How Not To Make it Big in Hollywood

I got this email today…

I am a 21 year old aspiring model/actress/entertainer, my name is  Melinda XYZ. My dream and goal is to
work in all different aspects of the entertainment industry. I have the attitude
and personality that it takes to make it in this industry.
I am fun, energetic, and a beautiful 21 year old female that has the drive to make it "big" in the entertainment industry. I am very comfortable in front of the camera and in of people!
I am really interested in working with you.
Could you please help me out. I know that you are busy but
I seem to keep ending up with the people contacting me only for "adult films"
and I dont want to put myself in that situation. Could you possibly help me
out a little – PLEASE..

Birthday: October 24, 1983
Hair: Light Brown
Height: 5’3"
Weight: 102
Pants: 3
Waist: 22
Hips: 34
Shoe: 6.5
Size: 3
Please feel free to contact me or my manager. My
numbers are;
Work: XXX-XXX-XXXX ext 2171 please feel free to call me at work any time. My address is XXXXXXXXXX. My manager’s address is XXXXXXXXXX. My email address is XXXXXXXXXX.

Gee, I can’t imagine  why she’d only be getting offers from porn producers, can you?

Do you think it could be because her impersonal pitch reads like a singles ad… or worse, like one of those email come-ons from women inviting you to call them for some hot phone sex?

I don’t know what makes her think that junk mailing this pitch, packed with important details like her shoe size, will get her a job offer from anyone but a porn producer.

I wonder if her "manager" gave her this wonderful advice….

UPDATE (1/22/05) – I got this email today:

4 Cheating House Wife have been matched for you in your area:

Danielle, 120 lbs, 5’9, 36c, 14 miles away, available Jan 15-17th
2) Emily,
128 lbs, 5’7, 36d, 11 miles away, available most week nights ( looking for
3) Hannah, 121 lbs, 5’8, 34b, 5 miles away, available Jan
4) Melissa, 127 lbs, 5’8, 36c, 13 miles away, available most week
nights ( looking for side-fling)

All 4 women are waiting to speak with
you live & have photos. Webcam’s are available for all 4.

I wonder if they want to be actresses too…

4 thoughts on “How Not To Make it Big in Hollywood”

  1. I have been getting a lot of speculation at school. I have a book thats coming out. I’ve incorporated that in my screen play and I have many enthusiasts outside of my family who believe I’m the next Steven Speilberg due to my creative thinking. For those that don’t believe me call me on it and prepare to be shocked. I will show the world something new. I just need a guide so I’m not to in over my head. I need someone thats in the inner circle. Once people see my stuff they’ll love it. There’s no doubt about that. Will you help me get off to the right start?


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