Lee Goldberg

I Am Developing a Very Intimate Relationship with my Keyboard

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Sorry I have been largely absent from the blog this week…I've been concentrating most of my energy on researching my next MONK book and writing the "sample" chapters of a stand-alone crime novel. 

My goal is to give my agent a good, representative chunk of the standalone book — about 25-30,000 words — and a breezy outline of the rest after Thanksgiving so she can shop it around while I work on my next MONK (that's assuming that she thinks the spec chapters and the premise of the standalone are any good).

I've had a couple of pilot pitches over the last two weeks — neither of which panned out. But in both cases I met with executives who were new to me, so I see the experiences as a plus. It's always good to make new contacts. 

Speaking of which, I attended a seminar on Tuesday night sponsored by MediaXChange and CapGemini that explored the future of TV drama. Attendees included studio execs, showrunners, broadcasters, media consultants, and web pioneers. It was a very thought-provoking evening that I enjoyed a great deal. They also circulated an interesting report on the Future of Television that you can download here.

The Mail I Get

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I get a lot of interview requests from students doing papers and reports. I usually answer their questions. But this request, which came on Tuesday night, was an exception:

I am a student, who is
writing a report on Science Fiction Novelists. I would really appreciate it if you responded
ASAP, considering the fact that my paper is due Wed (tomorrow).  Can I ask you these questions? If they are too personal, I
completely understand. But, they MUST be included in my paper.
  • What is your salary?
  • What is your typical day like when working?
  • What college is recomended for writers/science fiction writers?
Also, it would be very helpful if you could
tell me where I could contact other writers ASAP.

I told him that a) I don't write science fiction novels, b) he shouldn't have waited until the last minute to contact the writers that he needed to talk to and c) that no, I wouldn't give him any contact information so that he could impose on my friends.

Book Worming

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My brother Tod does an amazing impersonation of KCRW's Bookworm host Michael Silverblatt. His impersonati0n is SO good, it's even amazing in print:

Silverblatt: Tod, I am struck by the power in
your prose, the way words tumble from the page like mercury, like
Jupiter, like Pluto, once a planet, but no more a planet, now just a
bit of stardust, like your words, floating, inexorably, through, time.
And yet, I find that your words are also like play-dough, in that when
I eat them I find them at first…salty…yet…plain…and I found
myself yearning for…bite…verve…only found in the works of people
like Rilke, like Rick Springfield, whose girl, while Jessie's, was, in
fact, no longer, like Pluto. Yes?

Me: I'm just happy to be on the show, Mike.

His account of his trip to the Vegas Valley Book Festival is pretty funny, too.

My First Time

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You can watch the SPENSER: FOR HIRE episode "If You Knew Sammy," the first produced teleplay by me & William Rabkin, here. It's absolutely free and features future movie star William H. Macy in a supporting role, which he would reprise in our sequel episode, "Play it Again, Sammy" (which was a back-door pilot).

Memory Lane

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Tonight I went to a cocktail party and screening at the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences to celebrate the Archive of American Television's DVD release of the classic series STUDIO ONE. The boxed set contains 17 episodes, including the original, TV production of "Twelve Angry Men," which was long thought to be lost until a rare kinescope turned up recently in the estate of a deceased trial lawyer who collected books, movies and ephemera about the law. So much our priceless TV history has been lost through carelessness and stupidity, but that's another story…

You never know who you are going to bump into at these events and, for me, this one became an unexpected opportunity to revisit the start of my career in television. I ran into Bruce Bilson, who directed the first script Bill Rabkin & I ever had produced, an episode of SPENSER FOR HIRE. We chatted for a bit, and then I spotted Leonard Stern walking across the room. He was one of the executive producers of MURPHY'S LAW, a short-lived series starring George Segal that was our first staff job. I was pleased and flattered that Stern not only remembered me and Bill, but also my book "Unsold Television Pilots" (Stern, in addition to being a legendary writer/producer, is also a publisher, one of the partners behind Price Stern Sloan and now Tallfellow Press).

Jack Klugman, a veteran of many live TV productions, was also at the cocktail party (he was there to speak on a panel after the screening). I said hello, reminded him who I was, and thanked him again for guest-starring in one of our best DIAGNOSIS MURDER episodes, "Voices Carry." I liked the episode and his performance in it so much, that I ended up writing a prequel — the novel "Diagnosis Murder: The Past Tense," which became the most widely acclaimed of the eight novels in the series.  I told him that, too.  He seemed flattered, or maybe he was just being polite.

