recently blogged about his book tour…and his amazing efforts to sign stock at as many bookstores as he possibly could (I think he tallied over 100 stores). His friend and mine Barry Eisler has been guest blogging at MJ Rose’s site about the importance of authors hitting the road and doing whatever they can to support their books.

So, following the lead of my esteemed and tireless colleagues, I did some drop-in stock signings this week for DIAGNOSIS MURDER: THE PAST TENSE at B&N, Borders, Waldenbooks and B. Dalton  (I have a bunch of scheduled signings/events starting next month).  Here’s my talley so far: 16 stores, 207 books signed, 16 booksellers’ hands shaken.  Out of a 50,000 copy first printing, those signings are hardly going to make an impact on my sales figures, but I figure it couldn’t hurt. I’ll hit more stores this week and next.

Another Try at Matt Helm

Variety reports that a new screenwriting team has been brought in to take a whack at Dreamworks’ update of "Matt Helm," the spy-spoof franchise that starred Dean Martin back in the 60s.  The Dean Martin movies were very loosely based on the 27  dead-serious spy novels by Donald Hamilton.

Dreamworks first announced the project back in 2002 with director Robert Luketic ("Legally Blonde") at the, um, helm.  It’s been in development hell ever since. The "new contemporary take" will be written by Michael
Brandt
and Derek
Haas
.

Insert Foot into Mouth…

…my foot, my mouth. My foot spends a lot of time there, I’m ashamed to say.

A reader wrote this comment about my blog post "Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams" on Tess Gerritsen.

I’m a huge fan, both of Tess and her blog, and frankly, she’s given me, as a
new kid on the block, a lot of hope and inspiration.

The unpublished treat the published like ungrateful, whiny children should we
dare to even HINT that all is not Nirvana in our publishing journey.

Publisher didn’t promote your book?

Too damn bad, at least you HAVE a book. At least you HAVE a publisher.

Worries about meeting your sell through?

Too damn bad, at least you HAVE book. At least you HAVE a publisher.

Worries about revisions, or the fact your agent didn’t negotiate a small
enough reserve against returns, and now you have a $186 royalty check?

Too damn bad, at least you HAVE a book. At least you HAVE a publisher.

It gets to the point you just shut up and don’t say a thing because of the
jealousy. Now why would we, as other writers, do that to Tess? We know, or are
learning, the ropes. She’s open, she’s honest, and let’s face it, the bigger you
are (industry-wise, of course), the bigger the problems.

It’s refreshing to read a New York Times bestselling author willing to ADMIT
IT!

You go, Tess. Keep it up.

Reading that, I felt like a total schmuck. Why didn’t I see it that way from the get-go? Tess wasn’t at fault, it was me. I was way out of line. Tess, I owe you a sincere apology.

Is it Worth Paying to be Recommended by Amazon?

If you’ve bought a  book on Amazon, you know they will recommend another title to you that would make a good companion purchase ("Better Together" they call it). What you probably didn’t know is that the author, or publisher, can pay for that recommendation. The price of that plug depends on the bestselling status of the book you want to be paired with. Recently, a friend of mine decided to try it. He paid $750 to have his book paired with the new release by a major, bestselling author. Was it worth the money?

Amazon actually sent me the numbers on my sell-through and they are very revealing, confirming my
long-held belief that their sales rankings don’t mean a thing.  Before the promotion, I was ranked in the solid mid-low six figures – around 300,000 plus or minus. 
When the promotion started, the numbers improved dramatically, getting under
10,000 on a number of occasions and probably averaging under 25,000 for the
month.  Total sales during July – 54 books.  Total royalties earned, net of
agent’s commission – @ $27.  Cost of promotion – $750.  Lesson learned –
priceless.

Darkly Dreaming Dexter Development

Variety reports that Michael C. Hall of  SIX FEET UNDER has signed to star in Showtime’s pilot for DARKLY DREAMING DEXTER, based on the acclaimed novels by Jeff Lindsay. The SIX FEET UNDER connection doesn’t end there… Michael Cuesta, a regular director on the HBO series, will helm the DEXTER pilot.  Dexter is a Miami PD forensics expert who also happens to be a serial killer.

Tragic News

Writer Lynn Viehl’s adult son has been arrested for committing a double-murder in Florida and her website guestbook has become a focal point for people venting their outrage over his actions. Lynn talks on her blog today about her son and the situation she finds herself in.  I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have one of your children commit such a horrible crime.  My sympathies go out to her and to the families of the victims.

How Not To Sell Your Book II

I got this spam email today:
 

Dear fellow MWA members and members of the forensic society,
    I have written a murder mystery series beginning with Death, Then
Murder
and Murder Under Fire starring C.J. Thompson and Lauren
Lamplier.  I have also written a nonfiction book letting everyone know that God
sends messages to us through His angels in human form to make us aware of His
plans for us.  This one is titled INCOMING Listening For God’s Messages, A
Handbook For Life
  and is a must read for young adults.  The reader will
find a miraculous change in their perspective towards others once realizing that
everyone may potentially be carrying a message from God.Take a look at www.amazon.com .

