Signing Angst

My sister Linda Woods is having her first booksigning event tomorrow for VISUAL CHRONICLES (which she wrote with my sister Karen Dinino) and it’s giving her nightmares:

In the first nightmare, I
gave birth to a baby that projectile vomited Styrofoam. I am not sure
what that has to do with the book, but it was damn scary. The second
nightmare was slightly more realistic. I was trying to decide which of
my 12 black jackets to wear and glanced at the clock and saw that it
was 8:30 and that I was an hour and half late to my own book signing.

Welcome to being a professional author, sis!

Do My Homework For Me, Please

I got this email today:

Dear Mr.Goldberg:
I am rather interested in learning English through reading, and recently I came upon a text entitled "They Stole Our Childhood", which was probably written by you a long time ago, I guess. I enjoyed reading the text, especially your humorous style, but I found that I could not understand two sentences very well: 1.  when our long-pressed childish side rears its playful head; 2. We can start by realizing that this   generation, which may have it together intellectually, paid with its adolescence.  I am wondering if you could explain to me what you mean by saying these? Thank you very much, and looking forward to hearing from you.

I wrote the essay as a "My Turn" column for Newsweek back in the early 1980s.  The piece has since been republished in a number of textbooks, including "Marraige and the Family Experience" , "Writing Talk: Paragraphs and Short Essays With Readings," and "Designing Ideas: An Anthology for Writers."  What amused me about her email was that she went to the trouble of hunting me down… just so she could ask me to do her homework assignment for her.

Yes, that’s right, the questions she asked me were two essay assignments from her textbook. I admire her chutzpah — but I wonder why she didn’t put the same effort and creativity into actually doing her home work.

Fanfic Fool

From my brother Tod’s blog today:

The other day, my friend Alex told me that in a creative writing
class he teaches at UC-Riverside, someone turned in Willy Wonka fan
fiction and wasn’t totally clear why that wasn’t allowed in a college
creative writing class.

The student would be much more at home in a creative writing class at Texas State University taught by Dr. Robin Reid, champion of "Real Person Slash Fanfic." Not only would she accept that assignment, but probably one about Gene Wilder getting his Willy Wonked by Johnny Depp, too.

Blatant Family Promotion

Vischroncoverx_1
My sisters Linda Woods & Karen Dinino are celebrating the launch of their new book VISUAL CHRONICLES this Thursday night at Borders in Westwood. But that’s just the beginning of their whirlwind tour of signings and workshops…
 

Our book signing events are free and you are not obiligated to buy the book at the event. If you already have it, just bring it with you. There will be a collaborative art project at the signings (you’ll be able to track the progress at http://www.visualchronicles.com) as well as treats and mingling (unless you don’t like to mingle in which case you can just get your book signed, grab some cake and go home). Here is our schedule:

Thursday, March 23, 2006, 7-9 P.M.
Book Signing
Borders, Westwood
1360 Westwood Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90024
Second Floor

Saturday, April 22, 2006, 3-4 P.M.
Book Signing
Stamp Your Heart Out
141 C  Harvard Ave., Claremont, CA
909-621-4363

Sunday, April 30, 2006, Time TBA
Book Signing
Borders Booth, LA Times Festival of Books
UCLA Campus

Thursday, August 17, 2006, Phoenix, AZ
I AM ART! Fearless Visual Journaling Workshop.  Visit http://www.artunraveled.com for registration information.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006, Portland, OR
I AM ART! Fearless Visual Journaling Workshop (visit http://www.artandsoulretreat.com/portland-workshop s.php for registration information)

May 2007
The Artful Journey: Mixing the Media of Art and Travel Journaling Workshop in Italy  (WOW! More info on this magical trip is coming soon.)

I’m a Moron

I must be slipping into early senility…earlier today I posted an old anecdote that I’d posted on this blog only two days ago. Just goes to show you how clearly I’m thinking lately. My apologies. Next time I lazily post stale content, I’ll try to reach a little further back in the archive.

Washington Post on SIMPLIFY

The Washington Post has reviewed my brother Tod’s short story collection SIMPLIFY. They like it. Sort of.


By contrast, the guys in Tod Goldberg’s Simplify
(OV Books; paperback, $14.99) are too busy reeling from various blows
— terminally ill fathers, suicidal sisters, lost brothers — to
reinvent themselves. Many of these stories slide off in surreal
directions as they map their characters’ psychic turmoil. In "Comeback
Special," a man whose wife has left him for his best friend finds that
a photo of Elvis (from his 1968 comeback concert) cries blood and even
changes costumes. The ensuing media circus helps the story maintain its
amusing tone, but it’s not grounded enough in the man’s life to have
much effect on the reader.

Goldberg takes similar risks in other
stories, with mixed results. The narrator of "The Distance Between Us,"
who slowly reveals that his misunderstood brother was a serial killer,
is genuinely affecting in his grief, but the premise ends up feeling
far-fetched.

