Diagnosis Murder Song

2 thoughts on “Diagnosis Murder Song”

1. Married to a musician who regularly asks me to decipher lyrics, I’m usually pretty good at this, but I’ll admit that once the blonde starts… singing…I lost most of this.
   What I think they’re singing at the beginning:
   Dr. Dick diagnosed me dead
   “I think you’ve made a mistake,” I said.
   “How many medical books have you read?
   Dead people don’t get out of bed.”
   “I know I’m right!” the doctor cried.
   “I see right there the blood is spilled.”
   I said, “I think you need your eyesight checked.
   It’s your audience you’ve killed.”
   All I can make out of the rest of it is that the singer isn’t sure why he’s addicted to the show, but it cheers him up when he’s “in a bitter mood.”

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2. Doctor Dick
   INTRO and other bits
   VERSE
   Doctor Dick diagnosed me dead
   I think you’ve made a mistake” I said,
   How many medical books have you read?
   Dead people don’t get out of bed!”
   I know Im right” the doctor cried
   I can see right where the blood has spilled”
   I said, “I think you need your eyesight checked
   Cause that’s your audience you’ve killed”
   BRIDGE
   It was Jesse in the kitchen with the knife,
   I know this cause I am dick van dyke
   And there’s one thought that crosses all our minds, Thank god this aint real life!
   CHORUS
   Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder
   I know I laugh at you but I don’t know what I would do
   If you were gone it would be wrong and daytime tele would be through.
   You’re soon to hit the big Nine –O
   And your hairs starting to go
   You ran out of plots long ago
   Don’t you think its time to leave the show?
   All my friends are out at work all day,
   They don’t get the hang of rest and play
   But all in all id rather wait,
   To hear that cheesy music once again
   Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder
   I know I laugh at you but I don’t know what I would do
   If you were gone it would be wrong
   And daytime tele would be through but I know you’ll still live on,
   On the strength of your song.
   ~INTERLUDE~
   When I’m in a bitter mood
   Quincy don’t got what it takes
   But everyday at five past two
   Its is my day that is Made
   There’s something special about being dick van dyke,
   You don’t know how to act but it’s all right
   Cause when you’ve forgotten all your lines
   Just do your cockney accent one more time
   Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder
   I know I laugh at you but I don’t know what I would do
   If you were gone it would be wrong
   And daytime tele would be through but I know you’ll still live on,
   On the strength of your song.
   But more than that it is a fact that you will never ever be sacked
   Cause its you who writes the show can you guess how I know?
   Its just that other people would see point in plausibility
   But you entertain us all with your witty repartee
   and every case there is a race to be the first one to give chase to the bad guy who did the dirty deed
   Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder
   Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder,
   END

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