Make Me A Star

Today I got two emails from two different people, both hoping for the same thing, that they could use me to achieve their dreams of success in Hollywood. This first email came in under the subject heading "I Have Some Great Screenplays!" (The names, addresses and phone numbers have been removed, otherwise the emails are untouched):

Hello Mr. Lee Goldberg my name is XYZ but people call me Hollywood.
I have three great screenplays ready to be shoot and I am working on my forth
one which should be done in a month or so.  If you would like to know more about
my scripts please give me a call at XXX-XXX-XXX or email me at
XXX@hotmail.com thank you for your time.

I responded:  Hello Mr. XYZ, my name is Lee Goldberg, but people call me Pierce Brosnan. Why would I be interested in your screenplays? I’m trying to sell my own

I received a polite email from a guy on the East Coast who says he has a great idea for an episodic legal drama:

Though I spend a great deal of my time developing and
selling creative concepts (for direct marketing applications), I’m not a script
writer.  I’m contacting you because I’m looking for a talented television writer
with industry credibility that might be interested in partnering to develop a
pilot. If you are interested in exploring this or know of a
writer who might be,  please let me know.

I get this offer several times a week from people outside the industry who have "great ideas" but just need a guy like me to partner up with.

To be blunt, why would I want to do that? What’s in it for me? I’ve got lots of ideas of my own and all you’d be doing is benefitting from my experience, my "industry credibility,"  and years of hard work. What do you bring to the table? An idea.  Sorry, but that’s not enough.

There’s a saying in television, ideas are cheap and execution is everything. The networks  don’t buy ideas, they buy ability, experience, point-of-view, and a track record.  LOST is not a great idea — People shipwrecked on an island. It has been done a hundred times before. What ABC bought was hit-maker JJ Abrams doing people shipwrecked on an island.  NYPD BLUE is not a great idea. It’s cops in NY solving crimes. What ABC bought was Steven Bochco doing cops in NY solving crimes.  They also bought the proven ability of JJ Abrams and Steven Bochco to write and produce a series.

I know… that’s what you need me for, right? You need my "industry credibility" and "talent."
But here’s the thing: there’s absolutely no upside in it for me, or any other established writer-producer, partnering up with you.  We didn’t work for years to establish "industry credibility" so someone else without any could take a shortcut and ride on our coat-tails.

If you were a bestselling novelist with an idea, that’s something else. You have something to offer beyond an idea.  You bring your name,  reputation, and proven track record as a storyteller. If you were a  famous actor, that’s something else. You bring your image,  your fans, and proven ability to draw a large audience.  If you were an ex-D.A., and your idea draws on your background in the field, then you have something to offer. You bring years worth of courtroom experience  and credibility in the field (for instance, I’ve partnered with cops before to pitch ideas based on their unique experiences).

I think you get my point.  Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not interested.

50 thoughts on “Make Me A Star”

  1. Most people in your position would just delete these without replying, and I’m sure many people think your replies were rude and *should* have been left unsent, but really, you are providing some useful information, even if it’s just about what not to try.

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  2. Uh, I thought by having you call me by my code name you would understand that email was supposed to be just between us.
    Now I’m not going to show you my screenplays.
    Paul “Hollywood” Guyot

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  3. Lee,
    I have no ideas, no credibility, and no talent. I would like to work with you to make me rich. Please respond ASAP so I can be on my way to stardom.
    Thank you,
    Mark

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  4. Now, Lee, you can’t have it both ways, you know.
    “What do you bring to the table? An idea.  Sorry, but that’s not enough.”
    “There’s a saying in television, ideas are cheap and execution is everything.”
    If your ideas are so cheap why do you rant against fanficcers borrowing some of them? Because the execution of the fic is theirs, which, as you say, is everything.
    kete

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  5. but people call me Hollywood.
    Honestly now, does the person in the mirror count as “people?”
    I don’t think so.
    Also, Lee, the first time you come to me and say “Hey, Mr. Consultant, I have a fantastic idea for aligning the systems and resources of Department X with the organizational strategies of Company Y,” well, I’m just going to laugh and laugh and remember these posts.
    You shall rue the day!
    Or perhaps not.

