Current Affairs

Remember HUNTER?

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It’s not often you see a review of a 15-year-old rerun airing in syndication…but this week, Entertainment Weekly spotlights an episode of HUNTER written by my buddy Morgan Gendel.

This 1990 Hunter ep is titled "Unfinished Business" but I call it "the one where
Hunter and McCall have all the sex." After six years of stake-outs, innuendo,
and lingering looks over dead bodies, Rick and Dee Dee finally get it on in a
series of positively Bergman-esque flashbacks– and a shiveringly unresolved
ending. Mulder and Scully got nothin’ on this heat. Truly, the crap cop show’s
finest hour. Episode: A. Series: C+. TVLand, March 25th at 1 pm.

I’m sure it was the best episode. Morgan has a knack for writing the episode everybody remembers…no matter what series he’s on.  For instance, his STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION episode "The Inner Light" was an instant classic, a Hugo-award winning script that every other STAR TREK series felt duty-bound to ripoff at least once, and sometimes twice (most recently on the ENTERPRISE episode "Twilight").

Wynnsome

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I thought I was the only one strangely fascinated by the ad with Steve Wynn standing atop his new hotel…but I’m not.  I don’t know whether it’s his smug smile, hisGallery1110787179msg167542_1 "I’m-a-Syndicate-hitman-from-a-MANNIX-rerun"  turtleneck and blazer,  the overblown DALLAS-esque score, the self-satisfied smirk, or the Siegfield & Roy-inspired theatrical flick of the hand that cues the big music sting as the camera pulls back from the roof-top in a reverse of the classic HAWAII FIVE-O main titles….

But whatever it is… I like it (maybe it’s all those sublimal TV references from MANNIX, DALLAS and HAWAII FIVE -O).  I can’t watch it just once. 

LitNazi Questionnaire

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On his blog, my brother Tod fills out the questionnaire the Citizens For Literary Standards are sending to candidates for the Blue Valley School Board in Overland Park, KS. His answers to their  self-serving questions makes for good reading… which, of course, means it would be banned if these "citizens" had their way.

The Citizens for Literary Standards, you may recall,  seek to "inform parents and the community about poor quality literature and vulgar subject matter (profanity, sex, occultism) in  graded reading assignments."  Books these LitNazis want to ban from high school include such "poor quality literature"  as ALL THE PRETTY HORSES, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, BELOVED, LORDS OF DISCIPLINE, CATCHER IN THE RYE, OF MICE AND MEN,  and I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS.

It makes sense to me. As we all know, reading CATCHER IN THE RYE has turned generations of Americans into Satan-worshipping, drug-addicted, sociopathic liberals. 

 

Star Trek R.I.P.

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I’ve been catching up on my my friend Javier Grillo Marxuach’s blog. We worked together years ago on SEAQUEST, and he’s gone on to much better things… like his current gig as supervising producer of LOST. A few weeks back, he wrote  about the demise of  ENTERPRISE.

For the past ten years, being a star trek fan has been like watching a
beloved relative waste away from a completely curable degenerative
illness… you prayed for someone to administer the readily available
magic bullet of creative freedom, bold choices and individual
thought… and yet, its care was continually entrusted to insurance
company administrators eager to deliver the bottom line.

He nails it, doesn’t he?

The Mystery Bookstore Mystery

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It was the talk of Left Coast Crime in El Paso, whispered in the corridors, at the bar, and by the Spanish-speaking cashiers at the Arby’s across the street…

Have you heard about Shelly?

2larcandshellyThey were talking, of course, about Sheldon MacArthur, the  proprietor of the Mystery Book Store in Westwood (and, for many years before that, The Mysterious Bookshop in West Hollywood).  For a little guy, he’s one of the biggest personalities (and opinion-makers) in the Southern California mystery scene… the Yoda of crime writing.  If you’re serious about mystery novels,  as a writer or a fan, you make the pilgrimmage to his store to get his advice and his blessing.  He’s a polarizing character… people either love him or hate him.  I’m one of the guy’s who loves him… I was a loyal customer long before I was an author and I can sit for hours talking about mysteries with him.

Well, I could...

Lately, he’s been missing from the store and rumors about his disappearance are running rumpant.  The story is that he’s on "extended leave." But I’ve heard lots of other explanations. Some say he had a nasty fight with the other investors in the store and he was kicked out. Others say he’s left to deal with a family emergency. Then there are those persistent rumblings about satan worship,  gambling debts to the mob, and wild sex parties involving cats, quilts, and people dressing up as Robert Crais and Gregg Hurwitz.

I was in the store earlier this week and tried pumping the staff oh-so-subtly for information ("So, what’s the real story with Shelly? Is he sick? Has he been fired? Is he having an Extreme Make-Over?"), but they were tight-lipped. All they would tell me, Stepford-like, was that he was "on an extended leave."

So is  Jimmy Hoffa, if you know what I mean.

The Mystery Bookstore’s anniversary party is this Saturday… and if he’s not there, his absense is sure to be a hot topic among the mystery writers and fans in attendance (who will include Robert B. Parker, Thomas Perry, Tod Goldberg, Patricia Smiley, Jerrilyn Farmer, Don Winslow,  April Smith, Gregg Hurwitz, Bill Fitzhugh, Scott Frost, and, of course, yours truly).

I’ll report back on Sunday…

(that’s Shelly in the picture with Bob, who is doing his "I’m a grim mystery writer" face. I hear they have consultants now who teach mystery writers how to look street instead of cul-de-sac. Either Bob is practicing the face, or he just heard his production bonus check for HOSTAGE got lost in the mail. You can click on the photo for a larger image)

Don’t Pay Them, They Pay You

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Prolific author Lynn Viehl (well, that’s one of her pen-names, anyway) remembers the temptation, back when she was an aspiring author (or is it authors in her case?),  to sign with one of those agents who tried to steer her into a book doctor scam.  the book doctor said her manuscript needed work… and it would cost $1300 to fix it up. She almost wrote the check…but thought better of it, despite his dire warnings that she was making a grave mistake. A few years later, the "agent" and the "book doctor" got nailed by the law for defrauding 3600 people with their phony literary agency and publishing house.  As she says, "aspiring writers, make it your mantra:  you don’t pay them, they pay you."

“Shannon Elizabeth Remembers She’s a Celebrity, Divorces Fat Man”

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That headline, from the blog TVgasm, made me laugh out loud…  the rest of the post is pretty funny, too.

All things come in three’s, including celebrity break-ups.

Last night American Pie masturbating chick filed for divorce from
LOST’s Hurley. (ok not really) This break-up was taken particularly
hard by fat, hairy unnattractive men everywhere who thought, "See, it
could happen to me." No, fat man…it can’t.

Shannon forwent the usual "irreconcilable differences" claim, rather
filing under the less oft used, "He stopped hypnotizing me" defense.