Why Me?

I got this email today:

My name is Brad Burchards, a Publishing Consultant with Xlibris, and I would like to inquire if you have any current manuscript or works in progress where you have plans of publishing it once you have completed it.   Here’s a brief intro of our company and services we offer. Xlibris is one of the original and leading print-on-demand publishing service providers. Print-on-demand means that we can publish a book in  as little as one (copy) to as many as a thousand, depending on you -the author. Our publishing costs are as

I don’t know what made Brad think I’d be interested in his pitch. What mailing list from hell did they harvest my name from? (I’ve asked him… we’ll see what he says*) Their slogan is "Write your own success," but it should be, "write us a check."

For aspiring writers turned down by every publisher on earth, but still desperate to get their rejected novel into print at any cost,  xLibris will gladly print up your book for $500-1600, depending on what services you’d like. That price doesn’t include the extra charge for their various "marketing" tools like "bookmarks, memo pads, postcards, and business
cards which you can send to friends, family or leave at bookstores, libraries,

Yeah, that’s a good idea.  Leave bookmarks for your self-published xlibris novel at libraries. We all know how much librarians appreciate having junk mail left on their counters or handed out to their patrons. And what better place to try to sell your book than a library, where  people go to borrow books without buying them? What incredible marketing savvy!

I don’t think I’ll have xlibris publish my book, but I think I’ll call my buddy Brad for some more of his brilliant marketing tips.

(PS – Brad calls himself a "publishing consultant." What is that? What do publishing consultants do? I’ve never heard of them before. Is that a real job? Are there kids today who dream of one day becoming a "publishing consultant?" Is that like being a "media consultant," "style consultant," or a "tax consultant?" Is he an expert on publishing who lends his astonishing expertise, his wise counsel, to publishing companies and authors? I don’t think so. I think maybe he doesn’t consult about publishing at all. I think…and I’m going out on a limb here…what he does is try to sell you publishing services.  In which case, shouldn’t he call himself a  "publishing salesman?" )

*UPDATE – I heard from Brad. I asked him what mailing list from hell he harvested my name from. Here was his reply:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

We are sending out e-mails to all authors to advertise our publishing services, basically the e-mail addresses have been generated by our research team. I do apologize it this might have disturbed you in any way.

5 thoughts on “Why Me?”

  1. If anyone here wants to respond to Lee’s post, but is unsure where to begin, I’d like to offer my services as a Comment Consultant. After all, why let the fact you have nothing to say hold you back from proudly posting?

  2. Some time after having published 2 novels with a respectable press, I received in the mail a very elaborate silver-embossed marketing package informing me that “You [my name was inserted here in a different font] can fulfill your lifelong dream of being a published author. You, [KAREN PALMER]. can be the proud owner of this library-quality production of your most valuable writings.” I’ve moved several times since, do don’t know if I’m still on this particular bit of mail-order gold, but Fingerhut (from whom I bought a single set a towels in 1981] has followed me around for decades, so …

  3. At $0 it’s a bad deal. Way back when that Random House venutures logo added credibility. That didn’t last long. It was in the days of iPublish from Time /Warner. That failed.

  4. After reading John August’s blog entry, “They still haven’t found what they’re looking for”, I’m surpised xLibris didn’t find you via a Google search for cock, cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit.


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