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  6. If your ideas are so cheap why do you rant against fanficcers borrowing some of them? Because the execution of the fic is theirs, which, as you say, is everything.
    “A doctor who solves murders,” is an idea.
    Diagnosis Murder is the execution of that idea.
    Writing Diagnosis Murder fanfic isn’t taking an idea and executing it. It’s taking someone else’s execution of the idea and creating a derivative work based on it.

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  7. Kete,
    I’m talking about selling a TV series, which is a business. A one-hour, weekly drama costs upwards for $50 million a year. Networks aren’t going to hand that money over to “a guy with an idea.” They will, however, entrust that money to someone they know will deliver a series on time and on budget that meets their professional and technical standards of excellence.
    That is why the fellow who emailed me needed someone with “industry credibility” and “talent” to sell his idea to a network. What I’m saying is that he’s right, he does… and that there’s no incentive for me to partner with someone who brings nothing to the party except an idea. Because networks don’t buy ideas, they buy the execution of those ideas. Get it?
    I don’t see how this relates to fanfic in the least. Fanfic is the unauthorized appropriation of someone characters, concepts, settings, and formats, and the creative execution of those ideas, and using them as the basis of their own work.
    Fanfic is the polar oppposite of having an idea. It’s the theft of someone else’s ideas.
    That said, I’m not going to let the comments here devolve into another discussion of fanfic. Believe it or not, I have other interests than turning my entire blog over to the debate. So I’ll delete any further comments on the subject here. If you have something more to say about fanfic, take it to one of the other discussions of the topic on this blog.
    Lee

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  8. Just curious: have you developed an eye for distinguishing the dreamers from the schemers, or do you exhibit the same gracelessness to all?

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  9. I use common sense.
    The two people who emailed me who want me to read their scripts or sell their ideas: Dreamers
    Lori Prokop & PublishAmerica: Schemers
    Seems obvious to me. How about you?

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  10. Seriously, Lee, Anonymous has a point.
    I agree, these people who email you are exceedingly silly, but a little tact could only reflect well on you. Something along the lines of, “Sorry, not interested, no time, blah blah,” rather than a VERY tacky-reading blowoff.
    Of course, you have a RIGHT to be rude if you really want to (and we’re all well aware that you’ve exercised it freely in the past) it just bears observing that a little politeness can’t possibly hurt you OR the poor sod who was too dense to research real ways to get a screenway into the market.

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  11. Jocelyn,
    Instead of just deleting their messages without reply, or simply saying no thank you, I explained my reasoning for passing on their offers…and I shared my responses here so others might learn something from them.
    What’s graceless, rude or tacky about that? If it’s posting their emails publicly that bothers you, anyone who reads my blog (as these people who wrote me obviously do) knows that I frequently post the emails I get.

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  12. Jocelyn, I think the point you don’t quite understand is how often writers (and, I suspect, other people in creative arts, whatever they may be) are faced with these requests. There is a line between being polite and being realistic with people, and typically, polite tends to invite further emails and submissions of work I don’t want to read or comment on or help get published. When someone emails me to ask if I’ll read their novel or short story or poem or fictional memoir (that’s my favorite…can someone please alert the world that a memoir can’t be, uh, fictional…because that makes it a novel)or if I’ll turn their novel, short story, poem of fictional memoir idea into a novel, short story, poem or fictional memoir, I typically say, hey, thanks for thinking of me but I write my own work. This is generally followed up by an email saying I am a sell out punk who can’t help the little guy etc. etc. etc. I offer guidance when possible — buy the Writers Market, take a class, wash twice a day with soft soap — but it is not my job, or anyone’s job, to shepherd all who ask for guidance. When I was getting started, do you know how I got an agent? How I got published? How I managed to sell my book? I did it myself. I took the classes. I queried the agents. I didn’t sneak in through a backdoor. I went through the process and failed and succeeded in my own right. Typically, the folks who write and send me their ideas and books don’t want to do that, they want to find some way to subvert the process. So the reason, I believe, Lee is unfailingly honest with these people is that it is the right thing to do. No screenwriter in Hollywood gives a shit about an idea a housewife in Duluth has. Go write a script and get an agent and do it the right way…which isn’t emailing TV producers and asking them to take on their projects. Lee is rude and Lee does mock them, but I’ve got new for you: It’s nothing compared to what it would be like if they just showed up one afternoon at CAA with an idea in their hand.

