On Other Blogs

PJ Parrish Talks Sex

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The writing team that goes by the name PJ Parrish talk about the sex…or, rather, the lack of good sex…in mysteries.

Why are crime writers such major wussies when it comes to sex? What the hell
happens to most of them when they have to write about it?

I’ll tell you
what happens. They turn trite and sentimental. Or they become boring and
flaccid. And they get as self-conscious as pimply prom dates. Crime writers can
meet murder head on and not flinch, can even render death poetic. But faced with
having to describe copulation — especially in the context of, gasp!
relationships — they can turn out the most dreadful, unbelievable, embarrassing
treacle.

Portrait of an Anxious Writer

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I’ve been reading author Sandra Scoppettone’s blog each day and getting increasingly anxious. She’s just turned in her latest novel to her editor. Now she’s waiting to see if they will offer her another contract. Sandra is an old pro… but she isn’t taking the waiting well. Her anxiety and impatience is, well, infectious. Reading her blog, I’ve been tempted to call my agent to find out what’s happening with my contract and I’m not even waiting for one.

Saturday, October 22, 2005
Ladies Who Lunch

I just had lunch with my agent.  Besides having a good time, which we
always have, she reasurred me about being offered a contract for the
next two Faye Quick books.

“What are they waiting for?” I knew, of course.

“The numbers.  They need to know what to offer.”

“You mean they might offer less?”

“No.  The same or more.”

I’m home now and I know I’ll never be offered a contract for any book ever again.


Thursday, October 27, 2005
Waiting

I spend my days buying tunes from Itunes to fill up my Ipod Nano.  Get
out my CDs to transfer them to the Ipod.  I don’t write much email.
Haven’t felt like it.  Read.  Not as much as I plan to each day.  Stay
in my pj’s until noon.  Talk on the phone.  Go to the library.  Then
the library cottage…buy books…more books.  Order even more books from
Amazon or through Addall.  Read blogs.

But mostly I wait.  For the phone to ring.  No, I’m not waiting to be asked to the Halloween party.

I’M WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT GETTING A GODDAMN BOOK CONTRACT!


Friday, November 04, 2005
Target Day?

Yesterday I spoke to my agent and reminded her that it was November.
She said she’d call my editor today.   Six more hours to go.  Do
I believe this will happen?  No.  And even if it does that might not
mean my editor is waiting for the call so he can offer a deal.  Or the
deal will be so hideous I’ll have to work at the library.  I guess there
could be worse places here to work.  Now that I think about it, the
library is looking good.


Monday, November 07, 2005
Still Waiting

At 3:40 the phone rang.  I rushed to answer.  It
was the trashman’s wife to tell me the pick up will be on Sat. instead of
Thurs.  It’s now 10:20 pm and that phone call never came.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Nothing

No phone call.

No email.

No nothing.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005
The Email

Hello, Agent

I got your voice message.

Hereabouts this week is
jam-packed with launch meetings for next year–both the preparations for the
meetings and then actually giving the presentations; so every minute is
precious.

Once the dust settles next week
and I can get people focused on something other than the launch, I’ll set in
motion the Sandra Scoppettone discussion.  Thanks for your patience.

Editor


Friday, November 11, 2005
Oh, Okay

January the online magazine gave me a great revue.  I sent one to my
editor and one to my agent.  I told my agent I wanted her to be armed when
she talks to the editor.  This is what she wrote back to me:

Hey, thanks for
sending this.  And stop worrying.  love, Agent

I wrote back and said I couldn’t change my whole personality at this point in life.  Laid back
I’m not.  Surprise!

Dollars and Sense

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There are two terrific posts about the writing biz on novelist Alison Kent’s blog. In the first post, she gives us the run-down on her latest royalty statement on two of her Harlequin titles and links to a fascinating rundown on the typical advances and royalties for books in several romance lines. Alison  follows that up with a wise post on the financial realities of quitting your day job to write.

You Can’t Cash Acclaim at the Bank

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Jennifer Weiner talks on her blog about the plight of author Mary Gaitskill, a widely acclaimed novelist and a National Book Award finalist. But acclaim, as the NY Times reports in their piece on Gaitskill, doesn’t always translate into money. Gaitskill barely scratches out a living and is deeply in debt.

"Her life is not easy," said Knight Landesman, Ms. Gaitskill’s friend and the
publisher of the magazine Artforum. "There have been good reviews, but that does
not translate into dough. She has not been offered the cushy faculty job at
Princeton. The work has been too raw, and that’s why this has been, really, such
wonderful news."

Gaitskill’s financial troubles were a shock to Weiner, a bestselling novelist herself who considers the author a major influence.

Gaitskill was one of the writers who made me believe that I could be a
writer, too, and her characters, while creepy, live and breathe on the page. If
she’s in debt and living in a doom room trying to write over the noise of
Britney Spears, there’s something wrong with the modern-day patronage system
that I always figured was working pretty well.

I recommend both Weiner’s post and the NY Times article to all aspiring writers — many of whom have unrealistic expectations about what they can expect once they are published.  Sadly, Gaitskill’s story is far more common than Weiner’s.

King Kong Tie-Ins

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Galleycat reports that Pocket Books is going ape for King Kong Tie-ins.

