The Mail I Get

The Mail I Get

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I got this long, rambling email today.  Here are parts of it (I’ve removed the title of the book as a courtesy):

I am curious. As a published author myself, ("XYZ" Available at
http://www.lulu.com/XYZ and in stores in September) I was under the
belief that derivative works are the copywriter of the orginating copyright
holder. That basically Atlantis ASV belongs to Amblin/Universal
Entertainment. So my question is this: being the writer of seaQuest (which by
the way I happened to like, althought the final season was
disapointing)i found it odd that you gave them permission to continue with
their copyright infringment…

.. I am in the process of creating a similar work on the world in which
‘XYZ’  takes place. It will deal with animosities from a regime
change and a country that patrols the seas. The ships will be similar to
seaQuest (actually to the tech difference they are actually closer to Deep
Angel). Since my work is for profit, I don’t want to appear like I am
palagrising seaQuest, its derivatitve Atlantis or Deep Angel...

…So to wrap this long winded question: Where would you draw the line. How far
from preexisting story do I have to be to outside your window?

Here is how I replied. No offense intended, but you are a self-published author… that
is very different than being a "published author." That said, the rights to
SEAQUEST belong to Universal Television/Amblin. I didn’t give anyone permission
to do derivative works based on the series, nor could I, because SEAQUEST
doesn’t belong to me. 

 
The author of Atlantis can’t publish and sell his work without getting a
license from Universal, otherwise he faces the likelihood of legal action
against him by the studio. If your book is based on SEAQUEST, you would presumably face the
same risk.

I got this email from him in reply:

Thank you for your response. I know that the publishing world
mostly considers self publishing to be ‘vanity’ publishing. That don’t
bother me. And no it isn’t. My sub can fly in space because the tech level
of the world is more Babylon 5/Star Trek than seaQuest.

Huh? I have no idea what he’s talking about. I didn’t reply to this one, because it would obviously be a waste of time. But I find it fascinating that his  frame of reference for his original work is the technology of other science fiction TV shows (or fanfic based on the TV shows). What is the "tech level" of BABYLON 5 vs  STAR TREK vs SEAQUEST Fanfic? And why would anyone care? If you’re writing an original sf novel, it exists in its own world, the one you’ve created.

“Pseudo-Psycho-Fiction”

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I got this email today. It’s so, um, unique that the only way to do it justice is to reprint it in full.

Dear Mr. Golberg,

If you don’t delete this e-mail like I probably would,
I would like to ask you a question.

I have just completed my first book.
I Started this project with absolute unhappiness concerning a turn of events in
our society, and my idea to write about that unhappiness was helped along with
the encouragement of a friend of mine, and now it is a book. My original
intention was to do what the book suggests, but I found myself 1-million dollars
short of it happening.

To make a long story short, I was beyond words
unhappy with the unsettled massacre of Nicole Brown Simpson, and her boyfriend,
Ronald Goldman. I have written what I believe is the closest thing the world
will ever appreciate concerning justice in this matter.

I of course do
not know what your opinion of this matter is. You may think O.J. Simpson is
innocent. If that is the case, please stop reading this e-mail now, and continue
having a great life.

If on the other hand, you feel like I do…that
this injustice should not be forgotten, then continue reading. I have written a
book that is about 99% complete. It may have some subtle redundancies, and need
some fine-tuning, but I have worked over a year and a half on this book…24-7.
I usually got up at 3:00 am to go into work early to complete it, to my soon to
be ex-wifes angst. I guess few people understand writers…nuff said.

I
just do not know what to do with it. I understand your writing skills, and I
believe you understand obscure fiction. I have just ordered a copy of your book,
"The Walk" and I am sure from the description I have read that you are one of
the few people who may understand my writing style. I have recently submitted my
manuscript to LULU.com for self-publishing.

My question is this; I do not
have the resources to find a literary agent at this time, and I want this book
to be published before O.J. dies, which would in essence be a tragedy as far as
the book is concerned. Can you suggest a literay agent to me that I may offer my
manuscript to that would appreciate this form of vigilante justice? It is
pseudo-psych0-fiction, and hard to explain. I would be honored to send you my
entire book to take a look at if you so desire. I guarantee you you will not be
bored.
Thanks for your time.

Why do I get emails like this? I have to say, I am a loss as to how to respond to this one. Any suggestions?

The General Picked Me!

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I got this email today:

Hello Friend,
I am General Oliver Okwara (retired). I Live in Victoria Islands, Nigeria, Africa Continent.
After a careful study of your economy, I have chosen to make substantial investments for my children in your country, if you are willing to guide or represent my interest in your country. I look forward to communicate further with you.

