Lee Goldberg

I’m a Fraud

by

That’s how I feel today. I have spent the whole day working on my latest book and all I’ve managed to write is absolute swill. One whole paragraph of it. Yeah, that’s it. One measly, rotten, pathetic paragraph…one so bad, so inept, no professional writer could possibly have written it (nor would he have spent all DAY doing it).

I don’t often have days like this, but when I do, it’s miserably depressing. I know that the best thing to do would be to just walk away from the computer and do something else, but I can’t. Instead I torture myself by counting how many days I have left until the book is due, how many pages I have to write a week, a day, an hour to make the deadline…and that’s not counting the days I will set the book aside to work on my next script (which should be getting the go-ahead from the studio any day now). So I have to take advantage of every free hour. Which of course, only makes me more anxious and upset at my lack of creativity. When it’s going this bad, I have to keep at it, trying to hit upon that one sentence or image that will break me out of this writing funk. Because it will happen. I know it will. I’m praying it will. Okay, enough screwing around on the blog, avoiding the unavoidable, it’s time to go back to it…

(I know what you’re thinking, "how could he post this after linking to Garrison Keillor’s essay about writers who whine?" I’ll tell you why. Because I’m a FRAUD.)

Can I Send a Publisher My Script?

by

I got this email the other day:

I recently wrote a heady sci-fi thriller that has gotten good response
from people, but my manager calls "unmarketable". You see, apparently,
if Hollywood wants a Phillip K. Dick type of story, they go buy a real
Phillip K. Dick story. But, unless the budget is under 10mil, they
won’t touch it without his name on it.   So, I was thinking, since book publishers don’t have "shootable"
constraints, would they ever read scripts with an eye on the author
building them out into novel form? I’d love to make it a novel, if I
thought others would love it to be one.   Would Del Rey read a script? Would they even consider, let alone pay for, a property not in novel form?

I’m not sure your manager is right about your script. If it’s good, people will buy it. If it’s not, they won’t.  My guess is that either he’s lazy or he thinks your script is unmarketable because it isn’t very good.  That aside, the answer to your question is no, a publisher/editor won’t read the script. They buy books, not scripts. They don’t know how
to read a script. And most important of all, they can’t tell from a script if you can write a
book.  You might be able to get way with writing a 100 sample manuscript pages and
an outline of the rest if you have a good literary agent that editors trust.

The Jareo Hits the Fan

by

The Lori Jareo flap has begun drawing the attention of the mainstream print media after raging in the blogosphere for the last week. As the Dayton Beach News reported:

After it was pointed out by writer Lee Goldberg and spread around by a
growing network of bloggers it became very obvious that Ms. Jareo’s
circle of friends, family, and acquaintances was about to include the
entire LucasArts legal team. Reading the assorted posts this weekend
was like standing amongst a crowd of people watching a swimmer
cheerfully strap on raw meat before diving into the shark tank.

The newspaper notes that her biggest critics were fanfiction writers themselves, who worried about the implications for them of her stupidity.

When you know that what you
are doing is, at best, tolerated by creators you respect who can make
you stop at any time, you get very annoyed when someone walks up and
slaps them. All it would take is for enough authors to start yelling:
"That’s it, everyone out of the pool," and the online world of fan
fiction would fade away.

The more likely result, as Publisher’s Weekly notes, will be more intense scrutiny of POD titles by online booksellers. So far, only one person has come out publicly in support of Jareo, NPR commentator Lev Grossman, who dubbed her an "unsung hero" of the wired universe.  Jareo has remained silent.

Mr. Monk and the Nice Reviews

by

My week is off to a great start with two nice reviews for MR. MONK GOES TO THE FIREHOUSE.  The current issue of MYSTERY SCENE notes:

The first in a new series is always an occasion to celebrate, but Lee Goldberg’s TV adaptations double your pleasure. No longer restricted by time, budget and pace of TV production, this terrific TV writer’s latest, MR. MONK GOES TO THE FIREHOUSE brings everyone’s favorite OCD detective to print. Hooray!

