Lee Goldberg

iUniverse CEO Speaks

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I received the email below from Susan Driscoll, CEO of iUniverse.   It is presented here unedited. She has also kindly offered to let me interview her for a Q&A to be posted here in the future. If you have any questions you would like me to ask her (in addition to whatever occurs to me), please share them in the "Comments" to this post. Thanks!

Dear Lee,

I’ve been reading your recent postings regarding iUniverse. Having lived on both sides of the publishing
world-from my experience in traditional publishing and now as CEO of a self-publishing service provider-I have a unique perspective on the publishing business.

One very important correction to your recent posting (and I know that others have pointed this out): the number of iUniverse Star titles is 83 but the number of titles that have sold over 500
copies is many thousands. To qualify for the iUniverse Star program, authors must have sold 500 copies of their book, at least 50% of those through retail channels. If authors are committed to marketing their books and feel that the Star Program will help them enhance those marketing plans and increase book sales, they then apply. When considering titles, we ask
the same key questions that every editor and traditional publisher asks. Is it good? Will it sell? But beyond that we only select the titles that we feel will benefit from the advantages of being in the program. You can see that there are many criteria-promising levels of retail sales, the author application and commitment, and careful consideration by the Star Review Board. That means that there are far fewer books  that reach Star than that sell 500 copies.

The reality of ALL publishing today is that authors are expected to be aggressively involved in marketing.
Traditional publishers will rarely pick up a non-fiction author who doesn’t have
a "platform," and new fiction titles have to be exceptional to even be
considered. By helping authors to self-publish their books, iUniverse gives them
a way to begin building a platform and honing their writing skills. The majority
of authors soon decide that they don’t want to play the marketing game and
that’s fine–they still have the enormous satisfaction of seeing their book in
print. Those authors won’t likely ever get a traditional book contract nor will
many care. It might sound corny, but
there are few accomplishments as great as writing a book and seeing it
published.

Read more

James Bond’s Daughter

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This is an excerpt from a long email I received today from an aspiring writer.

I thought perhaps you may be interested in a project that I am contemplating. Or perhaps give your input on the idea? The idea involves a new Bond movie but not with James, rather "Jane Bond" his estranged daughter? WithAngelina Jolie as "Jane", and Sean Connery as the "Retired" Bond, I really think it could be a blockbuster movie…I would really appreciate your feedback and any information or advice you can give me as to what you think of the idea and how to go about making it happen?

Here’s how I replied: Don’t waste your time on "Jane Bond." For one thing, you don’t own the Bond
character and the people who do are very litigous. For another,
it’s hardly a fresh idea. If you are going to write a screenplay, write
something that is entirely original…not based on any existing characters or
movies. Write something that will showcase your creativity, your ability to
create characters, and your unique story-telling instincts. Don’t write "Daughter of
Bond" or "Sister of Superman" or "Brother-in-Law of Buffy" or a sequel to
"Bullitt." Also don’t think about boxoffice potential or casting possibilities or ad campaigns right
now…just think about telling a terrific story. Good luck!

That was the end of my reply. Bet you thought I’d be snarkier, didn’t you? Must be my sinus medication mellowing me out. Here’s the thing that really struck me, though, about his email: The guy says he’s a film school graduate… you’d think they would have taught him, at some point, that it isn’t a good idea to write a script based on a property you don’t own.

Ready for the Staff Job

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I got this email today from an aspiring writer who has just finished writing his first two episodic spec scripts:

Now, for
the first time, I begin the process of looking for an agent.  I have two spec
scripts that are great examples of what I can do on a TV
staff.

Here’s how I responded: Congratulations on finishing your specs. That’s a big step! However,
I’d aim your sights a little more realistically. The best you can hope for at
this stage (after landing an agent) is to be invited in for a freelance pitch
and possible writing assignment. In the mean time, start writing another script… perhaps an original feature,  if you don’t have one already.

Self-Promotion vs Self-Destruction

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I received this spam email today from Richard Brawer. The subject heading was:  "New Book from MWA Member."

Hi
Everyone,

I’d like to introduce you to David Nance in his latest case,
"MURDER ON THE LINKS", a mystery set at the Jersey shore, in Monmouth
County.

Book Jacket:

The body of a prostitute is found tossed into
the woods bordering the fifth hole of a posh golf club.  The same day a penny
stock promoter and the daughter of a New York mobster are found murdered in a
mansion in the wealthy community of Elberon, New Jersey. Peer into mob
infested stock brokers scamming worthless paper to naïve investors, and into the
deviant world of the rich with their kinky sexual appetites as David Nance roots
out the murderer from among the members of Spring Brook Golf and Country
Club.

