Current Affairs

We Love Trouble

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My sister-in-law Wendy Duren has teamed up with fellow romance novel fan HelenKay Dimon to launch Paperback Reader, a blog born out of "our collective frustration about the seeming unwillingness of some reviewers to
write and post honest reviews of romance books." They write:

We complained for awhile on our individual blogs about how even slight
criticism of a romance novel touched off rants from everyone in the community
because you just don’t speak ill of romance novels and ruin the united front. 
We should all agree that’s ridiculous.  Reading romance doesn’t mean you leave
common sense and good taste aside.  Then, we had an idea (Wendy had the idea,
actually) – why not give it a try.  Show that we can write reviews about romance
books that are aimed at informing readers as well as giving constructive
feedback to authors.  Are we always right?  Well, no.  These things are
subjective.  These are our opinions and, frankly, there will be times when we
don’t agree with each other.

Sounds like fun.  But HelenKay recognizes they may not be greeted warmly at first by the romance writers.

Now, this is risky.  The general mood in the romance community seems to be that
it is wrong to even hint that there may be an imperfect romance novel out there
somewhere.  The thought process is:  if we admit some books aren’t as great as
others we’ll never get respect as a genre.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Which is exactly why a blog like Paperback Reader is such a good idea. Wendy says:

You’ll never see
either of us rain condemnation down on a book because we don’t like the hero’s
hair color or because the heroine makes birth control choices that are different
from our own. We will save the
condemnation for the clichés too much of the genre limps by on.

The first book up for review is Jennifer Crusie’s BET ME.

 

Trekkies and Kiddie Porn

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05Maclean’s Magazine investigates the revelation that a surprising number of pedophiles arrested by the Toronto Police are Trekkies:

The first thing detectives from the Toronto
police sex crimes unit saw when they entered Roderick Cowan’s apartment
was an autographed picture of William Shatner. Along with the photos on
the computer of Scott Faichnie, also busted for possessing child porn,
they found a snapshot of the pediatric nurse and Boy Scout leader
wearing a dress "Federation" uniform. Another suspect had a TV remote
control shaped like a phaser. Yet another had a Star Trek
credit card in his wallet. One was using "Picard" as his screen name.
In the 3 1/2 years since police in Canada’s biggest city established a
special unit to tackle child pornography, investigators have been
through so many dwellings packed with sci-fi books, DVDs, toys and
collectibles like Klingon swords and sashes that it’s become a dark
squadroom joke. "We always say there are two types of pedophiles: Star Trek and Star Wars," says Det. Ian Lamond, the unit’s second-in-command. "But it’s mostly Star Trek."

Neva Chonin at the San Francisco Chronicle isn’t convinced there’s a connection.

"Star Trek" fans get no respect. When they’re not being derided for
living in their mothers’ basements, they’re being mocked for studying the
Klingon alphabet. Life for Trekkies is especially tough these days, with their
television franchise finally fading into retirement after decades of spin-off
series and film adaptations.

And now this. An April 27 Los Angeles Times story on the exploits of the
Toronto Police Service’s Sex Crimes Unit reported on "a dark fact" uncovered
by its Child Exploitation Section: "All but one of the offenders they have
arrested in the last four years," the article revealed, "was a hard-core
Trekkie."

Wha … who … huh? I know that the Vulcan mating ritual of Pon Farr can
arouse some unruly passions, but hey. Kiddie porn? Child exploitation among
those benign nerds who flock to comic conventions in their Federation
uniforms? Say it isn’t so. Or at least present plausible evidence why it is…

…Yeah, right. Color me skeptical, but I require a little more to sell me
on the "dark fact" that "all but one of the offenders they have arrested in
the last four years was a hard-core Trekkie." If there’s empirical evidence,
trot it out. (Hard-core Trekkie membership cards? Salacious action figure
dioramas? What?) If there’s a causal relationship, at least try to explain it.
If you "can’t really explain it," don’t bring it up. Geeks get enough grief as
it is, man; they don’t need to be labeled perverts.

