#1 New York Times Bestselling Author & TV Producer
Tomorrow I’m having surgery to cut away the scar tissue and remove the titanium implants in my right arm. I’ll be out of action for a few days. During my absense, my writing partner William Rabkin and my brother novelist Tod Goldberg will be posting about their writing lives, their rants, and their whinings.
Most women have to fight over the remote control with their husbands and boyfriends. But here’s one remote they won’t be fighting over. ABC News reports that Dr. Stuart Meloy, an anesthesiologist and pain specialist in Winston-Salem, accidentally stumbled on a device that will give women extreme orgasms… by remote control. It’s an adolescent sex fantasy come to true, no pun intended.
While Meloy was putting an electrode into the spine of a female patient with chronic back pain, the woman reported a decrease in her pain and a delightful, but very unexpected, side effect.
"When we turned on the power in this case, she let out a moan and began hyperventilating," Meloy said on ABC News’ Good Morning America. "Of course we cut the power and I looked around the drapes and asked her what was going on. Once she caught her breath, she said ‘you’re gonna have to teach my husband how to do that!’ "
Meloy soon realized he may have discovered a device that could help thousands of women who have trouble achieving orgasm.
"The device is the use of a pre-existing device called a spinal cord stimulator," he said. "Instead of treating chronic pain with the stimulator, we’re treating orgasmic dysfunction."
In a surgical procedure done in his office, Meloy implants the electrodes from this device into the back of the patient, at the bottom part of the spinal cord. When the electrodes are stimulated with a remote control, the brain interprets the signal as an orgasm, he said. The device is about the size of a pacemaker and can be turned on and off with a handheld remote control.
In a study he conducted for the Journal of the American Society of Anesthesiologists, ninety-one percent of the women he tested experienced orgasms. Not surprisingly, the test subjects didn’t want to give the machine back when the study was over. One patient commented:
"When I gave it back, I came in the office and Dr. Meloy took the electrodes out of, you know, out of the back and it was like I was losing my best friend. It was very hard to give it back."
Now, if they could combine the orgasmatron with a Tivo remote, think how many marriages could be saved!
I just finished watching the DVD "Trekkies 2," a documentary about STAR TREK fandom. But here’s one thing the documentarians missed… Fleshbot has uncovered Sexy Trek, a porn site for Trekkers. This is how they describe their site:
"Sexy Trek is the only sci-fi fan site dedicated to Trekkies. A universe of porn for the Trek Fetish Enthusiasts. You will get to know many people who live the Trek lifestyle to the fullest. It seems only natural for our passion to consume every area of our lives, including our sex lives. You will get to know those who live out their Trek fantasies. Our fleet command center is filled with sci-fi content. Step into the transporter. We’ll beam you up to a sci-fi galactic fantasy!"
Just when I thought fandom couldn’t get any creepier…
I got this unsolicited email today:
Get Bookstore Orders for your Books!! Would you like to get your book on the shelves in bookstores nationally? Visit www.WritersUniverse.net today!!
Writer’s Universe meets monthly with book buyers as well as representatives from major libraries across the country — We will get you book orders! Book Store and Library Package — $500 for six week campaign. This is a limited time offer. We will get you book orders! WritersUniverse.net specializes in book orders from book stores as well as public libraries. Put our specialization to work to today.
I’m assuming I received this pitch because several of my "out-of-print" books were republished by iUniverse through the Authors Guild’s "back-in-print" program…because someone published by a major publisher wouldn’t have to hire freelance book reps. Or are they publicists? I went to their website to get more info. But their site is suspiciously threadbare when it comes to actual details about the services they provide and what a small-press or self-published author can realistically expect to gain for their $500.
Has anybody ever had an experience with them? Are they legit… or just another scam that takes advantage of the self-published?
I will be having surgery on my right elbow on Wednesday, Nov. 17th. In my absense and recuperation, my brother Tod and my writing partner Bill Rabkin will keep you entertained, informed, and offended…and let you know how I am doing. Until then, I’ll do my best to fulfill those awesome responsibilities.
I received this email today:
I am trying to pitch a movie. My question: Is there a specific format for an outline or treatment? Is there someplace I could get a sample of either or both?
Unless you are an established screenwriter, or are teamed up with a well-connected movie producer, there is no point in writing up an outline or a treatment. No one will ever read it or meet with you. You are better off writing the script…or the book… and trying to sell that to the movies.
On the other hand, if you are an established screenwriter or aligned with a hot producer, you still don’t need an outline… a simple, punchy, two-page "leave-behind" after your verbal pitch will do.
If they want an outline or a treatment, they can pay you for one.
That’s my advice, any way. Then again, most of my experience is in television, not feature film. You might visit screenwriter John August’s blog and pose the same question to him.
UPDATE: For details on how to write a series treatment, click here.
