My Blog

The Mail I Get

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I got this email today:

Hi,
Who the hell you are indeed!
Happened to come across
your website and couldn’t believe all the crap you have written about
iuniverse. I did publish with them not because I had a choice, but
because none of the so called legitimate publishers would take a look
at anything that is written by a person like me.   
Why am
I bothering writing to you? Because, indirectly, you are raining on my
parade. And I do not like it!

It’s not my problem that you have a hard time facing the truth. iUniverse is a vanity press, pure and simple.  iUniverse isn’t a publisher. They are a printer. They will print anything from anyone as long as the customer has a credit card. You still haven’t been published, you have merely gone to the online equivalent of Kinkos to have your manuscript printed in something resembling a paperback book.

Of course you "had a choice."  When genuine publishers declined to publish your manuscript, you chose to pay to have it printed by an online printing company rather than rewrite it, or stick it in a drawer, or move on to something else. 

The fact is, you still haven’t been published. You are deluding yourself if you think otherwise. In all likelihood, you will never get anything close to your investment back. That is the reality.

UPDATE: For the heck of it, I looked up the author’s POD book. Not only did she pay iUniverse to print it, she also paid bookreview.com to give her a positive review. How sad.

UPDATE 5-17-08: She wrote to me again. She wrote, in part:

What you are stating is from the point of view of
someone seeking recognition and making a living from writing. However, there are
people like me who do not share your ambitions. As long as my book gets in the
library, on the shelve of a bookstore, or is available through thousands of
retailers all over the world so people who share my concerns on particular
issues can buy my books, I have achieved my goal.

I replied, in part:

That’s the fallacy.
iUniverse books DON’T get into libraries, on the shelves of bookstores, or into
thousands of retailers all over the world. They have no distribution. They are not available in brick-and-mortar stores. Your book
can be found at web sites like iUniverse (and who shops there??) and Amazon, though even that will be ending soon, since they will stop carrying POD
titles that they don’t print themselves. The fact is, 99% of booksellers and libraries won’t touch a
print-on-demand, vanity press title.

I am glad you are a happy
customer of iUniverse…that’s great. But that doesn’t negate any of the things
I have said about them or the vanity press industry…or how they prey on the
desperation and gullibility of aspiring authors, whether you want to make a
living as one or not.

She also wrote:

All that speculations about my personal circumstances are nothing more
than a demonstration of pointless arrogance. I did not sent you an email to
seek some sort of validation from you, to ask your advice or to open my eyes to
the "truth". It was the  fact that in your obsessive–smart ass attitude
towards  iuniverse–you forgot, or failed to make the distinction between the
institution and the people who benefit from its existence. It shows certain lack
of imagination when one can’t separate one from the other. Pissing on people’s
parade (I have been too generous in using the conventional metaphor) is not
the right way to get even with iuniverse or any other ‘vanity press’.
 
Thank Goodness, we do not share the same perception of reality, for I do
not live in your bubble.

Hell of a Good Book

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9780060566760
For book lovers, the pleasure and discovery of browsing through a bookstore’s shelves can never be replaced or replicated by visiting an online site.

A couple of months ago, I was browsing through an independent bookstore in Mendocino, California and happened upon HELL AT THE BREECH by Tom Franklin, which was published in 2003 and yet was still stocked on the shelves as a new title. Imagine a chain bookstore holding on to a title that long. I doubt I ever would have discovered the book otherwise.

I finally got around to reading HELL AT THE BREECH in two long, blissful sittings this week, finishing it at 2:30 this morning, invigorated and wishing the book wasn’t finished. The experience was like re-uniting with an old lover. The pleasure of reading this fine novel brought back memories of all the hours I’d spent reading good books in my life….huddled in my sleeping bag in a cabin at Loon Lake, sitting on the boardwalk in Capitola, sunbathing on a chaise lounge at my grandfather’s place in Palm Springs, lying in the bathtub with my head propped on a wet towel, laying in a hammock with my baby daughter asleep on my chest etc…. and all the associations that came with them, like the smell of suntan lotion, the fresh-caught trout in Nana’s smoker, the soap bubbles in the bathtub, the baby lotion on my daughter’s skin. A good book can do a lot more than simply entertain and pass the time.

HELL AT THE BREECH is one of those books. It’s a wonderfully entertaining book, the best western I’ve read since LONESOME DOVE, though far be it for any of the critics who raved about it….and there were many…to concede it’s a western. The closest anyone came was to refer to it as "historical fiction."

The book is full of vividly drawn, complex characters…violence, humor, and powerful imagery.  There are many moving scenes and darkly funny moments…and many masterful descriptions of people, places, expressions and emotions.  I often found myself re-reading passages just to experience the beautifully-evoked images and moments again…and to marvel at Franklin’s prose, wishing I had his talent. It’s a book that will make you eager to read another book to recapture that pleasure…and, if you are like me, it will inspire you to write.