Read excerpts of Murder On The Links and all the books in the
David Nance Mysteries Series at:  www.rbrawerbooks.com

ORDER FORM: MURDER
ON THE LINKS is only offered through the mail from HFFO, Inc.  Please print out
this form:

I think this email is a perfect example of how NOT to promote your book.  Beyond being impersonal, there is no hook, no angle, no grabber. Nothing that would persuade you to do anything except hit the delete key. 

If you are going to send out a spam email, the least you should do is make every possible effort to make your solicitation an attention-grabber, something that hypes your book and makes people want to read it (especially if your book, like this one, is self-published and only available through mail-order).

Let’s start with the subject heading: "New Book from MWA Member." That’s supposed to mean something? That’s supposed to intrigue me? New books come out from MWA members every day. Your subject heading is your headline, your banner, your movie marquee… it should entice the reader to open the mail, not delete it. (I only opened this one because I had a feeling it would make a good blog post).

But he compounds the error by making the first line of his email an utter snooze: "I’d like to introduce you to David Nance in his latest case, "MURDER ON THE LINKS", a mystery set at the Jersey shore, in Monmouth County."

Why would anyone bother to read further? I’ve read  time-share sales invitations that are more exciting.  Sadly, the rest of the email is just as perfunctory and dull.

Where’s the salesmanship? Where’s the enthusiasm? Where’s any reason whatsoever to read the email…much less the book?  Whether the author realizes it or not, the email reflects on him and his book. If the email is flat, dull, pointless and lazy, it implies the book probably is, too.

Rather than promoting his book, I think Richard Brawer has done the opposite…he’s driven people away.

Production Schedules

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I got this email today:

Lee, my aunt and I were discussing when the season premieres usually start
filming, and my aunt was confused as to when the cast take their hiatus and come
back to work. Could you provide a rough ‘year’ schedule for a series as far as
the cast is concerned – when they work on the shows, how far ahead of an episode
is their work done? We’re working under the assumption of a show that has been
on air already one year and is definitely coming back for the next few years. I
couldn’t answer any of her questions.

A successful series, one in which the producers know they are coming back for another season, can bank scripts and even shoot some "next season" episodes at the end of the "current season" (LAW AND ORDER has done this).

But in general, fall season shows usually start filming in July or early August and wrap some time in March or
early April.  The fall schedules are announced in late May and people usually straggle back from hiatus in early June. 

Not counting the time it takes to develop and write a script, it takes about six weeks to produce an episode — from pre-production
(scouting locations, building sets, casting actors) through post-production
(editing, music, sound effects, color correction, looping, etc.).  This doesn’t include FX heavy shows like BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, which naturally take longer in post-production.  Most hour-long dramatic  shows are shot in seven or eight days… though some cheapo syndicated and cable  shows are shot in six.

 

The Revered, Rep Level SeaQuest Writer

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I got two emails today from SeaQuest fans.

One email invited me to share my memories of Jonathan Brandis as part of an online fan memorial.  I’m afraid I don’t have any special memories to share.  I didn’t know Jonthan well, though in my few encounters with him he always struck me as a bright, friendly, serious young man. I thought he’d go far as an actor and I was saddened to learn of his suicide.

The other email directed me to a  SeaQuest fan blog posting that the sender felt "defines a Talifan."

I really can’t stand new people who enter my fandom for the first time,
"debuting" as though they’re already a well-known and respect author
like Chance, Diena Taylor or Rachel Brody.. or sometimes they even act
as though they’re Lee Goldberg.

Especially because usually, they
really haven’t been paying much attention to what has actually been
going on in the fandom for the last, oh, ten years. They don’t know
what fiction has been written, what developments have been made, who
the people are, any of the ways we interact.. It’s all "Tah dah! I am
your quasi-proffessional seaquest epic writer. My episodes are of
exceptional quality due to my experience. Aren’t you people lucky?"

Um,
no.. actually I feel patronised and I since I honestly believe I’ve
been around longer than you, I feel like a six year old who’s just
started playing a sport I’ve been playing for years is coming on the
feild and give me ‘tips’, as though they’re at rep level.

Sadly,
these people will miss out on what they could have learned from us, and
a lot of other things you can enjoy in the SeaQuest fandom without
putting yourself out as an author who is already revered.

There are SeaQuest fanfic writers who not only have reached "rep level," but are actually  "revered?" Wow. Who knew? Though I can’t imagine why anyone would aspire to be a "quasi-professional SeaQuest epic writer."

My Software

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I got this email today:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

I am about to start writing my novel. What novel writing software do you use? Is there an industry standard? What’s the proper format?

