Godawful Fan Fiction

I came across a fanfic discussion group called “Godawful Fan Fiction” that, despite the topic of the discussion, isn’t too pleased about my comments regarding fanfic.

Lee Goldberg, in my opinion, is nothing more than a glorified fanfic writer himself. He didn’t create the series, he just wrote some of the tv-episodes and followed up the series with several books…Basically, although I see Lee Goldberg’s point, I don’t think he is in any position to critisize, and I don’t think it’s his place to, either.

Obviously, he or she doesn’t understand the distinction between someone who steals the intellectual property of others (ie fanfic writers) and someone who is authorized by the copyright holders to write about their characters (ie me). He or she also doesn’t realize I was more than just someone who wrote a few episodes…I was an executive producer of the show (with William Rabkin) and, prior to that, a supervising producer… and we wrote DOZENS of episodes… and those are just the ones we took credit for.

I did learn something from reading these posts, however. Apparently the slash/impregnation fanfic is a genre all its own called “mpreg.”

Yuck.

The Mail I Get

I am not a documentary film producer, nor am I in the documentary film business. And yet, I still get emails like this:

I am an amatuer film producer. I have a great idea for a on going documentary series, I would love to run the idea (in its in infancy) to somone…i can make it happen. The basic is coverage on nj’s new problem with young youth, gangs, ets. I am a youth worker at the Juvenile Justice Commision. There is sooooo much opurtunity for a great 3 part series. It would be based on a youth worker/ Convicte juveniles lives and tribulations inside these programs that are rehabilitional services there are so many secret occurences that would wow an audience. Its NJ’s dirty secret. It could even strech over a 5 year span, mabey once every 6 months. I’m talking real footage and a study of the mental idealology of these youths. Thugs that cant even think for themselves and the problems of the JJC. amazing stuff. I have it all in my mind on how to make it work. killer-drug dealing robbing thugs in real life, but boys in here. Its amazing. they dont have the capability to make the most basic decisions. Please call me and here me out. It would be memorable. I true look into NJ’s dirty little secret of what the future of America is looking at. Music impact…..movie impact.. endless interestin insight into the mind and actions of these children. I cant begin to explain. i could get interviews live footage.. travel to there homes.. interview families. Its about a new wave of mental disorder that is dumbfounding.

Don’t people stop to think before they said me stuff like this? Just because I am an episodic TV writer/producer, that doesn’t mean I want to hear everybody’s ideas for reality shows, movies, and books…

I thought if I started posting this stuff on my blog, people would stop sending it to me for fear of embarrassment. I guess I was wrong.

The Mail I Get…

The networks are run by space aliens….and this man is ready to expose it:

My TV Program Flattened the WTC, Oh, the power of the media or did I piss of the aliens?

I am a celebrity publisher and former NASA scientist that has been censored and exiled. I would like to produce and star in an investigative tv series that is a combination of “Geraldo” meets “The X-Files”.

If you want to get involved in this series and you are not afraid of the alien race then contact me.

Sincerely Yours,

Wayne E. Manzo,
Publisher, Human Rights Leader, Scientist
wmanzo@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/movies_alien/
http://wmovie.tripod.com/
http://www.geocities.com/tv_access/
http://www.geocities.com/mansuedotcom/

So, if Space Aliens are running network television, why didn’t Gary Coleman ever get another TV series?

Reformed Fanfic Writer Speaks Out

James Winter, a reformed fanfic writer, speaks his mind about his former pursuit on his blog

Why does anyone who does write fanfic bother writing the creator or writer of their favorite series to whine incessantly about rendering their creations irrelavant?

When you read crap like that or get letters like Lee gets, is it any wonder why people think science fiction fans are losers living in their parents’ basements and having trouble holding real jobs? When people send letters to writers and producers demanding they adhere to insipid story categories (ie – formulas) like hurt/comfort or slash (wtf!?!?!?!), how can you not understand why they get monumentally pissed off?

To the writers and producers, I say look, it’s just grafitti. Treat it as such. The problem is that the people who write fanfic seem to believe they’re writing the next Great Gatsby.

