Good News

Fast track final poster I have no AC and no hot water at home today…but at least I have no shortage of good news. 

My editor just told me that MR. MONK AND THE DIRTY COP was in the top ten bestselling hardcover mysteries at Barnes & Noble last week. So I guess I can afford all the workers in the house today.

And I've just learned that my 2008 movie FAST TRACK: NO LIMITS, which has been broadcast, screened or released on DVD everywhere in the world but here, is finally coming out on DVD in the U.S. in October. The trailer has had 275,000+ hits on YouTube, so I guess there's an audience for it.

A Chat in Lori’s Cafe

There's a Q&A interview with me up at Lorie Ham's No Name Cafe. While you're there, you can browse interviews with folks like my friends Lee Child and Jan Burke. Here's an excerpt from the interview with me:

Café:
How long have you been writing?

Lee:
When I was ten or eleven, I was already pecking novels out on my Mom's old typewriters. The first one was a futuristic tale about a cop born in an underwater sperm bank. I don't know why the bank was underwater, or how deposits were made, but I thought it was very cool. I followed that up with a series of books about gentleman thief Brian Lockwood, aka "The Perfect Sinner,” a thinly disguised rip-off of Simon Templar, aka "The Saint." I sold these stories for a dime to my friends and even managed to make a dollar or two. In fact, I think my royalties per book were better then than they are now.

This and That

For the last month, I've been home alone with the dog while my wife and daughter were visiting the in-laws in France. On Monday, a day before my family was set to return, our water heater cracked and flooded several rooms in our house. I spent much of Monday and Tuesday dealing with the plumbers, insurance adjusters, and disaster-cleanup people. My weary family came home Tuesday to a bunch of a torn-open walls, half-a-dozen fans going, and no hot water. For the last few days, we have been dividing our time between our house and a nearby hotel, where we have been showering. Insurance is covering most of the clean-up and repairs (and the hotel, of course), but it has still been an enormous inconvenience. We'll have hot water on Tuesday…but today we uncovered more water damage today, so the disaster crew opened up more walls and more fans were brought in. 

In the midst of all this, I had two pitch meetings last week…one face-to-face (a pilot pitch), and one over Skype to studios overseas (a feature pitch). I don't know how the pitch here turned out, but the overseas pitch was a home-run. It's for an international action movie, a co-production between a European studio and a Chinese studio. The movie will be shot in Europe and China. We closed my deal on Friday and I've spent the last few days plotting the story in detail for another meeting this week…when I could get the greenlight to write the script. It's all happening very fast…and I like it that way. It reminds me of network television. 

In the midst of all this, I've had to temporarily set aside my MONK book, which I must get back to next week as well, no matter what happens with the movie script. But I am over 100 pages into it, so I'm feeling pretty secure that there won't be a problem meeting my deadline. Afterall, I wrote MR. MONK IN OUTER SPACE while I was writing, producing, and shooting FAST TRACK: NO LIMITS in Germany…and I completed DIAGNOSIS MURDER: THE WAKING NIGHTMARE while I was writing & producing the TV series MISSING…with two broken arms. The truth is, I do my best work under pressure. 

Why I Wrote BEYOND THE BEYOND

BeyondblogThis article originally appeared in Mystery Scene Magazine back in 1997. I thought I'd repost it here to mark the publication of the Kindle edition. 

An awful lot of people in the television industry see shrinks. Those who don't, write novels.

Well, that's my theory, any way.

I figured it was either write a book, or go into psychoanalysis. Writing a book seemed like a better alternative, since you can actually make a few bucks while you sit and whine about how crazy the business is and what the craziness does to you.

