My Blog

POD: Prey On Dimwits?

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I got this email today. I have deleted the name of the book and the author:

I read something you
wrote about AuthorHouse and its too-good-to-be-true (because it is) package and
stuff, ending with “whoever signs up for this ‘publishing package’
is a dimwit who deserves to be taken for every last cent he has”.

Guess what….You’re
looking at one. Wish I’d read this missive before dealing with
AuthorHouse. POD means “Preys On Dimwits”. If that fits, pass it
around. Just don’t tell AH I said that. (groan)

My long-awaited (by me and my friends anyway)book XYZ went live in October 2004.
Blood, sweat and tears went into that damn thing. I was placing my “baby”
in the hands of people I trusted. (BTW, my contract with AH runs out in Oct.
2006) Really a shot in the arm to get my 30 free books (which I mostly GAVE
AWAY, thinking nobody would actually pay the $11.95 AH wanted for it. I get
like 80 cents per book). I went through the finished product and proofread it
after the fact….why? Because I couldn’t afford the proofreading
services like everything else they tacked onto the bill. Typos fixed at $10 a
word (or close to it). A typo on the back cover took $30 to fix. Punctuation
problems blamed on me. Because they print, word for word, everything you give
them, typos or not. If that is not a red flag my friend, it should be on fire. I’ve
made a whopping $17.98 or so. They sent me my W-2 form for the tax returns. Oh,
break out the bubbly!

I sunk more than $1000 into the PRINTING, not publication, of my book (a trade-sized
paperback) that is in the middle of being rewritten (typos removed, new characters, new crises and fleshing out of the story; it’s called “author’s remorse”  [you could’ve done better before it went to print]. I want to send this to a REAL publisher…. “Traditional” means nothing nowadays).

Long story short, I like what you write about this POD stuff. Just sorry I didn’t read it
sooner. Think I have any hope?

You’ve learned an important and  expensive lesson. Now, if I were you, I’d focus less on getting published and more on just writing a good book. Because in addition to going to Authorhouse, you made another serious error — you sent in a deeply flawed manuscript. The punctuation problems are your fault.  And by your own admission, the manuscript still needed work. So here’s another lesson you can glean from this experience — don’t submit a manuscript to agents or editors that’s riddled with typos, punctuation errors and has a lackluster story that needs new characters, new crises, and fleshing out.   

Out of Options?

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I got this email while I was away. The subject heading was "What to do after you’ve exhausted every resource in writing?"

Greetings.  First off, I am a potential author.  I say potential cause I’ve yet to get anything published.  Have about four finished manuscripts under my belt and I’ve exhausted
agents, publishers, some even overseas.  I’ve found nobody willing to take a chance on rookies (and I’ve got so many rejections that I’m thinking about wallpapering the bathroom).

You discourage the use of POD’s, but what’s a person to do when no other options are available?  Self publishing, perhaps, but cost of DIY is astronomical for some of us.

Could you give some insight that would light the darkness?  Any help will be appreciated.

I have some insight, but I don’t think you’re going to like it. You haven’t "exhausted every resource in writing," you’ve received some rejections. Big deal.  If you can’t handle rejection, you aren’t cut out to be a writer. It’s part of the job and certainly doesn’t end once you are published or produced.

The painful truth is that your rejections probably have nothing to do with people being unwilling to take a chance on a rookie. More likely, your novels aren’t marketable, they weren’t right for that publisher or agent, or they simply suck. What do you do? If you have confidence in the manuscripts, keep sending them out and start writing something new. POD self-publishing isn’t really an option, it’s just a way to spend hundreds of dollars printing your rejected manuscript in book form for your relatives to buy (if you nag them hard enough).  But if you have the money to waste and your goal is only to see your manuscript in something resembling a book, then go for it. You won’t have to work so hard and you certainly won’t get any more rejection letters. 

The Easy Way to Become a Professional Writer

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I have a confession to make. I’m a moron. I worked so hard to become a professional writer — spending years slogging away as a journalist, freelance magazine writer, non-fiction author, freelance TV writer, novelist, and writer-producer — when all I really had to do was join FanStory.com.  Now, thanks to those helpful folks at Writers Digest, who shared with me this moving letter from Jason Parker, I have  learned the error of my ways and can save you from making the same, horrible mistake:

"If it weren’t for FanStory.com, I wouldn’t be a tenth of the writer I am today. For three years I’ve been a Premier Author at FanStory – posting stories, novels, articles, poetry; giving reviews and rating material; remaining in personal contact with published novelists; and enjoying the hell out of growing as a writer.  Not only does the community of writers at FanStory support and help one another, they compete in a yearly ranking system. At the end of each year, the top five authors in four categories receive trophies in the mail. Related to competing, each month FanStory holds many writing contests in which the winner receives $100. To top that, there is a Seal Committee that brands top-notch work with a Seal of Quality, the author gaining the status of professional."

Jeepers. If only I’d known that FanStory had the awesome power, respect and prestige to grant writers The Status of Professional, I could have saved myself years of pointless effort and experience trying to establish my reputation among newspapers, magazines, publishers, editors, producers, studios and networks.

What a fool I’ve been! 

I realize now that what has been missing from my career, and from my life, is the FanStory Seal of Quality, my entree to the exciting world of publishing.   Think of it. Someday, if I really apply myself, I can attain the highest honor in the field. And all it will cost me is $2.80-a-month.

My new goal in life is to become a Premier Author at Fanstory (even if it takes years) and maybe, someday, becoming a true professional. Thank you, Writers Digest, for sharing this important information with me from one of your wonderful marketing partners. You’re doing an amazing service for aspiring writers everywhere.

