Television

The C Word on the L Word

by

In all the press about THE L WORD, Ilene Chaiken is always credited as the creator of the series, and the story of how she fought to get her passion project on the air has been retold many times.

So imagine my surprise when I tuned into the first episode of the second season and found out there are two other writers listed in the "Created By" credits with her: Kathy Greenberg & Michelle Abbott. How come these two writers are never mentioned when she talks about the development of the show? Who are they? How come none of the reporters who interviewed Chaiken never thought to ask her about them? What is the real  story behind the creation of the show?

Speaking of THE L WORD, it’s a lot better this season. I sure don’t miss whatshername as whosits.

NYPD BLUE R.I.P.

by

I watched the final episode of NYPD Blue last night… could the show have gone out with a duller episode? Compare the pilot to the final episode and it’s like two different shows… one that was edgy, risky, and exciting… and one that could have starred Buddy Ebsen.

The highly-touted NYPD Blue finale was everything the series, at its best, never was…ordinary, unremarkable television.  The finale was so bland, it could have aired on PAX… unedited.

Keep Your Spock Ears At Home

by

The instant UPN cancelled the low-rated STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE, the fans immediately began mounting the inevitable campaign to save the show. They’ve raised $35,000 so far and took out a full-page ad in the Los Angeles Times. Their goal is to either get the series renewed… or raise the $35 million it will cost to make this dream come true: 

I want you to sit down in front of your TV this October. To hear the
rising sounds of instruments beginning to play in harmony. To see the
vibrant colours of scenery fade into life. I want you all to see Enterprise‘s fifth season explode on to your TV screens in a magnificent blaze of sound and passion signifying everything.

Everything?  They must have asked the folks at the Colonial Fan Force for help writing up  their  call-to-arms.

However,  there are at least a couple people associated with the campaign who have dipped their toes in the real world:  as part of their plans for a Feb. 25th rally outside the Paramount gates,  the folks at  SaveEnterprise.com  are asking Trekkers to leave their Spock ears at home.

Although we think that coming in dress would be great, We also
think this would stereotype us all as "Hardcore" Trekkers and
would hurt more than help. Please wear your daily wear.

The frightening thing is, for some people the Star Trek uniform is  their daily wear, like that nutcake who wore her Federation garb, complete with phaser and tricorder, to jury duty (and who still wears her halloween get-up in her day job at — where else?– Kinkos). The folks at Zap2it have another take on it:

People willing to donate $10,000 of their hard-earned money (mostly refundable
if they don’t reach their goals or Paramount shuns their overtures) for a
low-rated series don’t look desperate but, apparently, those same people in
costumes do.

They want to raise $35 million for a fifth season of a crappy TV show… and Trekkers wonder why people ridicule them. 

Okay, I’ll tell them.

It was one thing when they were fighting to renew, and then resurrect, the original STAR TREK back in the 60s.  It was a campaign that made sense, that people could get behind. 

Wake up, Trekkers. It’s not 1969 anymore. You won that battle.  STAR TREK isn’t the under-appreciated TV series that was treated so unfairly… it’s a multi-billion dollar industry.

It’s hard to work up any sympathy for your cause, or share your righteous
fury,  when there’s  so much STAR TREK out there. There have been five STAR TREK TV series, hundreds of novels,  a dozen
movies… enough already. There have been 500 episodes of the show.  There’s plenty of Star Trek out there. Too much, in fact. And now you want people to get all worked up over the fact that the fifth series is being canceled after their fourth season?

What the hell is the matter with you people?

It’s more obvious now, than ever, that Trekkers have absolutely no perspective.  With so many worthy causes out there needing our time, money and attention, seeing people going to all this effort for a fifth season of a TV show in franchise that has already been milked to death for billions of consumer dollars is beyond pathetic, embarassing, and moronic…

It’s wrong.

Extreme Make-Over for Bugs Bunny

by

Bugs Bunny just isn’t hip anymore. So he’s getting a make-over and becoming Buzz Bunny. The "reimagined" Bugs Bunny will have "laser beam eyes" and incredible martial arts skills… and will star with other "reimagined" cartoon charactersBugsoldnew (Daffy Duck will have "built in sonar")  in a new series called "Loonatics." The only only Loonatics are the execs at Warner Brothers animation who think anybody is clamoring for this abomination.

