Mystery Writing

PJ Parrish Talks Sex

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The writing team that goes by the name PJ Parrish talk about the sex…or, rather, the lack of good sex…in mysteries.

Why are crime writers such major wussies when it comes to sex? What the hell
happens to most of them when they have to write about it?

I’ll tell you
what happens. They turn trite and sentimental. Or they become boring and
flaccid. And they get as self-conscious as pimply prom dates. Crime writers can
meet murder head on and not flinch, can even render death poetic. But faced with
having to describe copulation — especially in the context of, gasp!
relationships — they can turn out the most dreadful, unbelievable, embarrassing
treacle.

Dear Mr. Teriyaki

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Author Eric Stone posted this on the DorothyL discussion list this morning:

Did anyone else who attended Men of Mystery in Irvine, California
on Saturday find the story Dean Koontz told in his speech about his
letter writing campaign to the president of a Japanese company, offensive? I
did. And I’m pretty hard to offend. At least one other author I know who
was there, who has lived in Japan, also found it offensive. We both were
aghast. While most of the people in the audience were laughing, we
weren’t.

I write thrillers that are set in Asia. I know the region well.
I lived and worked in Asia for 11 years and though I never lived in Japan, I
visited it for business and on holidays at least twice a year that entire
time. If I was ever to create a character that would say or write things
similar to what Mr. Koontz claimed to have written in his letters to the
Japanese corporate executive, it would be for the purpose of showing him as
a culturally-insensitive lout – the Ugly American personified as it
were.

Sheesh, I was enjoying the event up until then, and looking forward
to hearing Mr. Koontz speak.

I also found his  letters to the Japanese CEO offensive.
So did quite a few other authors in attendance (I didn’t talk to any of the 550  "civilians" in the audience
about it).

Koontz talked about a dispute he
had with a studio owned by a Japanese company and regaled the audience with the
letters he wrote to the Japanese CEO, who he referred to as "Mr. Teriyaki." The
letters used WWII, the Japanese surrender, Bataan Death March, and Godzilla to ridicule the CEO and
browbeat him into taking Koontz’s name off a movie based on one of his books. To
say the jokes were in horrifically bad taste and that letters
themselves were cringe-inducing in their boorish insensitivity would be an
understatement.
 
What if the CEO was black? Would Koontz have addressed his letters to Mr. Fried Chicken and joked about the good old days of slavery and racial discrimination? Or if
the CEO was a Jew? Would he have called him Mr. Matzoball and reminded him of the
Holocaust? I was astonished that people were laughing when they should have
shunned him with silence. It’s a shame, because Koontz is an incredibly talented
writer who I’m sure could have delivered both an entertaining and interesting
speech.

UPDATE: My brother Tod was also shocked by Koontz’s speech.

Each letter was addressed to "Mr. Teriyaki." (Internment camps were not
mentioned in any of the letters, which I assume was a simple omission on Mr.
Koontz’s part and will be rectified in the future.)

Stunningly, the audience thrilled to the stories! The laughter cascaded about
the room! People dabbed tears! Do you have any stories about your hatred of the
Jews, Mr. Koontz? Any good ones about the Muslim world? How about a notation on
some more racial stereotypes you’ve used when negotiating your name off other
shitty movies?

Happily, author after author came walking to the back of the room in horror
(more horror than is typically engendered by one of Koontz’s books, no doubt)
and wonder about what they were hearing. Did he really just tell a 15 minute
story about the Japanese where he referred to the person in question as Mr.
Teriyaki? Was the audience really laughing? Or, as Rob Roberge said, "Is he
coming out in blackface next?"

UPDATE: I got a call today from Dean Koontz, who wasn’t pleased about the comments here. I apologized to him for using "Sambo" and "Kike" as comparisons for his use of "Mr. Teriyaki" to refer to the Asian exec. He found the use of those words pejorative and said they mischaracterized the tenor of his speech. I agreed. So I  have changed them to "Mr. Fried Chicken" and "Mr. Matzoball." I believe his speech was  offensive and in bad taste — and I reiterated that belief to him in our phone conversation.

Author Joe Konrath, who was also in attendance, weighs in on his blog:

There’s a lot of buzz circulating about Dean Koontz’s speech, and how
he offended many attendees. Personally, I didn’t find the remarks
offensive—Koontz was purposely trying to be humorously insulting, in
order to get a certain Japanese CEO to drop his name from a movie
title. His goal was to dishonor the guy. The problem was in the set-up
and the execution. Koontz just wasn’t very funny. George Carlin is a
lot more offensive, but gets away with it because he’s funny.

Had
Koontz spent more time showing he was the underdog, and established
that he wasn’t racist and did all of this to right an injustice (rather
than because he simply wanted his way, which is how he came off), I
think the story would have gone over a little better.

Or perhaps Mr. Koontz should simply retire this particular anecdote.

More UPDATES on the jump:

 

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Rinse. Lather. Die.

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I got this email from a friend of mine and thought it was so funny, I had to share it with you.

One of the prominent trends in mystery fiction todayis the publication of
what I call "niche mysteries." These are books that, in theory, will appeal
to a small niche of readers due to their unique and charming specialty
content.

As a result, we have suffered through the Mommy mysteries,
the scrapbooking mysteries, the needlepoint mysteries. Mysteries set in the
world of bed and breakfasts, travel agencies, and old age homes. Mysteries
with recipes, patterns, or tips on making candy.

But now they’ve gone
too far.

Today I received in the mail a mystery novel ("first in the
new series," the cover proudly trumpets) that is set in the exciting and
quirky world of…

Soapmaking.

