Film and Television

Bring Back Those Precocious Kids

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Remember when all the kid characters on TV were smart-ass and wise-beyond-their years? It got to be really irritating…but it was a hell of a lot easier to take than the kids on TV today. They are all  insufferable morons. Take, for example, the two imbeciles on SURFACE who are raising an alien monster in their bathtub…and let it endanger the lives of family and friends. We are supposed to find them wacky and endearing. I just want to kick in the T.V.  Or how about that  whiny teenage girl on COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF who resents her Mom for being President of the United States? She’s upset she has to attend events like, oh, her mother’s swearing in as President or a reception for the Russian President instead of hanging out with her friends ("Other kids don’t have to go to their parents’ business dinners!"). This is supposed to make us relate to the First Family as being people like us. Yeah, right. Me, and the rest of America,  fast-forward through those scenes to the next shot of Donald Sutherlands sneering and twirling his mustache (yes, I know he doesn’t have a mustache…but it’s there, it’s just invisible).

Bring back those precocious kids of yesteryear. Please. I’m begging you.

Coming to a Computer Near You

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Back in 2001, Andre Morgan announced production of a 22-episode, hour-long  TV series shot in Shanghai called FLATLAND, starring Dennis Hopper (what, you thought E-RING was his first TV series? Don’t believe everything you read). Morgan didn’t have a buyer or distributor for the project at the time but claimed to be in discussions with several networks. Now, four years later,  the show may finally be premiering…on a cell phone or computer near you. Variety reports the show is being shopped at Cannes, where it’s being sold in groups of
50 two-minute episodes by Intl. Program Consultants for broadcast on mobile phones and over the Internet.

"Exotic locations, elaborate CGI and high-definition technologies will
generate literally hundreds of … serial episodes," said exec producers Ruddy
and Morgan.

IPC topper
Russell Kagan added: "RMO, a leading independent company in TV and film
ventures, now will be one of the first leaders in mobile and broadband
video."

The Brits Spin-Off

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A few years ago, there was a series in England called TAGGART about a detective named Taggart (and I remember not being able to understand a word he said). When the actor playing Taggart died, they continued the series without him…and didn’t bother changing the name of the show. They are getting a little more savvy about spin-offs now. The great INSPECTOR MORSE series starring John Thaw as the title character, and Kevin Whately as  his partner Lewis, ended with the death of Morse (followed, sadly, a year or so later by the real-life death of Thaw). Now they are continuing the series with Lewis but have wisely decided to abandon their original title, AFTER MORSE, in favor of, simply, LEWIS. I wonder if they toyed with calling it TAGGART first, just for the hell of it.

Speaking of British spin-offs, forty years (or is it fifty?) after the premiere of DR. WHO, one of the UK’s longest running (and most re-cast) series, comes news of a spin-off called TORCHWOOD, featuring some character named Captain Jack. I don’t watch the show, so I have no idea what the hell they are talking about. But I wonder why they waited to long to capitalize on the show’s success.

The DR. WHO news reminds me of GUNSMOKE…they waited 19 years after the show’s premiere, and well past it’s ratings heyday,  to finally attempt a spin-off, a lame comedy called DIRTY SALLY. It lasted less than a season, cancelled shortly before GUNSMOKE itself the following year.

The Way We Were

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I remember when the DVD boxed set of UFO came out. I couldn’t wait to watch it. Not only that, I couldn’t wait to show my friends. Unfortunately, I did both at the same time…bringing the DVD into the office to show them during lunch. What a mistake. The series I thought was so unbelievably cool when I was a kid turned out to be an inane bore. UFO looked slick and Barry Gray’s score was still incredible, but everything else sucked — the  acting was leaden, the writing was terrible, and the direction was limp.  The Onion reports on someone who had the same sad experience when the DVD of  LAND OF THE LOST didn’t live up to his childhood memories.