"The new series will have the same classic wit and wisdom, but we have
to do it more in line with what kids are talking about today," says
Sander Schwartz, president of Warner Bros. Animation. The plots are
action-oriented, filled with chases and fights. Each character
possesses a special crime-fighting power.Buzzbunny

Oh goodie, ’cause that’s what was missing from those classic cartoons. Special crimefighting powers.

What’s next, Minnie Mouse with huge breast
implants and bionic limbs? How about Woody Woodpecker with a Titanium
pecker and incredible mud wrestling skills? Maybe Popeye’s eye could really pop out and maye fly around the room and shoot rockets…and instead of eating Spinach, wouldn’t it be so hip if he snorted coke instead?

(You can read more about this  here, here and here.)

The Power of “Yes”

by

Craig Mazin at The Artful Writer offers this piece of advice to working screenwriters:

If you’re a professional screenwriter and you’re asked to make a change that you think is awful, say “Yes.”

Always say yes.

Destroy the main character? “Yes!” Change that brilliant ending that
brings everything full circle with a twist-and-a-half? “Sure!” If the
producer or director has an idea that’s just god-awful, death-dealing,
movie-wrecking, story-killing, your answer to the request should be a
charming and pleasant “Okay!” Say it with pride. Alacrity, even.

Why?  Because saying yes costs you nothing, and gains you much.

When I say “yes,” I’m not agreeing to be slavish.  I’m simply agreeing to try.
If I determine that their suggestion is not to be done, I can explain
why. When you remove that initial “no,” you remove 99% of the hostility
and disfunction from the writer-employer relationship while ceding 0%
of your authority and power. And it’s funny. Ever since I began saying
“yes” a few years back, two interesting things have come to pass.

I haven’t had to write anything I didn’t believe in…

…and no one’s fired me.

I don’t agree with this advice… and I’ve never been fired.  What I don’t do is say "No." What I might say is "That’s an interesting thought, but here’s what will happen to the story if I do it," or "I don’t think that’s a good idea, and here’s why," or "Let me think about it."  But I never say yes to a note I have no intention of doing. But that’s if I’m writing a TV movie or a feature or a pilot. 

On the other hand, if I am writing a freelance episode of a TV series, I might respond to a bad note by saying  "if I do that, here’s how it will impact the story," but I won’t press the point if the executive producer disagrees. I will always say "Yes." I will always do the note, gladly and with no argument, no matter what. Why? Because your job on a TV series is to do what the showrunner wants. It’s his  show, his  characters, not yours. You are a carpenter. You have come to do a job in his house.  Your job is to do what the customer wants to the very best of your ability.

The Real James Patterson

by

Variety reports novelist James Patterson is developing a reality show with LMNO, the folks behind "Temptation Island." And no, it’s not going to be about a writer and his factory of scribes. The proposed series will focus on "the generation gap that exists within families."

"It could be about how a father and son look at things differently," said LMNO
prexyprexy-chief
exec Eric Schotz, explaining that one episode might take a parent and child and
have them both teach a sex-ed class.

Patterson said he decided to jump into the waters of reality TV because he
"had what I consider to be an irresistible idea. I couldn’t resist it, as much
as I tried."

He believes writing novels isn’t that far removed from
producing unscripted TV shows.  "When reality TV is done well, as it is in the case of ‘The Apprentice,’ you
can’t stop turning the pages," he said.

Channel Flipping

by

Some assorted TV news from the pages of Variety…

SciFi Channel is renewing BATTLESTAR GALACTICA for another season.

Battlestargalactica_1 The series has averaged more than 3 million total viewers in its Friday at 10 p.m.
timeslot. "Battlestar" has also ranked No. 1 among cable shows in adults 25-54
and men 25-54 for every week the show has been on the air.

"We all really felt there was something special about this show, that the
creators delivered on their promise to take a new approach to space opera. But
we honestly weren’t sure if the show was going to be embraced," said exec VP of
programming Mark
Stern . "The show is dark and gritty and sexy and, first and
foremost, a character drama. Yes, there is a lot of action, but it certainly
wasn’t the typical space opera our viewers expected. Thankfully, they get it and
they keep showing up in big numbers."