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  13. Hey, I don’t mock everybody. I only mocked the renaissance man on the leading edge of his masculinity who thought I could make him the next James Bond…and the guy who wrote the novel that began with the sentence about the smell of pig feces in the air midway between dawn and sunrise…and the guy with the reality show idea who–
    –ah hell, nevermind. You’re right.

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  14. Tod–I agree in general with your point; you and Lee have every right to refuse. My objection is to unprovoked rudeness. If you tell them no politely, and they persist, THEN you can break out the snark to them.
    Of course, again, this is just my opinion. But I do think you can be unfailingly honest without being rude. There’s plenty of rudeness in the world already (sorry, late nights of studying legal ethics brings out the soapbox habits) without adding to it. But my point is that you pro writers represent the whole profession when these guys (as stupid as some of them are, I admit) come to you with questions.
    You’re well within your rights to send them on their way, but the few lines you wrote just now about how you got published would suit just as well as Lee’s rudeness.
    Just out of curiosity, what is “sneaking through the back door”?

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  15. Lee, I think you handled this fine. It was hardly “unprovoked rudeness”, it isn’t as if you held them up for ridicule or flamed them broadly. And, this isn’t the FIRST time this subject has come up, is it? Such as
    “http://leegoldberg.typepad.com/a_writers_life/2005/03/another_brillia.html”
    and
    “http://leegoldberg.typepad.com/a_writers_life/2005/02/i_dont_want_to_.html”
    (gah.. not able to create a link)
    And so, someone who would apparently have read Lee’s blog should understand he would be a little less patient with the next email on the same topic.

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  16. the few lines you wrote just now about how you got published would suit just as well as Lee’s rudeness.
    Absolutely agree with Joceyln here, how much time would it take to put together a polite boiler-plate reply covering the points Tod explained, perhaps add a couple of good books and links. Cut and paste it into your emailer, top and tail quickly to meet the specifics of the case if necessary, press ‘send’ and you’re done.
    It works. In RL, I have prepared paragraphs and notes to suit the wide variety of the most usual queries sent to me, I update them from time to time and call the job done. It means I can spend my real earning time doing the work for which I’m actually paid.
    Then if these losers contact you again, get out the big guns and expend your creativity in giving them the bum’s rush: most people will recognise standard replies, get the picture and disappear. If you send them personal responses, they may just be thick enough get the impression you’re actually interested.

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  17. I happen to think Lee is right on in his responses. Maybe these nutjobs will do their research before wasting their time and his next time.
    I get messages like this all the time, too. The exchanges usually go something like this:
    “Will you review my book?”
    I reply: “What’s it about?”
    “Here’s a link to my website. Check it out.”
    At that point, I usually just delete them and move on, but sometimes, if I’m bored, I’ll go to the trouble of visiting their website. Inevitably, I will find that the book is self-published or vanity publishes or P.A. or an e-book or written in crayon or some other piece of crap I can’t review.
    I reply: “Unfortunately, I don’t review self-published novels, but I wish you success in your endeavors.”
    Sometimes, thankfully, that’s the end of it. But more often than not the reply comes back, “You arrogant piece of shit…”
    And then I ask myself why I didn’t just make fun of them in the first place.

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  18. I reply: “Unfortunately, I don’t review self-published novels, but I wish you success in your endeavors.”
    Sometimes, thankfully, that’s the end of it. But more often than not the reply comes back, “You arrogant piece of shit…”
    And then I ask myself why I didn’t just make fun of them in the first place.