I was pleased to discover, however, that KOLCHAK THE NIGHT STALKER was every bit as good as I remembered it to be… though obviously cheap looking by today’s production standards, which is true when watching any old classics (from STAR TREK to THE ROCKFORD FILES, GUNSMOKE to MAN FROM UNCLE).  Mark Evanier, though, can’t get past the  el-cheapo production values when he watches HAWAII FIVE-O.

It’s great that so many old classics are coming out on DVD…but how many will live up to our fond memories and changed expectations?

E-RING Lasts Forever

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Why one critic isn’t watching E-RING any more.

Last Wednesday I performed an experiment. I watched the latest episode of E-Ring
while applying a branding iron directly to my face, just to see which
of these two forms of torture I could stand the longest. I have deduced
that, while eventually the branding iron heat burns through your nerve
endings, the pain of E-Ring lasts forever.

Harley on DVD

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Hartsofthewest_completeHARTS OF THE WEST lasted a mere 15 episodes on CBS back in 1993 and it’s coming to DVD… for a second time.  Back in 2002, two episodes were released on DVD. Now, to sate the appetite of the legions of HARTS OF THE WEST fans (who I think are called Westies and are holding their annual convention in Deerpark, Washington this year), all 15 episodes are finally being released in a boxed set.

This is good news for my friend Harley Jane Kozak, who was one of the stars and who remains a red hot sex object to diehard Westies and mystery book lovers everywhere.

Yes, it Daniel Craig

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It’s official now —Variety reports that  Daniel Craig is the new James Bond. And although director Martin Campbell ("GoldenEye") promises a tougher, grittier Bond, they couldn’t resist introducing Craig to the press by having him arrive by speedboat wearing a Brioni suit. Seems more Brosnan than Connery, doesn’t it?

"Casino Royale" examines Bond’s formative years with Campbell set to chart
the character’s "tough arc" and establish to auds how 007 developed his penchant
for Aston Martins, Martinis and beautiful women.  Other script details include news that there will be no Moneypenny or Q
characters in this film.

Take Me To The Pilot

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Paul Guyot talks about why he never leaves behind a "leave behind" when pitching a pilot. I’ve heard both sides of the argument.

LEAVE THEM NOTHING. No treatment, no "Leave behind." I firmly
believe that you greatly reduce your chances of a sale when you leave
them something that they can pick apart and overanalyze.

The idea of leaving them with something is archaic.  That was the
way things were twenty years ago, but not now. And the reason so many
[Aspring Writers] think they should do this is because they’re reading books and
taking classes from writers who haven’t worked in TV in ten or twenty
years. 

Frankly, I’ve always left a leave-behind. I guess that makes me a dinosaur — or it explains why I haven’t sold a pilot yet this season. I’ve got another pitch coming up, maybe I’ll try it Paul’s way this time…

What Sunk SeaQuest?

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Seaquest2032_a_1Media critic Herbie J. Pilato, author of books about the TV series KUNG FU and BEWITCHED,  does a very good job dissecting what went wrong with SEAQUEST. In short, just about everything:

The changes were manic. Too much to swallow. SeaQuest suffocated in a sea of too
many ideas. Too many DeLouises from one Dom. It reached for whatever might keep
it above water. It’s like someone unplugged the cork at the center of the sub.
It sunk. No one paid attention to the simplest, yet most essential answer: they
should have bailed out, as soon as possible.

"SeaQuest will not be remembered as a television classic," Goldberg concludes
" It will be
remembered technically as a ground-breaking show for computer animation, and
creatively as a hugely expensive mistake."

Daniel Craig is Bond?

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The London Evening Standard is reporting that Daniel Craig has been picked to be the new James Bond.  This is not the first time this has been prematurely announced — and subsequently denied — by the Bond producers. But I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s been widely reported over the last few months that Craig has been one of the three or four top contenders for the license to kill for some time now. Variety reports that a decision will be announced this week.