For a TV nut like me, being able to go to events like this is one of the great things about living in Los Angeles.

Do I Have A Sign Around My Neck that Reads “Ask Me an Incredibly Stupid Question?”

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Five hundred people, mostly women, showed up to see fifty male mystery authors at the 9th annual Men of Mystery luncheon and booksigning in Irvine today. During the autograph session, I was sitting at a table signing books with Thomas Greanias and my brother Tod when a guy came up to me to ask a question…

"My wife read a Monk book you wrote, I don't know which one, but he was wearing a raincoat."

"Okay,"  I said.

"She thought it was terrible.  Have you written a Monk book that's good?"

"And she thinks your brother is fat and that you're stupid," Tod said to me.

I laughed. The guy looked at Tod. "I don't understand."

"You just came over here and told Lee that your wife hated his book."

The guy looked at Tod with a bewildered expression on his face. "That's why I want to know which one is good." He looked at me. "Can you recommend one?"

"What didn't she like about the book?" I asked.

"She said it was very, very dark."

"My Monk book," I said.

"Yes," he said. "The one with the raincoat."

"Oh, that must be the Monk book I wrote about pedophilia," I said.

To be honest, I forgot what was said after that though I remember that my brother was busy typing on his Blackberry, giggling to himself as he updated his Facebook page with the conversation.

Later, at the end-of-the-day signing, a woman came up to me and asked:

"Did Dick Van Dyke have any medical training?"

"No," I said.

"Then how was he able to play a doctor on TV?"

"He was acting," I said.

"You can do that?"

"Tobey Maguire wasn't bitten by a spider and imbued with super powers and he was able to play Spiderman."

She shook her head in astonishment. ""Weren't you worried about getting sued by people? What if they followed his advice and got killed?"

"Then they were too dumb to live," I said. "Natural selection."

She walked away. I think she was insulted.

Finally, at the cocktail reception for the authors, a woman standing beside me said hello.

"I'm Carole," she tugged at the name tag on her chest. "Want an excuse to stare at my boobs?"

"Do I need one?" I asked.

"It helps," she said.

"I'm a happily married man," I said. "The only boobs I'm allowed to stare at are my wife's."

I walked away and immediately told the story to Col. Bob Levinson and Alan Jacobson and pointed the woman out to them. I'm not sure, but I think Bob rushed over there for a look.

“They Painted Beautiful, Plunged Creative”

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Brokeback2460
Annie Proulx has complained to the Wall Street Journal and the Los Angeles Times, among others, about how much she hates all the "Brokeback Mountain" fanfic out there. So The Guardian in the UK decided to see just how bad the fanfic is and published excerpts from ten of the very worst.  Here are a couple of examples:

4. Ask, and Thou Shalt Recieve, chapter 8: You Checkin' Me Out, Cowboy?
" Jack wasn't bad at giving directions. He was awful."

[…]this is trailed by the author with the tantalising line:
"another one of those where Jack survives his attack … but perhaps,
it's not for long. Warnings: Rape"

5. The Chill Hour
"They painted beautiful, plunged creative. The kingfisher, silent, did not remove his belt."

A nice short one, this. Unfortunately it's quite difficult to know what's going on.

6. Memories
"Good mournin' to ya to cowboy."

The
fabulously named DracoPotterMalfoy-JackEnnisDelMar adds the ingredient
all Brokeback Mountain afficionados have been crying out for. No, not
gratuitous sex (although there will be some of that in the final draft,
apparently), but amnesia.

Snead’s Screed — Dishonest or Stupid?

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I don't know whether Louise Snead, publisher of Affaire De Coeur, is dishonest or stupid or self-deluded..or a little of all three. As you may recall, I took her magazine to task for her unethical editorial practices (accepting advertisements in exchange for reviews) and for an outrageously unethical conflict of interest  (her advertising director co-owns a sham publishing company that received cover stories, features, and extraordinarily positive reviews in the magazine).

In subsequent public comments on this blog and others, Snead and Bonny Kirby, her advertising director, unapologetically confirmed both the reviews-tied-to-advertising policy and the conflict-of-interest and defended them as appropriate conduct.

But now, in an Affaire De Coeur editorial, Sneed is trying to reframe the discussion by grossly mischaracterizing my objections, lying about her advertising policy, avoiding any mention of the magazine's conflict-of-interest, and chiding publishers for not rushing to her defense. Snead writes:

These are very serious, slanderous allegations, not even borne out by his own review. He didn't take out an ad and his publisher has never taken out ads either, so how did he manage to get a five star review if what he allegesis true?

