Les is More

There was an interesting interview with CBS chief Les Moonves in the Sunday NYT. In explaining why he canceled JOAN OF ARCADIA, he revealed his take on what audiences want from a story.

On this particular Thursday, at 11 a.m., Moonves was considering which of the
network’s current shows to cancel in order to make room for new programs. He had
decided to take a once-promising show called ”Joan of Arcadia” off the air.
The show was about a teenager who receives directives and advice straight from
God. ”In the beginning, it was a fresh idea and uplifting, and the plot lines
were engaging,” Moonves said, sounding a little sad and frustrated. ”But the
show got too dark. I understand why creative people like dark, but American
audiences don’t like dark. They like story. They do not respond to nervous
breakdowns and unhappy episodes that lead nowhere. They like their characters to
be a part of the action. They like strength, not weakness, a chance to work out
any dilemma. This is a country built on optimism.”

The last point strikes home with me. We like heroes who move the story along…and, ideally, there should actually be a story to move along. That means a story with a beginning, middle and end with clear stakes for the characters.  The characters shouldn’t be caught up in events, reacting to what happens, they should be driving what happens through their own actions. That’s good story-telling, plain and simple.

Moonves has constructed a Bush-like universe (without the politics): in his
dramas, there is a continuing battle for order and justice, the team works
together and a headstrong boss leads the way.  Producers looking to sell shows to CBS either comply with this point of view
or take their shows elsewhere.

Curiously, most of CBS’s successful dramas — the three ”C.S.I.” shows,
”Without a Trace” and many of the new about-to-be-discussed drama pilots —
revolve around a group of specially trained professionals who work in unison and
are headed by a dynamic, attractive middle-aged man. These prime-time-TV teams
— much like Moonves’s own — are determined and work-obsessed. They seem to
think of their office as an extended family while, together, they solve crimes.

In a way, it’s an old-fashioned model, harkening back to hits like HAWAII FIVE-O and MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, but with a new spin (reminds me of how NBC touted LAW AND ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT as ground-breaking show because we’d also see things from the bad guy’s pov…I guess no one at NBC had ever seen BARNABY JONES or STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO). Speaking of taking cues from the past,  Moonves’ plans for revamping the news division sound like he’s channeling Fred Silverman.

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Procedural Checklist

Greg Braxton of the LA Times shares his funny, and stingingly accurate, ten-step formula for the typical TV police procedural.

2. The ‘What d’ya got’ scene

The star investigators must
arrive at a crime scene walking at a regular pace or in slow motion. Dark trench
coats are a must, and the stars should look properly stern and speak cryptically
out of the sides of their mouths when asking officers at the scene, "Who’s the
stiff?" Detectives should possess a background in comedy or philosophy: Nothing
kicks off a murder investigation or leads into the first commercial like words
of wisdom or a morbid one-liner such as, "Dinner really did cost him an
arm and a leg."

The list goes on. But Greg left a couple of things out:

1 ) the hero’s  obligatory dead wife (an updating of what was "the obligatory estranged wife").

2) the hero’s  or co-star’s  struggle with an  addiction (gambling, alcoholism, etc.)

3) one lead character eats healthy, the other loves junk food.

4) the irascible boss.

Transporter

Transporter_2_2It’s a ridiculous cartoon of an action movie. And I loved every minute of it. Best of all, it’s tame enough that I can take my 10-year-old daughter to see it again this weekend (she’s been nagging us non-stop since the ads started running on TV).

We’re Doing Little Movies

It’s the biggest cliches of the TV season. You hear it in almost every interview with a showrunner or a star (particularly movie stars who have moved to TV) hyping their new show:

"This show is like a movie every week."

Or the popular variations:

"We’re doing little movies."

"The entire season is like a 22-episode movie."

"We’re bringing feature film production values, feature film writing, and feature film acting to the TV screen every week."

I wonder how many times we’ll hear it this season ( I’ve already read it in four interviews today, hence the rant). Just once, I’d like to hear them say "We’re doing a really good TV series." What’s so damn impressive about comparing TV to movies? The fact is, what’s on TV these days is a hell of a lot better than what’s in theatres. I’d like to see the cliche turn… and to start hearing feature directors and stars saying:

"This movie is like an entire season of a TV series crammed into 97 minutes."

