Harley’s Adventures in TV Land

My friend author Harley Jane Kozak shares more of her adventures in Hollywood  pitching her book DATING DEAD MEN as a TV series.

All the meetings go really well. While they’re happening. Then a
secondary reality sets in, wherein "I’d love to work with you” turns
out to mean, “I’d love to work with you, contingent upon a bunch of
other things, some of which will occur to me three days from now, after
I’ve talked to some other people.”

…conversations ensue, with Wendy, the producers, the producers’
people, our people, our people’s colleagues, Wendy’s husband, various
assistants, Other Producers Whom the Networks Love Who Might Be Right
For This Project. Our agent announces that Person X, who was so
fabulous yesterday afternoon is no longer desirable today, because of
something having to do with UPN. Or not. (The exception in all this is
Old Boyfriend who sends straightforward and unambiguous e-mails
directly to me. But he’s considered eccentric.)

I think I’m following it all until someone—e.g., my literary agent
from New York, where they speak English—says, “how’s it going?” and I
find I have no idea how it’s going or even what “it” is.

…and people ask me why I write books. I have to do something to stay sane while I work in the TV business.

“How Much Did You Pay To Get Published?”

Author Susan McBride posted her "Slightly Sarcastic Rules for Writers," a must-read for all aspiring novelists, on Lipstick Chronicles today. Among the questions she tackles are: "How Much Did You Pay To Get Published?" "What Font Should I Use?" "How Many Pages Should My Manuscript Be?" and "How Much Did You Pay Your Agent to Take You On?"

Every time I speak to groups of aspiring writers (I spoke last night to the Ventura County Writers Club), the first piece of advice I give them is not to pay to have their book published, that it’s a complete waste of money and is not a necessary step in becoming a professional writer. This always goes over badly — because half the room has either already self-published or just sent in their checks. They want to believe there’s a short-cut that gets them past all the scary hurdles of publishing…and they don’t want to discover that there isn’t.

The Ultimate Fan Letter

Gregg Hurwitz received a remarkable fan letter today. It began like this:

I have been reading your novel, "Minutes To Burn" for the last 10 days since the
hurricane destroyed my home and too many others here in Biloxi. I’m a physician
at the VA Hospital here, and have had to live in my office since Katrina hit in
order to be available for duty 24/7. I just wanted to say that I think reading
your novel helped keep me sane and in balance through this trial.

I couldn’t imagine a higher compliment than that.

Monday Chuckles II

17813888_1Over at Lipstick Chronicles, Harley Jane Kozak talks about her efforts to sell her award winning novel DATING DEAD MEN as a TV series:

Being
clueless, we did what any pair of neophytes would do: we bought a book.
“Writing Treatments That Sell, or, How to Create and Market Your
Story Ideas to the Motion Picture and TV Industry” is written by
Kenneth Atchity and Chi-Li Wong, who assure us that “success comes
through individual effort combined with access and luck . . . . ” Well,
hey. That’s got Wendy and Harley written all over it.

So flash forward a year. Yes, it took Wendy and me a year to write
the treatment—or bible, as Kenneth and Chi-Li tell us it’s called in
television. Put that way, it doesn’t sound so bad. How long do you
suppose King James spent on his bible? Anyhow, that brings us to this
week, the week that we began to Take Meetings.

Her first meeting ended up being with two producers she’d slept with. More than once. But not together. I hate it when that happens.

And over at my brother Tod’s blog, he patiently explains to one of Walter Scott’s readers why Tom Cruise dates Catholic girls.

Catholicism is the second most popular religion in America, with over
63 million guilty fuckers claiming to believe in that particular story
of God. 63 million people, E.B. Do you know what that means? That means
unless you live in Utah, you probably have just as close a connection
to that religion as Tom Cruise does, though you’re not terribly likely
to end up with your face buried in the cross that dangles in Penelope
Cruz’s cleavage, nor will you find yourself running your fingers
through Nicole Kidman’s hair in search of tangled rosaries nor can you
expect to find yourself sailing along Katie Holmes’ Dawson Creek. Why?
Because the connection Tom Cruise has to those women is that THEY ARE
BIG TIME FAMOUS ACTRESSES THAT, IN ADDITION, HAPPEN TO BE INCREDIBLY
HOT WHICH, BY NO COINCIDENCE, MR. CRUISE HAPPENS TO BE AS WELL.

Monday Chuckles

Sarah and Candy, The Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels, are at it again with another hilarious look at romance book covers. Here’s my favorite from today’s round-up, with Sarah’s comments.

Topazdreams

Sarah: “Your face. I want your face.”


“Oh, Brett ba-Havar-nir-Tamir, I want you, too.”


“No, your face. I want your face. Give it to me.”


“My face? But it doesn’t come off!”


“Sure it does. Hold still.”