My Blog

PJ Parrish Talks Sex

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The writing team that goes by the name PJ Parrish talk about the sex…or, rather, the lack of good sex…in mysteries.

Why are crime writers such major wussies when it comes to sex? What the hell
happens to most of them when they have to write about it?

I’ll tell you
what happens. They turn trite and sentimental. Or they become boring and
flaccid. And they get as self-conscious as pimply prom dates. Crime writers can
meet murder head on and not flinch, can even render death poetic. But faced with
having to describe copulation — especially in the context of, gasp!
relationships — they can turn out the most dreadful, unbelievable, embarrassing
treacle.

Reruns on Demand

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Variety reports that Warner Brothers will make 14,000 episodes from more than 300 series available on America Online for free, on-demand viewing. What’s the catch? Commercials. The new program launches in January.

"We want to create a new broadband network for content looking for its next
window of distribution," explained Kevin Conroy, exec VP of AOL Media Networks.
"This is an IP (Internet protocol) television service that is available
whenever, wherever in the digital home."

It will be interesting to see how the WGA, DGA and SAG will take this news…and what residual formula will be adopted, at least initially, to pay writers, actors and directors.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water

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Warner Brothers hopes Al Gough and Miles Millar can do for AQUAMAN what they did for SUPERMAN with SMALLVILLE. Variety reports that the writing team have been signed by the WB to produce a pilot about the young Aquaman.

As with "Smallville," their successful reinvention of the "Superman" saga,
Gough and Millar plan to focus on character rather than cheese. Skein
won’t be called "Aquaman" — indeed, the "A" word won’t even be mentioned — and
Curry "won’t be talking to fish or riding a seahorse," Gough said.

And while "Smallville" recently generated great ratings with an episode
featuring an appearance by Aquaman, the new project won’t be a spinoff. To
underline that point, Alan Ritchson, the actor who played Curry on "Smallville,"
isn’t under consideration for the role in the pilot.

Thanks, Joe!

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Author, comic, blogger and international sex symbol Joe Konrath surprised me by giving my new book THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE a plug on Amazon:

This isn’t satire or parody, even though it is laugh aloud funny.
Goldberg has written a cleverly plotted mystery– one that also happens
to be a tribute to mysteries in general, pulps and TV private eyes in
particular.

If you’re a fan of the genre, you’ll find a lot to like here.
In-jokes abound, and Harvey Mapes is one of the most likeable PIs in
years. But don’t expect Naked Gun type antics. There is blood. There is
sex. There is tragedy. And there are even some bittersweet moments to
go along with the many belly laughs.


The Man with the Iron On Badge flaunts convention while also being
a part of that very same convention, and the result is a cross between
Dave Barry and Donald Westlake. It’s a one-sitting read, and more than
worth the price of admission.

Thanks, Joe!

Murder He Wrote

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045121662801_sclzzzzzzz_Author Donald Bain’s MURDER SHE WROTE novel, MARGARITAS & MURDER is now in bookstores.  This is the 24th book in the long-running tie-in series. 
Remarkably, every book  is still in-print — adding up to more than three million copies sold since the series was launched. And there’s more to come. Don reports that he’s signed a contract for another four books in the series, which he now writes in tandem with his wife Renee. I hope my DIAGNOSIS MURDER books, which wouldn’t exist if not for his amazing success, do even half as well…

Portrait of an Anxious Writer, the Sequel

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Novelist Joseph A. West, author of the GUNSMOKE novels (among many others) read my previous post on this topic and sympathized with Sanda’s anxiety. He, too, knows it all too well ("writing is a lot of agony and damn little ecstasy," he tells me).

My worst
bouts of dark depression come after I’ve sent in the manuscript. After a week
with no word from New York the conversation between my wife and myself always
runs something like this:

"Well Emily, that’s it. The end. The end of everything."
"What are you talking about?"
"Brent hates the book. He probably thinks it’s the worst piece of shit
that’s ever been written in the entire history of the world. Maybe in the entire
history of the universe."
Emily, her head bent to the embroidery on her lap: "Don’t you think if the
book was bad he’d have called and told you so?"
"Hell no. He’s so appalled by its shitiness he’d been struck dumb, maybe
even blind. He may have shown it around to other publishers as the worst book
ever written and they’ve also been struck dumb and blind. In one fucking stroke
I could have single-handedly destroyed the whole New York publishing
industry."
"I thought the book was fine."
"You’re my wife. Don’t you think you may be just a wee bit
prejudiced?"
"No. And I also think you’re nuts."
I shake my head. "It’s the end, the end I tell you. I knew that book was a
piece of fucking crap from the first word to the least.God, I may have killed
Brent. He could have read the damn thing and suffered a massive stroke."
"I’m outta here," Emily says."I have to put on the potatoes."
And me, I call after her: "I’m doomed, I tell you, doomed."
Then to myself: "I should have done like my old grandpappy told me to do
and become a plumber." 

How Do You Host a Signing For Someone Who Doesn’t Exist?

