My Gun Has Bullets

Bulletscover900 My acclaimed, long out-of-print debut novel MY GUN HAS BULLETS is now available on the Kindle with a terrific new cover by my sister Linda Woods (I wish the book had this cover when it first came out). And this new edition wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for Dan Williams, who volunteered to scan the book…and he even cleaned up the formatting problems. Thank you, Dan!

Here's the book-jacket copy (which hasn't shown up yet on the Amazon listing):

The Mob is bringing its style of doing business to television. They don't cancel TV series. They kill them.

When Beverly Hills Police Officer Charlie Willis pulls over a speeding Rolls Royce hell-bent for Neiman Marcus, he’s surprised to see Esther Radcliffe, the geriatric star of the TV series "Miss Agatha," behind the wheel. He’s even more surprised when she guns him down and keeps on driving. A few hours later, he wakes up in the intensive care unit…to find a William Morris agent, a network president, and the head of Pinnacle Studios standing at the foot of his bed. They have a proposal for him: in exchange for conveniently forgetting who shot him, they’ll make him the star of his own series, "My Gun Has Bullets." So Charlie trades in his real badge for a fake one…and so begins an uproarious but deadly romp through the wonderful world of TV make-believe…with real bullets. To make it to sweeps week, Charlie will have to survive two homicidal stuntmen, a rabid celebrity dog, a hit man-turned-producer, a psychotic old lady, a sex-crazed blackmailer, and vicious ratings…with only a stunning, leather-clad "Baywatch" beauty to help him. 

“It will make you cackle like a sitcom laugh track. Goldberg keeps the gags coming right up to the end.”—Entertainment Weekly 

"It's Bullets Over Baywatch!" USA Today
“A very funny novel…a pinch of Carl Hiaasen, a dash of Donald Westlake, and a heaping portion of avarice and inanity Hollywood Style. It’s boffo!”—Thomas Gaughan, Booklist

 "'My Gun Has Bullets' takes aim and hits the bull's eye of all good satire — the truth," Howard Gordon, Executive Producer, "24"

"Lee Goldberg has written a winner!"
Stephen J. Cannell, executive producer/creator "The A-Team," "21 Jump Street," and "The Rockford Files."

"'My Gun Has Bullets' has an outrageous, laugh-til-you're-sick scene seemingly on every other page."
—Dan Petrie Jr. Oscar-nominated screenwriter of "Beverly Hills Cop" 

“A rousing send-up of everything and everyone in the world of show-biz.”—Judith Kreiner, The Washington Times 

"Hilarious, suspenseful, action-packed…its band of merry, and not so merry, homicidal maniacs may be the greatest cast ever assembled," Warren Murphy, Edgar Award winning author/creator of the "Remo Williams: Destroyer" series

"The giddiest debut of the year!" Kirkus Reviews

9 thoughts on “My Gun Has Bullets”

  1. Eight rave blurbs, an imaginative plot, the promise of fun, great cover copy and art, and Kindle publication. Maybe there’s a future for storytellers. Keep us posted.

  2. Thanks, Richard. The book got a lot more rave reviews than what I’ve excerpted here. This was my debut novel (my first under my own name and my first hardcover) and I quickly learned the hard lesson that positive reviews don’t necessarily translate into big sales.
    I’ve sold 33 copies of MY GUN HAS BULLETS so far today. I have no idea if that’s good or bad…but I think I have the potential with this one to do at least as well as THE WALK…perhaps better.
    I’ve sold 653 copies of THE WALK in 45 days. That’s not nearly as good as Joe Konrath or John August are doing with their Kindle titles, but I consider it found money for a book that was out-of-print and gathering dust.

  3. I enjoyed the heck out of My Gun Has Bullets, which was hand-sold to me back when by the fine folks at Murder by the Book in Houston, along with the sequel. A good specialty bookstore is a pearl.

  4. This book is really good. The characters and the story world are completely rendered so that the reader gets to know how this world really ticks–the world of tv production. There is a richness of detail that makes the writing very high quality and the characters are completely believable. The humor is used to highlight the reality of the storylines, which seem as real as if the characters were persons you know. There are some grotesque moments, but I can heartily recommend this book to friends and fans. I came away thinking that this is how a book about the comtempory world SHOULD be written, that the voice was right, the tone, the depth and the insight. This is a book that will live with those who read it. It’s not just an entertainment, it’s an achievement that so very few books rise to.

  5. Lee, the Kindle edition product description lists the publisher as “St. Martin’s Press,” which raises an intersting question if, in fact, the rights reverted back to you and you are publishing this particular version on your own. Is St. Martin’s still involved and/or getting a cut?

  6. Jim,
    The rights to MY GUN HAS BULLETS reverted back to me ten years ago. I listed St. Martin’s Press so the details/reviews from the other Amazon listing for the out-of-print SMP edition would be transfered over. Once that is complete, I will delete the reference.


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