My Blog

The Best of Lori Prokop

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I love Lori Prokop. My favorite online huckster never quits. She has re-invented herself yet again and is offering you the benefit of her enlightenment…and another chance to get rich!

But before I share her amazing new self and her astonishing new business venture with you later today, I thought we should celebrate all the great things Lori Prokop has done for humanity before. So now, after the jump, I offer a look back at The Best of Lori Prokop.

(Note: she has since gone back and removed many of the links I reference in the posts…and who can blame her?)

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A Cautionary Tale

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An article this week in the San Diego Union Tribune about Martell Publishing, a vanity press scam that bilked authors out of thousands of dollars, should serve as a cautionary tale to anyone who is considering paying to be published. The article reads, in part:

Ed Johnson operated Simon & Northrop Publishing, formed in 1998, and created Martell Publishing in 2005, according to state records. Both ventures were housed at different times in a one-room unit at 3333 Midway Drive, a complex that appears to be an old motel converted into offices.

Lynn Karstens, a former Martell employee, said Johnson purposely deceived potential clients about the scale of his one-room operation. He used pseudonyms when answering the telephone or in correspondence to potential clients to “make it seem like he had a staff.”

Karstens also said Johnson instructed her to tell clients who telephoned him that he was “on the other side of the building” so they’d think the company was housed in a large facility.

Karstens said she was hired as an office manager. But Johnson soon had her editing manuscripts, a job for which she had no qualifications, she said.

Most aspiring authors found the San Diego publishing houses on the Internet or by answering ads placed in small regional newspapers and out-of-state Yellow Pages.

[…]Johnson was unapologetic about taking money from Perry and others even as he failed to pay his rent and other bills.

“Is it a crime not to pay your bills? I tried to keep the company rolling and it didn’t happen,” Johnson said. “I didn’t try to cheat anyone. I sold some books for some people. Authors are all unhappy unless they have a best-seller.”

Sadly, scams like this are NOT the exception but the norm in the vanity press world. If you are still intent on throwing your money away, at least go with iUniverse or Lulu, which are about as reputable as you can get in the self-publishing POD business.

I Suck

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I am at that horrible, seemingly inevitable stage of writing my novel when I become convinced that my plot doesn’t work, my characters are lost, and that I am a talentless fraud and that this will be the book that outs me (I know there are many of you reading this blog who believe that already happened long ago). Coincidentally, today the royalty statements for my first three MONK novels arrived along with the contracts for my next two. It didn’t help. It only added to my anxiety.

My brother called me tonight just to say hello… and I unloaded on him.

He just sighed and said "You say this shit every two months. You said it when you were at this same point in your last book and the one before that and the one before that and the one before that. And they all turned out fine." 

I know that he’s right, but it doesn’t help or make the writing any easier. Tonight,  I suck. But I will keep writing and rewriting and agonizing and procrastinating (by posting on my blog) until it becomes fun again.

I guess that’s what makes me a professional. Or a fool who is deluding himself.

Praise Whores

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Chicago Sun-Times book critic David Montgomery offers some good advice for anyone who is foolishly contemplating paying Kirkus Discoveries $300 to jerk them off with a positive review of their books.

Folks, I can’t tell you enough what a mistake it is to purchase a book review. A Kirkus Discoveries review is like a real Kirkus Review in the same way that chicken salad is like chicken shit. A purchased review has less than no credibility; it actually diminishes the reputation of the work and the author, rather than bolstering it.

The only real discovery at Kirkus Discoveries is how gullible and desperate some authors can be…

Blog Action

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There’s lots of good stuff on my favorite blogs lately…

Saddlebums, a blog dedicated to westerns, has more than lived up to its promise. It has quickly become the best, and most entertaining, resource anywhere about western literature in print and on film (far outshining the dull and irrelevant magazine published by the Western Writers of America). So far, Saddlebums has offered fascinating interviews with authors like Brian Garfield, Johnny D. Boggs, Jory Sherman, and Robert Randisi, as well as reviews of new novels and up-to-the-minute news about what’s happening in the genre. If you love westerns, this blog is a "must-read!"

Over at Murderati, my friend Paul Guyot is talking about How Television Series Are Created, from idea to pitch to sale (or no sale, which is usually the case). It’s very entertaining, informative, and frighteningly accurate. He should really write a book about this stuff. Between this essay, and the posts on his old (and dearly missed) blog, he certainly has the material.

Ken Levine compares the promos for the 1976 BIONIC WOMAN and the new one premiering this fall. I’m actually looking forward to the new BIONIC WOMAN…the promo I saw in the movie theatre a few weeks back was pretty good (as opposed to the one on Ken’s blog, which isn’t).

And author  Sandra Scoppettone pointed me to this interesting essay by bookseller Jim Huang about — what else? — bookselling.

The Mail I Get

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I get lots of emails every week asking me about the benefits of self-publishing (quick answer: there are none). Here is a typical one that I received this week:

I am in the process of finishing my book. While I have some interest from publishers, I am interested in exploring self-publishing to make more profit off the sales. A friend and fellow writer mentioned in passing about a company that will take your manuscript and upload it into a database. Then, when your book is ordered by someone, it is then printed and shipped…and a royalty check is then sent. Do you know anything about these companies, such as who they are? Also, as a writer who has been involved with actual publishers through the mainstream means of publishing, what are your opinions on going with a “regular” publisher vs. self-publishing?

