PJ Parrish Talks Sex

The writing team that goes by the name PJ Parrish talk about the sex…or, rather, the lack of good sex…in mysteries.

Why are crime writers such major wussies when it comes to sex? What the hell
happens to most of them when they have to write about it?

I’ll tell you
what happens. They turn trite and sentimental. Or they become boring and
flaccid. And they get as self-conscious as pimply prom dates. Crime writers can
meet murder head on and not flinch, can even render death poetic. But faced with
having to describe copulation — especially in the context of, gasp!
relationships — they can turn out the most dreadful, unbelievable, embarrassing
treacle.

Reruns on Demand

Variety reports that Warner Brothers will make 14,000 episodes from more than 300 series available on America Online for free, on-demand viewing. What’s the catch? Commercials. The new program launches in January.

"We want to create a new broadband network for content looking for its next
window of distribution," explained Kevin Conroy, exec VP of AOL Media Networks.
"This is an IP (Internet protocol) television service that is available
whenever, wherever in the digital home."

It will be interesting to see how the WGA, DGA and SAG will take this news…and what residual formula will be adopted, at least initially, to pay writers, actors and directors.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water

Warner Brothers hopes Al Gough and Miles Millar can do for AQUAMAN what they did for SUPERMAN with SMALLVILLE. Variety reports that the writing team have been signed by the WB to produce a pilot about the young Aquaman.

As with "Smallville," their successful reinvention of the "Superman" saga,
Gough and Millar plan to focus on character rather than cheese. Skein
won’t be called "Aquaman" — indeed, the "A" word won’t even be mentioned — and
Curry "won’t be talking to fish or riding a seahorse," Gough said.

And while "Smallville" recently generated great ratings with an episode
featuring an appearance by Aquaman, the new project won’t be a spinoff. To
underline that point, Alan Ritchson, the actor who played Curry on "Smallville,"
isn’t under consideration for the role in the pilot.

Portrait of an Anxious Writer

I’ve been reading author Sandra Scoppettone’s blog each day and getting increasingly anxious. She’s just turned in her latest novel to her editor. Now she’s waiting to see if they will offer her another contract. Sandra is an old pro… but she isn’t taking the waiting well. Her anxiety and impatience is, well, infectious. Reading her blog, I’ve been tempted to call my agent to find out what’s happening with my contract and I’m not even waiting for one.

Saturday, October 22, 2005
Ladies Who Lunch

I just had lunch with my agent.  Besides having a good time, which we
always have, she reasurred me about being offered a contract for the
next two Faye Quick books.

“What are they waiting for?” I knew, of course.

“The numbers.  They need to know what to offer.”

“You mean they might offer less?”

“No.  The same or more.”

I’m home now and I know I’ll never be offered a contract for any book ever again.


Thursday, October 27, 2005

Waiting

I spend my days buying tunes from Itunes to fill up my Ipod Nano.  Get
out my CDs to transfer them to the Ipod.  I don’t write much email.
Haven’t felt like it.  Read.  Not as much as I plan to each day.  Stay
in my pj’s until noon.  Talk on the phone.  Go to the library.  Then
the library cottage…buy books…more books.  Order even more books from
Amazon or through Addall.  Read blogs.

But mostly I wait.  For the phone to ring.  No, I’m not waiting to be asked to the Halloween party.

I’M WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT GETTING A GODDAMN BOOK CONTRACT!


Friday, November 04, 2005

Target Day?

Yesterday I spoke to my agent and reminded her that it was November.
She said she’d call my editor today.   Six more hours to go.  Do
I believe this will happen?  No.  And even if it does that might not
mean my editor is waiting for the call so he can offer a deal.  Or the
deal will be so hideous I’ll have to work at the library.  I guess there
could be worse places here to work.  Now that I think about it, the
library is looking good.


Monday, November 07, 2005

Still Waiting

At 3:40 the phone rang.  I rushed to answer.  It
was the trashman’s wife to tell me the pick up will be on Sat. instead of
Thurs.  It’s now 10:20 pm and that phone call never came.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Nothing

No phone call.

No email.

No nothing.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Email

Hello, Agent

I got your voice message.

Hereabouts this week is
jam-packed with launch meetings for next year–both the preparations for the
meetings and then actually giving the presentations; so every minute is
precious.

Once the dust settles next week
and I can get people focused on something other than the launch, I’ll set in
motion the Sandra Scoppettone discussion.  Thanks for your patience.