UPDATE 4-11-06: A blogger disagrees with me. She compares fanstory.com to participating in any competition:

We won the grand final last year and we each got a big trophy. Are the
Hockeyroos scoffing at me because it’s not an Olympic gold medal? Are they
annoyed because I’m just excited about it as they are about their Olympic gold
medal? It’s like gaining particular status just for being a part of a particular
university society. You can’t say that it means "nothing".

It’s about
status. Lee Goldberg sometimes feels like his status means nothing.

It’s
sad, and I don’t why he feels like that. But that, folks, is what it’s all
about.

I don’t think contributing to fanstory.com and winning their competitions is akin to, say,  my daughter playing in a junior soccer league and getting a trophy if her team wins the championship. For one thing, the league doesn’t doesn’t grant her the status of professional soccer player. They give her a trophy for winning the local championship.

What fanstory is selling (and let’s be clear, it’s a business) is the false impression that their granting of status means something (it doesn’t) and that the honor carries some meaning in the writing profession (it doesn’t).

My status does mean something to me. But it wasn’t "granted" by a cheesy website. It was earned.

Archive of American Television

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For years now, Academy of Television Arts and Science’s  Archive of American Television project has been taping in-depth, four-to-six hour interviews with the writers, producers, directors, actors, and executives who have made a lasting impact on the television medium… people like Grant Tinker, James Arness, Fred Silverman, Norman Lear, Stephen J. Cannell, Roy Huggins, Mike Wallace, Norman Felton, Dick Van Dyke, Sherwood Schwartz, Bob Newhart, Carroll O’Connor, Jim McKay, Carl Reiner, Joseph Barbera, Stephen Bochco, Julia Child, Phil Donahue, Robert Guillaume, Alan Alda, Fred Rogers, Larry Hagman,Ed Bradley, Jonathan Winters, Leonard Stern, Delbert Mann, James Garner, and William Shatner to name just a few. Many of those interviews are now available to view for free on Google. This is a tremendous resource, of which I have been a proud contributor and interviewer, and I highly recommend it to any student of television.

“Lori Prokop, Do You Ever Stop Coming Up With Get-Rich-Quick Schemes?”

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Remember Lori Prokop, the shameless get-rich-quick huckster behind the BOOK MILLIONAIRE  debacle? Well, she’s baaaack  with an all-new schtick (gee, Lori, whatever happened to "Book Millionaire?") Now she’s pitching a series of seminars and books called "How to Launch from Good To Great." 

I was being interviewed as an expert for a book on success. The author asked, "Lori Prokop, how do great leaders handle success?"

I replied, "Great leaders are not as devastated by failure or as elated by successes. They take both in stride knowing they will continue to experience both as they move forward. They are more excited by the insights and knowledge they master as a result of both success and failure."

Apparently, either all of Lori Prokop’s friends talk to her like the alien from STARMAN…or she’s written so much junk-mail, she can’t stop writing in the <insert-recipient-name here> format.

I recommend the words of a great mentor of mine, Ted Nicholas, when he advised me, "Lori Prokop, say these incredibly powerful words, ‘I forgive myself and others for mistakes of the past.’"

I also suggest to you what another great teacher said, "Lori Prokop, you cannot look rationally at the equation or steps which lead to any outcome until you have healed the negative or hurtful emotions attached."

The point of her newsletter is to steer you to her latest laundry-list of get-rich-quick schemes and seminars
("Podcasting for Fun and Profit!," "How I Developed My Child’s Genius
–And How You Can Do It Too!," "Develop Self-Confidence and Lose Your
Fears!" etc) A friend of mine said to me, "Lee Goldberg, how could anyone slog through Lori Prokop’s endless list of self-improvement and get-rich-quick seminars and not see right through her?" and  I replied, "I have no idea."

PROfiles

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Ed Gorman  is kicking off a new feature on his blog called "PROfiles" — posing seven questions to  different novelists. Today, he talks to Bill Crider , PJ Parrish, and IAMTW co-founder Max Allan Collins, the multi-talented author of ROAD TO PERDITION. Here’s a quote from Max:

3. What is the greatest pleasure of a writing career?

Hands down, the great pleasure is being able to pursue a passion and get paid for it. I consider myself a storyteller and, accordingly, work in many mediums. I love readiing novels and get to write them for money; I love movies and occasionally get to make them; I love comics and get to script them. My hobbies have turned into my job, and what could be a greater pleasure than hat?

Ditto.

Ken is in da house

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Ken Levine has a very funny post today about HOUSE.

If you’re writing a spec episode of HOUSE, here’s the format: Vibrant
attractive Fox-friendly hottie in her 30’s suddenly collapses for no
reason. Opening credits. House says it’s nothing, send her home. She
goes into convulsions. For the next forty minutes the earnest young
doctors misdiagnosis her, send her into cardiac arrest, remove
something that doesn’t need removing, break into her house for an
illegal search, send House in to brow beat and traumatize her, and
finally he figures it out. It’s something obscure like she licks stamps
with cyanide or swims in a toxic waste dump. Five minutes later she’s
cured and goes home. Last scene – ironic music plays over as House sits
alone in his…well…house, pensive and tortured.

Honolulu Part 6

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P2040027
The library talk tonight was sparsely attended but just as lively and interesting (for me, anyway) as all the other talks I’ve done during my visit to Oahu (I stayed a good 45 minutes after closing to keep answering questions). I got to meet several regular readers of this blog face-to-face, including a former Writers University student of ours, and some of the library officials who were kind enough to approve the grant that brought me to Hawaii.  I had a terrific time and I want to thank Cindy Chow once again for inviting me and being such a wonderful hostess, tour guide, dinner companion, and event manager during my stay. Tomorrow it’s back to L.A. and work, work and more work…and, oh hell, and jury duty on Tuesday. I forgot all about that.