My Blog

The Historian

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Over the labor day weekend, I read Elizabeth Kostova’s THE HISTORIAN. Never has Dracula been so dull. It’s a ponderous snooze. The book has been compared to THE DAVINCI CODE  and for good reason. Like DAVINCI, it’s also a series of lectures and speeches, devoid of character. But what DAVINCI had that the HISTORIAN doesn’t is a terrific plot and an utterly compelling mystery that pulls you through the long passages of exposition and history lessons. There’s nothing compelling about THE HISTORIAN.  It’s a six hundred page endurance test leading up to a climax that’s so
flat you might miss it during one of the catnaps you’ll inevitably slip
into while reading. If you’re still curious about this doorstop of a book, have a friend hit you over the head with  it. In those moments of unconsciousness,  you will have the same experience as reading it only with more enjoyment and less lost time.

Andie’s New Breasts

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Amacdowell_implantsThe Superficial has noticed Andie McDowell’s new breasts:

Remember when Andie MacDowell was in movies and famous? Yeah, me neither, but
sometime in between then and now she got breast implants, which makes about as
much sense as Arnold Schwarzenegger taking up weight lifting at the tender age
of 58 to compete in the next Mr. Olympia competition.

Procedural Checklist

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Greg Braxton of the LA Times shares his funny, and stingingly accurate, ten-step formula for the typical TV police procedural.

2. The ‘What d’ya got’ scene

The star investigators must
arrive at a crime scene walking at a regular pace or in slow motion. Dark trench
coats are a must, and the stars should look properly stern and speak cryptically
out of the sides of their mouths when asking officers at the scene, "Who’s the
stiff?" Detectives should possess a background in comedy or philosophy: Nothing
kicks off a murder investigation or leads into the first commercial like words
of wisdom or a morbid one-liner such as, "Dinner really did cost him an
arm and a leg."

The list goes on. But Greg left a couple of things out:

1 ) the hero’s  obligatory dead wife (an updating of what was "the obligatory estranged wife").

2) the hero’s  or co-star’s  struggle with an  addiction (gambling, alcoholism, etc.)

3) one lead character eats healthy, the other loves junk food.

4) the irascible boss.

The Things We Carry

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Pl09I’m sure you can relate to this story from WakingVixen. It happens to everybody eventually.

"After the London bombings and while I was in Amsterdam, I remember getting
word that as of late July, packages and bags were subject to search in certain
NYC subway stations. If you didn’t want to get searched, you best find other
transportation – or a subway station without bag-searching cops. Not a
particularly fool proof system.

Yesterday, the bag search finally happened to me. As luck would have it, I
was carrying a bag full of dildos, butt plugs, lube, condoms, a strap on harness
and spiky high heels. I got pulled aside and the cop asked me to open my (black!
suspicious!) bag. I obliged, and the collection of silicone toys was right on
top, with a stiletto poking straight up in the air. The cop didn’t even bat an
eye, just nodded and waved me through the turnstile. Ah, jaded New York, how I
love you."

This is why when I travel I either leave my butt plugs at home or wear them.

Will the price of gas affect what studios pay for spec scripts?

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I had this  email exchange today:

I am wondering how much of an affect does the current state of the country will have on Holly Wood when it comes to buying scripts?

I replied:

Not to be dense, but I don’t understand your question. Do you mean the
economy? The war in Iraq? The hurricane in New Orleans? And what do you
mean by affect? The kinds of stories Hollywood will or won’t buy? The
money they are paying for specs?

He replied:

I apologize for not being specific. I was talking about everything you
mentioned including the high gas prices.  Will these events have an
affect on the number of scripts Hollywood will purchase for this year?
Will they have an affect on the purchasing price for the scripts they
do buy?

I replied:

That is such a broad question, I couldn’t possibly answer it. I have no idea if all the events in the world today — economic, political and social — will affect the number of scripts Hollywood buys or what they pay for them.  But I want to be helpful, so  here’s some advice: Don’t write a script about a private eye who can communicate with plants. I think a story like that wouldn’t do well no matter what is happening in the world today.

WGA Election

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I spent a few hours today reading through the campaign statements, the non-candidate statements and all the email spam I’ve been getting from both slates…and I voted.

This was a difficult election for me. I wasn’t moved by either slate. I am moved by a profound disappointment in the way the Guild has been run in the last few years (while, at the same time, I personally know and respect many of the officers/board members). As it turned out, my votes were more or less split between the two slates. Here is how I voted:

President: Patric Verrone. This was the hardest decision to make. I have serious reservations about both candidates. Neither one strikes me as someone strong enough, and charismatic enough, to reinvigorate our Guild.  I wish there was a third choice.  But I finally chose Patric Verrone. Even though I am not sold on his "organize, organize, organize" platform, and am stunned that he voted in favor of honoring Victoria Riskin, he has impressed me in the past with his intelligence, energy, and dedication to writers.  I admire Ted Elliott as writer but he has failed to inspire me with any kind of vision for his presidency.

Vice-President: David Weiss. I’m a big admirer of Carl Gottlieb. He’s smart, experienced, and cares deeply about our Guild. I have voted for him time and time again… too many times, perhaps. Even so, I was ready to vote for him again until I read his rebuttal of Weiss’ statement — which basically trashed Weiss for not being active in Guild affairs. Frankly, at this point, I think not having a long record of Guild service means more than being deeply entrenched in Guild affairs (and I’m speaking as someone who has served on numerous WGA committees and even ran for the Board once). I don’t agree with a lot of Weiss’ views — on the other hand, I’m impressed by his energy, his intelligence, his humor and his zeal. And I’m swayed by what worries Carl the most — that Weiss hasn’t been very involved in Guild politics. We need a fresh pov and new energy because our Guild is an ineffective  mess that only seems to really succeed lately at one thing — embarrassing itself and it’s members. I don’t have to agree with everything Weiss stands for (and I don’t)…but I admire his zeal and his obvious dedication to the betterment of all writers.

Secretary-Treasurer: Irma Kalish
For the Board:
Douglas Eboch
Scott Frank
Peter Lefcourt
Dan McDermott
Howard A. Rodman
Melissa Rosenberg
Dan Wilcox
and, as a wild card,
David S. Weiss. What he has going for him, at least in my view, is that he isn’t on either slate, he’s an experienced writer who represents an under-represented group (late night comedy writers), he’s angry, he’s fought for his fellow writers, and he hasn’t  served on any WGA committees. He’s also focused on the core issue with most writers: Getting the money we are owed for the work we have done.

So there you have it.

Transporter

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Transporter_2_2It’s a ridiculous cartoon of an action movie. And I loved every minute of it. Best of all, it’s tame enough that I can take my 10-year-old daughter to see it again this weekend (she’s been nagging us non-stop since the ads started running on TV).

We’re Doing Little Movies

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It’s the biggest cliches of the TV season. You hear it in almost every interview with a showrunner or a star (particularly movie stars who have moved to TV) hyping their new show:

"This show is like a movie every week."

Or the popular variations:

"We’re doing little movies."

"The entire season is like a 22-episode movie."

"We’re bringing feature film production values, feature film writing, and feature film acting to the TV screen every week."

I wonder how many times we’ll hear it this season ( I’ve already read it in four interviews today, hence the rant). Just once, I’d like to hear them say "We’re doing a really good TV series." What’s so damn impressive about comparing TV to movies? The fact is, what’s on TV these days is a hell of a lot better than what’s in theatres. I’d like to see the cliche turn… and to start hearing feature directors and stars saying:

"This movie is like an entire season of a TV series crammed into 97 minutes."