The Mail I Get

I received this note in my email box this morning.

I’m another writer who has been tinkering with a story about con artists. If you are telling a story from the perspective of the morally wrong person does there need to be justification (aside from money) for these people to do  what they are doing?
Also… I want one of my main characters to be a bit quiet/precise with his words… what can I do to make him more interesting.

Thank you for presenting your talents for questioning.

Here is what I told him.

The answer to your first question is no. Beyond that, the best advice I can give you is  to read some books that are from the pov of a "morally wrong person." Donald Westlake’s PARKER novels come immediately to mind, as well as Gary Disher’s
WYATT novels, Thomas Perry’s BUTCHERS BOY, Lawrence Block’s HITMAN, and Barry Eisler’s RAIN series, to name just a few. You might also look at Dan J.  Marlowe’s THE NAME OF THE GAME IS DEATH and Jim Thompson’s THE GRIFTERS (the basis for the movie the same name, screenplay by Donald Westlake).

As for your second question, I can’t answer that. It’s up to you, my friend. That’s what being a writer is all about.

How Not To Sell A Series

I received the following email this morning.  I’ve deleted the name and phone numbers, but otherwise I haven’t changed a thing…

My name is X, im am 16.
I have an idea of a drama tv show and I was want to sell it, so I was wondering
if you want it, or if you know a producer that will. My phone number is XYZ.  Thank you so much.

If this was written by a 16-year-0ld, it doesn’t say much for the quality of education in our country…

Who Was the Best TV Doctor?

I received this email today:

I read your blog frequently and am always interested in the TV/movie production insights you provide.  I was also interested in your comments on TV private eyes.  Now since you write a show that includes a doctor, perhaps you’d give us your thoughts on your fave TV doctor.

They run the gamut from Dr. Kildare to Marcus Welby to Dr. Carter on ER with side shoots going off to Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John, MD and the entire cast of "Scrubs".

Peter Tietjen

I like Dr. McCoy (Star Trek), Dr. Adams (Gunsmoke), Rafferty (Patrick McGoohan from the short-lived series "Rafferty"), and Dr. Greene on ER.  I also like Hugh Laurie as Dr. House in the new Fox series.

What about the rest of you?

How Not To Sell a TV Series, Again

I received this email:

I’m looking for someone to work with to spice-up and sell shows with. If you are in
the area I’d love to get together and see if we could make something happen with
a few ideas I have.

I replied:

Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve got plenty of ideas… and I’m busy enough just
trying to sell my own stuff. But I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors!

He replied:

You’re busy, I understand. Thanks anyway. If you could just tell me one thing…how do you promote your ideas? The
reason I ask is that from the people I’ve talked to, I mean, from what they’ve
told me, it’s wonder how any shows get made…I get this vision of a dog chasing
its tail.
 
For example, A&E TV, the parent network for History Channel says, "we
do not review unsolicited submissions." Are they saying that they come up with
every show? Does a writer have to sell a production company on the idea who then
produces the show, show it at a festival in hopes that someone buys it? Or is
that whole "we do not review unsolicited submissions" stuff crap? What’s the
deal?

I replied:

First off, and no offense intended, but if you don’t already know the
answers to those questions, you probably aren’t experienced enough to be
pitching TV shows to networks now  anyway.
 
I have no idea how the non-fiction/reality show game is played. When it
comes to dramatic series, I recommend you read chapter 17, "Your Really Great
Idea for a TV Show," from my book SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING.

Can You Make a Living as a Writer?

I’m starting to get more mail, and more questions, than the Playboy Advisor. I  received this email yesterday:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,
 
I’m a young, unpublished writer who’s been fortunate enough to get the
attention of a couple of agents.  Since I might one day find myself published
(it does seem so far off, though), I have a few questions for a tried and true
veteran of the industry.
 
First, how likely is it to make a living as a writer?  I understand how
broad and poorly concieved this question is, so let my add a little more to the
question.  I write literary fiction.  I feel I am somewhat talented and I work
hard.  I’m curious as to the possibility of living as a writer or teaching
writing as a direct result of my writing and not spending $60k and two
irreplacable years of my life to get some MFA that will teach me nothing.  How
much can a literary novelist really make?  It seems stupid to assume I’ll never
make any money just because I write books that read a little too artsy for mass
consumption (but then who is to predict such things).
 
Second, and possibly more immediate, I’m going into the Army for the next
three and a half years or so.  Is this something that will impede my getting
published?  As I have already stated, I have agents looking at my work now and
they have no idea of my plans.
 
Thanks for reading my questions.  I hope I haven’t asked anything too
inappropriate.

Steve

Since I didn’t have the answers to any of his questions, I turned to my brother Tod, a literary novelist who, presumably, is earning a living at it. Here’s what Tod told the guy who wrote me:

Steve,

My brother Lee Goldberg forwarded your question on to me, since I was in a
similar situation as you (save for the military) a few years ago.