And Cynthia Lea Clarke at FUTURES MYSTERY MAGAZINE says, in part:

If you are a fan of the television show MONK, you’ll love this book. If you never had the pleasure of watching a MONK episode, then you should read this book… (Goldberg’s) words are witty, charming and so Monk. Superb! It’s a fast, easy, delightful escape. An excellent read!

My thanks to both Mystery Scene and Futures for their flattering comments.

Book Fest Day 2

by

P4300086_1
The day started with Bagels and Goldbergs at the Borders booth, where I signed with my sisters Linda Woods and Karen Dinino.
P4300087_1Steve Cannell stopped by to pick up a copy of THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE, which was pretty cool, since the book couldn’t have been written without him (like me, the hero learns everything he knows about being a PI from watching shows like THE ROCKFORD FILES). I  chatted again with a lot of the folks I mentioned yesterday, as well as Harlan Coben, Gayle Lynds, Kelly Lange, Rochelle Krich, Thomas Perry, Paul Levine, Harley Jane Kozak, Jeff Mariotte, and Bill Fitzhugh, among others. I also caught some more panels, including Carl Reiner’s talk and my brother Tod in conversation with Sarah Vowell (a very funny woman who is not the warmest person you will ever meet) and David Rackoff (as lively, personable and funny off-stage as he is on) in front of a packed Royce Hall auditorium.  It was another great Book Fest and I’m already looking forward to the one next year…

UPDATE 5-1-06: My Brother Tod has a more detailed, and much funnier, wrap-up of the weekend’s events on his eponymous blog.  Reading his post reminds me of a strange bathroom encounter I had (Tod’s big moments all seemed to happen while he was in the can). I walked into the bathroom at "The Green Room" and saw a guy standing in front of a urinal pissing free-style while thumb-typing a message on his blackberry. At the same time, I heard another guy taking calls on his cell while having an extreme bowel episode. I like to think this was a wacky LA moment…but I fear this scene could have happened anywhere. I also had someone say to me at the my Borders signing that his favorite books of mine were "the ones where something happens."

UPDATE 5-1-06b: My sisters Linda and Karen report on the Fest and the super secret buffet for brilliant authors…my Uncle Burl Barer stargazes outside the Borders tent…and my cousin Danny Barer discovers what he’s been missing.

Learning Howdunit

by

The Rutland Herald has an article today (from the Columbia News Service wire) about how mystery writers use consultants and, as an example, talks about how Dr. Doug Lyle and I work together. But if you’re a DIAGNOSIS MURDER fan, and haven’t read THE SILENT PARTNER yet, skip the article — there are major spoilers in it.

"I know absolutely nothing about medicine," Goldberg said. "But I do
know how to write a mystery. I craft situations where I need a medical
clue, then I call Doug. I simply couldn’t write these without him."

Lyle
is part of a select group of plot consultants who help mystery writers
bump off characters with scientific exactitude. He shows writers how to
poison people properly, open up a skull correctly for an autopsy and
talk like a homicide detective to make the character believable.

The article also appeared in The Toronto Star and the Indianapolis Star, among many other newspapers.

Book Fest Day 1

by

Today, for the first time in 11 years, I was able to casually enjoy the LA Times Book Fest as a "civilian." I had no signings to do, no panels to participate in, nothing to do by browse, listen to the panels, and catch up with old friends.

I chatted at book store booths and at the "VIP" room with T. Jefferson Parker, Barbara Seranella, Michael Connelly, Kirk Russell, Reed Coleman, Jeff Mariotte, Mark Haskell Smith, Leslie Klinger, Patricia Smiley, Bob Levinson, Kevin Roderick, Patt Morrison, Rob Roberge, and 24 writer David Ehrman,  among others. I enjoyed panels on Mystery Writing (with Klinger, Roberge, Seranella and John Morgan Wilson) and writing the Short Story (with my brother Tod and A.M. Homes, among others).