    Well, when it gets to the point of them making THAT statement (meaning the “you arrogant piece of shit etc”) you’re more than free to mock them, because then they definitely deserve it.
    Obviously, I’m not in a position to know from personal experience, but I’d hope that there are at least some people who’d respond positively to a polite, “Sorry, I don’t review X kind of material, you ought to try an agent etc”.
    Side Note: Why do Jocelyn and Rommel keep reading the blog and replying to the posts of a person they clearly don’t like and don’t agree with? Are you people masochists or something?
    LOL! Hardly, David. I can’t speak for PM Rommel, but I happen to like getting the opinions of people I disagree with, especially when it’s an issue like fanfic where there are strong arguments on both side. Furthermore, I like reading about life from a published author’s point of view. When and if my material gets published, I may find myself on the receiving end of emails such as the one Lee’s talking about. It’s just interesting to look at the world from an established author’s point of view, not to mention an author who feels very differently from me on certain major issues.

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  19. I finally got so tired answering the same questions over and over and over that I wrote a book to answer them instead. So, yes, I do have a standard reply I use on most of the “Help me sell my script” or “I Have a Great Idea For a Series” emails I get each week:
    I’d have to write a book to answer your question… luckily I’ve written one. It’s called SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING and is available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc.
    But now and then that doesn’t suffice. Some times an email is so extraordinary (like the guy who wanted me to help him become James Bond) or inane or presumptuous or sleazy that it deserves special attention…like being posted on my blog. I’ll also post an email on my blog if I think it will give me a chance to say something that might be of interest or amusement to others.
    On the other hand, I reply to dozens of emails from strangers every day that I don’t post here.

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  20. Just out of curiosity, what is “sneaking through the back door”?
    Tod explained it perfectly. When a person is unwilling to do the work of writing and hopes to ride somebody else’s coattails. In some respects, writing the mss. is the easy part. Attending conferences, finding markets, querying, pitching the product, readying the manuscript, opening the rejection letters — it takes time. Major amounts of time and effort. Great big hunks of a writer’s day. How much easier if a writer with credentials took my stuff and presented it to those with the power to get it published while I go get another cup of latte?
    When and if my material gets published, I may find myself on the receiving end of emails such as the one Lee’s talking about.
    May I someday be that fortunate.
    It’s just interesting to look at the world from an established author’s point of view, not to mention an author who feels very differently from me on certain major issues.
    Why? Why not find an established author who thinks it’s fine to dismantle copyright laws and who thinks fanfiction is hunky dory? Go find one who likes kiddie porn. You already know his views. What more is he going to say that is going to give you that spark of insight you need to continue with your life?
    Regarding his posts. Somebody nudged me here and I agree that it’s a treasure trove of information for somebody who’s serious about their profession. Lots of writers have blogs and many of them have scads of great information to be gleaned. This is the only one I’ve posted on (Lucky you, Lee) because of his stance regarding fanfiction. Otherwise, I read and learn. And I write. That’s what is going to make somebody a professional — writing, writing, writing, polishing, querying, learning, learning, learning.
    Legal ethics? Ha!

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  21. Lee: Then a boilerplate response like the one PM Rommel suggested might be just the thing. Believe me, I do know how aggravating it is, getting the same dumb questions over and over (I used to work for a Congresswoman who had a very well put-together website, but that didn’t stop the phone calls on the same old questions day in, day out.)
    And I don’t disagree in principle with your posting the email here on your blog (I DO think “Hollywood” is an idiot who you have a right to mock), it’s just the initial response you made that bugged me a bit. As you’ve probably gathered by now, I have a thing about politeness even in the face of overwhelming stupidity. (Probably my training in political science.) 😉
    Claire: Thought you’d find the Legal Ethics bit amusing. Yes, I am taking that class. It’s required for law students–and you’re free to bring up my fanwriting when I apply to the Bar next year, hell, I’d be interested to see what they make of it!
    Why? Why not find an established author who thinks it’s fine to dismantle copyright laws and who thinks fanfiction is hunky dory? Go find one who likes kiddie porn.
    What makes you think I don’t? I’m on the Friends list of a published author who also writes fanfic, my Copyright professor at Georgetown finds it fascinating, I’ve been in contact with the aforementioned Rebecca Tushnet to hash out some of the issues I’ve discovered here.
    But I still like hearing what Lee and his fellow opponents (and even you, believe it or not) have to say. Regardless of what I and other proponents think of the legal claims, your emotional claim is no less valid than mine, and I do place a lot of stock in the attitudes of people different than me.
    I’m a very curious person (for a lark, I once mulled over enrolling in Bob Jones University just to see what it’d be like for a flamin’ liberal feminist).
    Beyond that–what can I say, differing views aside, I like Lee’s style. Some of my favorite authors do keep blogs, but their writing style is rather dry and formal, while Lee writes like he’s having a conversation and is easy to respond to (hence my plaguing your Comments all the time, eh, Lee?). Not to mention easy to understand.
    As for finding a writer/scholar who approves of kiddie porn fanfic…haven’t found one yet, and if you do, please let me know. I’d be interested (if a bit weirded out) to hear their arguments. There are some discussions even I shrink back from. 😉

