The Mail I Get

BookWise is BookStupid

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Edgar Award-winning author Burl Barer, who also happens to be my Uncle, sent me this note about his encounter with a book biz get-rich-quick huckster:

I received the following email on MYSPACE…no doubt well intentioned, but it irked me. Here  it is.

"While reading your wonderful profile I could not help but notice that you have authored some books. If getting your  words out to a larger audience is something that has some interest to you…"
I continued reading this informative missive, and then the following paragraph hit me between the eyes:
"This is a great opportunity for you as a self-published author to have your book listed and distributed along with some of the greatest books ever written!"
Since when am I self-published? The next paragraph reinforced my "irk factor":
"BookWise is very supportive of the self-published author, and one of the perks of being a member is the Author’s Workshop coming up for all members this Oct 18,and 19th, 2007. And the 20th the first company convention-FREE TO ALL it’s members"
Well, that pushed me over the edge.  I wrote back:
"I am NOT Self-Published, subsidy published, or any other variation on vanity publishing. I am PAID to write by real publishers — I do not pay printers to print up my books and then have the nerve to call myself a published author.  In my opinion, calling yourself an author when you are self-published is like calling yourself a doctor because you purchased a stethoscope."
Okay, that may have been a bit harsh.
I heard back right away informing me that  Bookwise also features real authors published by real publishers. Good for them. I wrote back and wished them the best of luck on their charity endeavors. But why do people assume that we all self-publish? 
When I was recently introduced somewhere, and it was mentioned that I’ve written a dozen books, the first question was "Have any  of your books been published?"
"Yes. That’s why they are called books, not unpublished manuscripts. I also have unpublished manuscripts that are not yet books, or may never become books. And before you ask, I did not pay for the publication of my manuscripts – the publisher paid me."

Burl Barer…self flagellating, self-promoting, self-serving but NOT self-published

I’d never heard of Bookwise, so I visited their site and listened to their come-on. They bill themselves as "the most intelligent home-based business in the world." Basically, it’s a book club that makes their money from the books you buy and the other people you convince to join the club.

It works like this: you pay a $40 enrollment fee and $35-a-month to buy their books at a 40%discount. Most of the books are from name-brand authors from name-brand publishers, but I gather from the email my Uncle got that they will soon be opening their doors to the self-published, probably for a price.

You make your millions by either selling the books you buy directly to your friends and neighbors out of the trunk of your car…or by making a commission off the other suckers, er, people you convince to join the book club and become salesmen themselves.

But they also want you to feel like you are saving the world, one book and one commission at a time. One dollar of every book they sell and 10% of their corporate earnings will go to literary programs for children. Makes you all tear-eyed, doesn’t it?

So you aren’t just paying Bookwise $460 for the opportunity to buy their books…you are, as they proclaim, helping to "stop the dumbing down of America."

But that strikes me as a self-defeating goal for Bookwise…if we stop the dumbing down of America, who will be stupid enough to sign up for this scheme?

The Mail I Get

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I get lots of emails every week asking me about the benefits of self-publishing (quick answer: there are none). Here is a typical one that I received this week:

I am in the process of finishing my book. While I have some interest from publishers, I am interested in exploring self-publishing to make more profit off the sales. A friend and fellow writer mentioned in passing about a company that will take your manuscript and upload it into a database. Then, when your book is ordered by someone, it is then printed and shipped…and a royalty check is then sent. Do you know anything about these companies, such as who they are? Also, as a writer who has been involved with actual publishers through the mainstream means of publishing, what are your opinions on going with a “regular” publisher vs. self-publishing?

No offense, but I don’t buy thatyou’re motivated by making more money…because there is no money to be made in print-on-demand self-publishing…unless you are the publishing company. My guess is that you’re afraid of rejection from mainstream publishers and are looking for an "easy" way into print. There is no profit to be made from going to a vanity press…it’s a blatant swindle. The vanity press industry feeds off the desperation and ignorance of aspiring authors. Don’t become one of the suckers. Save your money.

Publicists Who Can’t Publicize Themselves

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I got this spam email not long ago from Brian Feinblum at Planned Television Arts, a PR firm (the typos are his):

I saw you and your books listed in a directory at this past weekend’s
Book Expo. The only mystery for mystery authors to solve is: How can you secure
effective publicity for your books? I am happy to say we have a solution. Planned Television Arts is the nation’s largest and oldest book promoters. As such we invite you to send info about your most recent or
upcoming book and we can customized a plan that world for you.

If their "customized plan" and PR savvy is anything like their customized emails, it’s a wonder they are still in business. Milton Kahn is another one. I got a spam email  from him recently. Here’s the first line:

I would
like to make you aware of my public relations company as I feel I could be a
perfect fit in helping you promote and publicize your current or upcoming book
on a national level.