Thank you

Gen.Oliver Okwara Rtd

I’m flattered that after all that careful study the General picked me, a lowly tv writer and novelist, out of everybody else in America to advise him on his investments. This is obviously a very intelligent man. I’ve emailed him back asking him what I can do to help and if he has any TV series ideas I can pitch for him. 

Dick Van Dyke’s Address

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I got this email today:

I’m a HUGE fan of Dick VanDyke’s and would like his home address so that I can send him a letter and maybe a Christmas card each year. I also would like to send him a picture of my son, who is also named Dick and ask him some questions about what it was like doing The Dick Van Dyke Show and Diagnosis Murder. If you could give me his address itwould be great and it could be just betwen us.

And I got this email today, too:

I know you have probably gotten tons of requests about this, but….I have
been searching and searching the internet looking for Dick Van Dyke’s address
and have not been successful. I was wondering if you had it orknew where I could
get it? I would really appreciate any help! Thanks!

You’re right, I do get asked this a lot, twice in one day, in fact. But I don’t mind. Here’s my answer to you both. Not only do I have Dick’s home address and phone number, but I also have his cell phone number. I can also tell you how to reach his son, his grandson, his daughter, and his son-in-law. I think I may even have his wife’s cell phone number as well. I will be glad to pass them along to you, along with his driver’s license and social security numbers. If there is any other way I can help you invade the privacy of this legendary entertainer, please don’t hesitate to ask. Oh, I also have the home addresses and phone numbers of the regular cast
and all the guest stars who appeared on DIAGNOSIS MURDER, as well as information on how to reach the stars of  all the other
shows I have done. If you would like those, too, just let me know and I’ll get them to you right away. I’m sure the actors wouldn’t mind…

…or you could write to Dick in care of the William Morris Agency, which represents him.

What the Heck Is She Talking About??

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I got this email today…

Are you the director of one on one? If so reply to XYZ  my email adress because I have good ideas, and if I gave you these ideas I would want be on the show. If so I would need you to send me 4 tickets to one on one, I think in California. And I would be on the new season in summer. If you write back you can send the questions and I will fill them and I’m asking you to take me very seriously. I really want this and need this. I know I could make the show even better than it is. And if your not the director and you know him or her  please send this to him or her. I know your a very inportant man so please take the time to read this and help me out.

I have no idea who this woman is confusing me with or what the show is
that she is talking about. But I thought the note would amuse you…

 

How Hated Am I?

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I got this email today:

Do you realize that EVERYBODY in fandom hates your fucking guts you asshole?

I think it was from my Mom, but I’m going to answer it anyway. No, I had no idea. So, for fun, I thought I’d take a look at what some people are saying. Here’s a sampling:

From Jocelyn’s Other Desk:

Thy lips rot off, Lee Goldberg!  Thou jarring, fat-kidneyed scullian!  You speak an infinite deal of nothing!  […] Goldbergs one and all, thine sole name blisters our tongues.  Thou hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs.

From Nobody Knows Anything Blog:

I understand the impulse to write and read fanfic—you want to live in
this wonderful world as much as you can, and twenty-four hours a year
or one book every two years or whatever just isn’t cutting it for you.
There are several novel series that I am forever hoping will just happen to have a new installment at the bookstore every time I check. But
fanfic is like a steak dinner made out of meringue—might look the real
thing, but it’s not really going to fill you up.

From Dawn Rivers Baker’s Blog:

You know, it’s all very well to nitpick about the legal shimmies and shakes of fanfic,
but the legal stuff doesn’t cover what it must be like for the author
who feels violated by other people dipping their fingers into the
author’s creation. All you really have to do to "get" the author’s perspective is to ask a victim how it feels to have just been raped.

From Nick Mamatas:

Mystery writer and TV producer Lee Goldberg picks up a stick and whacks a hornet’s nest by taking on fanfic.
I have no dog in the fight; after all, what can I say? NOBODY had
better RIP-OFF my ORiGINAL CHARACTERS like … uh … Jack Kerouac and uhm Cthulhu and William S. Burroughs and and and…
However, I do like a good brawl, especially when everyone is so
obviously speaking past one another. "It’s illegal!" "It’s a hobby!"
"It’s illegal!" "It’s a hobby!" Haven’t these people ever heard of an
illegal hobby before? They sure seem to be acting like they run their
neighborhood meth labs.

Read more

Do I Read Everything?

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I got this email today:

I’ve written several comments on your blog and you’ve never responded to any of them. Do you read all the comments on your blog?