As she knows, I never said my five-star review was bought. What I said was that AdC offered publishers the opportunity to buy reviews (and other editorial coverage) in exchange for an ad…and that, in some cases, purchasing a review was required before the book would be reviewed. Don't take my word for it, take Snead's, as stated in AdC's own advertising package:

To compliment your ad and review we also offer interviews or articles.
If you would like an interview let us know 3 months in advance so it
will go in the same issue as your review and ad.[…]Book cover
ad.–This is the cover of the book that goes right beside (or above or
below) the AdC review of your book.[…]We do not review books after
publication unless it is done in association with an ad.

It's sleazy and unethical. And, therefore, I wanted nothing to do with them or their positive review of my book. She pretends not to have this policy in her editorial and then has the gall to say:

I was under the impression people could not simply tell lies on the Internet as if they were gospel. I was wrong.

But apparently she's under the impression that it's okay to tell lies in a magazine, since that is what she's doing. She's denying an advertising-for-reviews practice that both she and Kirby have previously defended in comments they posted here and on other blogs. Did she think no one would notice?

But of equal surprise was how disinterested in the truth some readers are. Some of the AdC staff and I responded to Goldberg's allegations with the correct facts, borne out by statistics which anyone can gather from our magazines, only to be completely ignored.

She's being disingenuous. It's not possible for readers to make an informed judgment about the magazine's biases and conflicts of interest when those relationships aren't disclosed.  You won't find any disclaimers alerting readers to reviews and articles that were written as a result of an advertisement being purchased by a publisher or author…nor any disclaimers alerting readers to articles, reviews, and cover stories about publishers and books in which executives at the magazine have a financial interest. Therefore, it is impossible for readers to gather anything from flipping through the magazines about the objectivity of Snead's reviews and articles. She writes:

[…]for 27 years we have strived to produce
a product and reviews that are as good and unbiased as we can make then.

If that were true, she would have informed readers that all the Light Sword books that were reviewed — all but one of which received four stars or better — were published by a company co-owned by AdC's advertising director.

If that were true, she would have informed readers in the cover stories about Light Sword that the company they were raving about was co-owned by an AdC executive.

But those facts, representing an outrageous conflict-of-interest and bias, were not disclosed. And yet, Sneed expected publishers to line up to defend AdC's dubious editorial integrity.

A greater revelation is how cowardly some people are. AdC reviews over 100 books per issue, the vast majority of which do not have ads in the magazine. Hundreds of authors and publishers could have stepped forward and declared that Goldberg's opinions were false but sadly, only a few authors did — some with qualified statements — and only one publisher stepped up to the plate, saying that we review dozens of their books and they've never taken out an ad. And even then, she did it anonymously.

I'm
guessing that publishers didn't defend
of Snead because they have very little respect for the magazine and are
disgusted by the repugnant conflicts-of-interest. I'm making that assumption
based on the tons of emails I've received from authors and editors
thanking me for taking a stand and exposing Snead's highly unethical
editorial practices.

I am not surprised that Snead is using her magazine as a soapbox to present her side of the story nor that I am
depicted as the anti-Christ nor that she doesn't acknowledge the unethical relationship between
AdC and Light Sword Publishing.  It makes sense. She doesn't think that
there is anything wrong with her ads-in-exchange-for-reviews policy
or that her advertising director co-owns a sham publishing company that
has been heavily promoted in her magazine and has been found guilty in court of defrauding authors. In her view, the
only wrong here was that I dared to call her on it.

(Thanks to EREC for alerting me to the editorial)

Beached 4

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PA230004 (2)The sun was out today in Myrtle Beach, where  I am speaking at the South Carolina Writer's Conference. I had some interesting encounters today…in the elevator, a woman said  to me:

"How much of your books does Tony Shalhoub write?"

"He doesn't write any of part of them," I replied.

"Then why is his face on the cover?"

"Because  he plays Adrian Monk on the TV show."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't you think that's deceiving readers?"

Another woman came up to me later in the day and said "Your books are very funny. Why aren't you as funny in person?"

Before my screenwriting seminar, a woman approached me and said "I'd like to attend your class but there's a more interesting one  at the same time."

Other than those comments, it has been a great day…a long one, and tiring, but a lot of fun anyway. And I had the pleasure of signing with my friend Michael Connelly and introducing him as our keynote speaker. He was an engaging, self-effacing, and inspirational speaker, as always.

Tomorrow I have  two more classes/seminars and then I take a late flight back to Los Angeles.