What a grabber, huh? If that’s his idea of a compelling lead, imagine what he could do for me! My check is in the mail, Milt.

The Mailbag

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Reynaldo would like a shortcut to getting published that doesn’t involve getting  rejection letters:

I am aspiring writer and just beginning to venture out in the world […]but I don’t want to face mounds of rejection letters. What can I do? Is there some honest publishing houses I can trust other than Traditional? What about companies like "Lulu"?

If you really want to be a writer, you have to learn to deal with rejection. That’s part of the job. If you can’t handle that, then you should forget about being a writer. But if flushing your money down the toilet is what you really want to do, Lulu is a good option. At least Lulu doesn’t pretend to be anything but what they are: a vanity press.

Jeff wants to know how he can get a book or TV show written about his hilarious life without writing it himself.

I have a very funny life and my friends and family think my stories are hilarious. They think I should do something with them, like a novel or a TV show, because my stories are the funniest  things they have heard in years. But I am not a writer. How can I get a book or TV show with my great stories without writing it myself? How can I find a writer to team up with who can write my stories for me?

Everybody’s lives and relationships are  funny and dramatic and could probably make good novels or movies in the hands of a talented writer. But you need an exceptional story to attract the interest of an established and experiened writer. You could always try contacting screenwriters or novelists that you admire and see  if they would be interested in your story…but, to be honest, I think your chances  of succeeding are very,  very slim. You might want to sign up for some writing courses and take a stab at it yourself instead.

Jeff isn’t the only guy with a hilarious life. Wendy’s life is also hilarious…all she needs is a writer to tell her stories. She’s been a bit more aggressive than Jeff  in trying to make that happen.

Hi. I came across your blog over the internet.  I’m wondering if you can advise me even though you don’t know me. My husband and I are very successful real estate investors. I’m not a writer.  But, that being said, my friends think that the stories I have with my adult children are so hilarious, that they have been jotting down these stories for years.

[…] Anyway, I got inundated with calls and emails from strangers, as well as friends telling me this is the funniest thing they ever read and I should do something with them.  So…not really knowing anyone in the business, I contacted a guy I know who has a son that is a comedy writer in Hollywood.

[…] I didn’t expect much, so you can imagine my shock when he sent me a lengthy email back and telling me that these stories are very funny and he can see them as a tv show very easily. He showed me how to write a Treatment.  Naturally, I got really excited, so I started making a lot of calls.  I called several retired Hollywood writers I could find.  These writers were from TV shows like "According to Jim", "Cheers", etc.  Some were very nice and read my unpolished Treatment.  They all had very positive response and felt it is something that can be marketable.The problem is that I am not a writer and I cannot write a script.  Do you think I should try and find a writer to team up with?  Someone with a good agent?

Wendy, if your story was as  hilarious and marketable as you say it is, one of the comedy writers you’ve already contacted would have asked if he could team up with you or run with it himself.  The fact that one of  those writers didn’t ask should probably tell you something…

One of my all-time favorite emails

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I got this email today from someone who read DIAGNOSIS MURDER: THE LAST WORD and wasn’t too fond of it:

The reason why I like reading DM is because I enjoyed the television series.  I, too, did think your recent book was a little "dark".  I personally would prefer no changes and enjoyed reading about the one demensional tv character Dr. Sloan solving cases.  If I wanted to read a novel, I will buy James Patterson.

Wheeler Life

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I received this email today from Phil Hawley:

Having learned about Richard S. Wheeler during a visit to your blog, and after reading some of his wonderfully rich and vivid stories of the West, I wanted to write and find out if you k51ip53amuql__ss500_new about his recently published literary memoir—An Accidental Novelist If you haven’t read it, I strongly suggest that you order a copy (the publisher is Sunstone Press).  Mr. Wheeler’s memoir is a gem.  In fact, I’ll send you a check for the cover price if you’re not delighted by his  noble story.  He is candid in his portrayal of personal failures; ironically, it’s these stories that put his courage and insight on vivid display for the reader (though I’m certain he wouldn’t use these words to describe himself).  His earnest and humble nature are evident in every anecdote, but it’s his incredible fortitude in the face of wrenching setbacks that pulled me into this book (while I should have been working!).  His insights and perspectives about the writer’s life, the publishing industry, and genre fiction are fascinating for fledgling novelists like myself, but I suspect all writers will enjoy reading the remarkable story of this man’s literary career.

I didn’t know that Richard Wheeler had written a memoir. But now that I do, and being a big fan of both the man and his work, I’m ordering a copy right away.

Writer Beware!

