My Gun Has Bullets

The outrageously funny thriller about Hollywood that only Lee Goldberg, #1 New York Times bestselling author and hit TV producer, could have written

When Beverly Hills Police Officer Charlie Willis pulls over a speeding Rolls Royce hell-bent for Neiman Marcus, he’s surprised to see Esther Radcliffe, the geriatric star of the TV series Miss Agatha, behind the wheel. He’s even more surprised when she guns him down and keeps on driving. A few hours later, he wakes up in the intensive care unit…to find a William Morris agent, a network president, and the head of Pinnacle Studios standing at the foot of his bed. They have a proposal for him: if he forgets who shot him, they’ll make him the star of his own series, My Gun Has Bullets. Charlie takes the deal, trading his real badge for a fake one…and so begins an uproarious but deadly romp through the wonderful world of TV make-believe…with real bullets.

“It will make you cackle like a sitcom laugh track,” Entertainment Weekly

“A very funny novel…a pinch of Carl Hiaasen, a dash of Donald Westlake, and a heaping portion of avarice and inanity Hollywood Style. It’s boffo,” Booklist

My Gun Has Bullets takes aim and hits the bull’s eye of all good satire — the truth,” Howard Gordon, Executive Producer, Homeland

“A rousing send-up of everything and everyone in the world of show-biz.” The Washington Times

“A funny, crude, outrageous satire about Tinseltown guaranteed to amuse, offend, and fulfill your worst fears about Hollywood,” Los Angeles Daily News

 

King City

Major Crimes Unit detective Tom Wade secretly worked with the Feds to nail seven of his fellow cops for corruption…turning him into a pariah in the police department. So he’s exiled to patrol a beat in King City’s deadliest neighborhood… with no back-up, no resources, and no hope of survival.

Now Wade fights to tame the lawless, poverty-stricken wasteland…while investigating a string of brutal murders of young women. It’s a case that takes him from the squalor of the inner-city to the manicured enclaves of the privileged, revealing the sordid and deadly ways the two worlds are intertwined…making his enemies even more determined to crush him.

But for Tom Wade, backing down is never an option…even if it will cost him his life.

The Walk

It’s one minute after the Big One. Marty Slack, a TV network executive, crawls out from under his Mercedes, parked outside what once was a downtown Los Angeles warehouse, the location for a new TV show. Downtown LA is in ruins. The sky is thick with black smoke. His cell phone is dead. The freeways are rubble. The airport is demolished. Buildings lay across streets like fallen trees. It will be days before help can arrive.

Marty has been expecting this day all his life. He’s prepared. In his car are a pair of sturdy walking shoes and a backpack of food, water, and supplies. He knows there is only one thing he can do … that he must do: get home to his wife Beth, go back to their gated community on the far edge of the San Fernando Valley.

All he has to do is walk. But he will quickly learn that it’s not that easy. His dangerous, unpredictable journey home will take him through the different worlds of what was once Los Angeles. Wildfires rage out of control. Flood waters burst through collapsed dams. Natural gas explosions consume neighborhoods. Sinkholes swallow entire buildings. After-shocks rip apart the ground. Looters rampage through the streets.

There’s no power. No running water. No order.

Marty Slack thinks he’s prepared. He’s wrong. Nothing can prepare him for this ordeal, a quest for his family and for his soul, a journey that will test the limits of his endurance and his humanity, a trek from the man he was to the man he can be … if he can survive The Walk.

The Death Merchant

A dream vacation in Hawaii turns into a nightmare for Dr. Mark Sloan and his son, Steve, when a man they’ve befriended falls victim to a shark attack. But when Mark discovers evidence indicating the victim was murdered prior to becoming shark food, he and Steve comb the beaches to find a different kind of predator…

The Silent Partner

The first in a series of original mysteries based on the TV series which Lee wrote and produced. Dr. Mark Sloan is appointed to an LAPD Cold Case task force investigating unsolved homicides… and discovers a previously unknown serial killer who has been murdering people for years, making the deaths look like the work of others.

The Jury Series (Complete)

All four of his acclaimed Jury novels (Judgment, Adjourned, Payback, Guilty)…collected into one mega-sized, pulse-pounding, thrill-ride that will leave you breathless:

The complete saga of Brett Macklin, a one-man judge, jury, and executioner, fighting a war on terror on the streets of Los Angeles in the mid-1980s. Over 160,000 words/550 pages of non-stop action, wildly erotic sex, and wicked humor. And as a special bonus, this edition includes Hot Sex and Gory Violence, Lee Goldberg’s Newsweek essay about the writing of the series.

Mr. Monk on Patrol

Randy Disher is perfectly happy living with Monk’s old assistant Sharona and working as the new police chief of Summit, New Jersey. But when the city’s leadership is arrested for fraud, he suddenly finds himself appointed acting mayor and overwhelmed by the dual responsibilities…especially when the town is hit by a wave of robberies. In desperation, Disher calls on Adrian Monk to put things in order.

As deputized officers, Monk and his assistant Natalie are ready to make Summit the cleanest city on earth—until the burglaries escalate to arson and murder. Now it’s time to get down and dirty, before someone sends Monk and Natalie home in pine boxes.

Mr. Monk on the Couch

Natalie Teeger has picked up a few detective skills of her own during her years as Adrian Monk’s loyal assistant—and she’s eager to put them to use. But that’s not easy when you work with a deductive genius who can solve a murder in no time.

But Natalie gets her chance when a man with no identity is found dead of natural causes, and neither Monk nor the police see any reason to get involved in the case. It also helps that Monk becomes distracted by a crime-scene cleaning crew’s ability to clean up the worst messes imaginable. He gets plenty of opportunities to see them at work as he investigates several particularly brutal murders that seem to be tied to a worthless secondhand couch.

With a little help from Monk’s agoraphobic brother, Natalie tackles her own investigation while also helping Monk track the couch by following a bloody trail that could lead them to the most ruthless killer they’ve ever encountered.

Mr. Monk on the Road

Monk’s out on the open highway—but crime is a hitchhiker that won’t be ignored.

With his job secure and his wife’s murder finally solved, Adrian Monk is feeling strangely…satisfied. He’d like his agoraphobic brother Ambrose to feel the same way, so Monk puts a secret ingredient in Ambrose’s birthday cake: sleeping pills. When Ambrose wakes up, he’s in a motorhome on the open road with Monk determined to show him the outside world.

But Ambrose isn’t the only one struggling to let go. As little crimes pop up along the highway, Monk can’t resist getting involved. Now it’s up to Monk to stop a murderer from turning their road trip into a highway to hell.

Mr. Monk and the Two Assistants

Only a special kind of person can keep up with Monk’s brilliant, if idiosyncratic, methods. One such person is his former assistant, Sharona. And now that her ne’er-do-well husband has been arrested for murder, she’s back in San Francisco, ready to reclaim her place in Monk’s extremely well-ordered life.

His current assistant, Natalie, is not at all pleased with this turn of events. As little as her job pays, she’s grown fond of Monk and would rather not get fired.

While Monk tries to maintain a delicate balance between the two women, he discovers a few unsettling snags in the case against Sharona’s husband. With bestselling crime novelist Ian Ludlow nosing around, and other cases taking his attention, Monk may be up against a killer who not only understands him, but is one step ahead…