Goldberg’s best stories are told in retrospect, as
if the narrators need psychic distance to fashion their memories in the
most potent form. My favorite is "The Living End," a haunting account
of the summer of 1973, when the narrator’s older brother returns from
Vietnam with strange scrapes and bruises; the story becomes a mystery
that involves the abduction of a Native American girl across the
street. This story has a stable nuclear family at its center — not
stable enough, however, to stave off the enormous forces that conspire
to destroy its children.

 

“Ang Lee also directed The Hulk, which is odd because Ang Lee has never been a green monster…”

My brother Tod tackles one of the dumbest questions ever posed to Letters to Parade, from Peter Jones of New York City:

"Brokeback Mountain’s Ang Lee is the favorite to win an Oscar for Best
Director. How did a Chinese person gain such an
understanding of homosexual American cowboys?"

Among Tod’s many observations:

1. Ang Lee also directed the Civil War film Ride With The Devil (based
on a great novel by Daniel Woodrell, incidentally), which is pretty
surprising because Ang Lee isn’t a Civil War vet and, in fact, lived
part of his life in Pinko China, and, I’m fairly certain, never once
listened to a 38 Special album and thought about how cool it would be
to grow up in the old South, where he would have been lynched. At any
rate, the pop singer Jewel co-starred in Ride with the Devil and her
longtime beau is cowboy Ty Murray. Perhaps one drunken night on the
range turned into a sexual bacchanal. Perhaps Ty rode Ang like a
bucking steer. Perhaps Ang woke one morning with a longing for the feel
of a rawhide saddle and the touch and feel of a man. Perhaps he read
the fucking short story.

I’m Collectible

Tvrevivals
There’s a guy on Amazon selling my slim, 1993 reference book TELEVISION SERIES REVIVALS for $125.00, plus shipping.  All I can figure is that it must be a typo…surely he meant $12.50, right? Then again, there’s someone else on Amazon selling the original library edition of my 1990 book UNSOLD TELEVISION PILOTS for $125. Why would anyone pay that much when they could get the same book for $45 or in a two volume, trade paperback edition for $26 each?

Speccing for an Agent

I got this email from an aspiring TV writer today:

I’ve written a few solid spec teleplays and one good feature, and moved to LA and tried to make contacts and all the other things you’re supposed to do. I am, however, a teacher and not a PA or writer’s assistant, so making the right contacts is a little difficult for me.

My main interest is in television. A friend who works at a managment firm that rarely deals with TV writers recently told me I should start querying agents with my TV specs. How do I do that? I could write a feature query cold, for all the good it does anybody, but how do you write one for television? You can’t exactly use a logline to generate interest since you didn’t come up with the stories. Is my friend right? Would an agent even be interested in reading teleplays? Thanks for any advice you could give.

I honestly didn’t know how to answer her, so I asked a few TV writer friends of mine for their opinions.  One of them said:

I would tell her to get a list of ALL the agencies (available through
the WGA) and send out a letter of introduction to each one stating her
objective.  I would also include in the letter that she has several
specs available which sends the message she’s serious about this. 
Obviously if there’s anything in her background that can set her apart
(awards, short film produced, Jim Brooks read and liked my script,
etc.) that would be a plus.  If she sends to forty agencies and three
reply she’s ahead of the game.

Another TV writer/producer suggested much the same thing:

My best advice would be to show your TV specs (assuming they’re well-written
and not outdated) to anybody who will read them, including your friend at
the management agency that doesn’t do television.  If the work is really
good, it will be passed along to managers and agents who are looking for TV
clients – especially hungry junior agents.

Also, send out the dreaded cold letters, but target them well.  Find out who
represents the writers who currently work on the shows you like.  The WGA
will tell you if you ask.  Then send a letter to that person’s agent,
describing how you aspire to follow in the path of great writers like
(insert successful client here), and have two fabulous specs which will make
it easy for the agent to sell you.  I did this when I first started looking
for an agent – didn’t work, but I did get some reads.

But another writer/producer friend disagreed:

it’s hard for me to imagine a good agent would read a spec TV script unless s/he
  knew the writer personally or the script was recommended.

As for networking, one of my writer/producer buddies suggested:

Start attending WGA events, stay for the reception
afterwards and mingle your heart out.  Ask other writers who represents them
and how they got signed.  And don’t overlook my favorite: UCLA Extension
classes. 

Believe it or not, hanging out with other aspiring writers is actually a good way to make contacts in the business. Many of my producer-friends today are people I hung out with at TV show tapings and Museum of Broadcasting events twenty years ago. I’ll give you another example, One of the writers we hired on MISSING, who had no previous produced credits or script sales (but a killer spec and a great personality) was part of a screenwriting group at a Barnes & Noble.  When she got on staff of our show, all those people in the group suddenly had a "friend in the business," someone who could tell them, from first-hand experience, what the dynamics of a writers room were like, what kinds of specs the producers were reading, etc.

If you’re interested in attending a UCLA Extension class, my friend Matt Witten, a writer/producer on HOUSE, is teaching an introductory TV writing class this spring and I’ll be teaching one this summer.