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I got this email today from an aspiring screenwriter. I’ve removed the names:

My name is X. I am a writer.  Producer Z has been corresponding with me via email concerning one of my screenplays.  He asked me to email to him the first 10 pages of my script.  Before sending it I Googled him and found that he appeared to be legit.  After receiving the 1st 10 pages he emailed his phone number and asked me to call him.  During our conversation he said that he liked the script but because I am a new writer it would take a lot of time, effort and phone calls to get it produced. He then asked for $1, 500 up front or whatever I could afford.  I said to him that even though I am a novice writer, a producer asking for money upfront is a red flag and that I didn’t expect that from someone with his credentials.  He seemed a little embarrassed and backtracked on his request saying maybe I could pay him 15% of the sale.  He asked me to send the entire script to him via email and fedex because he is interested.  Please inform me of any encounters that you have had with Mr. Z.  Is he legit?  I am EXTREMELY hesitant.

You’re right to be uneasy. Producer Z is a notorious scumbag — don’t be fooled by the fact that he has some legitimate credits in his distant past. Asking you for money is highly unprofessional and tremendously sleazy. Do not send him your script or communicate with him any further. And you should register your script immediately with the WGA just to be on the safe side.

I Say What Happens

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I got this comment from Christie yesterday on a three-year-old post about someone I met at a mystery convention who wanted me to produce her great TV series idea.

For the sake of argument- assume you do have an excellent idea/script/series planned out. How would you, going from nothing, get to the point of having that on the air? Is it possible for a person to just hand it over to a producer and let them take the lead? Or is it completely necessary to do everything you did? Would it be possible to pass up the producing/directing/writing part, and just become the voice behind the show. The show-runner, as one may call it. As in "I say what happens" and "You make it happen".

I love these people who want a short-cut to becoming a showrunner that doesn’t involve any actual talent or experience. Clearly, Christie didn’t read my post very closely. I wrote, in part:

[…]television is a writers’ medium. The majority of TV producers are writers first and producers second. Every one of us wants to sell a TV series of our own. It’s the dream. It’s the chance to articulate your own creative vision instead of someone else’s. It’s the chance to not only write scripts and produce episodes, but also have a piece of the syndication, merchandizing, and all the other revenue streams that come from being an owner and not an employee.

[…]Getting to the point in your career that networks are interested in being in the series business with you isn’t easy. You have to write hundreds of scripts, work on dozens of series, and build a reputation as an experienced and responsible producer (Or you have to write and produce a huge hit movie, which often leads to an invitation to work your same magic in television). The point is, you don’t work that hard just to share the success with someone else who didn’t have to work for it.

What is the incentive to do all the hard work but give someone else all the money and control? There is none.

But don’t despair, Christie, it’s still possible to be someone who has never written, produced or directed a TV show and yet can still come up with an idea, hands it off to someone else to produce, and still gets to call all the shots and collect the money. All you have to do to is to earn the respect and power elsewhere …perhaps as a former network or studio president, or as a movie star, or as a bestselling novelist or successful screenwriter. 

Oh, wait, that would take some talent, hard work, and experience….and you don’t want to bother with any of that silly, unnecessary stuff. So I guess the answer is no, there isn’t a way you can be the person "who says what happens."

More Flops?

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I got this email from Antonio Lopez today:

I am a huge fan of your books on Unsold TV Pilots. I have found it so fascinating that when I finished Vol. 2, I was left wanting more. When do you plan on releasing another volume that brings us up to date to today’s unaired pilots. This seems like a project that could be updated every five years. Please let me know if you plan on bringing us future volumes.

People ask me this a lot. I started writing the original UNSOLD TELEVISION PILOTS book when I was nine years old and finished it in 1989, when I was in my 20s. I sold it to McFarland & Co, a small publisher in North Carolina, which brought the book out as an expensive, library-edition hard-cover. The book got lots of publicity and stayed in print for over a decade. When it finally fell out of print, I brought it out again (at no cost to myself) as a two-volume paperback  edition through the Authors Guild’s Back-in-Print program with iUniverse. I also produced two hour-long, primetime specials based on the book — one for ABC and one for CBS.

Over the years I’ve continued to casually gather data on unsold pilots for a future volume or TV special, but I doubt either will happen. I don’t have the time to write another book and there isn’t enough money in it for me to make it worthwhile. Besides, the world has changed since 1989 and the data on unsold pilots is now readily available to TV professionals through paid, on-line databases, which renders the need for my book obsolete. The "clip show" special has become extinct on primetime for the time being due to the success of reality shows and the skyrocketing costs of licensing TV and movie clips.

So that’s a long-winded way of saying no, Antonio, I don’t think I’ll be writing another volume of UNSOLD TELEVISION PILOTS any time soon…but I hope that someday I’ll have a chance to do another TV special. Thanks for your interest, though.