The Mail I Get

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Here’s an example of how NOT to promote your book. I got this email today (I’ve removed the name of the book to spare the author justified embarrassment):

Dear Lee,

 

First I want to thank
you for the opportunity of my book, The XYZ, being reviewed by you.
I would be happy to send a copy of my book via UPS. Please forward a
physical address where I may send it.

 

My website for the “The XYZ” is www.XYZ.com.

 

I look forward to both your thoughts and review.

 

If you have any questions or further information that you require, please contact me.

Does he really think that anyone would ask for a copy of his book after reading this email? The way he has awkwardly worded this email, it appears as if I have agreed to read his book when, in fact, I have never heard of him.  With writing and promoting skills like his ("thank you for the opportunity of my book"), it’s no wonder that he’s "published" by Authorhouse, the notorious vanity press… 

For pointers, he should read this    and this.

Sub-Prime Suspect

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Ps_061127112625031_wideweb__300x375
I finally caught up with the final episode of PRIME SUSPECT. Helen Mirren’s performance was exceptional, as always…even more so when you consider what little she had to work with.  The mystery was ineptly constructed, the solution glaringly obvious within the first five minutes of the three-hour, outrageously padded, cliche-ridden bore. PRIME SUSPECT 7: THE FINAL ACT was far from a triumphant end to the once-great series.

Next up for me — the return of CRACKER in what was also touted as his final case.

My Weekend Reading

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I took a little literary vacation last week, taking a breather from my own writing to read the work of others. I read John Hart’s DOWN RIVER (which won the Edgar for Best Novel) and Michael Chabon’s YIDDISH POLICEMAN’S UNION (which was nominated for the Edgar).

DOWN RIVER was a fine book, and I enjoyed it, but I didn’t find the twists all that surprising and cringed every time the hero, Adam Chase, asked someone to "cut to the chase," which was way too often. Even so, it was an interesting and entertaining read…it felt like a literary take on a typical Gold Medal paperback story.

THE YIDDISH POLICEMAN’S UNION was wonderful, wildly inventive, and a pure pleasure to read. It’s a police procedural set in an alternate reality in which the atomic bomb was dropped on Berlin, Marilyn Monroe married JFK, and tens of thousands of Jews settled in Alaska while pining for a homeland of their own in Israel.  The story is about a troubled homicide detective (naturally) whose investigation into the murder of a junkie peels back the complex layers of society among the refugee Jews of Sitka. Chabon does an amazing job making his alternative history believable and creating a fully realized world without showing the strain. It’s the most refreshingly original, funny, and compelling mystery I have read in years. I loved every page of it and was sorry when it ended.

Old is New Again

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Variety reports that ABC has picked up David E. Kelley’s American version of the hit BBC series LIFE ON MARS…only without David E. Kelley.

As for "Life on Mars," late Sunday a deal for the show hadn’t yet
been confirmed — but now that "Boston Legal" has been given a
primetime reprieve, it’s believed a "Mars" pickup is close behind. That’s
because "Legal" creator David E. Kelley also owned the rights to the
U.S. adaptation of "Mars." Kelley was looking to depart the project,
while ABC was looking to continue it sans Kelley.

Hence, a
weekend-long dance that finally appeared resolved by Sunday. "Legal"
was back for a fifth season, while "Mars" is expected to continue as a
20th Century Fox TV/ABC Studios co-production. "October Road" exec
producers Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec and Scott Rosenberg are in line
to take over as showrunners.

Nikki Finke pretty much says the same thing on her blog, adding that BOSTON LEGAL is probably going to recast its supporting players yet again. Meanwhile, she reports that the CW has picked up the BEVERLY HILLS 90210 revival…and that Tori Spelling may be joining the cast.

Indiana Attorney General Prosecutes Airleaf

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The Airleaf Victims blog reports the terrific news that Indiana Attorney General Steve Carter has filed a lawsuit against Carl Lau, founder of Airleaf and Bookman Marketing, for violating the state’s Deceptive
Consumer Sales Act by "taking money without providing
the promised services in return."

"More than 120 people
are named in the lawsuit, including many from Indiana who lost
thousands of dollars,” said Carter. “In fact, hundreds more may have
lost money. They paid for services. Airleaf did not deliver, and now,
those consumers deserve refunds.”

[…]In addition to consumer restitution, the attorney general’s office is
seeking civil penalties of up to $5,500 per violation, as well as
investigative costs.