Editor


Friday, November 11, 2005

Oh, Okay

January the online magazine gave me a great revue.  I sent one to my
editor and one to my agent.  I told my agent I wanted her to be armed when
she talks to the editor.  This is what she wrote back to me:

Hey, thanks for
sending this.  And stop worrying.  love, Agent

I wrote back and said I couldn’t change my whole personality at this point in life.  Laid back
I’m not.  Surprise!

Lots of TV News

Movies are big on TV again… as TV series. Variety reports that director David Cronenberg is turning his 1988 movie DEAD RINGERS into a TV series for HBO.

Paybox has ordered a pilot script, which Wesley
Strick
("Cape Fear") will write and Cronenberg will direct.
Cronenberg and Strick will both exec produce along with feature producer Carol
Baum ("The
Good Girl"
). Morgan Creek Prods. is on board to produce.

The original film "Dead Ringers" is the story of twin gynecologists, both
played by Jeremy Irons, who go insane after becoming romantically involved with
the same woman.

Cronenberg’s movie THE DEAD ZONE has turned out to be a big hit for USA Network. I’m waiting for them to turn his movies  CRASH and RABID into TV series.

And in other TV news, Fox has cut ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT’s order this season from 22 episodes to 13 and yanked it off the schedule for sweeps. Not a good sign. But it could be worse.  KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL was also pulled for the rest of the month and no new episodes will be ordered.

Over at the WB, SEVENTH HEAVEN is ending… producers announced that this season, the show’s tenth, will be its last.

While "7th" is still a solid ratings performer, because of the skein’s age,
its costs have risen steadily over the years, making it cost-prohibitive for the
Frog to continue production, insiders said.

Still, show consistently draws more than 5 million viewers in its current
season, among Frog’s top-rated shows.

"Although we had anticipated this could be the last season, it was difficult
breaking the news to the cast and crew," series creator Brenda Hampton said. "At
this point, we’re all very much a family. However, just like the Camden kids, I
think we’ve all grown up and it’s simply time to leave home."

Dear Mr. Terikayi, The Sequel

The Los Angeles Times ran an article today about Dean Koontz’s "Mr. Teriyaki" remarks at Men of Mystery event last Saturday.  I didn’t talk to the reporter so, of course, I am the only
one of the writers offended by the remarks that they quoted (using the post from my blog). They did, however, talk to Dean, MofM organizer Joan Hansen, and my friend Joe Konrath.
 
While I stand behind what I posted here,  I don’t think Dean Koontz is a racist.  I
think he  showed poor judgement writing those letters in the first place and then sharing them with an audience. He made a mistake.  That doesn’t make him a racist and its unfair to accuse him of being one because of it.

The article also has a troubling inaccuracy — the reporter states that "the mystery group is speaking out against what it perceived as Koontz’s blatant racism" and later "writers who attended the speech are divided over whether the comments constituted racism."  How can both be true? They can’t. While quite a few writers have also publicly expressed dismay over Dean’s remarks — Eric Stone, Charles Fleming, Rob Roberge, and my brother Tod for example — there is no organized "mystery group" condemning him and it was wrong of The Times to imply that there was.

 
Dean accused me in our phone conversation  and in the article of having some other agenda.
I don’t and I can’t imagine what he thinks it might be.  I’m not sorry I posted
about his remarks, and I stand behind every word,  but I wasn’t happy to see it hit the papers. He didn’t
deserve that.

UPDATE: I’ve heard from the LA Times. They acknowledge the errors and will run a correction. Meanwhile, some other blogs are weighing in on the LA Times story: here, here, here, here, here here, here and here.

A Companion for MONK?

David Breckman, the brother of MONK creator Andy Breckman, has sold a pilot to USA Network called UNDERFUNDED, about a secret agent for the Canadian Intelligence Agency. 

Exec VP of programming Jeff Wachtel described the hourlong as a spy thriller
"viewed through this huge comic filter."

"Underfunded" is one of two series pilots under consideration at the cabler.
Other is feature scribe Steve Franks’ "Psych," starring James Roday and Dule
Hill, about a fake psychic detective (Daily Variety, June 17).

Much like USA’s top-rated hour "Monk," both drama pilots are lighter and more
comedic in nature than such past efforts as "Touching Evil" and "Peacemakers."
Wachtel said the move in that direction is strategic.

"We’re not doing this exclusively, but we think there is a real opportunity
to go against the grain of what most broadcast and cable dramas are doing," he
said. "There’s a real dark tone to a lot of what’s out there — most of which is
brilliantly executed — but we see it as a chance to go another way."