The thing about grafitti, Jim, is when someone puts it on the wall of your house or around your community, you paint over it… because it’s a violation of private property, it’s ugly and it ruins the neighborhood.

The Mail I Get — Fanfic, again

I got this email from someone this morning on the DorothyL list…

Lee Goldberg wrote: How is appropriating an author’s characters “praising” his ideas? In fact, you’re doing the exact opposite… you’re showing your lack of respect for their ownership of their own creations by stealing them. Unless the author says you may use his characters, fanfic is indefensible.

Lee, have you quite finished? I gather you are quite something in TV over there. As a poor limey I’m afraid I’m not familiar with your work altough I had a look at your impressive CV on IMdB. You’re very lucky, you’ve got to places others can only dream of. Instead, they strive towards their dream by emulating their idols. Notice that they don’t emulate what they don’t like. There’s a convention amongst pioneering climbers that they leave their pitons in place to help those who follow. You are like a mountaineer who, having conquered the mountain, surrounds it with barbed wire to stop anybody else from following. I wonder if you were bitten by a fanfic when you were a child – your reaction is so out of proportion.

Rosie

I don’t see how allowing other people to write about your characters is “leaving pitons in place to help those who follow.” I’m not against “fanfic” because I don’t want other writers to succeed. Quite the opposite. I want to encourage them to write original work that showcases their unique talent and creativity. That’s how they will succeed. Encouraging young writers to steal someone else’s intellectual property isn’t helping them learn their craft… it’s hurting them.

Spanked for Fanfic Rant

I raised the ire of the DorothyL moderator, Diane Kovacs, for the following exchange about fanfic which, as those of you who read my blog know, is one of my pet peeves. She sent me a warning saying she didn’t appreciate my comments and is now reviewing all my posts for appropriateness before deciding whether add them to the digest. Here are the exchanges that upset her (I’ve cobbled them together into one long post here). You be the judge. The first one, by the way, is a response to a comment of hers…

But, most of the fan fiction I’ve read is written for joy/practice/praise/ or because we want more of that author’s ideas.

How is appropriating an author’s characters “praising” his ideas? In fact, you’re doing the exact opposite… you’re showing your lack of respect for their ownership of their own creations by stealing them. Unless the author says you may use his characters, fanfic is indefensible.

I thought David Klass’s screenplay of James Patterson’s Kiss The Girls was much better than the novel. Stanley Kubrick made the Shining a classic movie even though Stephen King hated it and re-did it in 1997 which by all accounts was a ho-hum

As I’ve said before, there is a big difference between being hired to adapt an author’s work for another medium and stealing his characters for original “fanfic.” With an adaptation, the author is compensated for his work and has given his permission for its use in TV or film. There is no comparison between this and the odious practice of “fanfic.”

In the case of television, the way you get an assignment is to write a spec script… a sample episode of a series (We go into great detail about this in my book, Successful Television Writing… and what seperates a good spec from “fanfic”). Aspiring television writers (or should I say “pre-produced” ??)
need to write a spec episode because that’s how you audition. You have to show the writer/creator of a series that you can capture the voice of his characters and the tone of his show. The only people who sees these scripts are agents and producers.

Again, there is no comparison between this and “fanfic.” For one thing, they are entirely different mediums. And for another, you write a spec episodic script with the permission of the creators of the work for the sole purpose of obtaining an episodic assignment.

And exactly how many of Shakespeare’s plots were original?

Jim, you’re not REALLY comparing Shakespeare’s plays to “Babylon-5” fanfic are you??
You can’t possibily put “Buffy” and “Star Trek” fanfic on the same level with HAMLET. I wouldn’t put them on the same level as Hamburger Hamlet.

There’s good fanfic and there’s bad fan fic. Shakespeare’s stuff is often so good that we don’t even think of it as fanfic.

You know how much I respect you but…. there is no good fanfic. Yes, that’s a blanket statement and I stand by it.