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I got this email today:

I have a question regarding your entry on authors changing names. Don’t
authors need to do tours and talks to publicize their books? I’ve heard that
much of a book’s success depends on the author’s own initiative to do
publicity. But if they’re using a pseudonym, isn’t this impossible? It would
only take one person to reveal him/her.

A good question…with lots of answers.

In many cases, the pseudonyms are an open secret (for instance, Jeremiah Healy makes no secret that he’s "Terry Devane" nor does Gar Haywood hide that he’s "Ray Shannon") and the authors go on the signing circuit anyway. The only ones who are "fooled" are the computers at the chain stores.

Other authors turn their pseudonym into a marketing tool, creating some mystery and buzz around the book. They require booksellers to drop shop books to a third party for signing so that the mystery of who they are remains intact. "Boston Teran" and "John Twelve Hawks" are recent examples, "Trevanian" is an older one. Stephen King, Nora Roberts, and Robert Ludlum also wrote books under other names as well as their own. So have pulp authors like Marvin H. Albert (aka Albert Conroy, Ian McAlister, Nick Quarry, Tony Rome, etc.) and  Harry Whittington (aka Whit Harrison, Blaine Stevens, Ashley Carter, etc.)

Others just avoid the signing/promotion circuit and hope for the best…which, of course, could work against them and undermine the chances of their new identity increasing their sales or, in the case of already famous authors, matching the success they enjoy as themselves.

Finally, there are writers who make their living as ghostwriters…writing books for celebrities, politicians, other authors, or house names (names created by the publisher so that several writers can contribute to a series of books without the readers ever knowing). Don Pendleton hasn’t written an EXECUTIONER/MACK BOLAN novel in decades.

James Reasoner, for example, has been writing westerns under other authors’ names and house names for years. Donald Bain writes the MURDER SHE WROTE books under his own name as well as a NY Times bestselling series under someone else’s name (a someone who widely promotes the books he or she doesn’t write). Reportedly,  Robert Tanenbaum doesn’t write his legal thrillers (Michael Gruber did for many years)…but that doesn’t stop him from going on booksigning tours anyway.

In short, there are lots of reasons for writing under other names and lots of ways to promote your books despite the illusion.

Portrait of an Anxious Writer

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I’ve been reading author Sandra Scoppettone’s blog each day and getting increasingly anxious. She’s just turned in her latest novel to her editor. Now she’s waiting to see if they will offer her another contract. Sandra is an old pro… but she isn’t taking the waiting well. Her anxiety and impatience is, well, infectious. Reading her blog, I’ve been tempted to call my agent to find out what’s happening with my contract and I’m not even waiting for one.

Saturday, October 22, 2005
Ladies Who Lunch

I just had lunch with my agent.  Besides having a good time, which we
always have, she reasurred me about being offered a contract for the
next two Faye Quick books.

“What are they waiting for?” I knew, of course.

“The numbers.  They need to know what to offer.”

“You mean they might offer less?”

“No.  The same or more.”

I’m home now and I know I’ll never be offered a contract for any book ever again.


Thursday, October 27, 2005
Waiting

I spend my days buying tunes from Itunes to fill up my Ipod Nano.  Get
out my CDs to transfer them to the Ipod.  I don’t write much email.
Haven’t felt like it.  Read.  Not as much as I plan to each day.  Stay
in my pj’s until noon.  Talk on the phone.  Go to the library.  Then
the library cottage…buy books…more books.  Order even more books from
Amazon or through Addall.  Read blogs.

But mostly I wait.  For the phone to ring.  No, I’m not waiting to be asked to the Halloween party.

I’M WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT GETTING A GODDAMN BOOK CONTRACT!


Friday, November 04, 2005
Target Day?

Yesterday I spoke to my agent and reminded her that it was November.
She said she’d call my editor today.   Six more hours to go.  Do
I believe this will happen?  No.  And even if it does that might not
mean my editor is waiting for the call so he can offer a deal.  Or the
deal will be so hideous I’ll have to work at the library.  I guess there
could be worse places here to work.  Now that I think about it, the
library is looking good.


Monday, November 07, 2005
Still Waiting

At 3:40 the phone rang.  I rushed to answer.  It
was the trashman’s wife to tell me the pick up will be on Sat. instead of
Thurs.  It’s now 10:20 pm and that phone call never came.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Nothing

No phone call.

No email.

No nothing.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005
The Email

Hello, Agent

I got your voice message.

Hereabouts this week is
jam-packed with launch meetings for next year–both the preparations for the
meetings and then actually giving the presentations; so every minute is
precious.

Once the dust settles next week
and I can get people focused on something other than the launch, I’ll set in
motion the Sandra Scoppettone discussion.  Thanks for your patience.

Editor


Friday, November 11, 2005
Oh, Okay

January the online magazine gave me a great revue.  I sent one to my
editor and one to my agent.  I told my agent I wanted her to be armed when
she talks to the editor.  This is what she wrote back to me:

Hey, thanks for
sending this.  And stop worrying.  love, Agent

I wrote back and said I couldn’t change my whole personality at this point in life.  Laid back
I’m not.  Surprise!