Sadly, no. If a post gets five or six c0mments, I might read them all. But in general, I usually browse the comments on a blog entry of mine for the first day or two after I post it and then I move on. It would take way, way too much of my time to keep up on all the comments posted on all my blog entries… especially when the numbers of comments on the fanfic posts can number in the 100s (there have been 5308 comments posted on my blog in the last 14 months).  Besides, the blog comments often spin off into other topics or become personal squabbles between anonymous strangers who have nothing to do with me.

The Difference Between Tie-Ins and Fanfic

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In a comment to my post "What Stupid About It, someone asked what the difference is between someone who writes tie-ins and someone who writes fanfic… beyond the fact that tie-ins are written with the consent of the author/right’s holder.

There’s a big difference.

I was hired to write DIAGNOSIS MURDER and MONK novels. It’s something I am being paid to do. It’s not like I woke up one morning with a burning desire to write DIAGNOSIS MURDER novels, wrote one up, and sent it off to a publisher (or, as a fanficcer would do, posted it on the web).  The publisher came to me and asked me to write them. 

I would never write a book using someone else’s characters unless I was hired to do so. It would never even occur to me because the characters aren’t mine. 

Given a choice, I would only write novels and TV shows of my own creation. But I have to make a living and I take the work that comes my way…and that includes writing-for-hire, whether it’s on someone else’s TV show or original tie-in novels based on characters I didn’t create. Ultimately, however, what motivates me as a writer is to express myself…not the work of someone else.

That’s the big difference between me and a fanficcer.

Given a choice, fanficcers "write" fanfic. 

More Books on UNSOLD PILOTS?

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I got this email today:

I am a television trivia addict from Sydney Australia and a couple years ago I ordered copies of your books Unsold TV Pilots  55 – 76 & Unsold TV Pilots 77 – 89.I thoroughly enjoyed them and read them both from  cover to cover and then read them again. I was wondering when i can expect a third (and  maybe fourth edition) covering the Unsold Pilots from seasons 90 – 05.

I’m glad you enjoyed the books and I appreciate the kind words. I don’t intend to do another volume…nowadays, information on pilots is readily available on a number of industry databases (TVTracker.com is one). Besides, I’m
just too busy!

That said, I still casually collect the data just in case I ever do another Unsold Pilots TV special (I’ve written and produced two over the years —  THE BEST TV SHOWS THAT NEVER WERE last season for ABC and THE GREATEST SHOWS YOU NEVER SAW for CBS).

“What’s Stupid About It?”

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I got this email today:

"Fan fic writers have no deadlines, networks/producers/actors to please,
and often have a better grasp on the characters and their history than
the tv writers usually because We Are more Emotionally attached."

You said that comment is stupid. I don’t get it.  What’s stupid about it?

Okay, the email is probably a fake, but I’ll treat it like it’s not.  I create the characters and the world they live in. I figure out the relationships, what they do, and why they do it. And then I come up with every single thing that happens next.  I also hire the actors,  the directors, the writers,  the set designers, the costume designers, the composer etc. etc…. and they all are charged with interpreting my vision of the  show as I see it. We all spend every waking hour making the show (and even non-waking hours…my dreams are often filled with scenes and characters from the show I’ve spent all day working on).

And somebody who merely watches the show says he has a better grasp on the characters and their history than I do? That he’s  more emotionally involved in the series than I am? The guy who created the characters, who came up with every single thing they have ever said or done or experienced?

Okay, let’s say I’m not the creator. I’m a hired gun, one of the writer/producers. I am working hand-in-hand with the showrunner to articulate his or her creative vision of their show. All I do every day is live with those characters, whether I’m writing a script of my own, rewriting someone else’s script, plotting a story, editing an episode, prepping an episode with a director, or discussing character with one of the actors. I am as emotionally involved as it’s possible to be. The show is all that I do and all I am thinking about for most of the working day…and, because I am a writer, I can’t stop thinking about it once I go home, either (even if I don’t have a script or story to write/work on every night).

And somebody who watches the show thinks he’s more involved than that? Knows more about the  characters than I do?

That’s why it’s a stupid comment.

…but I can see how the fanficcer’s emotional involvement with a show is very different than the one that I have as a TV writer/producer. A TV show is something I write, something I do, it’s not my world, it’s not my religion, it’s not who I am and my reason for breathing. It’s not my obsession.  I don’t dress like the characters, wallpaper my house with their pictures, or fantasize about having sex with them.  Whe the show is cancelled (or I leave it for whatever reason), I stop thinking about the characters and their "lives." I move on creatively and emotionally to something else. There are viewers who are incapable of doing that…who become so emotionally attached to fictional characters and an imaginary world that they can’t ever let go. And in that sense, yeah, a fanficcer is more emotionally attached than I am.  Frighteningly so.