More Ways for the Self-Published to Throw Away Their Money

I’ve received a slew of new pitches from hucksters  who think the self-published are suckers and, apparently, that I am one of them. To be fair to the hucksters, anyone who sends them a check after visiting their sites deserves whatever they get.

First up, there’s "The Hollywood Experience" offered by www.bookmanmarketing.com. For $599, Bookman Marketing will present your book "face to face" to Hollywood producers  and directors.

Each time we present projects we learn more about the entertainment industry
and more importantly how to sell ideas.  For example, we have learned not to hand out written information (it is universally ignored) and not to make casting suggestions.  We also learned not to present new ideas as a marriage of past films. 

Most presenters hand out packages consisting of outlines, promotions, reviews and even text. Then they go on to describe a potential project as "Rain Man meets Platoon" or some other combination.  These presenters are never taken seriously.  What works best and gets the most results are a business card and a concise description of the book.  That’s precisely what
we do.  When possible, we also tell the story from the vantage point of the protagonist. 

Oh yeah, these are the slick professionals you want pitching your book to Hollywood.  They’ve also learned that typed manuscripts are more effective than those handwritten in crayon. 

If you’re getting carpal tunnel syndrome from flushing your money dollar by dollar down the toilet, consider investing in one of Bookman Marketing’s many promotional packages,  ranging in price from $399 to $1895. Here are some of the amazing benefits they offer:

Calling bookstore owners on the phone is the most productive way to sell books.
As part of this package our full-time telemarketers will call bookstores and try
to sell your book and/or set up book signings.

That’s how to win over booksellers — bombard’em with calls from telemarketers!

Feature your book with our unique bookselling websites.
Bookmanmarketing.com is designed for bookstore owners. Bookatron.com is
positioned to become the premiere bookselling website for consumers. On these
sites, your book will not only benefit from your own book selling campaigns, but
from the campaigns of all of our other authors.

Wow. Imagine having your book sold on their website alongside used copies of  William Shatner’s "Star Trek Movie Memories" for $2.99 and the hot new self-published title "Places to Visit in Utah" for $29.99.  You’re bound to become a bestseller overnight!

We will also sell your book in our two retail stores in Franklin and
Martinsville, Indiana and take your book with us to book shows

I’ve often wondered  how I could finally break into the highly competitive Martinsville, Indiana market. Now I know.  But that’s not all.. for another  $299, you can list your book on  their site Signedbytheauthor.net

A unique website selling books autographed by the author! This one-of-a-kind
website offers books that are signed by the author. Instantly turn your books
into valuable collector’s items and gifts.

I hear collectors are clamoring for signed copies of "This Strange Quantum World and You" and "Are You Nobody from Nowhere Going No Place?" You better get there fast before all the copies are sold. If you’ve got any money left over afterwards, you should visit bookstofilmrealitytv.com.

We differ from screenwriting sites, in that we only accept screenplays that are derived from books. We also differ in that our panelist are comprised of a world where avid readers work directly with a panel of producers to bring the right property to fruition. Our book reviewers, book clubs and the actors themselves are included in the process of our selection in securing the rights of future film projects by being panel members.

Clearly, English is their second language.  From what I can gather, they’re trying to launch a TV show in which "bestselling authors" and the self-published compete somehow to have their books adapted into a film. I couldn’t figure out their format, but they decorate their site with a lot of bookcovers from bestselling authors (who are not associated with their show) in a lame attempt to add some legitimacy to their pitch. Their celebrity judges are producer Marilyn Atlas, Bookpitch.com CEO Patricia Kelley and Tee C. Royal of "Rawsistahs Reviewers." I guess Lori Prokop was unavailable.