Current Affairs

Abbott Not Panicking

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The movie adaptation of Jeff Abbott’s PANIC is moving along at a nice clip.  Richard Regen is writing the script  and Richard Shepard, who helmed the Pierce Brosnan movie THE MATADOR, will direct. I thought MATADOR was great, but all I know about Regen is that he worked on the short-lived UPN series SECRET AGENT MAN.

Lipstick Chronicles Finally Lives Up to Its Name

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Author Sarah Strohmeyer talks about what she used to do for her husband all the time…but isn’t doing much lately.

I am speaking, of course, of that act one does for another in which
most of the sexual gratification goes to one partner. Oh, sure, you can
argue there’s some satisfaction for the provider. But let’s be honest.
One half gets all the treats. That’s why they call it a job.

When my husband and I were dating, I would impulsively perform this
act wherever, partially for the thrill of seeing the pure shock on his
chiseled face. Here he was, Ohio born and raised, an active member of
the Episcopal Church, a graduate of a staid all-boys school, and I was
doing this to him in a parking lot! The woods in broad daylight! On
Shaker Boulevard!

And he never had to ask. It just happened. I was like the magic girlfriend. Yippee!

In fairness, I never promised that this would be a permanent part of
our relationship. But was I going to point this out when he slipped
onto my finger a diamond-and-emerald ring with gold filigree (that he
designed)? Hell no.

This anecdote prompted author Harley Jane Kozak to reveal:

My husband, when we were dating, came to see me in Lincoln, Nebraska,
where I was doing a play one summer. I took him to Lincoln’s landmark
building, the state capitol, AKA "The Penis of the Plains" . . . and in
view of its nickname, and because we found a hallway on a floor that
seemed to have no occupants …

I can’t wait for more blow-by-blow accounts.

Lots of TV News Today

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Variety reports that CBS has given early renewals to GHOST WHISPERER, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, CRIMINAL MINDS, NCIS, COLD CASE, WITHOUT A TRACE, NUMBERS, TWO AND A HALF MEN, THE AMAZING RACE, SURVIVOR, and all three CSIs for next season. None of those pick-ups are surprises, what’s news is that CBS decided to make those decisions so early. Typically, networks wait another two months before making those announcements. The fates of COURTING ALEX, STILL STANDING, CLOSE TO HOME, KING OF QUEENS, 48 HOURS, and YES DEAR are still up-in-the-air. LOVE MONKEY is a dead monkey and there are a handful of show mid-season shows set to premiere in the coming weeks.

NBC has officially cancelled BOOK OF DANIEL, which they yanked a few months ago after just three episodes. The lesson I’ve learned from this is not to do a series featuring Jesus as a character (thus forcing me to scrub my terrific pitch JESUS P.I.).

TNT has canceled WANTED but picked up SAVED to pair with CLOSER or THIEF. The lesson I’ve learned from this  is that TNT wants more one-word titled shows.  Two other pilots are still in contention: TALK TO ME and GRACE. My money is on GRACE (If I were the producers of TALK TO ME, I’d quickly retitle it TALKER).

HBO has renewed DEADWOOD for a fourth season before the third has even aired. The lesson I’ve learned from this is that the fucking execs at fucking HBO can do whatever the fuck they want and buy the fucking shows that they fucking enjoy (and that I fucking enjoy, too).

UPDATE 3-8-06:  TV Critic Aaron Barnhart reports on his blog that CBS has axed "King of Queens," "Still Standing," and "Yes, Dear" and new shows
"Close To Home" and "Out of Practice."

Boy, the way they’re wrapping up
CBS’s business, you’d think Les Moonves and company had another network
to run.

The Oscars

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There was a big article by Patrick Goldstein in yesterday’s LA Times talking about how viewership for the Oscars has dwindled over the years.

The hissing you hear is the air going out of the Oscars’ balloon. The
usual aura of Academy Award anticipation dissipated weeks ago. Wherever
I went last week, the talk was about how bad the ratings would be.

He put the blame on the fragmentation of the viewing audience — distracted by 500 satelite channels, iPods, DVDs, xboxes, the Internet, even books —  and on the poor quality of theatrical movies lately. I have a more radical view. People have stopped watching the Oscars because it’s an incredibly dull show with virtually no entertainment value…even when fast-forwarding through most of it (thank the Lord for Tivo).