I wrote my first novel, My Gun Has Bullets, while writing/producing a really terrible, syndicated action show. In that book, a good, decent cop named Charlie Willis is gunned down by a lunatic TV star on her way to a sale at Neiman-Marcus. To cover up the crime, the studio buys him off by making him the star of his own action series. But things go bad when someone loads his prop gun with real bullets and he kills his guest-star. I trashed everything and everyone that drove met nuts about the TV business…and there was a lot, having written and/or produced such series as Hunter, Baywatch, Spenser: For Hire, Cosby Mysteries and Diagnosis Murder, to name a few.

I felt a lot better after I wrote the book.

But I didn't get around to writing the sequel, Beyond the Beyond, until a couple years later, when I became a writer/producer on SeaQuest. Within weeks, I was getting email death threats from deranged fans, including one lady who was enraged weren't consulting her for advice or staying true to the "fanfic" (fan-written, self-published fiction). Another lady, calling herself an "Admiral in the United Earth Oceans," was convinced one of the characters in the show was in love with her.Beyondcover900

Of course, it reminded me of what the actors and writers on Star Trek must go through (which I knew well, since many of my friends have worked on the show). And that reminded me that a spin-off of Star Trek was the cornerstone of a new television network. And that made me think about the whole Star Trek phenomenon…and the emergence of new TV networks…and the consolidation of media empires.

Before I was a TV producer, I worked as a reporter covering the entertainment industry beat for Newsweek, Starlog, American Film, Electronic Media, and Los Angeles Times Syndicate, among many others. During that time, I wrote extensively about the birth of the Fox Network and was the first person to break the story that Paramount was reviving Star Trek as an all-new, syndicated series. So I already had a lot of background in both the business of TV and the business of Star Trek and had given this stuff some thought before.

Suddenly, I felt a book taking shape…

What if someone bought a studio decided to use it to launch a new network? And what if the cornerstone of that new network was a revival of cult, 60s science fiction series – with an all-new cast? How would the lunatic fans and original cast react?

There was a story there…and I also had a lot more personal demons to exorcise now, too. And I was fresh from my experience on SeaQuest.

In Beyond the Beyond , Charlie Willis is now a special security officer for Pinnacle Pictures. When the studio revives the cult series Beyond the Beyond as the launching pad for a new network, two forces fight for control of the show, a vicious talent agency that uses blackmail, torture and murder to keep its clients on the A-list, and a homicidal legion of rabid fans led by an insane actor who thinks he's in outer space.

The publisher calls it a dark/comic thriller about TV. But I'll tell you a little secret: most of it is true, drawn either from my own experience or those of my friends in the TV business.

And like the first book, I felt great after I finished it… though somewhere out there a shrink is going hungry because of it.

Beyond the Beyond is back

Beyondcover900 BEYOND THE BEYOND, the sequel to MY GUN HAS BULLETS, is now available in a Kindle edition!

"The hilarious follow-up to Goldberg's witty debut, My Gun Has BulletsBeyond the Beyond skewers the entertainment business, which Goldberg knows well," Oline Codgill, Knight-Ridder Newspapers.

"As in his riotous novel My Gun Has Bullets, TV writer/producer Goldberg once again bites the hand that feeds him, laughing all the while. Inspired silliness," Publishers Weekly

Ex-cop Charlie Willis handles "special security" at Pinnacle Pictures. His job: to protect the studio and its stars, to stop scandals before they explode, to keep the peace in the land of make-believe. When Pinnacle revives the cult, 1960s TV series "Beyond the Beyond" as the cornerstone of a fourth network, two powerful forces fight for control of the show-a talent agency that uses blackmail, torture, and murder to keep its clients on the A-list, and a homicidal legion of rabid fans led by an insane actor who thinks he's in outer space.

