How Not To Make it Big in Hollywood

I got this email today…

Hello,
I am a 21 year old aspiring model/actress/entertainer, my name is  Melinda XYZ. My dream and goal is to
work in all different aspects of the entertainment industry. I have the attitude
and personality that it takes to make it in this industry.
I am fun, energetic, and a beautiful 21 year old female that has the drive to make it "big" in the entertainment industry. I am very comfortable in front of the camera and in of people!
I am really interested in working with you.
Could you please help me out. I know that you are busy but
I seem to keep ending up with the people contacting me only for "adult films"
and I dont want to put myself in that situation. Could you possibly help me
out a little – PLEASE..

Stats:
Birthday: October 24, 1983
Eyes:
Hazel
Hair: Light Brown
Height: 5’3"
Weight: 102
Pants: 3
Bust:
34c
Waist: 22
Hips: 34
Shoe: 6.5
Size: 3

 

Please feel free to contact me or my manager. My
numbers are;
Home: XXX-XXX-XXXX
Work: XXX-XXX-XXXX ext 2171 please feel free to call me at work any time. My address is XXXXXXXXXX. My manager’s address is XXXXXXXXXX. My email address is XXXXXXXXXX.

Gee, I can’t imagine  why she’d only be getting offers from porn producers, can you?

Do you think it could be because her impersonal pitch reads like a singles ad… or worse, like one of those email come-ons from women inviting you to call them for some hot phone sex?

I don’t know what makes her think that junk mailing this pitch, packed with important details like her shoe size, will get her a job offer from anyone but a porn producer.

I wonder if her "manager" gave her this wonderful advice….

UPDATE (1/22/05) – I got this email today:

4 Cheating House Wife have been matched for you in your area:

1)
Danielle, 120 lbs, 5’9, 36c, 14 miles away, available Jan 15-17th
2) Emily,
128 lbs, 5’7, 36d, 11 miles away, available most week nights ( looking for
side-fling)
3) Hannah, 121 lbs, 5’8, 34b, 5 miles away, available Jan
13-17th
4) Melissa, 127 lbs, 5’8, 36c, 13 miles away, available most week
nights ( looking for side-fling)

All 4 women are waiting to speak with
you live & have photos. Webcam’s are available for all 4.

I wonder if they want to be actresses too…