For the first time, I didn’t buy a single signed novel at the fest…just a handful of pop culture non-fiction books — ALIAS SMITH AND JONES: THE STORY OF TWO PRETTY GOOD BAD MEN, GUY WILLIAMS: THE MAN BEHIND THE MASK, and two Taschen books  70s CARS: VINTAGE AUTO ADS  and 60S CARS: VINTAGE AUTO ADS. Compared to past years, that was a meager haul indeed.

Tomorrow promises to be a much busier day, with signings to do at Borders and Mystery Bookstore, and lots of panels I want to attend…

Those Who Can Do Teach

by

William Rabkin and I will be teaching another session of our popular "Beginning TV Writing" online course for Writers University in May. There’s still time to sign up and a few open seats are left in our virtual classroom.

In this four week course, two established executive
producers/showrunners will give you an inside look at the world of
episodic television. You will learn—and practice— the actual process
involved in successfully writing a spec episodic script that will open
doors across Hollywood. You will learn how to analyze a TV show and
develop “franchise”-friendly story ideas. You will develop and write a
story under the direction of the instructors, who will be acting as
showrunners… and then, after incorporating their notes, you will be
sent off to write your outline. Finally, you will develop and refine
your outline with the instructors, leaving you at the end of the course
ready to write your episodic spec script…the first step in getting a
job on a TV series.

Dumb Questions and Great Sex

by

My brother Tod beat me to posting about some of the dumb questions I got asked at the Palm Springs Book Festival (though I got lots of great questions, too). Here’s one of them (though you’ll notice that Tod remembers it slightly different than I do):

Woman: Did you have to take acting classes to learn how to write dialog?

Me: No, but I’ve also never been a werewolf, a lifeguard, a psychic FBI agent, a 70-year0ld doctor who solves crimes, or the Captain of a submarine in the year 2032. I make stuff up. The dialog comes from the characters. I don’t need to be an actor to know how people talk. I just have to observe and listen.

Woman: Is there a class you can take for that?

The night before the Festival there was a reception for the authors. Only authors were attending (and their spouses, significant others and, in my case, my mother). But there are always one or two clueless idiots at these kind of events who use this as a selling opportunity. A lady came up to me and thrust her apparently self-published book in my face.

Woman:  I’m the author of GREAT SEX AFTER SIXTY. You should read this book.

Me: Do I look sixty to you?

Woman: Well, you will be, won’t you?

Me:  No, I’m planning on using plastic surgery and drugs to remain 44 forever.

Woman: But you’ll still physically be sixty even if you look 44 and you’ll want to have great sex.

Me: There will be a pill for that, too.

Woman: There might not be.

Me: I’ll take my chances.

I couldn’t believe she was still arguing with me. But I was saved by my Mom, who started laughing.

Mom: He’s my son and he looks sixty to you? My God, how old do I look?

At which point the clueless idiot thrust her God-awful book in my Mom’s face and asked her how her sex was… and I dashed across the room to talk to Gregg Hurwitz. Am I good son or what?

Goosebumps

by

Simplifysm_2
Today the LA Times published the program for next weekend’s big
Festival of Books. Borders took out an ad listing all the authors, including me, who’d be signing at their booth and it gave me a 158180770801_sclzzzzzzz__2
goosebumps. It wasn’t seeing my name in the newspaper that gave me thrill — it was the company I was keeping in print. Why?  Because my brother and sisters and I are  going be signing our books at the Borders booth together. That’s right, all four of us — Karen Dinino, Linda Woods, and Tod Goldberg — have  new books out at the same time. How cool is that? If you could have told me when I was a kid that this was going to happen, I never would have believed it. All of us published authors? All of us signing our books together? Wow. I knew the event was coming, of course, but somehow seeing the ad made it real.  I’m so proud of them, you’d think they were my kids instead of my younger siblings.