Editorial Reviews:

"Goldberg uses just about everything he can think of to send up the studio system, fandom, Star Trek, Trekkies, agents, actors… you name it, he'll make you laugh about it." Analog

"An outrageously entertaining take on the loathsome folkways of contemporary showbiz," Kirkus Reviews

"Mr. Goldberg has an observant eye and a wicked pen!" Washington Times

"Beyond the Beyond reads like a modern-day Alice in Wonderland set against the venal world of the TV industry. It's wonderfully revealing and uncannily accurate," Vancouver Sun (Canada)

"Some of the easily recognizable actors, agents and producers who are mercilessly ribbed may find it hard to crack a smile at the author's gag-strewn prose, likewise those seekers after politically correct entertainment. But the rest of us should have no trouble….the novel's satiric slant is strong enough to have an effigy of Goldberg beamed into outer space at the next Star Trek convention," Los Angeles Times

"Pinnacle Pictures has decided to revive a 25-year-old cult sci-fi TV show called Beyond the Beyond, but somebody keeps killing off the new cast. Is it the Hollywood agent who eats human flesh? The aging actor who still thinks he's a starship captain? The fans who live only to attend conventions? This sharp roman a clef goes where no Hollywood satire has gone before-altering just enough facts to avoid the libel courts but still smacking of a certain je ne sais Trek. It probably won't make Goldberg, a television writer and producer (Baywatch, Spenser: For Hire, seaQuest), the most popular boy on the Paramount lot, but it's a stingingly funny novel just the same. " 
-Entertainment Weekly 

"An outrageously entertaining take on the loathsome folkways of contemporary showbiz." 
-Kirkus Reviews

"For the most part, this is a pleasant fantasy and a harmless escape, but there could be a fringe group out there almost exactly as Goldberg describes them in outlandish detail. It all could be true. It works hilariously. Don't miss Lee Goldberg's Beyond the Beyond. It's one to beam up!" Mark Levine, Ventura Star-Telegram

Television Series Revivals…revived

SKU-000127210_XLDid Gilligan and his fellow castaways ever get rescued? Is Dr. Marcus Welby still making house calls? Is Marcia Brady single? What kind of father did Beaver Cleaver grow up to be? Those burning questions and many, many more about your favorite TV characters are answered in my book Television Series Revivals:  Sequels and Remakes of Cancelled Series, which examines every TV series remake and sequel produced from 1955-1992.

The book, which was originally published in hardcover in 1993 by McFarland & Co., is now available in a $16.95 trade paperback edition from iUniverse through the Authors Guild's Back-in-Print program (and at no charge to me).

The sequels and remakes of nearly one hundred shows, from ADAM-12 to WKRP IN CINCINNATI, are examined in detail and include airdates,  cast lists and production credits. There's also a special section on animated revivals and sequels, like STAR TREK and GILLIGANS ISLAND. 

Here's what Booklist had to say about the book:

Have you ever wondered what happened to the castaways on "Gilligan's Island"? Many people have, and that is why producers, directors, and actors come together to revive canceled shows for reunion specials, feature films, or whole new series. Television Series Revivals is a compilation of information on the various mutations original series have undergone since cancellation. "Star Trek" is a good example of this phenomenon. It originally aired on network television in the late 1960s. Due to the immense popularity of the show in reruns and its cultlike fan clubs, the series was revived, first as a cartoon series, then as a series of motion pictures, and finally as a new series, "Star Trek: The Next Generation."

Entries are arranged alphabetically by original series title. Each entry follows the same format: the air dates and network of the original series; a plot synopsis for the revived series, film, or special; background information on the show; the title of the new show; its network and broadcast date. Information about each show came from a variety of sources: releases, reviews, and periodical articles. Plot synopses may be a bit confusing as the author combines the plots of all revivals, sequels, or remakes into one narrative. For a series such as "Eight Is Enough," which was followed by "Eight Is Enough: A Family Reunion" and "An Eight Is Enough Wedding," it is difficult to tell where one story line leaves off and another begins.

For a series to be included in this volume it must have featured continuing characters and have been in cancellation for at least one year, not simply on hiatus. Certain kinds of shows are not included: those based on literary characters (e.g., Sherlock Holmes); anthologies (with the exception of "Twilight Zone" and "Alfred Hitchcock Presents"), variety shows, and game shows.