RWA Members Can Look At Nipples Again

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Alison Kent reports that the Romance Writers of America are suspending their "graphical standards" rules. The new rules would have, among other things, forbid the organization or any of its chapters from linking to any author or publisher websites that displayed the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit and tit or featured bookcovers that showed images like a hand on a breast, an exposed female nipple, or g-string clad buttocks (which would have ruled out my author photo).

In a special phone call board meeting, RWA’s Board of Directors met to
discuss the Graphical Standards policies. The Board of Directors enacted the
following motions:

1. The Graphical Standards have been temporarily suspended.

2. A Graphical Standards Ad Hoc Committee will be formed to seek
out membership input and investigate when, where and how such standards
might
be applied, with a report due to the RWA Board no later than September
1, 2005.

How about IF such graphical standards should be applied at all? It’s hard to believe that the RWA board is actually comprised of writers.  They shouldn’t just scrap the rules…they should scrap the committee. Come to think of it, they should scrap the board members who thought these rules were a good idea in the first place.

UPDATE: The folks at Smartbitches take issue with an "inspirational romance writer" who doesn’t  get what all the ruckus is about. 

What Happens When TV Happens…

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Ever wonder why a pilot doesn’t sell? There are a lot of reasons… and screenwriter John Rogers talks about the ones that doomed his WB pilot GLOBAL FREQUENCY.

What happened? TV happened. Even Mark Burnett (who was pretty cool, AND can kill
you with his thumbs) couldn’t beat it this time. Despite having some great
execs, and even testing pretty well, we got hit by a change of network
presidents in the middle of the shoot. I know, every guy in the industry just
instinctively winced when I said that. David Janolari was a gent about it, but
between some differing creative visions and network/studio gunk, all the best
intentions in the world weren’t going to get us there.

Also, in
completely honest retrospect, what the hell was I thinking? It’s a show about
how the institutions around us have failed us, and we live in a world of chaos
and death, held back only by borderline sociopaths. The HAPPY ending is our hero shoots an innocent man
in the face. Oh yeah, slot us right in after Gilmore Girls.

iUniverse CEO Speaks… Again

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This seems to be POD/Self-Publishing day on my blog.  Pod-dy Mouth hosts a lengthy Q&A with iUniverse CEO Susan Driscoll. There are quite few interesting quotes. Here’s one:

If an author isn’t traditionally published then his/her title is not likely to get stocked nationally on bookstore shelves. Anyone who tells an author otherwise isn’t telling the truth.

You have to admire her honesty on that score. As she did in her letter to my blog, Susan once again tries to sell iUniverse as "a stepping stone to traditional publishing" success rather than a "vanity press" for people who can’t get their work published any other way.

iUniverse gives authors a way to quickly and affordably publish a book so that
the author can test market the book and can determine whether he/she likes doing
the marketing. Those that succeed will get picked up by bookstores and perhaps
by traditional publishers.

That’s where she loses me.  I don’t buy that reasoning for paying hundreds of dollars to self-publish your book.  She calls it the "all-important author platform," which is her attempt to refresh and re-imagine the age-old vanity press come-on/false hope:  the very slim possibility that you can become a bestseller on your own or that you will attract a "real publisher" with your self-published book.

Sure, it happens. People occasionally win the lottery, too.

All her talk about the importance of author self-marketing is essentially saying this:  iUniverse prints your book… and that’s it. You have to do all the rest. You have to create awareness and demand.  And if you manage, against all odds,  to somehow sell thousands of copies of your vanity press book, then a real publisher might take notice. 

That isn’t the "all-important" first step or, as she calls it, "author platform."
Writing a good book is the all-important first step. The second one is finding an
agent. The third one is selling the book. The fourth is getting out and marketing it as best you can (very different, by the way, than the kind of marketing you have to do to move a vanity press POD title that isn’t available in bookstores). The fifth is starting to write your next book.   The combination of those five steps is what I would call "the author platform."