The opening skit was fun and it went downhill from there. That said, it was nice to see so many "TV faces" among the winners and nominees. I’m sure Paul Haggis, when he was writing WALKER TEXAS RANGER and DUE SOUTH, never imagined he’d be getting an Oscar for best picture…or that Dan Futterman, while toiling as an actor on JUDGING AMY, envisioned being nominated for an Academy Award for his first screenplay.

CRASH getting best picture was certainly a surprise… as was best song going to "It’s Hard for a Pimp" instead of the safe, middle-of-the-road, crowd-pleaser sung by the robot that vaguely resembled Dolly Parton (Dustin Hoffman looked more like Dolly Parton).

I’ll stop there. If you really want to low-down, check out Ken Levine’s hilarious Oscar wrap-up:

Leave it to a writer to show up in jeans.

Oh no, my dream job was a fake

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From the Writer’s Guild of Canada:

It has come to our attention that several members have received an
email from a Japanese company – the Hashimoto Group – soliciting film and TV
scripts with the purported intention of production.  Please be advised that this is not a
legitimate proposal and is in fact a scam.  We recommend that you do not respond to
the email.

Please see www.joewein.de/sw/419-script-writer.htm
for further information.

I think Lori Prokop should contact Saito Komatsu of the Hashimoto Group about investing in Book Millionaire.

 

Back Under the Wing

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TV Geek alert: Variety reports that a slew of former WEST WING actors are reprising their roles as the series heads towards its finale. Among the actors returning for segments are Rob Lowe, Mary Louise Parker, Timothy Busfield, Gary Cole, Annabeth Gish, Tim Matheson, Marlee Matlin, Anna Deavere Smith and Emily Proctor as "Ainsley Hayes."

Suck Ups

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There was an essay in the LA Times magazine this weekend by Sharon Bordas, an aspiring sitcom writer talking about "staffing season," that hectic period after the series pick-ups in May when shows hire all their writers. But the essay wasn’t really about that. It was about sucking up. Her first interview didn’t go well, so she lavished praise  on the next showrunner she met with.

I prostrated myself before him, calling him the best writer
of his generation. Without a trace of irony. It worked. My agent called
to give me the good news: Boy Wonder Two (BW2) loved me.

She didn’t get hired as a writer, though. She got hired as a writer’s assistant. Not surprisingly, she lost the job on her first day when she pitched story ideas to the co-exec producer.

The next day I was fired. "It’s not going to happen," my agent told me,
explaining that showrunner-for-a-day had found me presumptuous and
overbearing.

She’s at a loss to understand why they got this impression of her and goes on and on blaming her career troubles on the inflated egos and duplicity of the showrunners she meets.

I didn’t even try to eat the day of my meeting with my third Boy
Wonder. I complimented everything from his writing to his shoes. Soon,
an offer was on its way, and my agent was thrilled…
The next day, one of the show’s producers announced that he had promised my job to the son of a friend. I was out. Again.

It never occurs to her that maybe the third Boy Wonder called around about her and didn’t like what he heard — so came up with a lame excuse for backing out before compounding his mistake. The whole point of the essay is that TV shows are run by assholes and talented, good-hearted people like her don’t get a break.  (She clearly thinks she’s coming off as lovable, funny, and sympathetic in her essay. She’s not).

She looked down her nose at each showrunner before she even stepped in the door for her  interviews. Each prospective employer was a "Boy Wonder," implying she thinks they got their show on the air not because of any talent or smarts,  but because they kissed the right asses and sold out. They don’t deserve her respect, honesty, or good-will. They are frauds. She is the real deal. (Even the co-exec producer is shrugged off as "showrunner for the day" when he should have prostrated himself in front of her awesome talent).

What was her interview strategy? To be a manipulative, lying little weasel, lavishing false praise on showrunners to hide her contempt for them. And when she finally snares an assistant position,  she has the gall on her first day to suggest story ideas to the co-exec producer when, in fact, her job is to answer the phones, type scripts, and get everybody lunch.

And she wonders why she was fired? Hollywood isn’t the problem, lady. It’s you.