An appendix listing "Animated Revivals" and a bibliography of related titles round out the work. The index includes show titles, actors, and producers and directors. Black-and-white photos of cast members are provided for some shows.

As long as television viewers express nostalgia for the shows they once watched, producers will continue to revive them. Public library customers and librarians will find Television Series Revivals a useful and entertaining volume.

My Gun Has Bullets

Bulletscover900 My acclaimed, long out-of-print debut novel MY GUN HAS BULLETS is now available on the Kindle with a terrific new cover by my sister Linda Woods (I wish the book had this cover when it first came out). And this new edition wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for Dan Williams, who volunteered to scan the book…and he even cleaned up the formatting problems. Thank you, Dan!

Here's the book-jacket copy (which hasn't shown up yet on the Amazon listing):

The Mob is bringing its style of doing business to television. They don't cancel TV series. They kill them.

When Beverly Hills Police Officer Charlie Willis pulls over a speeding Rolls Royce hell-bent for Neiman Marcus, he’s surprised to see Esther Radcliffe, the geriatric star of the TV series "Miss Agatha," behind the wheel. He’s even more surprised when she guns him down and keeps on driving. A few hours later, he wakes up in the intensive care unit…to find a William Morris agent, a network president, and the head of Pinnacle Studios standing at the foot of his bed. They have a proposal for him: in exchange for conveniently forgetting who shot him, they’ll make him the star of his own series, "My Gun Has Bullets." So Charlie trades in his real badge for a fake one…and so begins an uproarious but deadly romp through the wonderful world of TV make-believe…with real bullets. To make it to sweeps week, Charlie will have to survive two homicidal stuntmen, a rabid celebrity dog, a hit man-turned-producer, a psychotic old lady, a sex-crazed blackmailer, and vicious ratings…with only a stunning, leather-clad "Baywatch" beauty to help him. 

“It will make you cackle like a sitcom laugh track. Goldberg keeps the gags coming right up to the end.”—Entertainment Weekly 

"It's Bullets Over Baywatch!" USA Today
“A very funny novel…a pinch of Carl Hiaasen, a dash of Donald Westlake, and a heaping portion of avarice and inanity Hollywood Style. It’s boffo!”—Thomas Gaughan, Booklist

 "'My Gun Has Bullets' takes aim and hits the bull's eye of all good satire — the truth," Howard Gordon, Executive Producer, "24"

"Lee Goldberg has written a winner!"
Stephen J. Cannell, executive producer/creator "The A-Team," "21 Jump Street," and "The Rockford Files."

"'My Gun Has Bullets' has an outrageous, laugh-til-you're-sick scene seemingly on every other page."
—Dan Petrie Jr. Oscar-nominated screenwriter of "Beverly Hills Cop" 


“A rousing send-up of everything and everyone in the world of show-biz.”—Judith Kreiner, The Washington Times 

"Hilarious, suspenseful, action-packed…its band of merry, and not so merry, homicidal maniacs may be the greatest cast ever assembled," Warren Murphy, Edgar Award winning author/creator of the "Remo Williams: Destroyer" series

"The giddiest debut of the year!" Kirkus Reviews

More TV on the Big Screen

It seems like every week someone is dusting off an old TV show and developing it for the big screen. Last week it was TJ HOOKER, this week it's THE BIG VALLEY. Variety reports:

The 1960s television Western that starred Barbara Stanwyck is being adapted into an independent feature by Kate Edelman Johnson and Daniel Adams through their Panther Entertainment banner.

Adams will direct the pic from his own script, whose storyline was developed with series creators Louis F. Edelman and A.I. Bezzerides. Plot borrows elements from the show’s pilot and several episodes.

I don't see the point of reviving the show…it's not as if it has a huge following. It would make far more sense to give the big screen treatment to more well known TV westerns like GUNSMOKE, HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL, or BONANZA (which BIG VALLEY essentially ripped off).