In my opinion, self-publishing your novel is a frantic and foolhardy last
resort… a desperate gamble with very, very, very little chance of success.  It’s not a platform…it’s another charge on your credit card bill.

That said, I think  iUniverse has a lot to offer someone interested in self-publishing non-fiction or self-help books. In that case, I think you have a realistic potential for success, especially if publishing your book goes hand-in-hand with giving seminars and teaching classes.

I also think iUniverse is a great way for instructors to provide their own "textbooks" for their students as opposed to having them buy bound xerox copies of their articles and essays.

And iUniverse offers a second lease on life for previously-published books that have fallen out-of-print.  It’s not lucrative…but it offers readers hard-to-find books in handsome new editions and provides a few extra dollars to the authors that they wouldn’t otherwise see from used book sales.

The Persuaders

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PersuaderslogoVariety reports that Ben Stiller and British comic Steve Coogan are teaming up for a Dreamworks feature film version of  the 1971 UK-produced TV series THE PERSUADERS, the one-season bomb that starred Roger Moore and Tony Curtis as ner-do-well playboys drafted by a retired judge to work as detectives in Europe. The series began as a spin-off episode of  Moore’s  THE SAINT,  with Stuart Damon in the role that eventually went to Tony Curtis. Despite the immediate  failure of THE PERSUADERS  here, the John Barry instrumental theme is still a beloved hit in France to this day (where it is known as AMICALEMENT VOTRE) and the show remains unaccountably popular overseas.  (Trivia tidbit: Roger Moore also designed the wardrobe on the show. He went from THE PERSUADERS straight into James Bond)

Finally…

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…somebody is airing reruns of HARRY O and SPENSER FOR HIRE, two of my favorite (and little seen) PI shows. Set your Tivos, folks, because TVSquad reports that later this month TVLand is celebrating Warner Brothers Television with a marathon thatalso  includes 77 SUNSET STRIP and LOVE SIDNEY.

Is that a new RWA rule in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

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Booksquare reports that The Romance Writers of America have passed a new rule barring the national and chapter websites from linking to authors with certain objectionable images or words on their bookcovers or on their sites/blogs.

… it’s pretty clear
the Board has never once, in their entire lives, taken a gander at the average
romance novel cover. If so, they’d realize they have just eliminated 99.9% of
all covers:

With respect to all RWA programs and services, the following shall not be
depicted or represented: exposed male and female genitalia, exposed female
nipples, cunnilingus and fellatio, hands or mouth covering naked female breasts,
naked or g-string-clad buttocks, and beastiality. The following words: cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, will not be
displayed.

The president of RWA has clarified this regulation, saying this means (and we
quote):

. . .if we wish to retain our charter with RWA, we will no longer be able to
show jacket covers that don’t meet the standard and we can’t even link to the
websites of those authors who might show their own covers, have excerpts that
include certain language, or lead to the publisher’s website.”

So if their rules say they can’t link to any site that has the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit and tit, then they can’t even publish this rule on their own site since, by definition, it means printing the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit.

That said, I’d like to belong to any writers organization progressive enough to have the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit in their rules for anything.  I’m pretty sure there isn’t a rule in the Mystery Writers of America or the Writers Guild that includes the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, but I think there should be.  Imagine what DEADWOOD would be like without the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit. Or Harry Potter.  Or our National Anthem.

You can’t use the words cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, but it’s okay to use the following words and phrases instead:
his throbbing maleness, adoring his gargantuan manhood,  heavenly cave
of feminine delight, give me some of that hot monkey love,  butt hole pirate, poop,
and swelling bosom.

I guess they won’t be linking to my site. I don’t use the words  cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, but I’ve got a big Dick on the cover of most of my books.

UPDATE : My brother Tod has some thoughts about this new rule, too, the one that forbids certain images and words like cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit, though he doesn’t use cock,
cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, shit, and tit anywhere in his post (which is a word that, incidentally, is an acceptable alternative for cock)