Buying the Last Word

Actor Rob Schneider didn’t like  LA Times columnist Patrick Goldstein using his movies as an example of what’s wrong with Hollywood today…

It’s a funny thing, but today’s movie studios are no longer in the Oscar
business. If there’s one common thread among this year’s five best picture
nominees, it’s that they were largely financed by outside investors. The most
money any studio put into one of the nominees was the $21 million that Miramax
anted up for "Finding Neverland." The other nominated films were orphans —
ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that eagerly
remake dozens of old TV series (aren’t you looking forward to a bigger, dumber
version of "The Dukes of Hazzard"?) or bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a
follow-up to "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo," a film that was sadly overlooked at
Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for
Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic.

Instead of just ignoring the cheap shot, Schneider bought a full-page in Variety today to fire back.

I went online and found you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing….no journalistic awards of any kind….there was, however, a nomination for an Amy Goldstein. I contacted Ms. Goldstein in Rhode Island, and she assured me she was not an alias of yours and in fact like most of the world had no idea of your existence.

Frankly, I
am surprised the LA Times would hire somone like you with so few or, actually,
no accolades to work on the front page. Surely there must be a larger talent
pool for the LA Times to draw from. Perhaps, someone who has at least won a
"Cable Ace Award."

Maybe, Mr. Goldstein, you didn’t win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t
invented a category for "Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter, Who’s Never
Been Acknowledged By His Peers."

Patrick, I can honestly say that if I sat with your colleagues at a luncheon, afterwards they’d say "you know, that Rob Schneider is a pretty intelligent guy, I hope we can do that again." Whereas, if you sat with my colleagues, after lunch you would just be beaten beyond recognition.

I don’t think Schneider did himself any favors with that ad. It would have been more impressive if he’d actually offered an intelligent argument that countered Goldstein’s views instead of being as infantile as, well, one of his own movies.  Beyond that, all Schneider really said was:  "Fuck Goldstein. Look at me, I’m so rich that instead of licking a stamp and sending a Letter To The Editor, I can afford to buy a full page in Variety instead. Can that cheap hack  do that? I don’t think so!"

3 thoughts on “Buying the Last Word”

  1. True. Schneider can be an ass when he wants. (He once came to Cincinnati just to prove it!)
    But it was still a crappy article that prompted it. One must learn not to take cheap shots if one doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of them.

  2. Ouch! That was ugly. You’re right Rob should’ve taken the higher ground. That ad he bought was just extravagant and silly.
    Rob was a friend of mine in high school, and I’m glad to see that he’s done well, but I sincerely thought he knew he isn’t in the same league as Woody Allen, Richard Pryor, Albert Brooks, Eddie Murphy (in his day), and other movie funny guys of that caliber.
    I just assumed he was aware of his status in Hollywood by the material he presents: toilet humor, crass sex jokes and over-the-top slapstick. It’s pretty clear to me – not oscar material.
    I like the guy, I’m not trying to be mean – I’m just perplexed.


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