Fanfic is the appropriation of someone else’s characters and using them in a story of your own without the permission of the author. Fanfic is also, by and large, hideous garbage… go to one of those fanfic websites and look at some of that slop, most of which involves characters who aren’t romanticall
involved in the TV series jumping each other’s bones (Spock & Capt. Kirk, Mulder & Scully, etc) or meeting characters from other TV shows and movies (Darth Vader vs the crew of the Enterprise).

Comparing this drivel, the appropriate of TV and movie characters in fan-written stories, to Shakespeare is nonsense.

Under the ground rules we’re discussing here, Laurie King’s wonderful Mary Russell/Sherlock Holmes novels are fanfic. You can’t say they’re not fanfic just because they happen to be really good.

There’s also a big difference between fanfic and using characters that are in the public domain.
I don’t think we’d be having this discussion if it was about Elvis Cole, Inspector Rebus, or Kinsey Millhone fanfic… you would be as horrified by it as I am. But somehow, this intellectual property theft is okay if we’re talking about TV or movie characters.

There is no difference between Star Trek “fanfic” and Harry Bosch “fanfic.” They are equally wrong and indefensible, in my opinion.

What is happening now is that the fanfic is on the web, unedited and uncritiqued. You can find it easily enough via Google. There are a few conventions where fanfic is available in print format, but most of the venues where fanfic was distributed are gone… as are the fanzines. *sigh*

Good riddance… I wish the same would happen to online fanfic sites, which are disseminating fanfic far wider than fanzines ever did.

I remember, years ago, when I took some writer/producer friends of mine on “Beauty and the Beast” to a science fiction convention and showed them some of the abundant “B&B” fanfic fanzines. To say they were shocked, horrified… and sickened… is an understatement.

If your criterion for condemning fanfic is that it appropriates others’ ideas, then by reduction, that which appropriates others’ ideas is bad.

It’s not the ideas, my friend, it’s appropriating the actual characters, relationships and situations… that’s not just bad, it’s intellectual property theft and copyright infringement in the most blatant sense.

how is fanfic different from me writing #21 in my Brady Coyne series

How would you feel if somebody started writing Brady Coyne fanfic… maybe got him involved in an affair with Harry Bosch. Or decided he was into S&M… and disseminated their version of Brady Coyne on the Internet? I think in that situation, as the creator of Brady Coyne, you’d feel very differently about your comment:

and who’s to say what somebody should and should not write?

Before the exchanges above got Diane upset, a teacher posted that she encouraged her students to write fanfic. So I asked her what she thought her students could possibly learn from the experience:

Teaching them to walk before they can run? Teaching them how to work with a ready-made environment and ready-made characters that they are already familiar with so that they can concentrate on other aspects of technique, like how to write credible dialogue? Teaching them, above
all, the importance of consistency – that they have to be true to those characters?

If my daughter’s teacher used “fanfic” as an approach to teaching creative writing, I’d be enraged… and would not only talk to the teacher about it, but the principal as well. Teaching kids to write by having them use characters from a TV show or a movie doesn’t “teach them to walk before they can run,” it teaches them how to take short cuts, how to devalue another artists’ work, and how not to apply themselves creatively to a project. The “consistency” I want to teach my children doesn’t begin with using someone else’s work… it begins with having faith in your own powers of imagination.

A lot of the people who write fan-fiction scarely get round to reading books

I think that’s obvious… not only from how they write, but what they write. The last thing I would do as a teacher is encourage “fanfic” in any way, shape or form.

Diagnosis Murder Fanfic

I know there are people writing Diagnosis Murder Fanfic out there, and I thought I’d heard every possible permutation (Hurt/Comfort, Slash, etc.), but this… well, this one is the champ. An anonymous poster alerted me to "Nesting", a Diagnosis Murder story by Sarah Saint Ives, at this fanfic site

"He’s a brilliant doctor." Dr. Mark Sloan was saying as Steve entered the office. "His work with invitro fertilization is incredible. He’s helped a lot of childless couples conceive and deliver normal, healthy babies."

"So, what do you think? Should I go through with it? Dr. Jesse Travis asked. The younger doctor looked up to Mark as a mentor, even as a father figure.

"That’s up to you, Jesse. It’s your body."

