Each Sunday, my brother Tod dissects the letters to Parade Magazine’s Walter Scott and, from among that collection of idiots, christens someone a "fucktard." But this week, I’ve got Tod beat, whether he picks Jan G. from San Diego ("Robert Redford is as blond as ever. Why doesn’t he let his hair go gray?") or E. Zimmerman of Amana Iowa ("What’s with those tabloid photos of Jennfer Aniston cuddling Vince Vaughn? Are the two lovers?"). Because the biggest fucktard of all this Sunday won’t be found in Parade but in the TV Q&A column in the TV Times. J. Higa of Carson, California asks:
I see former Sen. Fred Thompson in the news and he looks just like the Fred Thompson on the TV show "Law and Order." Is he the same person?
No, Mr. or Mrs. Higa, it’s not the same person. They are identical twins with identical names, you fucktard.
7 thoughts on “I Found a “Fucktard’”
But how is this possible, Lee?
I mean, I’ve watched L&O and switched channels WHILE IT WAS AIRING and saw Sen. Fred Thompson on CSPAN.
If it’s the same person, how the hell is he on TWO SHOWS at the same time?
Ah ha!? AH HA.
It has become painfully obvious to me over the years that Walter Scott makes up a good number of his letters — he finds a factoid that would make a good answer, and makes up a question to fit it.
Because no way are people asking these over-convenient questions right when there are perfect questions. There aren’t any overly-flagrant (fragrant?) ones in this week’s Parade, but keep your eyes peeled…
No people really are that dumb.
Every day the people that surround me scare me a little bit more. I work in customer service, and they never cease to amaze me.
“A spinach and ricotta pastizzi.”
“What’s in it?”
*Blank stare. Is this person serious?*
Overheard at a book signing last weekend:
“What time does the 11 o’clock signing start?”
If you think it’s weird that Fred Thompson can be in L&O and C-Span at the same time, get a load of this: I saw an episode of L&O the other day and Jerry Orbach was in it even though he is dead. How did they manage THAT?
How about this one? My partner Gillian and I along with my elderly parents and hundreds of other people were standing along a road in downtown St. Petersburg, Fl. waiting for the famous Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Parade of the Animals to come by when a car pulled up. The woman looked at us and asked very seriously, “Has the parade gone by yet?” Every once in awhile Gill or I will look at the other person and say, “Has the parade gone by yet?” and we both burst out laughing.