Anybody can put out a novelization for their blockbuster film, but Peter
Jackson had bigger plans for King Kong: He came up with a
backstory that’s been turned into an official prequel, King Kong: The
Island of the Skull [by Matthew Costello]. As Rod
Lott writes in Bookgasm, "Kong himself does not appear, not even in a
cameo. His name is whispered, his face is crudely drawn, but the ape never rears
his giant, ugly head." Still, Lott found it entertaining enough, and a cut above
the usual tie-in.

There will also be a novelization, by Christopher Golden, as well as two behind-the-scenes picture books (The Making of King Kong
and The World of King Kong), and sci-fi writer Karen Haber will be edit
Kong Unbound, "in which various writers will discuss "the history and
legacy of the most famous ape in Hollywood and his continuing impact on pop
culture and modern filmmakers."

Google Yourself At Your Own Risk

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Bestselling author Tess Gerritsen googled herself the other day and was stung by what she found.

Any writer who succumbs to the temptation of checking out what others are saying
about her books should be warned that what’s out there on the internet ain’t
always pretty. After eighteen books and twenty years in this business, I should
know better than to go searching for more reasons to drive myself crazy, but
what else is a masochist supposed to do in her spare time?

While you’re at it, stay away from Technorati and Blogpulse, too. Occasionally, I make the mistake of googling or blogpulsing myself and I’m always sorry I did. Do I really need to know all the different ways fanficcers and "Real People Slash" whackos would like me to fuck myself? No.

I also see a lot of outright lies and falsehoods — people accusing me of doing or saying something I never did or said. As infuriating as that is, I try to resist the strong temptation to refute every one of them (which would take hours, and draw me deeper into the cesspool, so I don’t bother).  It’s just not worth the time or effort.

But what attracts me to those Me Me Me searches, besides a raging ego, is that sometimes I will stumble on a positive review or an interesting discussion about my books, TV shows, or blog posts that I wouldn’t have discovered otherwise. Still, every time I type my name into one of those search engines I do so knowing I probably won’t like what I see…and vow never to do it again.

Until tomorrow.

Montgomery Simplifies

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David Montgomery reviews my brother Tod’s book SIMPLIFY on his site today. And he likes it.

Short story collections are nearly impossible to review, especially in
anything under several hundred words. (How do you comment generally on a book
that contains twelve different stories that vary in plot, theme, quality, etc.?)
Still, there are a few observations that one can make about Tod Goldberg’s
Simplify. The stories are sharp and insightful, many of them dealing
with issues emerging from childhood. The writing is often funny, even when it’s
painful, and always to the point, with keen dialogue and a strong voice.
Finally, the stories on the whole are powerful, provocative and a pleasure to
read. The title entry, in particular, is a minor masterpiece.

Teach Your 14-Year-Old How To Write Gay Fanfic Porn

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Skrike discovered a lengthy primer at Fanthropology on teaching 14-year-olds how to write better explicit gay fanfic.  Here’s some of their advice:

So how do you make a fourteen year old write better fan fiction? More important,
according to a fourteen year old acquaintance, how do you make your fourteen
year olds write better m/m slash?

Sex and intimacy, important components of slash and good slash. Another
component is fan fiction, m/m slash culture. The last component, and possibly
the most important one, is putting all of that stuff together.

Teaching
all this is not a simple thing. Remember, this age group isn’t always the most
receptive to valuing feedback in certain forms, isn’t necessarily writing to
learn about writing to become better writers. They write for fun, like feedback,
can and do use it to become better writers.

But hot damned, how do you teach a person to write in character? How do you
teach your teenage m/m slash fan to write in character in the context of a story
involving two guys going at it? There are two options that come immediately to
mind.

Sex and intimacy. Ouch and wow. My fourteen year old Good Charlotte slash
writing buddy’s answer to teaching her teen friends on how to write better
slash? Pop them all in front of a television, watch a little gay porn and they
should be set. My reaction to that as a twenty-five year old not interested in
gay porn was horror. There is this double edged sword here. Younger writers can
teach their own, to a certain degree, about the sexually explicit material and
how to write it using those examples. Adults teaching a fourteen year old how to
write erotic or pornographic sex scenes featuring two guys, citing pornography
and adult material, this might be a bit of an ethical nightmare and legal
liability.

The next thing to do is create general rec
lists of stories featuring m/m sex scenes. To cover your butt legally,
make sure the story ratings and contents are spelled out and don’t
explicitly label your rec list as “Read these teenage writers! Read
them and behold the writing of good m/m slashy sex scenes that will
make you wet! Yeah!” Try for something a bit more subdued and less
obvious. You get good examples out there and no one needs to be the
wiser that you have ulterior motives of teaching the teeny fangirls how
to become better m/m slash writers.

If it wasn’t for the good people at Fanthropology, imagine all the poor kids who wouldn’t have a clue how to write convincing fanfic sex scenes for Kirk and Spock, Harry and Ron,  and Willy Wonka and friends. Thank you, Fanthropology, for this important public service. I’m sure pedophiles everywhere appreciate it.

Maybe now professor Robin Reid will write an article for kids on how to write "Real Person Slash Fanfic." Wouldn’t that be nice?