I use Microsoft Word but any word processing software is probably just fine.  The format question is trickier.  My publisher on the DIAGNOSIS MURDER and MONK novels  didn’t give me any set format, so I write my novels double spaced in 12pt Courier New, with margins that would be the typewriter equivalent of 10 and 60. I think I do that because I learned to write on a typewriter… and I wrote so much on an IBM Selectric that a manuscript doesn’t look right to me if it isn’t in Courier New. 

On the other hand, I recall that Five Star, the folks who published THE WALK and are  bringing out THE MAN WITH THE IRON-ON BADGE in November, had very strict formatting guidelines. Although I wrote the book using my usual format, when I was done I had to reformat it to meet their requirements which included, if I recall, that the manuscript be in 11pt Times New Roman, double-spaced, with author’s last name and the book title centered in italics at the top of each page.

But at this point, I would just concern yourself with writing the book. You can always change the format later to conform to the requirements of whatever publisher you submit it to.

How about you other published authors out there — what’s your advice?

No Oral for My Boys

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Over on my brother’s blog, he’s talking about the lynch mob that’s going after Paul Ruditis for his book RAINBOY PARTY (and he quotes a column from a wacko at Jewish World Review, which sure as hell isn’t this Jew’s world. This is the same nutcake who wrote "In Defense of Internment: The Case for Racial Profiling in World War II and the War on Terror" Need I say more?).

RAINBOW PARTY takes its title from high school parties where girls compete to give the most blowjobs to boys…and the boys compete to get the most head that they can.  Clearly, this isn’t the latest Nancy Drew, though if a guy is gonna win this, he’s got to be a pretty Hardy Boy.  I haven’t read the book, so I can’t say how graphic it is, or if its age-appropriate for teenagers. Be that as it may, I was struck by the Amazon review that Tod quotes:

Don’t buy it unless you’re going to burn it, May 25, 2005

Reviewer: PAUL C. FRY (Cleveland, OH USA) – See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

One reason that I’m giving this a lousy review because I’m a parent.
I’ve got two boys so far; I don’t want either of them giving or getting
oral sex when they’re teenagers. Or ever for that matter.

He doesn’t want his kid to ever have oral sex? And never  give it? Makes you wonder what poor Mrs. Fry’s sex life has been like (let me say here and now that when my daughter is an adult, I want her to have as much oral sex from her lover or husband as she would like. You go girl!). But Tod talks all about  the evils of oral sex, so I won’t belabor the point. What Tod didn’t do, and what I’ve done, is check out Mr. Fry’s Amazon wish list.  Most of the titles are right-wing political stuff and bible-related books like Scripture Matters: Essays on Reading the Bible from the Heart of the Church, They Think You’re Stupid: Why Democrats Lost Your Vote and What Republicans Must Do to Keep It, The New Faithful: Why Young Adults Are Embracing Christian Orthodoxy, Swear to God : The Promise and Power of the Sacraments,  Ten Things You Can’t Say In America, and Lord Have Mercy: The Healing Power of Confession. But he’d also like you to get him the  CD Sonic Bullets: 13 From the Hip by Bambi Molesters (I kid you not!).

Is it any wonder he  wants to buy a book to burn it…and prays that his boys never have to endure a blowjob?  Or, God forbid (literally, I suppose), that they should ever have to orally pleasure their wives’ milky womanhoods?

The Name is Goldberg, Lee Goldberg

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AvtakThe James Bond site MI6 is celebrating the 20th anniversary of A VIEW TO A KILL by giving my old articles about the movie (written for Starlog and the LA Times Syndicate among others) a slick, new presentation. First up is an interview I did with Roger Moore. Soon they’ll be posting my visit to the set… as well as some of my other 007 coverage.

My God, has it really been 20 years? I can’t believe I’m old enough to have written anything 20 years ago.

What Would You Pay For An Authentic Shelf from Diagnosis Murder?

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Today I received this email:

I was a security guard at the hospital they were
shooting "Diagnose Murder,"  back in 1994 in Denver, Colorado. One night
they threw a bunch of set props away, ex: the gift shop shelves, or some glass
shelving; lamps and paintings. Is there any way to authenticate them? Or, are
they worth anything to anybody? Thank you.

You dug all that crap out of a dumpster and kept it for ten years? Why, man, why? I hate to break it to you, but nobody is going to care about a gift shop shelf from a DIAGNOSIS MURDER episode. Nor would there be any way to authenticate it. ..and even if you could, who would want an authentic shelf from a DIAGNOSIS MURDER episode?

Perhaps if what you’d found was, say, Dr. Mark Sloan’s lab coat, you might be able to sell it to some fan for $20.  But a shelf? A lamp? It’s not like we’re talking about Mr. Spock’s Tricorder, The Batmobile,  or Fonzie’s leather jacket…