I’m going to be in Palm Springs for the next couple of days… perhaps longer… giving my brother Tod a much-deserved break and taking care of my Mom during her next chemo treatment. I’ll also be working hard to finish “Diagnosis Murder #5: The Past Tense” before I go in for surgery on my right arm… and so I can meet the book’s delivery deadline of Nov. 30th. So don’t be surprised if I don’t post as much, or as frequently, on my blog for a little while…
I got an email today from an agent who is having trouble selling his client’s crime thriller screenplay. Every development exec he submits the script to says they aren’t interested in the project unless there is “some talent attached.” The agent wanted to know “if you have any suggestions how to get around this” and also if I was interested in reading the script… and if I wasn’t, if I knew of any producers who were looking for great new material.
I was astounded. What kind of agent needs to ask another screenwriter the best way to get his client’s material to buyers? Here’s the advice I gave him:
By “talent,” they usually mean an actor, director, or major producer. But it’s just an excuse. No offense intented, but what they are really saying is they think the script is terrible, or it sounds terrible, or they aren’t interested in your client at all. The only way I know of to get around this is to have a kick-ass idea, a great script, a powerful agent, or as the development people have told you, a big name involved with the project. The bottom line is, whoever you’re talking to simply isn’t interested in what you have to sell. Russell Crowe would have to walk in the door with the script under his arm for them to give a damn.
What I didn’t say was if this agent was any good at his job, he’d have relationships with the right development people. He’d know what they were looking for and who the right people would be to send the script to. The development people would respect the agent, know the kind of writers the agent represented, and would decide whether or not to read the script based on that. The email I received tells me this is an agent who doesn’t have relationships, doesn’t have much experience, and shouldn’t be trying to sell anybody’s screenplay. But if that didn’t tell me, his next two questions did.
Are you interested in “a terrific feature screenplay?”
Only the ones that I write. I’m in the same position as your client. I don’t buy scripts, I try to sell my own! So that kind of answers your next question, too…
Maybe if you are not looking but know someone who is you can point us in that direction?
If I knew such a person, I would be sending them my script!
I wouldn’t want this guy representing me. The screenwriter would almost be better off with no agent at all, sending his script out on his own…
What do you think?
A reader pointed me to this amusing cartoon on “Fanfic.”
And here’s another interesting fanfiction debate, waged on Gaia Online.
Tired of the TV blaring in your favorite restaurant or bar, making it impossible for you to have a conversation without yelling? You could ask the owner to turn the set off… or, now, you can do it yourself without anyone even knowing it was you who did it. According tothe LA Times, someone has come up with a handy, key-chain remote that will turn off any television set.
For someone who just wanted a little peace and quiet, Mitch Altman is causing quite a ruckus. The San Francisco entrepreneur, perennially irritated by televisions blaring in restaurants and other gathering spots, revealed this week that he had come up with a solution: a cheap remote that shuts down almost every model of TV.
After the story of Altman’s invention zapped around the Internet, so many people visited TVBGone.com that the website crashed. Even so, Altman had taken 2,000 orders by early Wednesday, accounting for the entire first production run. Through mobile phones, pocket TVs and other devices, gadget makers have spent two decades devising ways to keep people constantly "on." The buzz over Altman’s device shows that some people are eager to turn off.
"I can see it turning into a sort of punky instrument of disruption," Columbia University sociologist Todd Gitlin said of the $15 devices, "a sort of new-style culture jam that’s within a lot of people’s means."
Gitlin warned that with TV such a big part of daily life — Americans watch an average of more than four hours a day — incautious use of TV-B-Gone could be unwise. Picture, for example, a sports bar during Wednesday night’s decisive match-up between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees.
Altman started mulling over what became TV-B-Gone after he and some friends found themselves watching a soundless TV in a restaurant, abandoning what had been an entertaining conversation.
Altman, an engineer, tinkered in his studio apartment and then ordered as many of the keychain devices as his one-employee company could afford: 20,000. The gadget works by emitting every known set manufacturer’s signal to shut down. In his daily experiments in stores and elsewhere, Altman said, few people have objected.
"TVs are so ubiquitous that they don’t even think about it," Altman said. They see TV-B-Gone as giving them "some way of controlling their lives."
Amherst College sociologist Ron Lembo described Americans as ambivalent about TV. They want to turn it off, he said, but can’t stop watching. TV-B-Gone "plays into deeper resentment," Lembo said. But even if Altman’s gadget catches on, "you can’t turn off where television is and how important it is in the culture."
Along with customer orders, Altman said, he has been deluged with suggestions for follow-up products, including Car-Alarm-B-Gone, Booming-Bass-Speakers-B-Gone, and the clear favorite, Cellphone-B-Gone.
Altman has put some thought into that last one. "There are many possible ways to do it," he said, "but I don’t think any of them are legal."