Steve glanced curiously at his father, then his best friend. "What’s up?" he asked. "What about his body? You thinking about giving someone a kidney, Jess?"

Jesse looked down, then met his eyes a little shyly. Steve mused that it was an engaging flaw in his character to be occasionally reticent. Although Jesse Travis was gifted with an impressive IQ and an insatiable curiosity, he was laden with personal insecurities, which, to Steve, made him even more adorable. "Dr. Homer Penrose. He asked me to be a guinea pig for an experiment."

"Well, tell me about it." Steve said. "Judging by the looks on both your faces, if you asked me right now, I’d say the answer is not just ‘no’, but *hell*, no! What does he want to do to you?"

There was a long pause, then Jesse said, "Make me pregnant."

Hey, it could happen. All Jesse needs, the story goes on to say, is a proper "birthing orifice," and everything will be fine. Steve is all too happy to start looking for the orifice because, ladies and gentleman, this is also slash fanfic.

Once the "birthing orifice" issue is resolved, there’s just one hitch.

"Very minor ones."

"He would like an answer to the question, Penrose." Steve said, not so nicely.

Penrose was irked by the policeman’s presence. "He will be unable to perform sexually with a woman during the pregnancy." he directed the statement at Steve. "It’s necessary for the sake of the baby."

Hey, the doc didn’t say anything about sex with a man, so no problem! Everything works out and Jesse gets knocked up, though Jesse has some jitters…

She’s going to be perfect in every way, Jesse.” Placing his hands on either side of his friend’s face, Steve forced calming eye contact. “She’s going to be beautiful and smart just like you. She’ll have your big blue eyes, your cute little nose, your sweet personality and your radiant smile. It doesn’t matter who the biological parents are, Jess. She’s yours, and she’ll be the way you raise her.”

Jesse laid a hand on his chest. “I’m so glad you’re here with me, Steve. What would I do without you?”

“You’ll never know because I’ll be here forever, my love.” After placing a soft kiss on the younger man’s button nose, Steve started the car and drove toward Jesse’s apartment. Conversationally, he asked, “Would you feel safer if your own sperm cells had been used to fertilize the egg?”

“Nothing makes me feel very safe except being this close to you.” Jesse was still attached to his arm.

Excuse me, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes… and the vomit off my keyboard.

More Viewer Mail

I get a half-a-dozen emails like this a week (the typos are his own):

Good day Sir.,

I don’t know if this is the right medium for this, but I am trying to submit a Television series idea to see a posibility of it being shot.

The series story is one which has affected millions around the world, and millions alone in the United states, and I want to use a TV medium to sort of educate the people. It might even help curb the crime which is presently rampant.

Enclosed as a word document is the synopsies of the intended series. I know the story behind it all and I believe it will be very interesting.

Thanks for your time and would be honored if it’s giving a due consideration.

Tony A

This is how I replied.. and how I usually reply to such requests:

No offense, but I’ve deleted your document without reading it. For legal and personal reasons, I don’t read TV series pitches. I am not in the business of selling other people’s ideas… I’m in the business of selling my own!

We Are Family

My sisters Linda Woods and Karen Dinino have sold their book on journaling and art to North Light Books… and it will be out next year. But for a peek at the kind of creative, unusual, and clever work that they do, check out their website.

Now all four of us Goldberg kids are published authors (my brother Tod is the author of "Living Dead Girl" and "Fake Liar Cheat"). I’m looking forward to all of us getting together for a group signing… maybe we ought to form a rock band, too.

The Mail I Get…

I am not a reviewer. I am not a chiropractor. And yet I get mail like this…The typos, by the way, are his own.

Subject: Book pn chiropractic
Date: 9/17/2004 4:16:24 PM Pacific Daylight Time

From: DrChot@aol.com

I would appeciate a review of my book 2nd edition ,See www,drchot.com Will be happy to send a copy or two. THe book addresses what is a national fraud expending huge sums of money on unscientific care best spent on prescription drugs and medical research Thank you L.A.Chotkowski MD FACP New EnGland Books.

Why do I get this stuff???