… no word yet from the honchos at the  Colonial Fan Force on how this will impact their important campaign to convince the Hollywood suits to do a big-screen version of the original show with the original cast.  Herb Jefferson and Laurette Sprange stand ready to clear their busy schedules to be in the movie.

MGM is desperately trying to raise DEAD LIKE ME from, well, the dead. Showtime cancelled the series,  which doesn’t have enough episodes to syndicate… meaning its worthless. So MGM is trying to strike a deal… somewhere, anywhere… to crank out new episodes so they have
enough to sell the series in reruns.

An MGM spokeswoman declined to comment, but 29 hourlong episodes for Showtime
(including the 75-minute pilot) are too small a number to make the reruns of any
series salable in basic cable or TV syndication. But if a network such as Sci Fi were willing to pony up a license fee to
bring "Dead" back from the beyond, MGM would do a package deal with that network
that would include the reruns.  Time is running out, however, because the options on the services of the
stars Mandy Patinkin and Ellen Muth are close to an expiration date.

The studio tried this some years back when CBS cancelled a new version of  THE TWILIGHT ZONE… MGM took the show up to Canada, churned out 22 episodes on the cheap, and hired Page Fletcher, the star of the erotic thriller anthology THE HITCHHIKER, to be their new Rod Serling.  Maybe they can get Herb Jefferson and Laurette Sprang for DEAD LIKE ME.

MissinglogoopLifetime has cancelled WILD CARD and it looks likely that they will renew MISSING for a third season, which could be good news for yours truly (I have been a writer/producer on the show for two seasons).

Blogging Hell

by

Twice today I have tried to publish a post on this blog about the TV development season and the pilots the networks are considering.

This morning, I wrote a long, detailed article full of brilliant observations, interesting TV pilot trivia, and stunningly insightful commentary on the Industry (if I do say so myself)… and through an idiotic computer mishap, lost it all.

I nearly stuck my fist through my computer monitor.  Clicked off and busied myself with other things.

So I sat down tonight and attempted to resurrect the article from memory and, although it wasn’t half as good as the earlier version, I was happy with it… and I was nearly done, about to insert another link and… clicked the wrong window to close,  and lost that !@#$%^  article, too.

So the hell with it. 

I probably shouldn’t have been writing about pilots anyway. I might need a job on one of the shows I was criticizing…

The TV Writers Social Contract

by

What is it, exactly?

The folks at TVGasm believe it’s this:

We watch their shows and make them
rich. In return, they promise to work hard and prevent that show from
sucking.

But my writing/producing partner William Rabkin is confused.

I thought our social contract with the viewer required us to write
whatever storylines the "real" fans demand… to slavishly adhere to
the "rules" they set down in their fanzines… and to realize that
their fanfic is infinitely better than our produced work, because we’re
just doing it for money and they’re doing it for love. How many damn social contracts do we have with our fans?

So which is it? Hurry up and tell me, okay? Because I need to know before we start writing/producing another TV show.

Straight Guys Don’t Watch Queer As Folk…

by

…but they’ll watch THE L WORD.  Gee, I wonder why. The show’s creator Ilene Chaiken, in an interview in the NY Times this weekend, makes passing mention about how popular her show is with straight guys who fast-forward pass the yak-yak-yak and the whine-whine-whine to the hot girl-girl action.

LwordBut if everyone agrees that the sex looks good, some have objected
that it looks, well, too good. With classically beautiful actresses
like Jennifer Beals, Pam Grier and Mia Kirschner, Ms. Chaiken
diplomatically said, "There are those viewers who perhaps rightly take
issue with the attractiveness of the cast."

The underlying
accusation is that she is playing to men, a charge she says she finds
mildly annoying since she is, after all, creating a show about sexy
young women in Los Angeles, not a documentary about asthmatic mill
workers in Pittsburgh.

I suspect most guys would watch female asthmatic mill workers getting it on…  if they all looked as good as Jennifer Beals. What’s wrong with playing to men, too? Ratings are ratings.  Of course, Chaikin’s comments imply that lesbians aren’t interested in watching attractive women having sex.  I suspect lesbians would watch female asthmatic mill workers going at it, too, if  Halle Berry was one of them.

(Shockingly, the wide-ranging discussion didn’t make any mention of the strident demands made by the "Save Karina Lombard" campaign  last June.  Could it be because nobody is going to miss her?)