No offense, but I don’t buy thatyou’re motivated by making more money…because there is no money to be made in print-on-demand self-publishing…unless you are the publishing company. My guess is that you’re afraid of rejection from mainstream publishers and are looking for an "easy" way into print. There is no profit to be made from going to a vanity press…it’s a blatant swindle. The vanity press industry feeds off the desperation and ignorance of aspiring authors. Don’t become one of the suckers. Save your money.

HBO Embraces Tie-Ins

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When you think of tie-ins, you probably imagine one movie novelization or one of the hundreds of STAR TREK original novels. But now tie-ins are going up-market. Publisher’s Weekly reports that HBO is aggressively developing it’s TV tie-in publishing program. They are hoping to repeat the success of cleverly-packaged and hugely successful books like SEX AND THE CITY: KISS AND TELL, which was sold in a fake alligator shoebox.

HBO v-p of licensing and retail James Costos, who joined the company
in July 2006, said he has a mandate to “raise awareness for all of our
licensed merchandise, which certainly includes books.” Costos said the
cable channel is looking to highlight the HBO book line by taking
advantage of its midtown New York retail store, Web site and
newsletters, as well as through its broadcasts.

Almost all of the HBO titles come from Melcher Media and the distinctive packaging of their tie-ins come with a hefty price-tag for consumers. But that hasn’t slowed sales. In fact, it’s a selling point.

Melcher Media president Charles Melcher contends that HBO titles
“reinvented the TV tie-in, which used to be priced under $20 and mostly
filled with old scripts.” HBO titles like Deadwood: Stories of the Black Hills or Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Book,
said Melcher, can sometimes feature scholarly research but, most
importantly, they all have the complete involvement of the shows’ casts
of actors.

“HBO wants the books to be more than just a way to make
money,” Melcher said. “They want their creative people to be happy.
Like the TV shows, these aren’t just books; they’re HBO books.”

Upcoming HBO tie-in titles getting the "high-end" treatment are The Sopranos: The Complete Book, ‘ Entourage: A Lifestyle Is a Terrible Thing to Waste, and Rome.

“The books are an extension of the
shows and a natural must-have for fans and viewers. The revenue will
follow if we continue to deliver quality books,” said Costos.

 

In Flight

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I traveled home from Germany today. I woke up at 4:15 am to make a 6:30 flight out of Munich. At the airport security checkpoint, there are posters and videos alerting you to restrictions on liquids, etc. in carry-on baggage. A young couple went through with two overnight bags loaded with cosmetics, scissors, etc and couldn’t understand why security wouldn’t let them through.On the flight from Munich to Dusseldorf,  where I was catching a connecting flight to the U.S., the businessman who was sitting next to me to me grabbed his crotch at take-off and again at landing. I dont know what he was protecting himself from. In Dusseldorf,  the couple in front of me in the security line had bought a ton of drinks and cosmetics at the terminal gift shop. I warned them that they couldn’t bring their purchases on the plane, but they insisted that since it was bought at the airport, it was okay. I showed them the signs, and they still argued with me. So I shut up. They were shocked and infuriated when security made them throw it all out.  I just smiled and went on my way.

On the flight home, I caught up on five episodes of HEROES and the last few BOSTON LEGALS of the season on my iPod. I think that HEROES is getting too twisty for their own good…to the point that it has become ludicrous and maddening…not to mention nearly impossible to follow. I still have two more episodes to watch and I will have seen the whole season. But it seems to me the show started out with a lot of promise and hasn’t delivered on it.

Back in May, BOSTON LEGAL did yet another episodes where the lawyers are held hostage…this time the bad guy was the troubled son of a murder victim wants revenge from Denny Crane (William Shatner) for getting the accused killer acquited forty-some years ago. But what made this tired plot special was that David Kelley cleverly incorporated footage from the original, black-and-white pilot of THE DEFENDERS, which co-starred a very young William Shatner as a lawyer. Kelley used the old footage as flashbacks of a younger Denny Crane defending the killer. I had to admire the episode as a TV geek, a pilot nut, and as someone who has done much the same thing (using reruns of MANNIX as flashbacks for a new Mannix story on DIAGNOSIS MURDER). I’m surprised the episode didn’t get some attention…or did it?

I see that last week TWO AND A HALF MEN was the highest rated show on television. What has happened to America while I was gone!?

I have been up for over 24 hours now…I want to try to stay awake until 8 or 9 pm. So if this post is riddled with typos and incoherent thought, now you know why.

Double the Vanity

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iUniverse and Authorhouse are merging to become one huge vanity press.  In a press release, iUniverse CEO Susan Driscoll says:

Why this move, and why now? Quite simply, the strengths and the capabilities of
AuthorHouse and iUniverse complement one another, and by building on our
individual strengths we can expand the range and enhance the quality of the
services that each company offers.
[…] I’m delighted that my iUniverse colleagues and I will be working with Bryan
Smith and with the entire AuthorHouse team to define a world where publishing is
truly author-centric.

I guess  by "author centric" they mean that they make their money off the desperate, naive authors rather than from selling books to readers. It’s unfortunate that iUniverse, seemingly the most honest of the vanity presses, is teaming up with one of the sleaziest.