Chances are slim, in fact, that the network will renew Ving
Rhames
drama "Kojak," which took a decidedly more serious tone
than the original 1973 series. Skein maintained modest ratings throughout its
run, but didn’t reach the highs achieved by "Monk" and "The 4400."

David has been a writer/producer on MONK for  its entire run. I think it would be fitting if his show ended up paired  with MONK.

UPDATE 5-21-05: David showed me the UNDERFUNDED pilot and it’s hilarious, especially if you’re  fan of the Bond movies.  Tonally, it’s a cross between THE ROCKFORD FILES and GET SMART. The hero isn’t a buffoon…he’s actually very good, he’s just working for an agency that gets no respect and no money. In that way, it’s sort of reminiscent of the old Canadian spy series ADDERLY. I’m hoping the series gets picked up. There really isn’t anything like it on TV right now.

I’m biased when it comes to PSYCH… Bill Rabkin & I have just written an episode of the show. It’s a very funny series and should pair up very nicely with MONK.

The Terminator and Blade: Coming to a TV near You

Arnold may have taken a hit Tuesday in the polls, but THE TERMINATOR is still fighting. Variety reports that the franchise is becoming a Fox TV series called THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES, which will focus on the character played by Linda Hamilton in the first two features and will take place between the second and third film. The series, which will be written and produced by WAR OF THE WORLDS scribe Josh Friedman, will also tie-in to the planned fourth TERMINATOR movie.

Linda
Hamilton
is not expected to be involved in TV series. And because the series will be focused on the Connor family, it’s
not anticipated that Gov. Arnold
Schwarzenegger
would be a regular part of the skein either
regardless of his political fortunes a year from now.

[Producer James Middleton said] the series will explore what happened to Sarah Connor after
the end of "T2," when the character went on the run. "She has the weight of the
world on her shoulder and she also has to raise a 14-year-old son who may be the
salvation of the world," he said.

Friedman said his "challenge is trying to figure out how to reinterpret
(Connor) for television."

Because the "Terminator" franchise involves time travel and alternate
futures, Friedman believe he’ll be able to take a few plot liberties in the
series — emphasis on "few."

"The last thing I want to do is take a title and exploit it," Friedman said.
"The show needs to stand on its own while still being respectful of the
franchise."

Unlike the features, "The Sarah Connor Chronicles" will not be non-stop
shoot-’em-up or chase scenes, in large part because of the reduced budgets of
television.

"There’s going to be a healthy dose of both (action and family drama),"
Friedman said, noting that the "Terminator" mythology "has a lot of big ideas in
it that don’t cost you a dime to explore."

"T3: Rise of the Machines," produced by C2 and Intermedia, grossed $427
million worldwide; the franchise overall has grossed more than $1 billion.

Vajna said C2 has been weighing an entry into TV via the "Terminator"
franchise for nearly two years and said the company hopes to develop other
projects for the medium.

After deciding to take the plunge, ICM-repped C2 pitched the idea to several
studios, with Warner Bros. ultimately making the most sense, Vajna said. Warners
handled domestic distribution of "T3."

Friedman, repped by UTAUTA,
wrote the script for Brian De
Palma
Brian
De Palma
‘s upcoming "The Black Dahlia."

Meanwhile, another movie franchise, BLADE, is coming to television as well. The SpikeTV pilot will star Kirk "Sticky" Jone as the vampire hunter played by Wesley Snipes on the big screen. Jill Wagner, Neil Jackson, Nelson Lee and Jessica Gower round out the cast. Peter
O’Fallon
will direct,   David Goyer (screenwriter of the BLADE trilogy)  is exec producing and co-wrote the script with Geoff Johns.

Here’s a little BLADE trivia for you… over a decade ago, Bill Rabkin & I wrote a BLADE feature script for New World Pictures, which owned the Marvel library at the time. New World was courting Richard Roundtree to star. Bill and I, Roundtree, and a bunch of studio execs had lunch at a fancy restaurant to talk about it…and all got horrific food poisoning afterwards. We were vomiting for days.  It was a bad omen. The movie…well, our version of it anyway, never got made.

Flash forward to 2004. Roundtree is cast in an episode of MISSING and I end up spending the day with him in an ADR studio. He doesn’t remember me, of course. So I mention the BLADE meeting and he starts laughing. "All I remember about that lunch is that it nearly killed me," he said.

Dollars and Sense

There are two terrific posts about the writing biz on novelist Alison Kent’s blog. In the first post, she gives us the run-down on her latest royalty statement on two of her Harlequin titles and links to a fascinating rundown on the typical advances and royalties for books in several romance lines. Alison  follows that up with a wise post on the financial realities of quitting your day job to write.