The action doesn’t go nearly as far as the Airleaf victims would like — or Lau deserves — but hopefully it will send a strong message to the vanity press industry, especially those ex-Airleaf execs who have started their own POD-presses.  Writers Beware notes:

Airleaf has spawned several publishing enterprises run by ex-staff–including Fideli Publishing, a fee-based publisher whose marketing packages bear an eerie similarity to Airleaf’s, and Brien Jones’s Jones Harvest Publishing,
which also charges fees for publishing and offers many Airleaf-style
services (Writer Beware has gotten some advisories about Jones
Harvest’s email solicitations,
and Mr. Jones has recently chosen to reimburse several Jones Harvest
authors who alleged performance problems). If you trace the family tree
backward instead of forward, you arrive at the Big Daddy of POD vanity
publishing, AuthorHouse, where Brien Jones was employed before he
co-founded Airleaf’s predecessor, Bookman Marketing. It’s a tangled web
indeed–which, sadly, is not unusual in the murky world of vanity POD.

Unfortunately, many Airleaf victims haven’t learned from their mistake…and have simply moved on to other POD vanity presses, including those run by former Airleaf execs.

The Mail I Get, The Sequel

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I got an email the other day from a writer who had come up with a MONK scene he wanted me to read to see if either I, or the producers, would use it in a book or episode. The scene was attached to the email. I deleted the message without reading the scene (for obvious legal reasons). I sent him a note telling him that was what I had done. I also told him that there really isn’t a market for individual scenes. He replied:

If it helps at all, I didn’t
write it with the thought of fiscal renumeration. Would it make any difference
to consider it as a friendly collaboration among writers? You can have it. Tweak
it, rip it up and start over, whatever. Frankly, with my career just getting off
the ground (Some short fiction published, and I have a novel being reviewed by
an imprint of Simon & Schuster), even giving this away is beneficial to
building my ‘name.’

It makes me cringe when aspiring writers think someone is going to be impressed that they sent their manuscript in to a publisher and are waiting to hear from them(ie "under review at Simon & Schuster"). But I let that go and didn’t mention it when I replied:


No offense intended, but I have no interest in seeing the scene or any
other MONK material you may come up with. And if I may give you some
advice, sending unsolicited scenes to authors and producers you don’t
know is unprofessional and is actually harmful to your reputation.  The
best way to build your name is by writing good stories and getting them
published or produced…not sending "scenes" to other writers and hoping they will incorporate them into their own work.

 

The Mail I Get

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I got this email the other day:

Have you ever heard of "Writers Book Publishing Agency"? That’s the name. Seemed a bit generic to me, so I am suspicious. Their web page indicates that they are a reletively new lit agency, and are seeking authors. Having tried to obtain an agent for a year now, they sound too good to bet true. Their client list went like this: Joe, who is an electronic engineer wrote his first book…..etc….etc.  Mary, a housewife, is working on her second novel in which she…..etc…..etc. I know the authors need their privacy – but…….does this not sound suspicious to you?

Of course it does. And it should sound suspicious to anyone with an iota of common sense.

They are a well-known scam that has also gone by the the names "Children’s Literary Agency," "The Literary Agency Group, Inc" and "ST Literary Agency,"
among others. Your first tip-off that they aren’t legit should be their name:  "Writers Book Publishing Agency." What reputable agency would call
themselves that? Agents aren’t book publishers.

If the name of the company wasn’t tip-off enough, you’ll notice they don’t list a single author among their clients, only plumbers, housewives and, well, other suckers.

Writer’s Beware lists the "agency" among their top twenty worst agents. You can find out more about them here:

               
   

The Power of Frak

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Glenlarson
Glen A. Larson is a genius. I’m not saying that because he created KNIGHTRIDER, FALL GUY, BJ AND THE BEAR, AUTOMAN, ALIAS SMITH & JONES and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. I’m saying it because he created  the wonderfully subversive word "frak"…and got away with it.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA should go down in TV history just for that.

While ground-breaking shows like HILL STREET BLUES were using words like "scuzbucket" and "hairball" to get around the network prohibitions on profanity, Glen gave us "frak" and "feldergarb." No one noticed, or seemed to care, that he gave us words that were clearly stand-ins for fuck and bullshit because it was buried in a goofy, sci-fi show. But now frak has fulfilled all it’s awesome, subversive power in the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

There is no doubt whatsoever that "frak" is "fuck." And the writers on the show use it exactly as they would use fuck. Frak this. Frak us. What the frak is going on? Unfrakingbelievable. Frak me…frak me now. Motherfracker.

Used like this, is frak any less powerful that fuck? No. Which is the beauty of it. Every time it’s used,Bsg_s3_cast
it shines a big fucking light on the absurdity of censorship. Because frak IS fuck, and everybody knows it. So what’s difference does it really make whether you use either frak or fuck? None. It’s a big fuck you to network censors, the FCC, and the idiots who are afraid of language.

And Glen A. Larson, the man behind THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO, gave us this. Pretty fraking amazing. He should get an Emmy just for that.