 
Enjoy and thanks,
Fred C. Wootan

Okay, Fred. Here’s the thing. This email is a marketing miss-fire on every level. Let’s dissect it line-by-line and explore why. My comments are in italics.

7025224128a0db5f5ec05010_aa240_l   I have written a murder mystery series beginning with Death, Then
Murder
and Murder Under Fire starring C.J. Thompson and Lauren
Lamplier. Good for you, Fred. But the
fact you have written (and apparently self-published) a book isn’t
reason enough for someone to buy it. You have to pitch it to us, man! What makes it interesting? What’s
the hook? It’s not that it "stars" CJ Thompson and Lauren Lamplier…because no one knows who the hell they are. Their names are meaningless. Are they cops? Insurance investigators? Lesbian nurses? Transvestite paratroopers? Come on, Fred, show us some salesmanship!
  I have also written a nonfiction book letting everyone know that God
sends messages to us through His angels in human form to make us aware of His
plans for us. This one is titled INCOMING Listening For God’s Messages, A
Handbook For Life
  and is a must read for young adults.  The reader will
find a miraculous change in their perspective towards others once realizing that
everyone may potentially be carrying a message from God. That sentence is a rambling mess, Fred.  Not a good advertisement for the book or the writer. So which book is it you’re trying to sell us, the mystery thing or the Angels thing? Or is it both? Either way, neither sales-pitch is very strong. Take a look at www.amazon.com. Even if we wanted to ‘take a look’, and you haven’t given us much of a reason, you don’t even link to your books, just to the Amazon home page. You’re making us do all the work, Fred. Not good. You want to make it easy for your customers to get to the product, you don’t want them to have to hunt for it…because they won’t. And you totally forgot to mention that you also wrote THE SUCCESSFUL INSURANCE AGENCY which, if you ask me, is the real must-read for young adults.

A Great Way to Start The Week

I’m stunned, thrilled, and flattered to report that Kirkus Reviews has given my new novel THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE a starred review in this week’s issue. I wish all weeks started off this good.

*A star is assigned to books of unusual merit, determined
by the editors of Kirkus Reviews
.

"Veteran
TV writer Goldberg (Beyond the Beyond, 1997, etc.) tests a gatehouse security
guard to his limits when he agrees to shadow a homeowner’s
wife.

International movie distributor Cyril Parkus doesn’t think his wife
is having an affair, but he knows there’s something wrong with her. So he hires
Bel Vista Estates guard Harvey Mapes, whose professional experience is limited
to watching monitors and writing out courtesy tickets, to follow her around
Camarillo. Harvey watches Lauren Parkus drink coffee, gaze at the ocean, drive
to a pawnshop and meet a man he’s sure is blackmailing her. As a reward, he’s
summarily dismissed with a bonus over the $150 a day he requested and treated to
the horrifying spectacle of Lauren doing a swan dive off a freeway overpass.
Shocked that his investigative work had such a tragic ending, he digs deeper
into the case and soon unearths secrets as dark and twisted as anything Hammett
or Chandler ever dreamed upalthough his own role models are mostly TV shamuses like
Joe Mannix, Dan Tana and Jim Rockford. Working with his friend and sometime
lover Carol, Harvey doesn’t set the world straight, but he does get to the
bottom of the case, earn Carol’s love and grow miles beyond those paragons of
machismo.

A grim tale with a
disarmingly sweet hero who begins like sad-sack lawyer Stanley Hastings and ends
by leaving Travis McGee in the dust.
"

 

Cannell Cops Award

On Sunday, the Southern California chapter of the Mystery Writers of America honored Steve Cannell with the Marlowe Award, celebrating lifetime achievement in the mystery field. Past winners have included William Link, Dennis Lynds, Sue Grafton and Blake Edwards.

It was great fun…and I got a chance to catch up with authors  Nathan Walpow, Bob Levinson, Harley Jane Kozak, Terrill Lee Lankford, and Michael Mallory (to name a few) and to talk shop with fellow TV scribes Tom Sawyer and Paul Levine (who has a new book out and who, incidenally, was instrumental in getting Steve’s first book sold).

Steve  was, as usual, charming and funny and self-deprecating.  It’s amazing to me that a man as successful as he is can come across as such a regular guy. I’ve known him for years (and worked with him on COBRA and HUNTER and hired him as an actor on DIAGNOSIS MURDER) but he has that remarkable ability to make even someone who has just met him feel like his oldest friend.  He’s also quick to share the credit for his success with the writers he’s worked with… and he did it again today…singling out people like Patrick Hasburgh,  Frank Lupo and David Chase.

He told the story today of how he sold his first book, explaining why it was a surprising and humbling experience for him after his unparalleled hot-streak in TV.  After Steve spoke, Harley interviewed him and managed to get him to tell some anecdotes I haven’t heard before (and I thought I’d heard them all!).

Although a lot of nice things were said about Steve and his career during the ceremony, I think Paul Guyot’s letter (which was read by James Lincoln Warren at the podium) summed things up the best:

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