Inside THE INSIDE

Theinsiderachel4There’s a fascinating interview with writer Tim Minear at IFMagazine.com  about the development, production, and demise of the short-lived Fox series THE INSIDE (I’ve talked about the series here before). The  show was cursed from the get-go —  two entire pilots for the series were shot and scrapped before they finally got one that worked (maybe that should have been a hint).

"I got a call from the studio the day we were in prep for the second episode and
they had seen the cut, which by the way I don’t think turned out so well, and
said “I really loved the script, why do I not like this.” So I said “give me a
couple million dollars and I’ll go reshoot it myself” and that’s what we did. We
pushed production, started over again, we recast one of the main characters, and
sort of reworked the sets. We had 12 or 14 days of dress rehearsal and I got to
see all the things that didn’t work and had a very short time to rectify those
things. So we went back and reshot most of the pilot, so there really are two
versions of that pilot, not just the 21 JUMP STREET one, that’s a third version
of a different pilot that exists…

…The problem was, if it had only been the Tim Minear/Howard Gordon version of THE
INSIDE that we had to reshoot large parts of the pilot for, that would have been
one thing. But we had already come in redesigning, reconfiguring and trying to
salvage something else called THE INSIDE that they already spent a year on with
the same actress."

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the television business.

Battle of the Network Stars

Variety reports that Paramount is launching a big-screen version of the cheesy 70s reality show "Battle of the Network Stars."
 

Etan
Cohen
is writing the script, and Jimmy
Miller
will produce through Mosaic. Barry Frank, who created
the show in 1978, will be exec producer.

Pic will revolve around a disgraced network exec who must claw his way back
to respectability by winning the contest. Concept was hatched by Cohen.

Original show bowed in the late ’70s, with teams of series stars from ABC,
NBC and CBS squaring off against one another in athletic events. Howard Cosell
presided over the proceedings as soberly as if he were hosting the Olympics.

“Rebus” Returning to TV

180305nrebusKen Stott is fast becoming the new John Thaw over in the UK.  He’s replacing the hopelessly miscast John Hannah as Inspector Rebus in the next set of TV movies based on Ian Rankin’s books. The movies are being written by Danny Boyle, who scripted some of the best Inspector Morse movies. Stott has  played cops before, most recently in the "Messiah" TV movies and as the leader of a sex crimes unit in five season of "The Vice."

They’ll Put Any Shows on DVD…Except Mine!

According to DVD Exclusive Magazine, upcoming TV shows being released on DVD this month include:

ADAM-12: The Complete First Season (we know how much America has been clamoring for that!)
McCLOUD: Seasons One and Two (The McCloud convention-goers will be thrilled)
PROFIT:The Complete Series
UNDECLARED: The Complete Series
BLISS: The Complete First Season Uncut
HOUSE MD: The Complete First Season
THE MIND OF THE MARRIED MAN: The Complete First Season (I couldn’t finish the complete first episode)
ROSEANNE: The Complete First Season
LOST: The Complete First Season

Mr. Schneider, Your Movie Sucks

In his review of the new Deuce Bigelow movie, critic Roger Eberts gets back at Rob Schneider for his swipe, several months back, at LA Times reporter Patrick Goldstein:

The movie created a spot of controversy last February. According to a story
by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob
Schneider
took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times
listed this year’s Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored,
unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that … bankroll
hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to ‘Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,’ a
film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the
foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a
Third-Rate Comic."

Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily
Variety
and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein,
Schneider wrote: "Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out
what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing.
Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind … Maybe you didn’t win
a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t invented a category for Best Third-Rate,
Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who’s Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers."

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he
can’t take it. Then I found he’s not so good at dishing it out, either. I went
online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a
Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists’ Guild
award for lifetime achievement.

Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie
Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer
Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed
"Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo
" while passing on the opportunity to participate in
"Million
Dollar Baby
," "Ray,"
"The
Aviator
," "Sideways"
and "Finding
Neverland
." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize,
and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize
winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

(Thanks to William Rabkin for the heads-up on this!)