 
It is certainly possible to make a living writing literary fiction, though
realistically most people don’t. I’ve published two novels and have a short
story collection coming out in September and what I can tell you is that the
combined income from those books isn’t enough to live on, though the acclaim
feeds my ego, just not my stomach. I got lucky and was able to sell one of my
novels to Hollywood and have thus far received far more money from my movie
options than I ever have in publishing, enough to live on, certainly. But I also
teach at the Writers’ Program at UCLA and write a weekly column for a newspaper
and regularly contribute journalism to magazines. If I wanted to teach full time
at the University level I imagine I probably could now because of certain award
nominations, publications and experience, but without an MFA (which I don’t have
either) a full time teaching job straight out the box for a young person with a
book would be very difficult to come by without a fairly vast and accomplished
publishing history. Universities and state colleges generally want their
graduate and undergraduate professors to have advanced degrees no matter what.
 
How much does a literary novelist make? Anywhere from $2000 per book to
1million — there’s no real telling. Alice Sebold didn’t get a huge advance for
the Lovely Bones, but she sure earned a lot of money and her next book will
certainly garner a fat advance. I wouldn’t be too concerned about the money at
this point, just about the writing. Good writing gets rewarded, but so does bad
sometimes. I’d just focus on writing well and if you sell your novel, it’s a
dream come true no matter the numbers on the check.
 
As for the military, I think it probably does hamper your chances simply
because of the opportunity, or lack there of, you’ll have to write and should
you sell your book, to promote it. Of course, you could come back from your time
in the Army as the next Tim O’Brien, though I sure hope that isn’t the case on a
psychological level; talent-wise, it wouldn’t be a bad deal at all.
 
Just out of curiosity, who are these agents and why are they interested in
you, especially if you never been published previously?
 
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have more questions. And be safe out
there in the army.
 
Tod Goldberg

 

More on Publish America

I got this email today:

Hello Lee,
I am a writer wondering if I should go with Publish America. Take a look at
my website and let me know what you think.

I don’t know why  he wanted me to look at his website, or what difference it would make.  Anyway, here’s how I responded to his query:

Don’t. It’s a scam. If you are that eager to have your book in print, and have
failed to find a home with a real publisher, go to iUniverse. At least they are
honest about who they are and what they do (self-publishing)… their books look
professional (very slick and well bound)…and they pay royalties on a regular
basis (assuming you’ve earned some).

My experiences with iUniverse have been through the Authors Guild’s Back In Print program and the Mystery Writers of America. In both cases, iUniverse offered to reprint previously published, out-of-print  titles free-of-charge to the author.  I used those services to reprint my UNSOLD TELEVISION PILOTS book, which previously had only been available in a very expensive hardcover edition… and MY GUN HAS BULLETS, which never sold to paperback. In both cases, I was very pleased with my experience and I’ve been getting royalties from iUniverse on a regular, quarterly basis.  It’s not big money… but it’s money I wouldn’t have seen otherwise if I hadn’t taken advantage of the program. The Authors Guild still offers the Back In Print program, but I believe the Mystery Writers of America program has ended.

Put Another Script on the Barbie

I got this email today… from Australia. I can’t imagine why this person’s script hasn’t sold… can you?

This is a plea for help. A plea for someone to PLEASE read my script and help me with producing it – or even forwarding it on to someone for them to have a look at it.

I sent a re-make of "Grapes of Wraith" which I spenf AGES writing to Nicole Kidman – only to have her Agent replying back "Send to someone else – we dont deal with this" – I thought – yeh thanks for your help.I havent seen another Nicole Kidman movie yet. This was around two to three years ago.

Please, Please Lee – Can you please Help

How Not To Get Your Book Published II

I had this email exchange today.  This exchange is verbatim, I haven’t corrected or changed any of the spellings, grammar, etc:

Dear Mr Goldberg

I was wondering since you published a few books do you know any good traditional publsihing companies? I translated my father’s book and I am looking for a publsihing company. Please let me know.

I replied that there are many publishing companies, but that she’d be better off finding an agent first. She responded as follows:

Dear mr. goldberg

if it’s not a problem can you please give me the names of some traditional publishing companeis you contatcted with.

Thank You

So I sent her a list of publishing companies. And she replied:

Dear Mr Golberg,

I am sorry to bother you thrid time in one day. I was wondering if any of those publishing companeis will agree to at elast conscider my manuscript can I tell them that you refered me to them or you don;t want me to? Do you know if you are going to be on any book signings in IL soon? Thank You

Can you believe the chutzpah? I sent her back a terse note telling her that NO, she could not use me as a reference since I didn’t know her and haven’t read her book. But judging by her emails, I don’t have a lot of faith in her translating skills…

Sell Books! Get Rich

I got this unsolicited email today:

Get Bookstore Orders for your Books!! Would you like to get your book on the shelves in bookstores nationally? Visit www.WritersUniverse.net  today!!

Writer’s Universe meets monthly with book buyers as well as representatives from major libraries across the country — We will get you book orders! Book Store and Library Package — $500 for six week campaign. This is a limited time offer. We will get you book orders! WritersUniverse.net specializes in book orders from book stores as well as public libraries. Put our specialization to work to today.

I’m assuming I received this pitch because several of my "out-of-print" books were republished by iUniverse through the Authors Guild’s "back-in-print" program…because someone published by a major publisher wouldn’t have to hire freelance book reps. Or are they publicists? I went to their website to get more info. But their site is suspiciously threadbare when it comes to actual details about the services they provide and what a small-press or self-published author can realistically expect to gain for their $500.

Has anybody ever had an experience with them? Are they legit… or just another scam that takes advantage of the self-published?