That’s right. Soapmaking. It even
includes soapmaking tips.

The title? Dead Men Don’t Lye.

I
couldn’t make this shit up.

What’s next, Glass-blowing  Mysteries?  Nail Polishing Mysteries? Mohel Mysteries?

Breaking In

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Author Joe Konrath talks about the advice he gave to an aspiriing writer…and what happened next. It’s an inspiring story, not just for writers trying to break in, but for everyone who writes books. I wish more aspiring writers would find motivation from stories like this than from the get-rich-quick/get-published-quick come-on of  self-publishing.

Bibliomysteries

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The latest issue of Mystery Readers Journal, from the folks at Mystery Readers International, is just hitting the stands. This month’s issue is dedicated to "bibliomysteries" and includes articles by Bill Crider, Rochelle Krich, Elaine Viets, Carolyn Hart and me among many others. I wrote about the painstaking research that went into writing THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE.

(I’ll  be talking to the members of Mystery Readers International up in Berkeley on Friday, Oct 28, at 7:00 pm. Contact Janet Rudolph for more information).

The Cold Draft

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Yesterday, I shared excerpts from  some of the rejection letters I received for THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE during its long journey to publication. Today, novelist Laurie King reflects on the uncertainty and rejection all professional writers face, regardless of their past successes.

There ain’t no guarantees in the writing business. It’s scary even to mention
the possibility, as if failure is a demon summoned by voicing his name, but it’s
very true, it’s waiting just outside. I’ve got sixteen books out there, sold a
couple million copies, had titles on the New York Times list, and still, every
day I feel the cold draft at the bottom of the door. My accountant talks about
SEP accounts, and I think, well, that may be necessary. My husband asks if we’re
going to have the money for some project or another, and I have to tell him I
don’t know.

Rejection

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Last week, I talked about the long road to publication for THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE,which came out this month to some terrific reviews (including a starred review from Kirkus and a rave from Publishers Weekly).  Here are s0me of the rejections the book got over the years. I’ve edited out the names of the companies and editors.

"The manuscript was a lot of fun — definitely a good read and a fresh angle. We seriously considered it since it is so unique, but ultimately we have to pass since we are moving away from mysteries and thrillers…"

"I am going to have to pass on an offer at this time. We must be extremely selective with the titles we bring on."

"Thanks so much for the extended look at THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE. You know I hold Lee in the highest regard and I thought he treated this mystery with great humor and enthusiasm. Though I think the conception is novel, in the end I just thought that the plot development moved a little too slowly for us to be really able to break this out commercially. Furthermore,  though I think Harvey Mapes is a great protagonist, I just didn’t think the ‘fish out of water’ conception would play out successfully in a very crowded and competitive market."

"This story is well-written and entertaining; however, the tone is not quite right for our list and overall it would be very difficult to publish."

"This is going to be a pass for me. Though I thought the writing was strongly readable and mildly humorous, the protagonist likeable and the overall delivery well structured, I’m afraid the overall storyline wasn’t strong or original enough for me."

"I agree it is an unusual crime story. Unfortunately, we find the market is glutted with crime fiction right now and the market is not kind these days. Simply put, I did not find this manuscript special enough to warrant an offer."

"Lee Goldberg is a great writer but I’m afraid I didn’t respond to the first person voice the way I would have liked in order to confidently take it on for my list here and be its advocate."

"Lee has a good sense of humor and a great grasp of the down-and-out detective genre. I found the story here entertaining, and though it’s not perfect, I asked the publisher to read it. He was not as enamored of it as I was and I lost the battle of wills."

"It’s a lot of fun and very professionally done, but I just don’t see it for my list. I’m sorry, because I liked Harvey. I loved the wit, I admired the use of the L.A. setting. This is one of the better PI novels I’ve ever read."

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Connelly’s Road to Hollywood

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Michael Connelly’s crime novels regularly top the best-seller lists.  His Harry Bosch series has sold more than 2.6 million
copies. His website gets one million hits a
month, and his email list boasts about 30,000 names. Connelly is a certified celebrity in the mystery book world.  You’d think studios would be scrambling to make movies based on his books. But so far, only BLOOD WORK has made it to the screen…and was a critical and box-office dud (but was something of a dry run for the creative team that would make MYSTIC RIVER an Oscar-winning success).
Although Connelly co-created the UPN TV series LEVEL 9, his involvement was minimal and the show tanked( a writer on the show, Paul Guyot, has a nice appreciation of Connelly on his blog today).

Over the years, his Bosch books have been optioned several times and countless screenplays have been written…and yet, no movie or even a TV pilot have been produced  (having read a couple of those scripts, I can understand why).  VOID MOON reportedly began as an original screenplay before Connelly turned it into a book…and yet, no movie there, either.

What’s the problem here? I don’t know.  Perhaps it’s the same curse that has kept Thomas Perry’s books from being made into films.  But now there’s buzz that Connelly’s new novel THE LINCOLN LAWYER is generating heat in Hollywood and is big-screen bound.

Let’s hope.

Marvin H. Albert

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You may recall that I’ve got a guilty-pleasure-passion for the Frank Sinatra’s TONY ROME and LADY IN CEMENT movies, both of which were based on books by Marvin H. Albert (who also co-wrote the screenplay for LADY). Novelist, editor and paperback collector Bill Crider  has written an interesting article about Albert for this month’s issue of Mystery*File magazine. The article includes a complete bibliography of Albert’s work, compiled by Steve Lewis. Albert was an amazingly versatile, if unappreciated, writer whose work included screenplays, novels in several genres, and even movie tie-ins. He was one of a dying breed.