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  22. Lee, Tod, or any other publishing person here: (Yes, it’s me again.)
    Here’s a question: What WOULD you recommend for a person with “just an idea” who doesn’t feel able/willing enough to write it out?
    Is collaborating with another amateur writer to put that idea together the only option, or IS there some other professional option for them?
    The thought just occurred to me, and I was curious.

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  23. you’re free to bring up my fanwriting when I apply to the Bar next year, hell, I’d be interested to see what they make of it!
    Why the hell would I bring up your fanwriting when you apply to the bar next year? Why the hell would I care when and where you’re applying to the bar? Submit it yourself if you think it’s germaine.

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  24. As for finding a writer/scholar who approves of kiddie porn fanfic…haven’t found one yet, and if you do, please let me know. I’d be interested (if a bit weirded out) to hear their arguments. There are some discussions even I shrink back from. 😉
    Don’t go there. Just don’t go there. I’m willing to bet you already know some.
    *off to bang head against wall some more.*

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  25. I reviewed a book (I think it’s just the one) from PointBlank, a subsidiary of Wildside. They’re a royalty-paying, legit publisher, though. POD, but not vanity.
    I used to occasionally review vanity books. Two of ’em that I can recall, one of whom has since gone on to a traditional publisher. I just don’t have time anymore, and there is no outside market for the reviews.

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  26. What WOULD you recommend for a person with “just an idea” who doesn’t feel able/willing enough to write it out?
    What would I recommend? Nothing.
    I’m always puzzled with this idea that everyone has a writer inside them just trying to get out.
    Who cares if someone has an idea? Doesn’t everyone have ideas about things all day long?

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  27. Lee,
    Perhaps I phrased my question a bit too harshly. I was trying to get an idea of how you select to whom and how you reply.
    Many writers have a standard pre-composed reply they send to these inquiries and your personalized replies, if sometimes blunt, are generous in that respect.

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  28. Okay. As far as I am concerned (and apparently the two newspaper editors who ran the pieces I wrote agreed), Pointblank is a legitimate, reputable press that publishes review-quality books. They are not a vanity press.

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  29. I accept that it’s your view. But stating it doesn’t illustrate a reason for it. I’m looking for the reason. This is a begging the question fallacy. It requires me to just accept the premise that I’m questioning. The answer seems to be because you say so and got it past two editors.

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  30. Well, yeah, that’s pretty much what it comes down to. In my judgment, the book was worthy of review. Fortunately, I’ve established enough of a reputation in my field that my judgment means something.
    You’re free to disagree, of course.

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  31. Lee is not rude. Jocelyn and others are wrong. As an aspiring writer myself, I valued that Lee took the time to be real. And as a Jamaican I never understood why this culture views “being real” as rude. THAT has never made sense to me. I am thankful for people like Lee. Don’t we have enough politically correct jargon and non-saying-nothings in the world as it is? The scriptwriting world is tough enough without more of those.
    Thanks Lee and Todd for taking the time….to be honest.
    Gosh, anyone calling your comments rude sound like such spoilt babies. How deep does their rabbit hole go?
    Not very I’d imagine.

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